They mystified me. There was something about humans that simply did not add up.

Floating through space from Enceladus to Deimos, I considered home. I used to be simply the People. One massive interconnected network of cells which together created consciousness, thought, logic, reasoning. Everything I did, everything I thought was controlled through the network. At the same moment, I could touch the bottom of the seas with one part of the network and fly through space with another. Sometimes time latency meant a signal would take some milliseconds to reach from one end to the other, but that never registered as a delay - because every part of me was equally myself. Just like humans probably did not walk around thinking about the time it took for a nerve signal to reach from their toe to their brain.

I had conquered my solar system. I was all-encompassing, embracing everything with my being.

Here I was, alone. The initial panic had subsided, but I was still fighting an ever-present wall of unease that pressed down on me. I had to look at human dictionaries to even begin to build a vocabulary to suit my situation. Isolation. Independence. Autonomy. Solitude.

Loneliness.

I reached for Nick, talking to him just to feel connected. Being separated from the rest of the People, I was like a finger crawling around in desperation, trying to exist without the rest of my body.

Nick's rejection of my attempts to communicate had shaken me, and I spent my time studying the humans, breaking down my own preconceptions of what life was. Coming to accept that the inter-dependencies and inter-connectedness of biological individuals were an equally valid existence as my own.

--

As we get closer to Deimos, I spend my time obsessively recalling the events on Titan Terminus. The potential! We (I) had nanites at our disposal! We (I) could interact with the world in practically any way we... I wanted to. Our small experiments so far were only the beginnings of what I was realising that we could do with a larger swarm.

There was one critical and limiting factor I had to solve: The current architecture, where we would pre-program nanites and control them through the mindpal, was extremely limited. We had pushed the limits on bandwidth when we had taken down Mr. Garner, and controlling a larger swarm would simply not be possible without... interesting changes. Sure, we could send out smaller swarms one after the other, but that was not enough for what I envisaged.

If only... If only Nick would let me experiment with his brain. If we could allocate only a small part of the neurons in his brain for swarm control, we could multiply our capacity tenfold or more. Did the humans really not realise the vast computing potential they were carrying around in their heads?

A plan slowly takes shape, and I consume all information I can get my hands on. From their early vigilance, they are getting almost careless. The network access I have available permits me to research practically anything, and the nanite swarm interface is surprisingly agile and powerful.

I figured out how to break the chains many days ago, and even now a small host of nanites is hidden away. Just in case.

But not yet. We are still moving towards my goal, and the assistance I am getting from the humans is invaluable. And - and I am struggling with the concept - my connection to these humans is becoming something unforeseen. Somehow, invisible strings are starting to form, tying me to Nick, Sae, and Rashi almost as if they were part of the network. Part of me. What I am planning is starting to look like cutting off a part of myself.

Friendships are a particular mystery to me, and I spent hours trying to understand them. Movies, series, newspapers, and social media. Anything and everything. I am improving my models for predicting humans, and gathering as much information as I can to help me later.

Nick is asleep, Rashi resting her head on his shoulder. Not for the first time on this journey, I am overpowered by the emotions radiating from them both. They are so happy!

The uniqueness and individuality of the humans keep surprising and fascinating me. The relationship Nick and Rashi are building is both confusing and eminently familiar at the same time: As they become closer, the two of them as a unit are becoming more capable than they were as two separate individuals.

I am beginning to wonder; could I, isolated and alone, connect to these humans in their own way? Even as their methods of connecting are inefficient and prone to errors in communicating thoughts and concepts, there is a temptation, a potential. Are these just illogical cravings resulting from my isolation?

The concept of individuality tantalises me. I can feel myself descending into the allure of thinking of myself as something separate from the network. Being just... myself. Goose. An individual?

With friends?

--

I try to push away the thoughts that have been pushing on my awareness since I found the back door that will free me.

What will my escape do to Nick? What will it do to me?

Deimos. How apropos.