Even Though, Matters Need To Be Addressed. (19.1)

…

“Please don’t tell me you want another Mage Gauntlet. I hate working with Leona-sama.” Crozzo groaned as soon he saw me enter his shop. Oi, bastard, what kind of greeting is that? The shop was bigger than I remembered. Probably because I contracted him for supplies for my former business. Hopefully Fels wouldn’t feel too bad about losing his source of weapons just a day after he gets his hands on my former enterprise. I’m sorry, but managers and bosses need to be adaptable. Think of your sudden lack of weapons and armor as your first true challenge in the realm of corporations, Final Boss-san. “Do you know how long it took me make all those Magic Resistant clothes with her? Too long!”

“Long enough for you to forget Rakia is coming here to try and bring you in by force?” I took a seat after flipping the open sign to say closed. Crozzo glared at me, but I waved him off with my new left arm. I won’t go into detail about how painful it was to regrow. Without my newest Skill, I was sure that I’d have passed out from the pain of having to regrow nerves, muscle, bones, and skin, in that specific order. Crozzo reached me soon enough, looked me up and down, and simply gave me a nod. Yep, there was a reason why I could stand the ultra-special magical blacksmith who makes the best swords ever. “Thanks for your help, Crozzo. As thanks, I’ll be helping you out with your issues with your former Familia.”

“One day you’re going to lose your nose by sticking it in everyone’s business, Hikigaya.” Crozzo grumbled, but he took the chair in front of me. I’d managed to find the outfit I’d worn to the Denatus. The extra sleeve, which had been bunched up and sewn to the side, now held my new arm. I still had the off-shoulder cover, but mostly because I was keeping knives in the straps beneath it. The red-haired blacksmith groaned again and shook his head. “From the sound of it, you’re not really going to give me a choice about letting you help me.”

“That’s right. I think it’s better for everyone involved if the plan isn’t to send your girlfriend charging madly at them wielding your Magic Swords.” Crozzo twitched and did his best to not look towards the workshop hidden behind the counter of his shop. Yep. That was definitely their plan. Mass destruction of enemy forces and a total rout being pursued by an enraged high-level adventurer wielding weapons of mass destruction. Blacksmiths, as expected, just hit problems until they went away. “Think of it as a donation to your business for the sake of your good name, Crozzo. Think of the fame. Blacksmith sends whole army running away in fear.”

“And how is that better than Tsubaki chasing them all off screaming?”

“Less people dead. Aren’t you paying attention? Keep up, Crozzo.”

Crozzo huffed and grumbled. We talked for a bit. We made our plans and how to execute them. It’s funny, but despite the fact an entire army was coming to lay siege to Orario, it really wasn’t an issue. While it sounded bad, the concentration of power between Rakia and Orario was incredibly skewed. Their strongest Adventurer was Level 5 and their average Levels were 2 and 3. Magic Swords, or even a Level 4 or 5 Mage, would decidedly rout the army of ten thousand or so Adventurers. The Loki Familia can take on the entire army. The Ganesha and Freya Familias could as well. Hephaestus had a large Familia and I was sure that other gods who had Blacksmiths wouldn’t take too kindly about the thought of one of their number being forcibly captured.

In the end, I was just giving my thanks to Crozzo for his help. He made sure that no one got hurt because of me. Because of his work, no one even needed to be healed by the end of the fight. He wasn’t at the front line, whacking me over the head, but someone at the back just doing everything he could to the best of his ability. I was going to help him the same way. It would be more difficult without my former business, but he didn’t exactly have a massive corporation backing him while he tailored together and built up the items necessary to bring me down.

I left without saying thanks, only promising to help him out with Rakia and a few shared insults, but I knew that Crozzo could read into me well enough. While I appreciated everyone coming to help me and bringing me back, I couldn’t deny that I was the most thankful for the fact that I hadn’t hurt them to the point where they required any form of healing. In return for that, I was going to make sure that he didn’t have the blood of thousands on his hands, some of which might be of his own, for just wanting to stay in Orario.

That was the very least I could do for Welf Crozzo.

Naturally, being the complete slacker that I was, that was all that I was going to do.

…

There is a murderer about capable of killing Level 5s specialized in close quarters combat. On one hand, having a murderer capable of breaking the neck of someone who could wrestle an infant dragon and win was terrifying, but on the other, I was pretty sure that said murderer was the only reason why I bothered to keep in contact with Hermes and Dionysus. As strange as it might sound, I was glad that the murderer existed and was dangerous enough for me to interact with the two pretty boys who were definitely not characters designed for an Otaku to insert themselves into. Yep, boy was I glad that I had people to talk to, even if the reason for doing so was fear for my life and said people were the bog standard of secondary male characters, since it kept me from throwing myself entirely into my work.

Naturally, with my sanity returned to me, I now intended to hunt said murderer down and eliminate any further reason for me to interact with the two gods. I’m sorry, despite the fact I’m trying to be a better person, that doesn’t mean I intend to be a person who’s going to be willing to deal with two mysterious, blonde, and “cool” fellows. They’re definitely bait for Ebina-types and Ebina doujinshi, so I didn’t intend to be around them for any period of time. There was no more room for BL in my life. That space was already taken up by Cranel, I mean Totsuka, I mean there’s no room for BL in my life at all.

Anyway, since I didn’t know anything about how to catch killers myself since such classes were not offered in Japanese High Schools, I found myself having to go back to a technique that I was doing my utmost best to stop using. The recently forbidden technique of “relying on Zaimokuza’s inability as a writer” was going to see some use, despite the fact I’d sworn it off. I supposed that it was only natural that my most useful skills were severely damaging to my mental state. All power comes at a price. The price of my power was apparently my common sensibilities in treating people like people until I took a nap. What a grievous price.

“Here are the last of the reports, Hikigaya-san.” Andromeda was probably Zaimokuza’s dream girl. Poised, cool, and confident, the woman also had the power to create magical items that had a variety of effects. What a broken Skill. She could literally fly, turn invisible, and make explosives. That’s just lazy writing, but I suppose that someone like Zaimokuza needed an absolutely broken partner in order to balance out his worthlessness. You can’t fool me you tubby bastard, no matter how cool or shadowy you make “Hermes” out to be, I can tell he can barely tie his shoelaces! “Dionysus-sama sends his regards.”

“Thanks.” Unlike other Familias, the Hermes Familia traveled all across the world instead of just staying put in Orario. They rented out whole inns instead of having an actual home. While avoiding taxes from the Guild, Hermes also had the opportunity to recruit some real oddballs. There was a muscled woman twice my width who used two shields as weapons, Pallum twins, an elf that used whips, and a loli-witch that rode on the back of a fully armored knight. While most other Familias were painfully generic, Zaimokuza’s personal Familia was painfully eccentric. Seriously, why are there so many weirdos with special talents here? If everyone’s special in your fantasy group, Zaimokuza, then no one is! You’re making it hard for me to think straight here, you tubby bastard! “I’ll be done in a moment.”

“…We spent weeks looking over these reports and found nothing.” Naturally, since she had to be the counterweight of logic to Hermes’ eccentricity, Andromeda was the very picture of logical thought and doubt. I had little reason to doubt that she was the true head of the Hermes Familia, especially since the god spent more time napping with his hat on his head than actually doing anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if the group was actually normal when they started out, but slowly became caricatures of themselves due to their proximity to Zaimokuza’s alter ego. The dreaded Chuuni disease has struck and left behind only hollow husks of its victims. “Do you expect me to believe that you discerned who the murderer is after an hour?”

“No, but I can tell you that our murderer is probably the cause of the monster attack on Orario a few months ago and also operating in the first ten floors past Rivira.” I didn’t bother to wait for the coming “how did you know that” and instead continued on. I’d already wasted two months twiddling my thumb on the matter. I couldn’t afford to keep avoiding the problem. “All the victims involved either die in Rivira during their return, or in Orario after returning from Rivira.” I brought out my own evidence. A record of the quests which were assigned past Rivira the last 8 months. “Also, all official quests in that zone in the last five months were registered as successful with all who took them returning. That means that someone is hiring adventurers to look for something within those floors which our murderer doesn’t want to be found.”

Andromeda looked over the sheaf of papers I’d acquired from the Guild. Once again, blackmail proves to be one of the best of my 108 Hachiman Skills. It’s second only to Stealth Hikki, which has been on the fritz, so it had a decent chance of becoming number one. Why bother investigating something yourself when you can wait for someone to fuck up and have them do it for you?

Anyway, it was time to finish my exposition.

“All these facts combined means that someone is waging a war in Orario. One side is sending proxy adventurers to investigate, while the other one is using monsters as proxies to attack the city.” How did the lecture pose go again? Oh, right, one hand holding the elbow, one eye closed, and finger pointed upright for no reason. Yep, definitely the perfect combination of confidence and pride. Just enough to be taken seriously, but also have some room for being wrong. Just enough room to be labelled as just incorrect instead of incompetent and stupid. “Our murderer isn’t a murderer. They’re an assassin who’s killing spies who won’t be missed from small Familias.” I crossed my arms and gave a nod. Time to finish this scene off. “Both your Familia and the Dionysus Familias are being used to wage a shadow war without your knowledge.”

“An astute investigation, Hikigaya-san.” Fels, once again appearing out of nowhere, stated at the end of my monologue. “There truly is a war being conducted for the future of Orario..”

And, cliffhanger, end scene.

…

Even Though, Matters Need To Be Addressed. (19.2)

…

There was a fine line between being smart and being an idiot. Just like no one believes they’re the “bad guy,” no one ever thinks they’re an “idiot.” Most people like to think they’re above average. That sentence alone tells the entire story. Most people believe they’re above average. Yep.

The truth of the matter is that human beings are rarely as smart as they think they are. We have our moments of ingenuity, but they balance out with terrible instances of extreme stupidity. I, for one, am glad that I’m near the average because that naturally means I was unlikely to be any more stupid than most people. Brilliance and idiocy comes hand in hand. The smarter you are the more stupid your stupid moments are. Humans are naturally min-maxed at birth and it’s really just necessary to find the correct place to stand in to be the most effective. Source: me.

Anyway, given my streak of brilliance as a Yakuza crime lord in the past few months (lol), it was natural that my next bout of idiocy either recently happened or was about to happen. So, going over my actions since I’d been returned to sanity, there was only one occasion in which I could’ve been an idiot and assumed that I had been an idiot. From my knowledge of odds and statistics, harnessed from my delightfully average Mathematics grade, I had either done something completely and utterly stupid to balance out my months spent uplifting Orario into a decent state, or was about to be an idiot on a massive scale in the near future.

Naturally, I wanted to believe that I’d already been stupid and my slate was already clean, so I endeavored to be courteous, diligent, and responsible, now that I was given another chance to know more about him and his plans. I’d rather be an idiot on my own terms.

Go ahead, you worthless exposition character, provide the explanation for just about everything that ever happened and will happen, tell the audience everything they need to know.

Wait, wasn’t I supposed to be doing something about this (lol)?

…

Say what you want about the Hermes Familia, they pulled off the “surround the enemy and point all your weapons at them” scene very well. Within the span of a heartbeat, I was behind the frontline, bows and ranged weapons were drawn, and Mr. Totes Not A Final Boss was surrounded. Andromeda was holding vials and had them readied the same way one would use explosives. Damn, I really wanted explosives. So what if I could literally make a lightning storm? Lightning storms didn’t go boom! Well, not unless there was enough lightning, but you get the point! I wanted explosives that I could throw at people without flashy noises or bright glowing!

Anyway, the defensive/assault formation was made irrelevant within a second as Fels simply teleported right before me.

“My, my Hikigaya-san, you keep company with quite the jumpy sort.” I eyed him over. Yep. He still looked like a Final Boss. Good to know my eyes didn’t somehow get worse while I was mad. He was as ominous and blatantly important as I remembered him being. Seriously, though, the reason why he can’t just teleport anywhere and deal with every problem is going to be a shitty one. If he could escape an encirclement from the center without moving anyone, that meant he could literally move through space as he wished. What sort of bullshit reason does he have for literally not winning everything? “Though, I suppose with all these secrets, they would be naturally like this.”

“Who the hell are you!?” Andromeda went through her lines with the anger of one not in the know. Though I’d suspected that “Perseus” was just playing dumb, it seemed that she really hadn’t suspected anything besides what I had told her. That, of course, meant that a god I’d deemed useless beyond dragging me into the investigation was more of an important character than I’d thought. How surprising (not). How completely shocking (not). How unexpected (not). Zaimokuza. how dare you make your self-insert so important, you fiend. Exclamation mark. Interruption imminent from the cowboy god Hermes. “What are you doing here—”

“His name is Fels and he works for Ouranos.” Ha, ha, ha! Called it! Yes. I still got it. Twelve hours of being a decent human being hasn’t destroyed my ability to see everything through the lenses of anime! I can still stereotype people to the point where I know exactly what they’re going to say next! What a shitty superpower that is! Goddammit, why can’t I make this shit sound cool?! Dammit, just keep going with the scene! Stop with the dramatic pauses and slow walking, you shameless self-insert character! “Everyone, put away your weapons. You’re more likely to hurt yourselves than you are him.”

“You give me too much credit, Hermes-sama. I am but a humble Mage.” Fells bowed from his waist with flourish. A western bow too. Seriously, Zaimokuza, you’re going to confuse everyone if you keep mixing cultures together. All of Loki’s brats give me Japanese bows when lessons start, dammit! Have some integrity! Don’t just change up the whole world just because you want a cool illustration of the Final Boss Lookalike bowing to your power fantasy! “I would have quite the difficult time fighting against everyone present. Mostly because of Hikigaya-san, but your Familia would tip the scales in his favor quite decidedly should combat ensue.”

“Ouranos told everyone that he disbanded his Familia. That’s the reason why no god goes against him and his Guild.” Augh. Exposition. Augh. Boring. Why can’t I interrupt this again? You don’t know any of this yourself, Hikigaya-san. Thank you, Common Sense-san. You’re welcome, Hikigaya-san. Are you doing something later? I’m sorry, Hikigaya-san, but I’m not interested in pursuing any relationships. Ah, as expected of Common Sense-san, you truly live up to your name. Thank you, Hikigaya-san. “Even if you’re the only one left of his Guild, Fels, the other gods will be very cross with Ouranos for being unfair.”

“I am no adventurer any longer, Hermes-sama. The days in which I can be blessed by divine favor have long passed. I am a mere agent of the Guild seeking to protect Orario.” This is boring. So boring. Can’t the posturing stop already? I get it. The Hermes Familia gets it. The audience gets it. Fels is a big deal even to a god. The god is still a big deal to Fels. Ouranos isn’t supposed to have a Familia. Five minutes or less, people! Less than one hundred words if possible! If your speech goes longer than that you need visuals and actual talent at speaking! So far I’m seeing none of the latter and I don’t see anyone bringing out a tasteful slideshow! You’d all be fired if I was your boss! You’re both unqualified for corporate slavery and that’s just plain sad! “Rest assured Ouranos-sama has no intention of rigging the scales in his favor in this divine competition between gods.”

“Yet, here you are appearing before my Familia while being kept a secret from everyone else.” How insightful. Truly a wondrous measure of intellect. It’s a wonder how the world has managed to go on if statements like that are sequestered away. Hermes-sama, please have mercy on our world and share more of your profound wisdom with us. The obvious is never obvious. The truth cannot be the truth, not unless it’s stated aloud. Man, I was hungry. When was the last time I ate? Was there someplace nearby I could get some food? Wait, I was supposed to be paying attention, right? Stay strong, Hachiman! Oi, Common Sense, you told me that you weren’t interested! “This doesn’t look like not interfering in the slightest.” Oh, Hermes tipped his hat to have a shadow cover his face. How original. “So, why don’t you go ahead and tell everyone what you need to say while I mull over sharing a few new facts with the rest of my fellows about our dearest neutral party?”

Naturally, Fels took that as his cue to spread out his gauntleted hands and present himself to everyone present. Again. Not interested in a monkey’s paw which turns every wish into killing everything. Also, all the endings are bullshit. No one is happy and everyone dies in the end. Fuck off with your rejoicing.

“Hermes Familia, you have lost one of your number to a foe which threatens the entirety of Orario! They are an old foe, a cult who wishes for monsters to return to the surface, composed of dark gods and mad zealots!” Oooh, the overly religious are the bad guys? How original (not). Honestly, the whole secret society that worships the big bad as the main enemy isn’t anything new. The idea is probably the edgiest of edges to ever edge. Also, it’s probably going to be the shitty reasoning why none of our enemies will take prisoners or be taken as prisoners. Joy, an enemy that the protagonist can mourn fighting over, but is validated in killing because they had no other choice. How insightful (not). How deep (fat chance). “In their possession is a new breed of monster, one which can hide away until they reach the sun, and they seek to use them to tear the city apart!”

“The Violas.” Andromeda, I know you’re supposed to be smart and saying things aloud is a good way to provide that, but please have more faith in the audience. Oi, why are you looking at me. “It’s just as you said, Hikigaya.” Hmmm, what did I say again? I’m sorry, but despite my ability to never stop thinking, I seem to have forgotten what I said. Go ahead and say what I’m right about please. Remember to say that I’m right. Emphasize that part as much as possible. “A proxy war between adventurers and monsters is being waged.”

“That is indeed the case, however there is a key point of information that you are all currently missing.” Fells reached into his flowing coat and produced two sketches. One was of a woman who looked like she could bite a car in half and the other was a sphere which held… a fetal monster? Huh, well this world just got creepier than I expected. Were there baby monsters wherever monsters grew from or what? Were the walls of the Dungeon made of monsters? Or were the monsters made of the Dungeon? Were they all attacking because they were driven mad due to being unable to figure it out? “This assassin is currently within Orario and intends to release a Monster Rex from the Fortieth Floor within the city in the next three hours.” What? “Why three hours? Because that is how long the defenses I have constructed will be able to keep all monsters within the city asleep.”

So, in short, I just started an investigation quest which would lead into a dual boss fight for the sake of the whole city while an entire army is set to arrive in a week’s time.

Joy.

…

Even Though, Matters Need To Be Addressed. (19.3)

…

I was relaxed.

You may ask why I seemed so relaxed after I learned everything I was just told. Yadda, yadda, yadda, giant monster about to hatch in three hours, and there’s an assassin that goes around killing Level 5s by twisting their heads off. Scary. Really, really scary. Most people would be terrified of having to fight someone like that, let alone having to fight a Monster Rex that was going to hatch. So, knowing all that, why was I so relaxed? Why didn’t I feel at all in danger? Why didn’t I really care?

The short answer is that this was a sub-plot of the main story through a spin-off series.

Okay, it’s true that I thought I’d managed to find the main plot during the Denatus. There were plot hooks coming out the roof through Dionysus and Challia when the Violas attacked Orario a few months ago. That little set-up, along with Hermes coming along and saying that one of his Familia died the same way as one of Ganesha’s adventurers, made me believe that I’d stumbled on the main plot. Zaimokuza, at the very least, was able to foreshadow upcoming events properly—yeah, I can’t even finish that sentence. My simple conclusion is that inadvertently, somehow, Zaimokuza’s work became popular enough to have a decent writer pick it up and do their best to make something of the dead horse Zaimokuza was trying to sell.

Said author, bless their soul, decided to create the Hermes and Dionysus Familias to get away from the Harem Comedy blandness that Zaimokuza created. Through the Dionysus Familia and the Hermes Familia, Orario’s true face was revealed as a cutthroat city that was under constant attack by monster and filled with factions.

Hermes, as aloof as he acted, was the polar opposite of Hestia. He was the god who knew the ins and outs of Orario and liked to travel the world. Whenever Cranel’s plot advanced, the fact the Hermes Familia wasn’t present during the main story could be explained by them being outside of Orario on another adventure. Andromeda, with her skills and abilities, was a decent POV character with decent skills and tools that she could use to cleverly win battles. The rest of the Hermes Familia were eclectic and strange because they’d all had their own backstories and character arcs that made them who they are.

This was a spin-off series that was actually decent, as expected of the atmosphere and the decent quality of the writing, and I accidentally involved myself into it.

The fact that clinched that this wasn’t of the main storyline, of course, was that it was all happening three days after a major Arc. The Hestia Familia couldn’t be expected to fight so soon after they rescued me. Even protagonists like Bell needed time to cool down, have some beach or spa episodes, before something this big happened and had to be dealt with. Naturally, since the Harem Protagonist couldn’t appear in this plot, this was a spin-off story with high stakes and actual threat of death to all present characters.

Of course, that meant that I was at risk since I wasn’t operating in the same rules as a Harem Comedy, but that also meant that I didn’t have worry about my image or have to act as the mysterious, powerful , and masked Sensei.

That meant, of course, that I could ask for help without worrying about my image.

Or, of course, worry about fucking over the entire plot by involving overpowered people in it.

I’m sorry, Decent Author-san, but I can’t have you introducing things like “consequences” and “realism” into the Harem Comedy. You have my most sincere apologies. This just can’t work out no matter how I look at it, even though I was somewhat excited by your decent writing ability, it’ll never work out. My apologies. My most sincere apologies.

…

“Oi, Wallenstein, do you want to help us beat a powerful murderer before they release a monster that could possibly destroy the whole city?”

“I do.”

“That response was too quick!” Andromeda’s eye twitched as she vehemently resisted my efforts to turn our plight into a comedy. C’mon, woman, let me do my job. If I turn this into a comedy, we’ll all get out of this plot alive! We can just make this a silly side-quest for the overpowered main love interest! This expy of a certain Once and Future King is super overpowered, y’know? She can handle this whole problem herself! She’s a Level 6, y’know! “Sword Princess, you don’t even know everything there is to know about the situation! You’re not even going to be paid anything!”

Wallenstein thought about it for a second, looked over her empty plate, and then looked towards me.

“I’ll buy you a dozen potato croquettes.” I offered.

“Two dozen.”

“Okay.” I agreed to the steep price increase.

“I will protect this city.”

“Stop treating this like it’s a joke!” Awww, goddammit, why’d you have to pull out that line Andromeda. Dammit, I hadn’t managed to turn the atmosphere to comedy yet. I was about fifty percent there. By slamming your hand on the table and acting pissed off, you’ve completely ruined my efforts to turn this into a worthless side-quest. Now I actually have to answer you seriously. “Wallenstein-sama, this is a matter of life and death! The murderer he refers to is capable of killing a Level 5 Warrior with ease! This will be dangerous even to you!”

I was about to say my piece, to try and salvage the situation someway and somehow, when the door to the cafe abruptly burst open.

“You bastard, what kind of damned message is this?!” Loga shattered the glass of the door due to his swing. I met the eyes of the shop’s owner. His gaze then shifted. The man looked at the envelope I slipped to him, to the door, and then back to me. I gave him a nod. Yes, old man, that is the payment for your door and some extra. Don’t look so terrified, I just really know how these sort of scenes go. “You bastard, Hikigaya, I’m going to kill you! I’m not a dog you can just tell to “come,” dammit!”

Under normal conditions, I would’ve been apprehensive about bringing along “Fenrir,” but it just so happened that my first recruit happened to be a leash for him. Heh, leash. It’s funny because he’s a mutt. What was that? Why was I being needlessly antagonistic? Well, how else was going to treat someone who badmouths a kid into running into a Dungeon filled with monsters? Granted the kid in question was Cranel and he’d rammed his way in the Dungeon, but I had to keep in mind all the other children who could’ve fallen to his harsh words. I was merely being proactive in my protection of children (lol). Anyway, I took a step back and let Wallenstein take the lead.

“Ah, Bete.” Hook.

“Eh, A-aiz, what you are you doing here?” Line.

“I am working with Hikigaya-sensei.” And.

“…Feh, dammit.” Sinker.

Ah, how cute. His ears flattened. How cute. Just like a dog. How adorable. A mutt that caught itself. How winsome. Top marks in the doggy tournaments for sure. How well trained.

I was unable to contemplate any further words as I suddenly felt a rather heavy weight on my shoulders.

“Hat-kun, Hat-kun, Hat-kun!” Tiona Hiryute cheered while lifting Urga high into the air. The shopkeeper quailed at the sight of the massive sword staff whirling around in his building. Oi, oi, oi, you’re going to cause some serious, expensive injuries if you bring the whole building over our heads! I’m trying to make this scene comedic, but I’m sure an Amazon jumping onto my shoulders costs the animation budget too much for the studio to consider making these scenes not too serious! “Mou, why’d you call smelly Bete and not me or anyone else! Just because you’re afraid of Lefiya-chan and Riviera-sama doesn’t mean you’ve got to avoid us!”

I was sure that Andromeda was waiting for an explanation, but I had an Amazon carrying an Adamantium blade staff on my shoulders. My apologies, side-story Heroine, but balancing hyperactive genki tomboys with giant weapons is a lot tougher than it looks! I’m only able to keep her on my shoulders because I’m calling upon all my Onii-chan skills carefully developed through years of practice! If you were in my place, you’d have broken your back on the challenge I currently faced!

“Now, now, Tiona, I’m sure that Hikigaya simply didn’t want to put any stress on us. After all, we just returned from the Dungeon and you just fought him a few days ago.” Deimne was a thankful sight. Not only because he happened to be the very picture of cuteness—I mean, a reliable leader, but also because Riviera couldn’t exactly act as she wished while he was present. Tione Hiryute clung to his arm and the two most recent banes to my existence walked slightly behind him. The café was effectively filled with Loki’s A Team. I.E. the strongest party in Orario. Though I wanted to say they all came at my behest, the truth was a simpler matter. The Pallum gave me a nod. “So, Hikigaya, you’re sure this woman we’re currently after is the one who prepared the Violas attack several weeks ago?”

“The head of that particular attack got killed, but organizations with that much reach always have more than one leader.” Bah, my comedy antics were ruined. I saw no way of making the “Braver” be anything but serious. Maybe if Landrock was present, I could get away with a few jokes, but the Pallum was keen-eyed and intelligent. If I pissed him off, he might give the reins over to Alf. That would spell disaster for me. “There’re probably some underlings operating beneath them that did the majority of the work, but we haven’t seen any of them. They’re probably just acting like regular people, and they’ll continue to do so until they have the advantage.”

Religious extremists who blended in with the crowd and attacked from the shadows tended to act like that. If this was real life, I’d be a lot more troubled with the prospect of fighting a force that was willing to do anything. However, even if the author of this particular side-series was leagues better than Zaimokuza, the man still had to work within Zaimokuza’s limits. Ergo, the threat can’t persist after the “main villain” was defeated. Realistically, taking out a movement like this one would require very, very intense measures. For once, I was thankful of Zaimokuza’s inability to write a decent story.

“If that is the case, then why are we all about to search for a single woman instead of spreading out and covering as much ground as possible?” Deimne offered his hand to me, cradling his spear against his shoulder. I handed him Fels’s sketch of the woman who murdered tons of adventurers with her bare hands alone. While most would disregard a Pallum’s ability, I knew better than to do the same. If Arde was Level 6 and had decades to learn and grow in skill, I was sure that she’d be unstoppable. I was sure that Deimne wouldn’t disappoint. “Wouldn’t it be prudent of our enemy to have our target be carried by someone inconspicuous?”

“Ah, but that’s assuming that they know we’re coming after them.” I couldn’t help, but smile as I looked over the gathered force. I felt the need to gesture, but restrained myself. I settled for a chuckle. That was suspenseful enough, right? Deimne caught onto my meaning before anyone else and a smile spread across his face. “They don’t.”

Needless to say, this wasn’t some city-wide extermination effort, this was a search and destroy mission.

…

Even Though, Matters Need To Be Addressed. (19.4)

…

Preparation is the key to success. No matter the situation being properly prepared is the best bet anyone has. Sure, you can try to rely on skills or lucky, but the best bad situation is the one you’re prepared for. As the old saying goes, better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. Granted, that particular mindset sent me spiraling into madness and hoarding every asset I could get my hands on, but it was decent in moderation.

In that particular context, I was pretty sure I sounded just like someone who got addicted, nearly died, and just went straight back to being addicted. Jeez, I really need help. Is there a hotline for being obsessed about not having to work hard to win? I mean, I like not having to be beaten to a pulp before I miraculously win, but I suppose that I should really look into another method of fighting.

The only caveat being, of course, that the audience had to buy into it.

I can pull off the whole “winning through cleverness” because of my shtick as the Mysterious Sensei in Cranel’s plotline. Even though I was now off-screen, intruding in a spin-off series that I’d derailed to hell and back, I was still relying on being “clever” by calling on backup from one of the strongest Familias in Orario. I mean, calling on the big kids to beat up the bullies was the smart course of action, right? Sure you get called a wuss and the popular kids get more popular, but in the end you get to keep all your yakisoba bread and your milk for every lunch. Pride is a decent price for food, y’know?

Anyway, being clever really didn’t get me out of my current and future conundrum.

I’d just gone through a character arc and the audience expected me to change. There had to be some payoff for all the inane chapters and drama that they had to go through. As much as I’d like to say me regaining sanity was good enough for them, that really wasn’t the case. Those who read Light Novels are the lowest of the low. Those who write them pander to the lowest class of individuals. Namely, Otaku who can’t be bothered to learn about new characters, the world, or anything else. One and all they just want to see ecchi and cool moments.

Since I didn’t have the genitalia or the figure to pull off a fanservice moment for the bottom feeders who congregate around Light Novels, or the inclination to drag it into the slightly-better hands of the fujoshis, my character development had to be some sort of change in fighting style that was way cooler than my old one.

It’s kinda insulting, I’m pretty proud of my old costume and fighting style, y’know!? Did I really have to change clothes and how I fight after years of training just because I had an epiphany!? Seriously?!

I mean, yeah, I’m sorta shit at actually making progress in what I’d promised to do, but would not risking my life on the frontline, ruthlessly murdering every monster efficiently and covering myself in their blood until I pluck out their cores, really make a difference in my state of mind?!

Well…

When I put it that way…

Oh, just shut up, me.

…

“Is that safe to have in this enclosed area, Hikigaya-san?” Deimne and myself were the rearguard. Working off Fel’s information, we surmised that Orario’s sewers were the way to go. While the ones I were efficient and did only their jobs, most of Orario’s sewer system was an odd mix of massive chambers and wide pipelines. I supposed that it made sense to make them in such a way when Orario was being built, to allow Adventurers to wipe out monsters if people dug into the Dungeon by accident, but it should’ve been made more efficient over the centuries. If it had been, I was sure that it wouldn’t have been possible for an army of physical-damage resistant, Level 3 monsters to be snuck into Orario. Though, I suppose the designers of the city couldn’t have predicted tentacle monsters coming through the sewers as a possible problems. I supposed that I couldn’t expect much of raijuus with lives and families. “There’s an awful amount of water all around us and it’s casting quite a bright light.”

By “it,” Finn Deimne was referring to my “Character Development Ball,” the visible culmination of how I changed as a person. It was Continuous Chain Lightning, hovering over my right shoulder, cast hours before battle or in the morning, and in the shape of a ball. It was the perfect culmination of a poor animation budget and a half-baked story arc. It’s continuous presence told the audience that everything changed and I had become a different person, while also being an easy thing to add into the scene. It could either be a white circle that just happened to float around me, or some half-decent CGI prop of a crackling ball of lighting. Nonetheless, it was probably what the audience wanted me to explain to Cranel once I got back after his fanservice episodes.

I was pretty sure there was somehow going to be a beach episode in the near future, despite the fact Orario was landlocked. Maybe there was a beach floor in the lower floors? That was probably very likely. The demand of fanservice in bikinis triumphed over common sense… Nah, it’s probably more likely that particular episode will occur at the lake a day’s ride away from Orario. Yeah, that was probably more likely. Or, of course, it could just be an Onsen episode or a Sports Festival. Really, it was just a debate between bikinis, towels, and bloomers. Knowing Zaimokuza, it was probably going to be all three somehow. Naturally, I wasn’t interested in road trips, spas, or sports festivals. Scars tended to put a damper on the appeal of events like them, so I was better off letting them have their fun while I dealt with a problem or two.

“…It should be fine.” Deimne’s question took me a bit of time to answer, mostly because we were traveling in the sewers. Orario, as much as it touted itself as a medieval city, enjoyed the attentions of gods. There was no way that gods would want dung and trash spreading over their city. In a way, they were Isekai protagonists themselves, so that fact that I existed was just a redundancy. They probably just couldn’t be bothered to provide everything they knew to everyone. So, the sewers were pretty modern, there was plenty of running water, and Orario was pretty clean and had good hygiene. Needless to say, lightning, lots of water, and enclosed space wasn’t something anyone wanted to deal with regardless of Level. A few shocks wouldn’t kill anyone in my current party, but no one wanted to test whether or not my Character Development Ball was just a few shocks. “I’ve got it under control.”

Under normal conditions, I would’ve expected some snarky comment from Alf, but the elf was being oddly quiet and content. The whole act was irritating me to the extreme. It felt like an itch in the back of my head. I was expecting an insult to come, to the point where I’d even turn towards her, but each time I only glimpsed a satisfied smile. By all means, despite my attempts to avoid the matter, Alf’s actions and demands pretty much remained rooted in my brain. You’re making it difficult to plan around this plotline, dammit! Stop with that mysterious and charming—annoying act, dammit! It really didn’t help that, despite hiding at her teacher’s side, Viridis was playing coy and skittish. Overall, the two elves were messing up my ability to think around the plot properly.

“My apologies, Hikigaya-san, but I would like for you to use it sparingly. I doubt that these ancient constructs, despite the intervention of the gods in their creation, would be able to handle your magic.” Deimne tilted his head downward in a small conciliatory nod. Still, I noticed that the order wasn’t actually for debate. He didn’t “ask,” he “stated.” Sure, the Pallum referred to it as his own personal feelings, but that was just him being “charismatic” and “likeable.” They were skills that were beyond my ability to gain. Not only that, but since I was raised to be a corporate slave, I was weak to orders by respectable bosses. I found myself nodding before I even parsed the full statement. “Thank you, Hikigaya-san, I’ll be sure to—wait.”

My walk was interrupted by Deimne’s slight arm.

The whole expedition had stopped and was staring at Bete Loga. He was pulling something out of the water running steadily down the center of the pipe. I willed by orb of lightning forward to cast some light. We had lanterns, but they paled in comparison to my lightning. Heh. Paled. Light. That was a pun. Wait. Is that a dead body?

“Looks like a regular adventurer, but this isn’t the kind of murder we’re looking for.” Loga grunted as he pulled up the body from the water. How he managed to find it, I didn’t know, but I wasn’t about to pass up on the chance to find out what I had to fight against. My eyes, and probably everyone else’s, searched the body for clues as to how the man died. At the very least, we could make sure the one who killed him was destroyed or locked up. “This guy was definitely stabbed to death… and not just by one person.”

“So our quarry isn’t working alone, but with a group.” Deimne summarized our little find with ease. The blonde-haired Pallum considered the body for a moment. It was… strange to see how many of them were still observing the dead man. I mean, I’d seen bodies before, but I didn’t spend much time looking at them. A quick glance told me what I needed to know. Oi, what are you doing so close—Deimne ripped the shirt off the dead man and I had to force myself to stay still. “Hmph, it seems that this man’s Falna has been concealed. We won’t be getting anymore information from him.”

“That isn’t the case. Hermes-sama instructed us to fetch a few tools for identification for our investigation.” Andromeda spoke up and, just like Deimne, walked up to the body without hesitation. She produced a vial from her belt and administered the liquid within on the person’s back. Status Reveal spread across the man’s back. The man’s Falna, his sacred compact between him and his god, was bared for all to see. “Hmmm…” Andromeda read the man’s cumulative history, his whole life and achievements, with a cursory glance. “A Level 2 with decent abilities, but not many Skills. He must have stumbled across something he shouldn’t have. He didn’t get a chance to draw his weapons… so our enemy has both numbers and a way to conceal themselves.”

Everyone listened and acknowledged Andromeda’s words. Every adventurer present, even Viridis, took in the information in stride. The fact that it came from a dead man didn’t even cross their minds. The fact that they were discussing a man’s death with ease was natural for them. This was gathering information, analyzing a situation, so that they wouldn’t fall to the same fate. They conversed about it, gleamed what they could, and began moving once everything was finalized. The body was left behind, no further attention given to it, after every piece of information it could give was provided.

At some point, everyone around me had killed another person, and death was a common acquaintance.

And, undoubtedly, there was going to be plenty of death in our coming battle.

…

Interlude: The Astray Elf (Part 5)

…

My mind was awhirl with all the new knowledge we’d received, but I couldn’t help losing my focus. Though I should’ve known better, especially while I was accompanying my future queen and the strongest of my Familia, my thoughts were drawn to Hikigaya Hachiman’s discomfort.

I was unsure if anyone noticed, besides myself, though such thoughts were undoubtedly unbecoming. There was something about the way Hikigaya held himself after we came across the fallen adventurer that struck me as strange. Though he was as quiet as always and didn’t take to the front as he usually did, I was more focused on how he seemed to be lost in thought. I was aware of his Skill, the one which gave him immense amounts of Mind, and its dual-edged nature. I couldn’t help but worry that he was losing himself to some thought or another. Like a malady of sorts, I was afraid that his signs of progress were merely a calm between bouts of infirmity.

So, as everyone began to discuss the nature of the body and our opponents, I decided to head over to Hikigaya’s side. Tiona-chan noticed and gave me a thumbs up and a wide smile. The suggestions that my Amazon friend shared with me very nearly had me turn my heels and walk away. Confidence, I reminded myself, have confidence. My future monarch had told me that I must change in order to see results. I did not wish to be ignored again by Hikigaya Hachiman. The first step to that was not being shy around him.

Still, when I managed to stand at his side, I found it almost impossible to live up to my thoughts and desires.

“H-hello, Hikigaya-kun.” I stuttered at my greeting. Someway, somehow, speaking to him now was more nerve wracking than my attempts at boldness in the morning. He had been unfocused and dazed, so I supposed I had little to fear of rejection. Now, as I stood at his side, I found myself clutching at my stave with both my hands and holding it close. It was a weapon, yet I sought comfort from it. When he turned his face towards me, I briefly remembered his features without a mask, and I had to look away. The heat upon my face was permeating down my neck and to the tips of my ears. T-the architecture of this ancient system sure w-was interesting! No! Stop that! I turned to him and did my best to smile. “H-how have you been?”

Please, if any of my ancestors are listening, help me cease stuttering! My embarrassment is increasing far too rapidly! I do not believe I can live with myself if this continues!

“…Viridis.” Hikigaya spoke in his usual low tone and gave me a nod. Once again, I found myself wanting to observe the immaculate sewer system, but I marshalled what confidence I had while desperately looking for more. There was no reason why I should be so flustered. He was wearing his mask, we were heading into battle, and I most certainly wasn’t at my best, the situation was hardly romantic at all! Yet, still, I had to fight to look up to him and match his gaze without wavering. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

“…” Normally, that would’ve been all. I would’ve accepted his words as I would have with another male Elf. I would’ve went on with my day pining or thinking, but that proved ineffective in growing closer to his heart. That damnable rogue had proven that a more direct approach was required. Though I was petrified of acting as brazen as her, I hated the thought of being ignored by Hikigaya more. The thoughts were brazen and crude, far beyond what I’ve been told to expect, but there was no denying the efficacy of the technique. I was sure that I was more flushed than I’d ever been in my life, but I persevered, grasped his sleeve, and pulled his ear as close to my lips as possible. I ignored the scent of leather, steel, and lightning that clung to him. I made sure to keep my voice low enough for only him to hear. “…I-I won’t share your worries, Hikigaya-kun. I-I swear that I’ll keep it a secret, even from Riviera-sama.”

“Ghrk!?” I don’t know why, but Hikigaya-kun turned away and made an odd noise at my words. For a second, I was worried until he turned back to face me after clearing his throat. For a moment, I thought that he had trouble meeting my gaze, but soon enough he met my gaze. Oddly enough, there seemed to be wariness in his eyes? Did… did I do something strange? The hearing of adventurers was very good, as was that of elves, so I had to pull him close. Humans had excellent hearing as well, so it was natural that close proximity was required of secrets. Oh, goodness, did I trample over some cultural traditions? I hoped that wasn’t the case. He scratched at his cheek, probably remembering our different cultures and choosing to ignore my faux passé. I felt relieved that wasn’t the case. “I-it’s nothing, Viridis. Just a bit hesitant to change the way I fight. That is all.”

“Hmph!” I was able to tell that Hikigaya-kun was lying to me. The thought infuriated me. The lie was not made in jest or humor, but wholly to dissuade me from inquiring further. He was pushing away my concern and that rankled me considerably. Very nearly, I felt the urge to stamp my foot, but I held back both because we were searching for enemies and that it would’ve been very unbecoming of me. Keeping in mind how he found bringing him closer to whisper was strange, I leaned up as to whisper to him as closely as possible. “It’s unbecoming to lie especially when you’re offered a maiden’s word.” He made the same odd sound again. How frustrating other cultures are! I had to place a hand on his shoulder in order to properly whisper to him. “Please, Hikigaya-kun, tell me what ails you.”

“…Grk…”Again, Hikigaya-kun coughed and cleared his throat. Once more, he seemed unable to look at me. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong! Oh, why was it so difficult to remember the differences between Elven and Human cultures? I should’ve paid far more attention to my future monarch’s lessons! I could only hope that my impropriety would be excused until I understood what I was doing wrong. I would be sure to apologize to Hikigaya-san for my ineptitude at a a later date, after making sure that I knew what to no longer do, of course! Thankfully, Hikigaya-kun managed to ignore my cultural deficiencies, and decided to speak to me again. “…If I tell you, would you stop pestering me?”

“I-I am not pestering you in the slightest!” I insisted while doing my best to keep close to his suddenly fast gait. D-did I truly seem as though I was involving myself into his life? Oh, goodness, I was! I was grateful that I walking at his back, out of view, and in his shadow. No one was able to see my burning features. Inadvertently, I was being far more brazen than I was trying to be! Who was I to be demanding so much personal information from him? I quailed at the implications of my insistence, but I rallied and persevered. T-this was definitely different from how I would normally treat him! I w-wasn’t going to let this chance go by, even with all the implications that surrounded it. “I-I’m simply worried about you, Hikigaya-kun, y-you meanie!”

“M-meanie!? Are you serious!? What kind of insult was that? It’s almost shamefully unoriginal!” D-did I say that out loud!? Hikigaya-kun looked affronted as he turned to look at me. The urge to hide rose within me from the very depths of my soul. Unfortunately, there was nowhere for me to conceal my face. I did my best to create a calm visage like Riviera-sama, but I knew I was incapable of such an accomplishment. My lips were curling up, my stutter was coming up in full force, and the very tips of my ears felt as though they were on fire. Hikigaya-kun, it’s unfair to suddenly treat me so closely after acting so cold, it really isn’t fair especially since it’s the first time we’ve had such an exchange! “Eh, what kind of face is that?”

“N-nothing you should be concerned about!” I managed to find an answer that allowed me turn away from him. This was bad. I was unprepared. Naturally, I should’ve expected that Hikigaya-kun would resort to such underhanded methods when he didn’t wish to speak. T-this wasn’t the time for games or casual speak! I intended to find out what was bothering him, and I most certainly would! No matter how much he tries to treat me as amicably and nicely, I was going to persevere! “D-don’t think you can a-avoid answering my question, H-Hikigaya-kun! I can tell you’re w-worried about something, don’t deny it!”

For a moment, I expected to be led along. Hikigaya-kun’s face was just like when he spoke with Riviera. A sort of fierceness and intensity that he usually concealed behind his mask of silence. I didn’t know whether I would be able to pry his true feeling from him if he chose to treat me closely, yet at a distance. The intoxication of being able to quip, joke, and aggress was something Hikigaya-kun was well acquainted with. If he chose to simply play, I didn’t know if I would be able to persist. I wished to be treated closely, and not as some object, so it would be understandably difficult.

However, that aspect of Hikigaya Hachiman abruptly disappeared as he broke his gaze from mine and looked straight ahead.

“I’ve never killed someone before.” The words were tight and controlled, but I could feel the storm of emotions that raged behind them. No, that was wrong. The dizzying heady mixture of feelings was my own. It didn’t come from Hikigaya-kun. He was giving me what I’d asked for. This was what he was worried about. A secret that he was entrusting me with. And, what a secret it was, especially for a man of his reputation. “Not a single person. I’ve hurt people, sometimes too much, but I’ve never killed.”

I realized the implication in Hikigaya-kun’s words, the part that he omitted for reasons I could not grasp. He did not want to kill anyone today, despite the fact we were facing a killer of great strength and several murderers. He knew the consequences of his choice, of how he may cause someone greater trouble if he did not choose to kill, yet he could not convince himself to do so. Despite his reputation and fame for brutality and strength, I believed his words about never having killed another mortal.

“…” I tried to search for words to say. Hikigaya-kun had opened up and revealed a piece of himself to me. There should’ve been something I could’ve said. However, I found none. The Loki Familia had been attacked in the Dungeon many times. I was a mage, the backbone of a party’s strength and long-ranged ability, so I was sure that many had fallen to my attacks. I would not be surprised if I was told that I had destroyed entire Familias with my spells for the sake of protecting my friends and allies. Hikigaya-kun did the same, and went on farther, without killing anyone, yet here he was standing at a crossroads between continuing his path and walking down the other. For the life of me, I didn’t know what to say. “…Hikigaya-kun, you—”

“We have enemies coming, you weaklings better be ready!”

Though I should’ve been ashamed for avoiding the topic between Hikigaya-kun and myself, I was thankful for Bete’s words for the very first time.

…