《Lazy Ash》3.Thug,Ambush,and "Warning Shots"

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After school and making Mrs Demi look bad yet again hehe..Im standing in front of the big ass crater left by Mega.

"I swear to god I can make out his face perfectly."I smile

"I know right."a female voice sounds out behind me.

Surprised i turn to see who responded because I was sure I didn't say it loud enough to hear.Turns out it was our schools head cheerleader Cindy Hill.She is every teenager and pervy teachers wet dream.Standing at 5^6 gorgeous blonde hair,full lips,a rack big enough to be called lethal and feed babies everywhere, a slim but fit waist,wrap that up with tight as hell cheerleading outfit that says Mega! on the front(in this situation its appropriate)and men everywhere come running.

"What?"Seeing my surprise she asks.

"Nothing just surprised is all."I manage

"At the crater or me?"

"Both?"

"Why did you answer a question with a question?Man up speak to her."Alita says.

"Please Ash here doesn't have the balls, plus this girl is so far outta his league."Inari snorts.

"Hearing you two really doesn't help!"I yell in my head.

"Wasn't trying to."Inari says with a smug tone.

Bitch!

"Look nevermind im gonna head out.."I tell Cindy

"Told ya."Inari has a smug look.

"You got to talk to real people Ash otherwise you'll be alone all your life."Alita sighs.

"So what you two dont count?"Truly curious.They are after all real.

"Thats not what I meant.All im saying is it doesn't hurt to have some friends or maybe a girlfriend.Its not good being by yourself talking to the voices in you head."She lectures.

"Internet,porn,and therapy."I reply.

Alita sighs

"I Dont know why you even try he likes his life."Inari says.

"I know but its not healthy."

...................................................................................................

While on the phone

"I think I found him."

Voice:"You Sure?"

"Not exactly but ive ruled everyone else out and after what happened today hes the last that fits the bill."

Voice:" Ok when you have conformation let me know."

"Roger"

......

Instead of heading home I head downtown as the new Gears just dropped and i need my fix.

Once the cost is clear I take off running, with such an urban area and kickass parkour skills I can make it anywhere in the city faster than most cars.As I leap across rooftops I hear a scream..

"Help!!!!"

As I have learned my lesson I decide to keep going, because fuck that!

"What are you doing!Turn around someones in trouble."Alita yells.

Mid jump she yells in my ear. Of course it freaks me out and I slam face first into a wall.

Inari is laughing her ass off the bitch.

"Could you not yell in my ear when im mid air between buildings I mean cmon!Also hell no!" That is not my problem.

"You could be done in seconds just take their air and done."Alita points out

"No"I say flatly.

"Please!"She begs.

"Inari help me out here."I turn to her laughing ass.

"Im not seeing a reason here."she retorts

"Arent you supposed to be oh idk evil!?What kind of demon are you!?"I ask.

"YOKAI!!!!If i have to say it again ill float into your parents room while they are doing it and play it in your head."

At the thought of her doing that I was horrified and immediately surrendered. The thought making a future erection all but impossible. That is the worst threat anybody has made ever and damn her for it.

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"We Kitsune are tricksters and lovers of chaos but we are not evil.Plus im bored."

"What if I let you off of church duty?"Alita bribes.

"Deal!"Inari yells before I can respond.

I glared at her.

"Parents,Sex." She reminds me.

I paled and gave in...

"Fine but keep in mind I do this under duress."I say in defeat.

Alita beamed

Inari Smirked

"And Inari if you ever do make that threat again.Ill gladly be the nicest most morally conscious hero this world has ever known and let everyone know you were my mentor."I say darkly

Her face paled.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is it Really necessary to be so upset about helping someone?"Alita asks.

"YES!"

Alita just doesn't get it.Helping people gets you noticed.I don't want to be noticed that means more work and dear god RESPONSIBILITY!The mere thought makes me tremble in fear.

Finally I make it back to where I heard the scream,I look over the edge and low and behold some two bit thug with a gun is trying to rob a woman for her purse.Cant anyone be original anymore?

"You know what?Ima have fun with this!"

Inari and Alita raise their eyebrows and ask.

"How?"

I give a perfect Cheshire grin. Alita looks horrified.

I start with getting rid of all his bullets,there's no need to get shot.Then I put my plan into play.

"Hey!Hey dumbass up here!There you go. Not to bright are ya?"I taunt.

"Who the fuck are you kid!?"He trains his gun on me.

My grin is still showing he could clearly see my mouth.He should've run.

"I've got a gun kid if you don't want to get hurt you might want to leave and let me finish my business."He tries to scare me

Completely ignoring him I turn to the woman."Miss you don't need to worry his gun has no ammo your perfectly safe.Besides hes stupid I mean what competent person robs someone in an alley?"

"Are fucking crazy kid? I'm fucking warned you!HE takes aim and *click*What the fuck?"He looks at his gun.

"See miss i told yo-"

As I was turning back she runs up and kicks him full force in the dick, then takes her bag and uppercuts him with it, then I shit you not spin kicks him midair in the dick again.At that point I wanted to help the thug. That was just messed up man.

I still laughed my ass off.

"Thank you for your help young man, I've been taking martial arts since I was a girl, if he didn't have the gun I wouldn't have been in this spot.But how did you know he had no ammo?"The woman looks up at me.

I just open my hand and down falls all his ammo."I have a few tricks miss."I smile.

"Its Chel. Chel Stevens."She replies.

"Well Miss Stevens it was nice meeting you but I've got to go."

"Wait!Aren't you gonna tell me you name?"She hurriedly asks.

"Not a chance."Oh!and before I forget, I wave my hand, and steal his wallet.

"What did you just do?"She asks curiously.

"Stole his wallet."I say simply

"You stole his wallet?"She asked this in a way that says she couldn't comprehend why.

"Well yea Im not a hero.Plus hes got like 200 bucks in here."I give her a confused look.

Alita looks pissed and if looks could kill, me and the next few miles would be obliterated. Inari was still laughing.Miss Stevens surprisingly looks amused.

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"A super who stays outta the limelight huh?Well thats ok just makes it more fun for me to figure out who you are and the whole anti-hero thing makes me want to know even more."

"Look I've got a bit of an older woman fetish and I love a nice ass as much as the next guy, but im not interested I have enough annoying women."I say simply.

I swear you could hear her pissed of glare as I left.Alita on the other hand.

"What the hell was that!!!!!"

"What?"I ask

"Oh no I agree with the angel what the fuck do you mean enough annoying women.Do we annoy you Ash is that it?"Inari asks with narrowed eyes.

It was at this point I Knew I made a mistake.There comes a time in a mans life where he hears a tone from a woman and just knows he fucked.

"No!Nonononononono I Didn't mean you girls I meant my.......teachers! Yea my teachers you know how much of a bitch I think Mrs.Demi is and dont even get me started on Mrs.Jacobs."I lie

"Ash."Alita says.

"Yea?"I ask with hope.

"You know we can tell when your lying right?You know the whole our souls being connected thing?"

"Shit. Im not getting my game am I?"

"What do you think?"they said in unison.

FUCK!!!!

.................................

Target is confirmed.

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"Im sorry!!!Please calm down it was a poor choice of words!"I beg

"Poor choice of words?Seemed to me you meant those from the bottom of your heart."

"Nonono I swear Alita I-"

"Wait a minute why the hell am I justifying myself!? I don't have to listen to you two."I say with a smile.All panic gone.

The two look even more pissed my balls packed a bag and ran, my brain probably should've followed suit.

"I mean my body is the one in charge I can just walk there, buy my game, and go nerd out.Simple hahaha." I Laugh like a bond villain reject and continue on my way.

"Oh really!?"They say darkly.

When I heard that I Should have went back to begging, but live and learn.Suddenly my body freezes and I cant move. both of them move in front of me and have a cheshire smile far more evil than the one I had!

"Um...Sorry?"I squeak

"Too late!!"they scream in unison.

They then proceed to do some horrible and terrible things that will haunt me til the end of time.Now the two dont harm me physically because technically we are one body one soul and they will take the damage as well,but that doesn't stop them from attacking my mind!

I'll spare you all the details as it still scary as fuck but you know how they say that your mind stores every memory since birth?Well try remembering your birth in perfect detail....

"Im sorry!IM SORRY!!" At this point I was crying that was just to evil and for an Angel to do that to someone is just wrong!

"Hmm I still thinks he need more?What do you think Alit-"

"Ash Dodge!"

Still crying, I didnt hear her and next thing I knew I felt a painful blow to the back of my head, and started to black out.

"Dammit.....NO!FUCK THIS!NOT AGAIN!" I roared in anger.No way in hell was that happening again!

As im falling I kick back and hear a satisfying crunch and roll forward and hop to my feet.Turning around I see my assailant.

"Holy shit Photon!? What the fuck?"I say in surprise and anger.

Photon is a hero of Mega city and even a key member of Mega Force the cities ace hero team.Cant say much about his looks as his suit is full body and really really yellow.Seriously all their is is eye holes!His power set is exactly as his name describes Photons the quantum of light and all other forms of electromagnetic radiation.With the added bonus of increased strength!No wonder that hit to the head hurt like shit!He was current holding the leg I kicked with a pained expression in his eyes.

"Thats what you get asshole!What the fucks with just up and hitting someone in the back of head man?"I taunt.

"Ash dodge!"Inari warns.

This time I did and just barely too as dart just grazed past me.What the fuck!? I turn and see yet another hero and again it is another one from Mega Force!

This time my opponent is "Tech" world renowned super genius and right hand of Mega force.Everyone knows who Tech is as he loves the limelight.The bastards real name is Tom Rivers.He was some reject that used to build weapons for the US.Government but stopped because he grew a conscience.Instead he built a super suit that could do pretty much anything despite looking like a mini Steam Punk Iron Giant.As he hates the fact most heros hide who they are he immediately came out and said who he was and because of how effective hes was with the suit Mega invited him to the team.And somehow I pissed this guy off.

"Um ok anyone have an idea as to how I pissed off the Mega Force?"I ask the girls.

"Try asking."with a shrug of her shoulders that was all the help Inari gave.I turned to Alita hoping for some better answer and got the same thing.Fine....

"So what can I do for you fine assholes today?"I decide for the direct approach.

Instead of replying Tech trains a lazer sight on me and moves toward Photon.

Dammit if he just reveals whats behind the lazer I could steal it!

"Be careful Ash these two aren't some worthless thugs they are highly trained heros and they are good at what they do."Alita warns me,

"Alitas right, you may be stronger,faster, and more durable but thats it.You refuse to train and the only slight physical skills you have are from something as useless as parkour!Your only option is to find a chance to run."Inari says.

This wasnt a time for me to be stupid so I took their advice seriously.

As Tech was helping Photon to his feet I slowly moved toward the roof edge.However I didnt figure that the lazer responds to movement and the second I moved a hatch opened on his suit and fired a fucking rocket!

I dove outta the way and watched it explode into the other building.

"Hey what the fuck are you trying to do kill me!?"I shout

"That was a warning shot dont move and you wont be hurt."Tech says simply.

"A warning!That took out half the goddam roof over there! You call that a warning!"I yell in anger.

"Quiet kid!One more word and youll find out what a real shot is."(He turns to Photon.)"Hows the leg?"

"Fine but im gonna be out for awhile didnt expect this kid to have strength that surpasses mine."Photon replied.

"We shoudve played it better we have no idea as to his power set."

As the two love birds were chatting I was trying to figure out what was going on.

"I got nothing you two?"

"Nope."Was their reply.

Wonderful.

"So any ideas as to how to get the hell outta here then?"I try.

"Wouldnt matter theyd just show up at your house or did you forget that your only wearing a hoodie?"Inari says

Shit!

"If you can manage to knock them out I may have a way to resolve this."Alita spoke up.

"Really!?" I ask with hope.

"Yes but only if you can knock them out."

"No problem ill just take their air and you do your thing."

Keeping an eye on that lazer I move my hand behind my back slowly and smile.

"Hey assholes!"

They turn and look.

"Night!"

I then rip all the air from their lungs repeatedly..

(AN:If anyone has questions about the story ill be sure to answer whenever im on so go for it)

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