《Lazy Ash》50. Selfish, Abyss, and lets kill some kids!

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Woot reached 50 bitchin! Wonder if I should go the way of the others!? ;)

Not as long as I would've liked but at this rate It wouldn't be out until tomorrow. So I cut it to this. Sorry way to much crap happens in July.

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Ash

After laying out Mega and the girls I felt pretty damn good so good in fact I chugged nine bottles of vodka and few varied assortments of cheap liquor. Still the bastards could've left some beer or whiskey!

All the people that were currently in the building tread around me carefully. They had looks filled with anger and hate probably due to the fact that I had info about this event and decided not to share it.

But then again the military knew something was up and didn't tell anyone. But do they get shit? Noooooo! It's all the Americans fault! I mean what the hell!

Ever since I got to this damn place I have been treated like shit but Mega is currently being treated for the mild concussion I gave him and people are giving him looks of worry.

They care for the fucker! What the shit is that! To make matters so much better Nicolai was here. I don't know why the ass didn't run like I told him to. With his power, he could've literally walked his ass out! The ritual would've stopped it from spreading to cover everyone else but himself he could save.

Is it that whole comrades in arms thing? Man if I didn't have to save the girls I would grab his ass and the try and get the fuck out! Mega is the hero, I am a selfish, lazy, ass looking for the easiest way out. I would 100% leave these people in the hands of others.

But unfortunately, I can't. If I could make it through town with the girls unconscious I would but something tells me I would either A. Get my ass killed, B. Get one of the girls killed or C.Use them as meat shields.

....

Who am I kidding!? I would totally do C.

I could probably do the sensible thing and take measure of everyone's powers and skills, set up a plan, and then make my way slowly through town and get out. But by then the wall would be put up and then everyone here is screwed.

In the end I decided to drink and wait til the girls wake up. Since I have already done the first and the girls haven't done the second I decided to give them a bit of a nudge.

Well more of a pissed of pup looking for revenge.

After giving my go ahead Ciar had a sinister smile on her canine face. Well for her it was sinister to anyone else it was just adorable.

"Pup we have got to work on the smiles. If you make those at any of my future enemies they will eiter try and keep you or laugh at me." I tell her.

She pouts and just makes matters worse as now not only does she look adorable I am being given dirty looks by all women and for some reason 1 dude. Oh wait, that's Vova. Probably still upset about his kid, let's steer clear. Although the final hit was done by the girls. Is he an animal lover? Meh, not really an issue at this point.

In any case Ciar goes up and bites each girl on the tit. I may have laughed my ass off when they both shrieked.

"Wakey wakey! Unfortunately, we have no eggs and baky but we do need to get the hell out of here and you two sleeping away our time is not a good plan."

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"You knocked us out!" They both yelled and drew their powers.

I sighed and gave Ciar a wave. She then bit the girls again. After a quick yelp they gave Ciar looks of betrayal. She just ignored them and happily walked up to me.

Reaching down I picked her up and placed her on my head. Then looked at the girls.

"You two deserved worse but I need to get you out of here relatively in one piece so I just gave you a little love tap."

"Love tap! Our vision is still blurry and our head is ringing!" They shouted.

"Details. The point of the lesson is stop fucking me over. I can promise you next time I will use more than a punch to settle things." I made my eyes and fur turn black as I pulled on darkness.

Both of them flinched back. But nodded in the end. Fear evident in their eyes. They could tell I am no longer playing.

"Good girls maybe if your good you will get a biscuit. Now lets get the fuck out of-

"Hold on!" Someone really annoying yells behind me.

"*Sigh* Now what?" I turn to Senor Mega annoying.

Heh see what I did there? I amuse myself sometimes.

"You said something about your time. What did you mean?" Mega asked.

"Eh not like it matters if I tell you at this point but in one more day a wall will be put up and nothing gets in or out. With every ones powers dropped down to advanced trust me when I say this no one is getting out."

His face goes dark at my news."You must help these people escape." He says.

"Whoa there Superman Ripoff. I am not responsible for these people just those two. The rest? Can go screw them selves. Especially you Nick your kinda a dick."

Nickolai gives me a less than amused look. While Megas face is tomato red in anger.

"If you got to shit I think the bathroom is over there man."

"How can you be so selfish!" He roars.

"Easy. Picture a certain woman naked then make sure you live to see said woman naked. Or just be me which ever one works best for ya." I reply.

"You-you are doing this just to get laid!?" Practically everyone yells.

"Holy shit! Ears of a fox people no need to all yell at once! And not entirely, pretty sure this only scores me brownie points but its a step in the right direction." I say with a shrug.

At this point all the people look like they want to gank me at the same time.

"What? Do you guys honestly believe I would've come to this shit show out of the good of my heart? Hell no! I would gladly leave even these two in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the fact that I owe a certain hot someone. My ass would've told even her to fuck off. I may want to sleep with this person but purposely coming to one of the biggest shit-shows in history just to get laid? Not worth it by a mile."

"In history......You really are from the future aren't you?" Mega says in realization.

"Yep don't put your stock in google they fail. Instead, invest Magellan they totally make it." I kinda want to see if anyone does it.

"You realize how illegal time travel is right?" Mega says.

"Well this is sorta like a fixed point. No matter what I would've ended up here one way or another. So technically those laws can bite me." I reply.

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"What if I threaten to expose you?"

"Dude I meet you in the future. Trust me you don't recognize me." I blow off his threat.

"Why won't you just help everyone. You may have come for us but you could save many more. What's so wrong with helping more?" The twins say from the side.

"It's a pain."I say simply.

.................

Everyone stops and just stares at me. None of them believing what they just heard.

"It's a pain?......Thats the most stupid reason I have ever heard!" Mega finally says.

"Then you have never dealt with someone who truly despises the very word commonly known as work."

"What do you plan to do for a job?" Mega asks truly curious as are the rest of the people it seems since they all lean in.

"Steal mostly other than that? Pro gamer or just hack a few companies. Whichever is quicker and less work." Man been using the word too much lately starting to get nauseous.

"You truly have no ambition in life?"

"No there is way too much books, anime, manga, tv shows, porn, light novels, and video games to have something pointless like ambition." I say with absolute seriousness.

"I have no idea as to what a few of those things are. But from what I can tell they all don't seem important." He replies.

"And that is why you fail."

He sighs and walks to a chair and sits down. Everyone else looks disappointed that they won't have another protector.

"Good with that out of the way girls lets-

"No!" They shout in unison.

A vein on my head starts to bulge. "We have been over this listen or get hurt and I make you."

"Oh we will go with you but maybe we tell grandma you raped us." They said.

I froze."You stupid bitches! Do you honestly think she would believe you? Do you really think if I was even remotely that kinda of person I would receive her blessing and be sent back to save her family!? How retarded are you two!?"

The two flinch back at the tone in my voice. This time they crossed a line and I am truly and fully pissed. I covered my self in black flames and marched toward they two.

"Whoa kid I admit what they just said was a bit much but there's no need for you to hurt them!" Mega jumps in front of me.

I stare into the eyes of the girls who are now cowering by the wall their eyes bulging in fear. At this point they knew they went way too far.

Seeing myself reflected in their eyes I stop because I realized I was going to kill them. I shift my gaze around the room and notice a everyone is armed and ready to jump in.

"You two will not talk to me any fucking more you will listen and thats it. As for the rest of you. You can follow but do not expect me to risk my ass for any of you!"

With that I turn and walk toward the door. Remembering something I immediately feel my head. Feeling a lump of fur I start to freak out.

"Ciar oh my goddess I forgot you were up there! Are you okay!?"

"Yes master I am fine. The devouring flame isn't only something that kitsune can use. My mother could use it and so can I. But we are immune to it while the rest of your kind is not."

"Huh neat. But wait I am immune aren't I?"

"You will be but for now, you are only immune to your own flames. " She says.

"Wait will be?"

"It's part of the blood contract which we will get into when we finally get out of here." Is all she says.

I just shrug it off. Not like it's something I have to worry about. So I just mental note it and drop it.

--------------------

In two hours of time the sky was starting to get dark and everyone was ready to go. In total there was about 30 people. Pretty sure about half will probably get offed but meh. So long as the two cunts make it I honestly don't give a damn.

In front were me and the twins. The middle had Nickolai and a few military guys and Mega took the rear.

I could've taken the middle or the back myself but I don't need idiots leading me to my death. Plus with my various visions I can easily see a trap coming.

We set off down the corpse-strewn alley and headed toward the main road. Once there we started heading toward where I first entered the town.

As we head down the road we don't see any creatures. Plenty of bodies but none of the monsters. When we reach an intersection we finally see somone alive.

Two little girls are skipping down the street in blue and white bloodstained dresses. They had blonde and red hair done up in pigtails and looked pretty normal.

My oh fuck no sense was going off.

"Throw them your wallets, keys, and whoever is wearing a red shirt."

Everyone gives me odd looks.

They girls stop in front of us and give everyone a curious look.

"You all are going to die you know?" They say in an even more creepy unison than the twins and these two aren't even twins!

Red flag red flag red mother fucking flag!!!!!

"Little girls you should come with us we will protect you." A soldier walks up to them and says.

They tilt their heads and giggle. Oh crap.

"No need we are perfectly safe our god will make sure of that. But he has requested us to escort you to him. Please do follow otherwise we may have to call the others." They same ominously.

Oh shit shit shit. I peer around and notice that there are eyes everywhere and with my x-ray I saw that they were all kids.

Okay we are going children of the corn.

"little girls stop making jokes and listen-glurg gullrgghhhh!" He was cut short as two tails shot out from behind the girls and impaled the man then he was dragged to their mouths and all the other children joined in from the shadows and ate the man in seconds.

"AAAAANNNNNDDDD going to need some serious therapy for that. Hello nightmares."

The girls turn back to us. "Does anyone else wish to feed us? We are still quite hungry and our god only wants a select few of you." The said all cutesy like with blood and gore dripping down their faces.

Seeing the amount of demon kids and looking at our group. I figured me, Nick, Mega and the twins could make it. The rest would be food. I am pretty sure if it came down to it in a fight the damn twins would just stay and fight a losing battle.

"Yea sure lead the way. Oh you can eat that guy he tried to shoot me so-

The cut me off speared the bouncer I met at the bar on the first day and devoured him like the last guy.

"Okay that was totally a joke but whatever works for you guys."

Everyone else was looking at me in horror.

Whoops.

-----------------

Our little unmerry band of fellows followed the two girls while being surrounded by hungry eyes. I of course would've possibly had a meltdown if I just followed blindly. After all, I already have issues with creepy kids add on demon kids who eat people with adorable smiles? Nope.

So I reached into the Shadows produced my phone and a set of headphones.

"♪♪Blondes get it done but brunettes do it better.♪♪"

Of course I was singing and dancing along. Everyone else was giving me weird looks. Even the demon kids. But sometimes escaping reality is always the best course of action in my opinion. Repress and block.

It's similar to walking in on your parents. All you do is chant repress and block over and over. Really got to thank Lighting for this. The song is not only good but teaches a valuable lesson.

Ciar pokes me in the head and I take a headphone off. "Sup pup."

"Master what is that."She asks curiously.

"Oh its a device made to allow women to divert most of their lives to it. They use it everywhere. If lost they freak out like they just lost their child. "

"For men it's something to put music on, make phone calls and play games. Except for pretty boys who are too obsessed with all their various women and decide to be on it constantly but I just add them into the women category. Unless you are playing a game spending hours on your phone makes you at least part female. In my opinion."

Ciar looks still confused but nods anyway. I reach up and pat her on the head.

"Don't worry pup when we get to the future I will introduce you to a lot of things."

"Will we even make it?" She asks worriedly.

"Pup I can promise you this. I will gladly let everyone here die to escape. Even the twins. However I won't just throw them in front of me either. I am sorta bound to protect women so I have to make some effort for them at least. But you are the only person I like here and to top it off your a kickass god dog. So in order of importance, it goes you, that nice ass Lambo if I can find it again, the twins, and then everyone else." I tell her.

She makes a content sound on top of my head and goes back to watching around.

"Wait hold on, we rank behind a dog and a car!?" Two annoying voices sound out in indignation.

"Yep and now you two get no biscuit for talking."I reply and put my headphone back on getting lost in the music.

I can feel their anger behind me but don't really care after all everyone else behind them was even more pissed off since they were last on my list.

"You are an odd one kitsune." I hear a voice sound in my mind and freeze.

"Who the fuck are you!?" I ask back mentally

"I am the God known as Abyss." I hear pride in the voice.

"Yea never heard of ya." I say without a shred of care or respect.

"Insolent little mutt!"

"Ohhhh touched a nerve there eh? Someone must have a pretty big ego. What's the matter mommy not show you enough attention?" I taunt the voice in my head.

Probably not my smartest idea as all the demon kids stop and turn to glare at me.

"Oh yea, definitely going to have nightmares. I think a vasectomy might be in future if I can find one that won't heal that is."

"You dare to taunt our lord!?" About a hundred voices say in unison.

I spin to the people behind me. "So anyone got any plans to kill the kids?"

Mega looks at me and shakes his head."Theres no way we live if we try."

"Yea well heres the thing I may have sorta, accidentally, totally not on purpose, may have pissed off their god."

Everyone gives me blank looks but finally, Nickolai walks forward."And how did you do that?" He asks a bit of an edge in his voice.

"Well...Lets just say he may have some mommy issues and a small penis." I hear a roar somewhere in town and all the kids grow tails out of their backs.

"Ohhhhh hit another sore spot huh? It was the small penis right? Don't worry where I am from they have pill for that."I don't know why I was antagonizing a god but I just couldn't help it.

Turning to the crowd I say one last thing."Right so let's kill some kids!"

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Thanks to Kruncs and Bearded for being awesome.

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