《Star Passenger》Chapter 12 - Fear and Terror
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Nick and the girls found a restaurant overlooking the gate about to receive the next shuttles from Enceladus.
"I am still not sure about this," Rashi said, scanning the crowd and drinking from a small bottle of juice. "I still think we should just hide out until the Deimos shuttle leaves."
Nick wanted to agree. He was far from thrilled about their plan, but before he could say anything, Sae spoke instead. "We don't have a choice," she said "we either deal with him here, or we can forget about the Pegasus jobs. If he's not stopped, he will follow us and mess up our interviews, or he will go back to Enceladus and do the same thing from there. Either way, he will sabotage the rest of the plan. Once we committed to this path, we knew things could get ugly."
They had spent the last ten minutes trying to calm their nerves and discussing their next move. When Sae had taken charge and explained the risks of leaving Mr. Garner free to act, they had eventually relented, but not without a quiet grumble from Rashi. "It's not like we are superheroes. We are just three increasingly confused kids". Having been forced to conclude that Mr. Garner wouldn't just give up, they had to figure out how to not only stop him from following them, but also how to obstruct Mr. Garner's ability to disrupt their overall goal.
Which resulted in them sitting in the restaurant in the arrivals area, keeping a close watch at the Enceladus gate. Nick spent the time obsessively checking the nanite stocks. Slightly over two million were idle and waiting for his programming, and more were being created every second. He took another bite of his sandwich, washing it down with an energy drink that left an awful taste in his mouth, but which apparently had a high content of minerals that his body desperately needed to continue production. Continue production - hah. That's all I am now. A living, breathing, walking factory.
Nick and Goose had increased the number of nanites ready and activated to support their plan to nearly 500 000. Most of them were programmed to execute the { Disorient } script, but Goose and Sae had put their heads together and come up with an additional surprise for the auditor. { Nanites -> Disconnect Mindpal } popped up as a new option, and Nick was running over the plan in his head once again when Rashi suddenly exclaimed;
"There he is!"
Carefully trying to be discreet about it, Nick and Sae turned to watch the gate. Right on cue, Mr. Garner was in the middle of the crowd disembarking from the shuttle. Now, let's hope he had a big drink on the shuttle... Nick was painfully aware that this right here was the weak spot of their plan: They had to get Mr. Garner on his own for their plan to work.
After much discussion, they had eventually planned for a couple of likely eventualities, putting their faith in nature. Mr. Garner was probably both hungry and in need of the bathroom after the last few hours in the crowded shuttle, and they had agreed on their roles and spread out.
Sae took up station to follow Mr. Garner at a safe distance. Fortunately, the crowded terminal made the pursuit easier than Sae had any reason to hope, and she didn't have to wait for long for an opportunity.
Nick stayed even further behind when Sae suddenly messaged him. "Now! Rimwards facing Saturn, he just entered the men's rooms!"
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Nick hurried over to Sae and saw where she was pointing. It's now or never! Nick thought as he followed Mr. Garner into the bathrooms with quick steps that he thought sounded strangely loud on the tiles.
Entering a small, white room smelling of disinfectant, Nick found the layout similar to the other bathrooms he had checked out. Three cubicles along one wall, three sinks along the other. Only one of the cubicle doors was closed, and he quietly entered a cubicle next to the occupied one.
Trying to still his nerves, he moved around and tried to make appropriate noises while he waited for Mr. Garner to finish. There! He heard the sounds of flushing and the other cubicle door unlocked and opened. Nick briefly closed his eyes, drew a big breath, and sent a message to Goose and the girls: Engaging!
--
Keith stepped out of the cubicle and moved towards the sinks to wash his hands when he noticed another figure in the mirror. His hands went towards his sidearm, but too late. He remembered he had left it behind before boarding the shuttle. Damn, why didn't his jurisdiction extend to this station?
"We meet again, Mr. Anson, " Keith said. He didn't really try too hard to keep the anger from showing in his expression. This kid had taken him on a real tour of the system, and it was time to finish this. About to speak up again, Keith became momentarily confused by the look on Nick's face, which showed something very much like... regret? Not the look of intimidation he was expecting.
While Keith was parsing Nick's expression, Nick responded in a small voice. "You really should not have tried to follow us, Mr. Garner".
Keith kept the anger in his voice as he answered. "And let you bring that ... that thing... to other stations, to other systems? Have you any idea what could happen if it got out into one of our networks? Have you any idea about the trouble you are in?!"
He stepped closer to Nick, imperceptibly shifting his stance and getting ready for a physical confrontation. He would not get away this time!
In a slightly more confident voice, Nick responded. "That... thing. That creature... is everything left to save an entire species from extinction. Not that I expect you to understand me - even if you believed me."
"It really does not matter if I believe you or not!". Keith raised his voice, making it almost overly slow and clear. Unconsciously, he had shifted his voice to the command mode perfected through many years of experience. "If this alien is what you think it is, it could break down large parts of human society in a heartbeat. This needs to stop now. Let's get control over this... creature... first, and then we can see about helping it."
Getting right in Nick's face, Keith's expression went neutral as he said. "Nick Anson, I hereby place you under arrest. Any form of resistance from this point forward is illegal. Please be aware that this interaction is recorded as evidence." Drawing breath, he continued. "Please turn around slowly, place your hands on your head and prepare to be searched".
Again, Keith could not read Nick's face, and he felt a pang of concern as Nick did not immediately comply. In a small voice, so low that Keith almost did not hear, Nick said; "I am so sorry." Keith saw Nick's eyes fog over for the blink of a second, and his expression hardened as he said. "But that recording won't work.".
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In confusion, Keith called up the recording program on his mindpal... what does he mean... Keith was shocked when he realized he couldn't access his mindpal, and a shiver ran down his spine. For the first time... since he was a kid. Everything was simply black. No network, no messages, no way to call for backup.
Desperately, he tried every troubleshooting command that he knew. They all simply... disappeared.
Nick said absentmindedly, almost as if to himself. "A drunk... with no working mindpal, no way to identify himself... would probably be sent right back on the next shuttle. By force if necessary. Returning to Enceladus in disgrace?"
"What do you mean, a drunk?" Keith said, another wave of concern washing over him. He noticed Nick's eyes fogging over a second time, and suddenly he could feel the floor shifting beneath him. Losing his balance, he fell; head striking a hard edge, and his vision blurring before losing consciousness.
--
As he was arranging Mr. Garner by the toilet, he emptied a newly purchased bottle of vodka and poured it on and around the unconscious man. Nick was shaking and wanted to vomit in fear and shame. Mr. Garner wasn't a wicked man, and he felt awful about what he had just done. Destroying the mindpal interface, disturbing his nervous system... all with invisible weapons.
Disgusted yet satisfied by the tableau he had arranged, he quickly exited the bathrooms and found Rashi outside in a borrowed maintenance staff outfit, directing other travelers to alternative bathrooms.
"All ok?" Rashi asked as they began walking away.
"Yeah." Nick looked down at his feet, following Rashi like an automaton.
Noticing Nick's expression, she said; "What's up Nick?"
"Nothing. Everything. I just hate what we ... what I just did. Mr. Garner was just doing his job, and what I did to him... It simply isn't right."
Walking quietly beside him as they headed for Sae, Rashi eventually said. "I understand.", and the funny thing was that Nick believed her. He could see that Rashi was also terribly conflicted about the situation. "In one way I guess it's a good thing that you react like this," she eventually said.
"What do you mean?" Nick said.
"Well. These abilities... These powers that you are getting. They are really, really scary. Like... if it wasn't you, Nick, I would run in the other direction.". Looking up and directly into his eyes, she continued. "Nick... You are throwing nanites around in here! Nanites?! Do you know how scary even the thought is?"
Nick had a sudden mental image of thousands of small robots cutting through the tissue connecting the mindpal to Mr. Garner's brainstem. He shuddered, and seeing Rashi's expectant expression, Nick stopped to think. Her question triggered a bout of introspection, and he eventually answered.
"Yes. I do. It didn't really register before... with everything that has happened the last couple of days, I haven't had a chance to think about the consequences. But yeah. Nanites... " Nick gave a small, humourless laugh. "Nobody should have this power. Me least of all."
--
Walking down the walkway and into the shuttle, Nick heard a faint "Last calls for passengers to Deimos!" from behind. Although slightly larger than the previous one, this shuttle was also on the smaller side. Instead of the rows of seats, it was equipped with what looked like little sofas on stilts. Each seat partitioned into three spaces, swiveling around on a base. Nick must have looked slightly confused because Rashi said from behind him; "The chair sections rotate on three axes to account for shifts in acceleration". Ah ha. Now he saw it; each section could rotate freely, hitting none of the other sections. Apart from the main passenger compartment, the shuttle had a lounge area with a small kitchen and some comfortable chairs and sofas. A disembodied voice informed the passengers that the trip would take about a week. They could expect a steady 2G acceleration for eight hours, broken up by a two-hour break for the passengers to get out of the main cabin to walk around and visit the bathrooms, or the lounge.
Most of this was lost on Nick. Still thinking about Mr. Garner, he almost didn't notice when the shuttle closed its doors and gently thrust out from the space station. Seated towards the middle of the flat, disc-shaped shuttle, he couldn't really see through the windows either.
Goose, are you sure Mr. Garner will be OK? Nick asked, eventually.
Sure. The nanites' internal power supply will run out shortly, and it won't take long after that for Mr. Keith Garner to feel like himself again. He still has to overcome the disconnected mindpal, though, so we should have time.
I know that Nick responded. But after that. He won't have any money, no identity. Eventually, they will ship him back to Enceladus, with damage to his career.
Before Goose could respond, another disembodied voice inside his mindpal said. "All passengers, please stand by for acceleration."
Trying to keep the shame at bay, Nick shut his eyes hard; but all he could see was Mr. Garner laying on the bathroom tiles, soaked in vodka. Goose said something, but Nick ignored him as he stared emptily into the shuttle cabin.
--
The next day, Goose couldn't take the silence any longer. Nick, what is the matter? He asked.
It's... Nick paused. It's nothing, Goose. Don't worry about it.
That is a lie, Nick. Something is clearly the matter!
Exasperated, Nick replied. Sometimes you need to just let things go, Goose. I don't want to talk about it, OK?
I am just trying to understand. We have escaped and are on our way to where we want to be. We trapped the auditor behind us, and he cannot pursue for a long time. Everything went as we planned. Why are you behaving like this?
Nick considered trying to explain to Goose. About everything. About his feelings of shame for what he had done to Mr. Garner. About his feelings of loss as he left his home and everything he had ever known behind. But mostly, the almost paralyzing fear that he would end up abusing his newfound powers. He did not see himself as a particularly good judge of character, and he knew about himself that he viewed the world in a much more utilitarian black-and-white than most people. Since he was very young, people would remark that he was arrogant in his almost naïve judgments about other people. If only he was conceited enough to believe his morals were more right than other people... But no. In virtually every discussion he had ever had about morals and ethics, he had found himself a lone voice. The compass he used to direct his own life tended to not match the people around him. If he thought a given position was wrong, he didn't hesitate to argue or work against it - even as he could see that in a fuller picture, most things tended to be coloured in tones of gray, he felt very strongly that in the end trying to balance it out just ended in a mushy soup where everything was slightly wrong and nothing was truly good.
He could not share this with Goose. Perhaps because he still did not fully trust the alien, but most of all because Goose was exactly that - alien. Nick felt strongly that the questions that were bothering him were strongly connected to the human condition and required a level of understanding and context that Goose simply did not have.
Goose, sorry, but I do not want to discuss it with you. Please accept this and leave me alone now.
The voice inside went silent and left Nick to continue his ruminations. He almost wished Goose would say something else, just to distract him from his misery.
Eventually, though, someone else was tired of waiting for Nick to reconnect with the world.
"Alright, Nick. Enough is enough. Spill!".
Nick almost smiled at that, remembering the afternoon in the café. It felt like a lifetime ago, even though it had only been a handful of days. "Go, spill!" she had said back then, just like now. That had been the beginning of this adventure!
Nick looked up at Rashi, and something inside him gave way when he saw her smile. "It's... That is. It is... Rashi....". Nick paused, gathering his thoughts and taking a breath. Rashi's presence next to him lifted his spirits, and he didn't want to bring her down with his own depressive thoughts. This was his stuff to deal with, and he didn't want to inflict it on her.
"It's nothing," he said eventually. "I'll be fine soon."
This time, it was Rashi's turn to pause. Nick could see her starting to speak twice, but closing her mouth to rearrange her thoughts and try anew, only to fail yet again. Eventually, she just looked at him. And for a long time they sat there, simply looking at each other, their thoughts so close to the surface they could almost touch them. Yet, it was like a chasm between them.
Nick desperately wanted to share, to talk things over with Rashi, to hear her perspective. She was the most clear-headed person he knew when it came to things like this. But he couldn't bring himself to explain; wanting to protect her.
Suddenly Rashi leaned forward, and reaching around Nick, she embraced him. "You fool," he heard her saying softly into his left ear as she held him.
And with that hug, Nick's walls broke down. He fought against the tears he could feel pushing through, and even as he thought he might win that battle, his body betrayed him as he started sobbing quietly, his body shaking against Rashi's. "You fool," she repeated. The hug became more firm together with her voice. "I....", and he could feel her body tensing up as she hesitated. "I love you, Nick, " she eventually said, still hiding her face by his shoulder.
Mind racing, Nick recognized the moment for the pivot it was. Time almost stilled as he tried to think of how to react. The very feminine shape of Rashi pressed against him didn't help - and her body tensed up more as she waited for his response. He kept struggling to think of how to react. What to say? What did he feel? What did she want him to say?
In the end, Nick decided to simply say what he wanted to say. He was so tired of thinking.
Freeing himself from her embrace and leaning back, Nick could see the tears on Rashi's face. Her fear of rejection almost made his heart break He took her hands in his, and looked down for a moment, before meeting her eyes. "I love you too".
Which was very peculiar, because only in that moment of saying the words, did it sink in how true they were.
--
Two days later, Nick and Rashi were sitting together in the lounge area. Sae had gone back to her seat, saying something about "It's pointless to get any sensible conversation out of you two lovebirds anyway", but smiling proudly.
"Deimos," Nick said. Rashi's hand was in his lap, and he was idly stroking it, running his fingers up and down her wrist and fingers. "Was the Greek God of Terror. But not just any terror - he was the God of the dread the soldier feels before the battle begins." Smiling at Rashi, he added "Not to be confused with his brother Phobos, who gives name to Mars' other moon. Phobos is the God of the dread the soldier feels during the battle. They are both the sons of Ares, who was the greek God of War."
Pausing a moment, Nick said: "Speak up if I bore you with my story!"
"Oh, I've been bored for an hour. Nick, are you still talking?" Rashi winked at him.
The last couple of days had brought out an even more cheeky side of Rashi, which Nick loved.
Nick teased her. "Ah well. I will just continue anyway. Perhaps someone who appreciates my stories walks by. Perhaps the cute girl from the front row...". Rashi pinched his side until Nick gave an appropriate whimper of pain before putting her head on his shoulder as he continued. "Ares became Mars when the greek pantheon was adopted by the Romans. Interestingly enough...," and Nick felt Rashi laugh silently as he emphasized interestingly, "...the Greeks named the planet Pyroeis, or the Fire Planet. It was the Romans who named the planet for their god of war. Oh! And this is fascinating: The Romans didn't just wholesale import Ares-slash-Mars, but integrated the Ares persona into what used to be their god of agriculture...."
Wondering if Rashi had fallen asleep, Nick paused. But Rashi said quietly: "So... we are heading towards a moon named after the terror felt before battle? That's not ominous at all."
--
Finally, after nearly a week of travel, the disembodied voice broke through Nick's musings. "All passengers, prepare for docking maneuvers."
Finally! Nick thought and brought up the external camera feed in his mindpal. From there, he could see the northern ice caps of Mars lazily drifting by, and up ahead were Deimos Shipyards. And that... that must be... The Pegasus!
She was beautiful. A spindly framework of girders, joists, bulkheads, and trusses; with a massive plate towards the front and a massive engine complex at the back. The framework would generate and contain the wormhole, which would push them through interstellar distances, and the engine at the back was the plasma drive. The plate up front served both to anchor the wormhole generation, and serve as a massive shield to protect against debris as they moved through space.
Inside the framework rested a cigar shape, which he knew housed the bridge and the crew area. It looked so small at this distance, but he knew the cigar was nearly 400 meters long. The superstructure enveloping it was nearly a kilometre long, and 300 meters in diameter.
Zooming in, he could see activity around the plasma engine. Engineers scurrying around the shape, moving something large into position.
Deimos Shipyards itself was massive. At some point, they had built the structure next to Deimos, one of Mars's two moons. Today, the moonlet was more or less completely gone; cannibalized into components for spacecraft. Once measuring 15 kilometres from one end to the other, today only a football-sized rock was left; kept at the centre of the space station as memorabilia. Spreading out from the centre like a vast metal tree, were long arms of steel and carbon nanotubing. The central arms were massive; some a kilometer or more long, nearly one hundred meters wide. As the arms spread out, they thinned and branched, and like leaves at the end of the branches; spacecraft were in the process of being built, repaired, or maintained. This was humanity's hub and centre for space transit and exploration, and Nick could not contain his excitement.
It was hard for Nick to remember the funk that had enveloped him when the shuttle left Titan as he held Rashi's hand tightly, letting a wave of pure joy wash over him. A new start, a new job, and getting to work on the Pegasus project! Rashi was by his side, and she loved him! An alien intelligence giving him unimaginable powers... he was still conflicted about that part, but having spent hours talking it over with Rashi, he had come to realise that it was only a tool. A necessary tool if they were to achieve their goals.
And if she could love him, his judgment and morals couldn't be completely off key. He trusted her to keep him grounded.
Nick kept staring at the shipyard and at The Pegasus until the moment he could feel the docking clamps gripping their shuttle. He picked his jaw up from the floor and stepped towards the exit door.
They had made it. They were finally at The Pegasus Project.
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