《Lazy Ash》48. Darkness, Bob, and 35.
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You guys may have noticed this arc has continued on for a bit. Well the reason for this is due to all my other ones in the story have been really short and can't really be considered an arc. So I kinda wanted a point where I can say hey totally a different arc.
There are some people who believe that after this I plan on making Ash go back exactly to how he was with women. Going to say this once and then ignore it from now on. That will not fully be the case. While some things will stay the same one of the main parts are being changed in this arc if you have noticed.
Also please note his cousin will not be part of his harem! I am not a fan of the whole family thing.
Now the reason for this An is due to the fact that I seem to have picked up a few new readers who have been asking about these things. So hopefully this will stop any future complaints and I won't see 37 freaking messages. Seriously not cool guys.
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Ash
"Huh it's all black. Is this what death is?"
I am currently floating in a sea of darkness. The last thing I remember is being spiked and dragged into a hoard of hungry waiting hands. Then waking up here. It seems like I have been floating here for a long time now. I am not sure how long due to not having a watch or something but meh.
Well at least its quiet. I wonder if I will meet a god. If so I will name him Bob. Just to piss him off from the start. Then I will start praying to Bob and even come up with a religion around Bob and then he will truly become known as the god Bob.
I put my hands behind my head kick back and start planning the religion of the great god Bob.
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After what seemed like a few weeks or hours not sure really normally with my intelligence telling time should be as easy as a catholic school girl. Anyway, I finally finished the religion of Bob.
All faithful get a plate of pizza rolls and a brand new game. Because what's a new game without fuel? Bob will govern over all nerds and preach the man lessons! He will make sure our mothers don't screw us over and-
"Hey wait what's that light?"
In the darkness, there was now a door of light.
Wait could this be!? Is it...."Bob?"
"Who the hell is Bob kid?" A familiar voice answers me.
Out of the doorway walks Lighting followed by Darkness.
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"Oh hey you guys are here too. Cool! Wanna convert to the religion of the great god Bob? We have pizza rolls!"
Both of them share a look and sigh then they turn back to me.
"It seems little kit you have spent quite some time here. Your mind seems to be failing you. Gratefully we stopped that parasite early otherwise you would be worse." Darkness replies.
"Parasite? What does that have to do with Bob? You guys totally have to be on board with this man! Just think the first god that greets us in the afterlife and we rename him Bob! And even make a whole religion around truly renaming him! How awesome would that be!?"
Both of them share a look. I really hope they accept Bob as their lord and savior because the benefits are awesome. Ooh new add on the clergy gets badass gaming chairs with COASTERS!
"We may have took to long in finding him." Lighting tells Darkness.
"We didn't really have much of a choice. That stupid thing invade his mind and even convinced him it was his penis how the hell were we supposed to act when he just took and accepted it?" Darkness replies.
"Still though, you said a day in the darkness is like ten years at least mentally and its been 5 days."
"Oh! So its kinda like the hyperbolic time chamber on crack?" I ask.
They ignore me. Why are they talking about useless things anyway? We should totally be trying to figure out who is going to be pope. Oooh! I hope it's me I kinda want that cool hat.
I look back at the two wondering if they will let me be Pope.
"It doesn't matter we need to get him out of here and back in his body before something worse happens."
"Worse!? The kid was spiked through his spine, had his mind invade by that weird shit, got gnawed on by some really fucked looking things, and then he goes and uses every bit of power at his disposal and blows the shit out of the hoard eating him.
Now due to all that damage, the parasite was able to take his body and seal him here where for everyone else its been 5 days for him its been 50 fucking years! This isn't even counting the fact that for some reason he made up a religion and named the fucking god Bob!? Do you know what would happen if he gets out and he actually tries to make that religion real!?" Lightings shouts.
Darkness sighs and shoots me a look. "Yes I do. Which is why we are going to sweep his time here under the rug so to speak."
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"You can't be serious? There is no way he is ready for that and who will even-
"I will."
Lighting was giving Darkness a look of surprise. "She is going to be royally pissed you know?" He says after calming down.
"You will be the one dealing with her not me. Besides don't you brag about how easy women are for you to handle?"
Really? Hmm I should get his help on that sometime.
"I am actually going to miss you man. It was nice having a younger brother again."
"And I you. Having an older brother was a first especially one so irresponsible." With that the two share a manly hug and then turn to me.
I wipe a tear from my eye. "That was beautiful. But where are you going? Is there time for you to convert to Bobism?"
"Don't worry little kit things will go back to normal soon."
Darknesses eyes for the first time since I seen them turn white and blue just like mine. His fur turns white along with his four tails. Odd didn't notice the four tails before and Lighting has six weird. All in all Darkness turns into an exact replica of me just slightly older.
"It's time Little Kit that we say goodbye. If you have the chance check in on my family okay? Also remember kill those who threaten those you love. If you leave them alive they will only come back." Darkness tells me.
I tilt my head in confusion but before I can figure out what's going on he places his hand on my head and starts to glow.
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I wake up in a sea of black fire. I put my hand on my head due to a huge headache and vomit into the flames due to the nausea that follows. My back hurts like hell and my body has scars that look like bite marks all over it.
"Damnit just what the hell happened!?" I take a seat in the flames and try to steady my mind.
It comes back to me. The darkness, a religion, and Bob? How stupid can I be to make up a religion. If I was there for 50 years couldn't I have done something productive!? Damnit!
Well at least I'm not crazy anymore. But man why couldn't I have gone super genius insane and come up with a plot to destroy the world not make a freaking religion. The gods would have my ass!
Wait how do I know that? Then I remember Darkness did something at the end there.
"Just what did you do man?" I ask aloud hoping he would wake up and give me an answer but no one answered.
I check my powers and everything is back to normal except Darkness. It's at 35% now.
"Holy shit just what the hell happened! Ok seriously someone give me answers!" Hearing nothing I sigh.
"Whatever I will figure it out later first I need to find the twins. Goddess I hope they are still alive. Really don't want to deal with a pissed off Rhea."
Taking a quick look over my body everything seems okay besides the headache, nausea, and the pain in my back. Oddly though I have a scar where the spike hit me as well as the bite scars. Shouldn't my body heal those? Or does this crap as place stop that too? Oh well food for thought.
I grab the flames around me and start to absorb them but then A memory flashes through my head.
It's of a little fox girl. She is playing in a park with a young woman who looks like her mother but is human. The little girl has white hair and black eyes. She is wearing a cute little blue dress that her mother picked out for her that morning. I had told her mother that it would only get dirty but she says a woman must always look her best when going out. I just shook my head and agreed like always who am I to fight with my wife?
The memory stops there and I am left with even more questions. Since when do I have a wife and kid? Just what the fuck was that!
Questions still filling my head I start to walk out of the crater made by the black flames. When I get out I take a look around and don't recognize a damn thing.
So I just randomly walk down the street and pray to goddess that I don't run into any more of those fucking things.
After an hour of sneaking around, I manage to get back to Vova's restaurant. From there it was easy to locate the bar. After all there was bodies everywhere leading up to there.
I am not talking about human ones either about 95% were creatures.
"They must've put up one hell of a fight."
When I approach the doors to the bar a shot rings out and a bullet slams into my leg.
"Ow what the shit assholes!" I am currently jumping around on one leg.
"Hold your fire he is not infected!" I hear a voice shout within.
"Do I look infected!? I mean come on who just fucking shoots a guy!?"
The door opens and out walks an old friend.
"Oh hey what's up Mega?"
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