Back on earth I always found the paintings of royalty interesting in a funny sort of way. The culture involved in their creation was surprisingly fascinating.

A painting isn’t like some random selfie. Most teenagers wouldn’t have the patience to pose for hours on end. Also, facial expressions like ‘duck face’ have very little in common with the half smile common in old paintings. Not only that, but the props were carefully selected, letting the painter incorporate the traits or accomplishments of the subject using the background of the painting. Just picking a suitable spot and the right filter doesn’t really compare to that level of preparation and forethought.

And yet, at their core, selfies and renaissance portrait are made because of one simple motivation: vanity.

And that vanity means that pictures tend not to be entirely accurate. A painter who drew attention to unflattering traits in his work wouldn’t be very successful. The best knew how to gloss over the deformities of inbreeding or signs of bad health and obesity. The different portraits of Charles ii of Spain were a good example of that.

The statue of Macedor’s ‘glorious leader’ must have been made by a master.

When I saw the statue in the restaurant I wasn’t paying attention. As far as I was concerned that sculpture was just a set of oddly shaped clubs. It wasn’t until Mun-gi and I reached the big one in front of the palace that I took a closer look at it. It was in that stereotypical, one hand upraised pose and did look quite impressive.

I really wanted to see what the king of Macedor looked like. The statue suggested that he looked tall, handsome, and majestic, but somehow I doubt that it was completely accurate. At the very least he wasn't solid bronze. I turned to Mun-gi and gestured at the towering statue.

“Honestly, does he actually look like this at all?”

Mun-gi had been spinning his blades about casually. He grunted and looked at the statue while the kukris swung round and round with every twist of his wrist. His hands didn’t even seem to grip them and he didn’t bother to pay attention to what he was doing. It was like he was pen spinning, only the pens were two feet long and razor sharp. After squinting at the statue for a second, he shrugged.

“Who, 'king' Giniligan? Kinda, but not really.”

“...That’s not actually an answer.”

Mun-gi smirked a bit before shrugging.

“You need to see him to understand. You can tell that this statue was modeled after him, but he looks nothing like the statue.”

I guess I wasn’t going to get an answer. It wasn’t a big deal though; I was going to be meeting the king soon enough. I needed to get in his face and scare him straight anyways. Plus, without the threat of magical bombardment, I could afford to grow to full size and do things with a little more drama.

It was time to turn things up to eleven.

I grew back to my multi-story height. I also made sure to bulk up as much as I could. Once I was taller than the statue I removed the barbs from my claws and grabbed a hold of the statue. It didn’t take much to snap it free. The shape was awkward and heavy, but I managed to heave it onto shoulder spikes I’d to support it. Mun-gi raised an eyebrow and grinned at me.

“You really like using statues as weapons don’t you?”

At first, I didn’t respond. I needed to put organize my thoughts into a coherent pattern before I explained my actions.

“This whole fight, it’s not like a normal war or battle. The goal and methods are similar, but we are doing things differently. We don’t want to destroy Macedor or conquer it, We want to dissuade them.”

I twisted my head around to look Mun-gi in the eyes.

“Honeywood used to have a reputation for being unconquerable, and that reputation has been called into question. This attack is to show the world, and Macedor specifically, what happens when anyone tries.”

Suddenly, a series of deep, thudding explosions echoed in the distance. We both paused before continuing.

“Smashing up the stores and blowing up the warehouses full of expensive stuff?”

I jabbed an antennae at the rising clouds of smoke from the Blue Daggers’ acts of sabotage.

“That’s just to make sure people pay attention. Thanks to all the burnt and damaged products we can rely on merchants to spread the message. What people are going to hear about is much more important than a bunch of torched silk though.”

Comprehension dawned on Mun-gi’s face. A tiny, wicked smirk formed as he looked at me. I nodded.

“Yup, I smashed the gate and nabbed this statue for a reason. We’ve killed their most powerful fighters, and demolished the symbol of Macedor’s ‘greatness’ both literally and figuratively. Now, when we march into the castle and threaten the king's life before sparing him…”

“Honeywood will have made an effective demonstration of power without threatening the power base of any countries besides Macedor.”

We exchanged evil grins.

“No one will have a decent excuse to attack us that will outweigh the danger of a giant bug using their national monuments to break their important buildings. Plus, even taking me out of the equation we proved we have the economic power to hire people to ruin other people’s day.”

Mun-gi kept nodding, then his smile twisted into a little smirk as he raised an eyebrow.

“And the real reason for your obsession with using statues as blunt weapons?”

“...Just because smashing stuff with the statue of some twit in the crown is really, really fun doesn’t mean that I can’t do it for the right reasons. Besides, how many opportunities am I going to get to cause this kind of guilt-free mayhem?”

Mun-gi snickered and we kept walking. It didn’t take long to reach the palace. Mun-gi was obviously eager, so he took these long, loping strides that was practically a run. With my crazy height, I could keep up just walking normally. When we stood in front of the gates I grabbed the statue with both hands while Mun-gi rolled his shoulders and bounced on the balls of his feet to limber up.

The gates were wrought iron and patterned in what I was starting to recognize as Macedor’s royal emblem. Before I could smash them Mungi pulled out his kukris and stepped forward. A few lightning speed slashes reduced the gate to pieces. I did my best not to sulk. It looks like Mun-gi is still a little annoyed at his previous fight.

“Hey! I am the one who knocks!”

“Yeah, yeah, just limbering up.”

I grunted and stepped past him, making sure to cut him off so he couldn’t get at the palace before me. We reached the front door, and I planted my feet to get ready. Winding up, I swung the massive metal statue into the front of the palace. It smashed right through the wall, gouging it out and scattering pieces of it across the ground.

I kept going, smashing chunk after chunk out of the massive building, working my way inward. As far as I could tell, the throne room was fairly deep inside. That meant I could just keep swinging away. It was pretty fun.

My muscles started really burning. I couldn’t keep this up much long. As it turns out, swinging around so much bronze could be tiring. Who knew? I did manage to reach the throne room though.

“Knock knock!”

Tossing my improvised weapon aside smashed even more of the building. The statue hit the ground with a heavy clanging noise that would have been a lot more impressive if it hadn’t been for the ruckus I’d been making earlier. Shrinking down so that I barely scraped the ceiling with my antennae, I strode in with my mouthparts twisted into a grin.

“Sorry for the mess, I couldn’t fit through the door, and… No ones here.”

Mun-gi stepped over a large piece of lumber and rolled his eyes at me.

“Did you really think they were going to just sit there and wait for you? I’m surprised you didn’t bring more of the building down.”

“Alright, you’ve got a point. Still, this ruins my awesome entrance.”

“You poor thing. The question is: where is our target?”

I was about to suggest running for the back door when a musty smell cut through the dust. After a bit of searching, I found the source. Behind the throne was a trapdoor. An awkwardly folded carpet showed how it had been hidden. Hooking the tip of my claw in the handle, I pulled it open. Mun-gi and I stared at the descending stairs before looking at each other and grinning.

“So sneaky…”

“Yup, looks like the rat has gone to ground.”

We snickered as I shrunk down. I gestured like a gentleman holding open a door and smiled widely.

“After you.”

Mun-gi nodded and we strolled into the darkness.