Ever since coming to this world, I have not had a single evacuation of the undercarriage, you know? It's relevant, alright?!

I'm reminded of this because my Tie'sha pillow is currently a little bit bloody in a certain place and that took me by surprise. I felt like Vader when he sensed Obi-wan. The blood was a presence I had not felt in a long, long time and even though it's not accompanied by any annoying cramps for me, that special smell is there. I can tell because the Alyce-chan nose is sensitive to smells, okay? I didn't do anything suspicious like burying my nose....

Ahen.

She has cute fluffy wolf ears and a fuwafuwa tail way better than any duster although it would be sacrilegious to use her lovely tail for that purpse. Anyway, that is why I thought, perhaps her anatomy is different from a humans anatomy.

Alyce-chan was foolishly naive!

Since I am getting a strong urge to further investigate this issue, I think it's best if I sneak away from my sleeping beastmaid while I can still control myself. Thus, I unbind the rope on our tent and go outside.

It still seems to be early in the day, just after the transitory period where night breaks into dawn, and dawn gives way to a fully loaded blue sky-chan populated with flocculent fluffy cotton candies.

Ahen.

It's not like my next objective that I want to achieve in Lalaromp city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, is to eat cotton candy, okay? Goddamn it!

It definitely isn't, alright?! I am not that interested in food. Not even in Gordon Ramsay's Lamb Sauce or Tie'sha's sandwich sauce! I am only a little bit hungry and definitely didn't want to eat Tie'sha's undercarriage emissions.

…

Ugh. My head is throbbing. Not my eye, only my head! There is nothing wrong with my eyes.

I really want to drink some special blood. I also want to eat some meat, preferably Ren-kun roasted slowly over a roaring log fire as a nice cozy midday snack. But we can't always have what we want. Still, why do I have such a hankering for blood even though I am a ghoul? I know blood is nutritious and all, but I am not a vampire, so blood should not be my cup of tea and yet a cup of blood tea sounds bloody delicious!

Maybe next time, I will try some boiled blood in a cup to go along with my liver and fava beans. Aah, it is making me salivate just thinking about it. Gyuh!

It's a good thing I didn't have a mind to lose, otherwise mind-chan would be lost in the supermarket of sanity right now calling for her mommy on the loudspeaker, but mommy would be busy trying to track down and kill someone to eat.

Yes, it's that kind of feeling at the moment. Even though I promised myself I would be a civilized undead ghoulish abomination, the spirit of Lintball still resides within Alyce-chan's flat chest and I want some melty jellies! I demand it! Give me! Agh.

Uncertain of what to do or how to deal with this, I pace back and forth outside our tent, wearing a little groove in the grass and muttering to myself about pale fresh ren-kun flesh, Tie'sha sauce and cotton candy. Of course, I fail to notice my hairy meat pie until he is upon me. “Morning lass!” He says, startling me out of my revelrie. “What's that ye be mutterin' about some sauce? Did ye save some rations fer me? I dinnae see any.”

“Wh-what are you talking about! I haven't packed any food other than you and the other minions.” I insist, even stomping my foot into the ground to cement my seriousness!

Grom pokes my nose with one of his fat sausage fingers. “It be no good fer ye to lie, lassy. If ye didn't have some sorta meal with sauce, then why's this red stuff on yer nose.”

I can instantly feel my world losing color. H-hold on!

I watch in slow motion as Grom brings his finger to his mouth.

On that finger, there is... Tie'sha sauce.

My eyes widen extremely as Grom puts his finger in his mouth and licks it like he has just eaten barbeque or ribs or something. He even made a smacking sound, like a gourmet savoring the taste.

“What a peculiar taste. Say lass, what kinda sauce...” Grom says, trailing off. He has frozen completely like a statue, and I turn around to see what he is staring at.

Ah, it's Tie'sha. Good morning. Her face is completely crimson and the Tie'sha sauce is visible between her legs. She is staring in horror at Grom, who is still frozen with his finger in his mouth.

Quietly, Alyce-chan activates the stealth getaway!

Tie'sha falls to her knees and uses whimpering cry!

Stealth getaway interrupted.

Quickly, I move to my Tie'sha who is crying with a very red face that she's trying to cover with her hands. Sigh, why can't I ever have a normal start to the day? It's not my fault, Okay? Goddamn it!

Of course, I hug my Tie'sha tightly to comfort her. At the same time, I use my succubus tail to point at Grom and then at the tents where the minor snacks are stored. Using the Alyce-chan special HNNNG telepathy, I order my minion to go stall them while I take care of Tie'sha. It seems to be a success because I can hear Grom's footsteps as he is walking away. After a few steps, there is a sound like he is puking.

Let's ignore. How dare he waste the precious Tie'sha sauce!

Ahen.

I try to misdirect Tie'sha with a gentle nugi-nugi on her ears. “There there, it's alright.” I whisper, and my beastmaid is gradually calming down. However, it seems while I was distracted with the nugi-nugi, my succubus tail has drifted in front of me. It is currently heading for Tie'sha like a heat-seeking missile and before I know what is happening, System-chan attacks.

Ping! Congratulations, you have learned a new skill: Succubus Sustenation

Oi, system-chan, what the hell does that mean?! Is sustenation even a real word? I guess system-chan can just do whatever she wants, the bitch lasagna!

Ahen.

Still, I feel strange and a little dizzy so I close my eyes. My... my energy is surging! Tie'sha is making some censorable sounds and energy is filling me like whoosh. My tummy is tingling like I'm eating a nice big warm meal and it's very delishyas. It makes me giddy and fills me with the power of tehepero and fufufu.

After some time, the rush of energy abates and my dizziness runs for the hills that don't have eyes. I lazily open my oglers to find Tie'sha slumped against my chest unconscious, so I gently lay her down on the ground. It looks like she has calmed down a bit, I think... Maybe. But still, that was weird. I didn't expect a system-chan attack, but then again she often takes me off guard, the conniving bitch. Very tricky indeed.

This time though, it might be a good thing as I am no longer very hungry and ghoul-like. If I was optimistic, I might even claim that I've found my mind, but I don't think I can stretch it that far. After all, the Alyce-chan mind is perpetually lost, but it looks like mommy has sated her hunger for now.

I am happy to report that the Tie'sha sauce has mysteriously disappeared. Ah, Tie'sha really is a snack of the highest order! I'm so glad I picked her up.

Anyway, it seems Grom is herding the minor snacks together like a teacher. He glances over here and I wave at him to let him know it's okay. Áithne and Hal also emerge from their tent. Seaweed-chan has bedhair, and so has the rurouni kenshin wannabe. With this timing, the rest of the group seems to also be getting ready. Butlerman is approaching from the distance and he meets and talks briefly with Grom. Then they start packing the tents and he walks over here again.

Hmm. Maybe it's my imagination, but his legs seem a little bit shaky and unsteady. Anyway, Grom comes and takes my tent down and we pack them together and rejoin the Ren-kun parade. Everyone is looking at me oddly because I am princess carrying my unconscious Tie'sha in my arms. But I will not compromise on this! She is mine, you hear me? Mine!

“Today, the overloli decrees that we shall ride in the back while Grom controls the horsies.” I say pompously. Well, as pompously as I can while still carrying an unconscious maidling. She is my precious food dispenser! I will never give her away, never!

In this manner, the caravan rolls ever on and on, down the road to Lalaromp city where the girls are green and the grass is pretty. Umu, the the midday sun is a bit warm, and my Tie'sha pillow is soft. I think it's okay if I take a short nap. I snuggle close to Tie'sha and let the squeaky crunchy advance of caravan-chan lull me to sleep.

...

...

...

In my dream, some X-rated things are happening, and I am almost drowning in Tie'sha sauce. Then Grom's beard appears and starts eating all my sauce! Beard-san laughs evilly, like, ah ah aaah, dracula style, and two big fangs appear on the beard. It flies toward me with its mouth open to attack me with its vampire fangs! Nooo, sucking Alyce-chan's blood is forbidden you know?!

Suddenly, my eyes fly open and I can't help but sit up with a gasp. I hold one hand to my chest and breathe deeply a few times, but the smell of my Tie'sha nearby quickly comforts me, letting me relax. “You alright there lass?” Grom asks.

I wave away his concern. “Yes yes, just a weird dream. Are we there yet?” I ask, imitating a child and attacking Grom with a quick tehepero. He averts his gaze putting me on ignore. Hmpf! I also put him on ignore and direct my gaze toward the horizon where I find the answer to my previous question.

Crushed between two gigantic tits of mother earth, is a very hard, protruding city with an impressive girth. I assume it's Lalaromp city. The wall is certainly a lot more impressive than the previous walls I've seen. On this side of the pass, there isn't much to see other than trees, so I assume that there is more action on the other side of the city. After all, Grom told me that this was a very active city of adventurers, so I would expect to see a lot of cliché adventuring parties going to and fro dungeons... But from this side, there aren't really any people. In fact, it seems that we are the only travelers.

Squinting and activating the Alyce-chan special zoom lense, I scout out gate-kun. This time gate-kun is not congested at all. I can only see some dangerous looking guards. One of the guards is holding up a spyglass-like telescope and pointing it our way. Let's greet them warmly by typing /greet in the console. I do that immediately, and follow it up by typing /wave in the console as well.

The telescope man is startled when I wave at him, but please accept the Alyce-chan warm greeting! I come in peace! Don't inspect me bro! I am definitely not a suspicious woman or an undead, you know? I only have cute horizontal elf ears, cute oni horns, nice long white hair, fangs and the secret hidden extra, the succubus tail.

Therefore, I am definitely not a suspicious person, okay? Goddamn it!

I shoot my Alyce-chan beam very hard HNNG at the guard to make him soft and pliant for later manipulation. Fufufu, the overloli is working hard today as well.

Ahen.

My very vital inspection of the obstaculus gatus is interrupted by a panicky yelp from Tie'sha. She wakes up flailing with a start and I quickly hug her. “It's okay, I got you.” I whisper reassuringly. “Lady Alyce? Wh-where am I? What happ- oh no...” Tie'sha says. I can tell she is about to cry again, so I have to do something.

“That... wasn't a weird dream? That thing really happened? Wait!” Tie'sha inspects herself. The surprise on her face is fun to watch. “Where did it go?” She asks, puzzled.

Since I am a magnanimous overloli, I reach out and pat Tie'sha's head. “Don't worry. I took care of it.” Tie'sha sniffles a bit and whimpers and I continue patting her as our procession draws closer to the big city.

“I can't believe it wasn't a dream... what about hi-him?” She points with a shaky hand at Grom's pack. He is obediently ignoring us, good good. My hairy meat pie never fails to deliver.

“You don't have to worry about Grom. I have erased his memory with a special spell.” I say, even puffing out my chest a little bit.

“What kind of spell is it? Can I learn it?” Tie'sha says quietly.

“I don't know if you can learn it. It might be a difficult spell for you Tizzy.”

“Tizzy? Is that a new nickname for me?” My cute maid asks. I nod vigorously, making my hair swish-swosh.

“Yup! I just thought of it. Isn't it cute? Tizzy miss lizzy! Ohoho, secret joke.” I say. Tie'sha's eyes go blank for a second like maid.exe has stopped working.

“I don't get it my lady...” Tie'sha mumbles. “Anyway, can you at least tell me the name of the spell you used? I would like to research it.”

“Che, very well. Since it's you, I shall tell you the name of my secret spell. It's called don't you dare mention this ever again Grom or I will kill you and eat you, okay? Goddamn it! It is a very powerful spell, but only if you know how to cast it. Tizzy might have some trouble casting, you see?”

Tie'sha's face has turned white as a sheet, and she is just nodding. “I... see... that spell... would definitely be a bit hard for me to... cast.” Tie'sha nearly swoons, and lays back down again, mumbling. “It really happened... it really happened...”

“It's okay Tie'sha, just take it easy and let me take it from here.” I say, patting her on her forehead a few times and ruffling her hair. She looks like she is calming down, but she is still a bit anxious. She's even biting her lip nervously. My dear Tie'sha, it seems I need to level up the Alyce-chan comforting skill. I will try harder, I promise!

Therefore, I jump to my feet, pointing a hand to the skies in a special Alyce-chan pose as I shout “Don't you worry Tie'sha! This time, I will hande the penetration so just lay down and relax!”

I even finish it off with a self-satisfied fufufu, because I feel that this will surely comfort Tie'sha. If she knows I will handle the gate guards, then we can enter peacefully and Tie'sha can take it easy. It is my special reassurance strategy.

I look over at Grom and notice that he is awfully close to the city gate. In fact, aren't we right in front of them!? And why are there so many guards?

Goddamn it!