“We’re not gonna do very well in the war today,” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369.

“Good,” replied Jake. He was still sulking at having been outwitted by the double-crossing Eric Smythe, and he hadn’t been to work for a full week. Being a corrupt Leader of War was harder than he had expected. I guess it would be harder if they didn’t know I was trying to mess up their war tactics he thought.

Still, not having been to work for a week was something he was quite used to, and was quite happy about.

“Don’t you want to know why?” asked Green_Turtle_Boy_369.

“Not really,” replied Jake, “but I’m guessing you’ll tell me anyway.” Jake had never really recovered his love of life, but his depression and hatred of the world had returned since his latest stitch up. It had been hard enough when it was only really Jake that hated himself, but now that he was a bonefide war rebel and the entire of the Outer Galaxies hated him too, his self-imposed exclusion from society had begun again for different reasons.

Jake was in bed, surrounded by hundreds of crisp packets. Green_Turtle_Boy_369 had only gained entry to his room by kicking the door down.

“I will. It’s the day of the Lapine Death Corps Inter-Galactic Championship today. And there are new maps!”

“I don’t care,” said Jake quietly and unconvincingly.

“I’ve set you up a computer in the next room. It’s got a new state of the art graphics card,” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369.

Jake looked at him and said nothing.

“You need to defend your crown.”

Jake twitched, Green_Turtle_Boy_369 had pushed one of Jakes few buttons that had a function attached.

“I’ll leave it switched on, just in case. Registration ends in an hour.”

Jake grunted a “thanks” which he immediately regretted. He didn’t want Green_Turtle_Boy_369 to know that he was considering entering the tournament. Green_Turtle_Boy_369 knew he would anyway, it was the only thing Jake had ever been proud of in his life.

Fifty-nine minutes later, Jake leapt out of bed and ran to the computer. It was a good job that he knew the menu screens like the back of his hand. Halfway through, an instant message popped up “Hi Jakey, it’s your Mom.”

“Go away Mom!!” he shouted – hitting the BLOCK button in a panic, and with three seconds to spare Jake45 was registered to defend his crown and was eating the cold pizza Green_Turtle_Boy_369 had left him next to the computer.

Jake had been playing for a full four hours and had completely forgotten his Mom’s attempt at communication before he was shot for the first time. He cursed.

“97% life-bar! I’ll never win now!!”

Jake was known for over-reacting, he always thought he was doing worse than he actually was.

Today, Jake was actually doing far, far better than he had ever done before. He had always been a top player, but he seemed to have taken to the new levels much more quickly than anybody else.

He’d initially assumed that they were based on a service pack he had recently bought and few others owned, but whilst chasing a pack of rabid zombie rabbits along a desolate corridor, he halted as they jumped into a massive hole in the floor.

“Jake! Why have you stopped?” asked Green_Turtle_Boy_369 through the headset he was wearing. Attacking in tandem as they usually did, Green_Turtle_Boy_369 had was already through the floor and was taking on all the zombie rabbits single-handedly.

“Erm… Sorry, I’m coming! I knocked my cup of tea over.”

Jake looked back at the screen, and jumped over the hole in the floor. He walked into the room which was half demolished. But on the wall, there was no mistaking the charred Pantera poster.

Lapine Death Corps’ new levels were set in his office.