“—and that’s why I think the Beans need human corpses,” Rob said, smiling smugly at Sauer. “I bet you didn’t even think about that, but I’ve got you covered, Mr. Sauer, sir. You can thank me later.”

“That is… well, an interesting theory,” Sauer replied, the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. “Have you… fully thought through the implications?”

“Of course I have, man,” Rob said. “It’s the only thing I thought about on the trip here. Why do the Beans have corpses inside of them? And, of course, the answer was so simple! It’s been right in front of us this entire time.”

Schmidt asked, “What’s your theory?”

Sauer laughed. “Robert here thinks that the Beans are gathering human corpses for their brains. He believes that the more brains they get, the more powerful they will become.”

“I’m not joking, man!” Rob said.

“Hey, I think that was the first time I’ve heard you laugh, Thomas my boy!” a young man between Sauer and Reist said. He was definitely much younger than Sauer, and had no right calling him boy. He motioned to Rob. “I want to know how to make you open up like that. What does this strapping young lad have that I don’t?”

“Was that the theory you wanted to talk to Sauer about?” Schmidt laughed.

“No!” Rob replied defensively. “Well, not entirely. I also just wanted to talk, you know? Him and Ms. Reist might—”

Reist interrupted him. “Please, call me Adaline. Hearing you call me Ms. Reist makes me feel old.”

Rob chuckled. “I get that. But don’t worry, Ms. Adaline, you don’t look a day over thirty.”

“Thank you…? And just Adaline, please. I’m not a stickler for professionalism like Thomas is.”

“Mr. Sauer and Adaline might be able to piece everything together better than we can, you know? I mean, we forgot the Bean sample. If it wasn’t for Marvin, we wouldn’t have even brought it with us in the first place. Thanks again, man.”

Marvin mumbled something in response.

“Did you happen to look at the beans on your way here?” Reist asked Marvin.

“A little,” he replied, looking at the ground.

“Can I ask you some questions?” Reist asked, her eyes lighting up.

Marvin nodded and began talking to Reist about the Beans.

“You laugh, Mr. Sauer, but it could be possible,” Greg said, taking a bite of a piece of cheese. “We still do not know what the Beans use human corpses for; they very well could be harvesting us for our brains.”

The young man next to Sauer replied, “Even if it’s possible, there’s also no evidence that suggests the Beans would use brains for anything.”

“Ah, but there’s no evidence to prove that the Beans are not using brains, Mr. Schubert,” Greg replied.

“Exactly!” Rob said. “What else would they need corpses for? It would be way easier to harvest cattle if they needed meat. And they were able to move on their own inside that jar, which means that they don’t need corpses to move. What else do human corpses have that nothing else does? Our brains!”

“You sound kind of insane,” Schmidt said. “Oh my God, is that what I sounded like when I talked about my theories? I get why no one wanted to talk to me.”

“I have to be insane to talk to you, Barry. Birds of a feather or whatever,” Rob replied.

Schubert laughed. “Wait, Thomas, is this the conspiracy guy you told me about?”

“I was talking about Schmidt, not Robert,” Sauer replied.

“Hey, conspiracy guy, tell me a conspiracy!”

“I’m not really the conspiracy guy any more,” Schmidt replied. “I used to be, but after Dijon, I realized that I was never even close to having any idea what was going on.”

“Oh, boo! Just tell me some of your old theories then!”

“Don’t diss yourself, Barry,” Rob said. “He was surprisingly close. He knew the government was keeping the existence of the Beans under wraps to stop a mass panic, and that the Beans were using corpses.”

“I wouldn’t say that I knew,” Schmidt said. “Just a lucky guess.”

“You knew the Beans had corpses inside of them?” Schubert asked.

“Yeah,” Rob replied. “Back in, like, June or July. Months before the Beans even attacked. Honestly, though, we should’ve sussed that one out back in Dijon. Remember that scout? The one that died first. Then we watched the beans cover the corpse and reanimate it, then you accidentally shot him, Barry. Looking back, it’s kinda obvious.”

“To be fair,” Sauer said, “we were too preoccupied to theorize about what the Beans were.”

Schmidt laughed. “But that’s exactly what we did after we got inside the walls.”

“That was different, we were discussing how to kill them, not their origins.”

“Someone did want to talk about their origins,” Rob said. “But we decided it was stupid to do that before we got out of Dijon.”

Schubert turned his full attention to Schmidt. “Wait, wait, slow down. Was the conspiracy guy the one that decided to call them Beans or not?”

“No,” Schmidt said. “That was Sauer.”

“Yeah, Mr. Sauer decided it,” Rob added.

Sauer sighed. “Well, I did decide to call them Beans, but—”

Rob interrupted him. “Remember your promise, Mr. Sauer?”

Sauer sighed deeper. “Yes. I take full responsibility for calling them Beans.”

“Why do you ask?” Schmidt asked Schubert.

“Oh, just curious,” he replied.

There was a pause.

“So,” Rob said, “how has the research been going?”

Schubert smiled. “Well, the reports we’ve been reading for months have had practically nothing to go on, but that sample is going to be a huge help in finding out some things.” He turned to Marvin, who was still answering Reist’s questions. “Great job with that sample, kid, really! Without you, these doofuses would’ve walked away with nothing.”

Marvin glanced at Schubert. “Please don’t call me kid.”

“Sure, buddy!”

Marvin sighed.

Greg fidgeted. “So what you mean to say is that we still know nothing about the Beans?”

“Pretty much!” Schubert replied.

“Now wait, Schubert,” Sauer said. “We did learn a fair amount from the reports of the November Bean attacks. The different types and classes of Beans, for example. And the report of the Bean in the field is valuable even without the sample; we learned that there is a way to paralyze the Beans, which would allow us to kill them easier.”

“We don’t even know if it’s true yet,” Schubert replied. “We haven’t been able to test Adaline’s theory yet.”

“What is her theory?” Greg asked.

“Adaline thinks that the Beans die when they get too cold.”

“That is a sensible theory; one would assume that most things die when they get too cold.”

“But it’s too simple! And it completely ignores the fact that the beans in the jar, which were supposedly already killed by the cold, were able to come back to life. If anything, it’s only a way to slow them down, not kill them.”

“I do not think simplicity has any bearing on how the Beans work.”

“I think it’s a good find regardless,” Rob said. “Knowing how to paralyze them is a huge step up from being defenseless against them.”

“And if we find out how to kill them,” Schmidt added, “we can just kill them while they’re paralyzed.”

“Wait, how did they survive in the jar without food or water?” Rob asked. He started rubbing his eyes. “God, this is so stupid. They don’t need food, they don’t need water, they don’t even need brains; what the hell do they need? What’s their end goal? If they don’t need anythin’, why are they even attackin’ us?”

“Maybe their goal is simply to cover people with beans,” Sauer replied.

“Yeah, maybe they’re hunting us for sport!” Schubert said, a little too excitedly. Sauer scolded him, and they began to get into an argument.

“I want to hear more about this theory of yours, Ms. Adaline,” Greg said, joining her conversation with Marvin.

“I’d love to, but I haven’t tested anything yet. I want to confirm my theory before I tell you something that could get you killed,” Reist replied.

“But how do brains fit into this?” Rob asked, a little too loudly.

“Rob, keep your voice down,” Schmidt said.

“I’ll talk about brains as loud as I damn well please, Barry!” Rob replied. They also devolved into an argument.

The three separate conversations began to get louder as each group talked over one another.

“Hey,” Marvin said, barely above a whisper. As the conversations escalated, other people around the foyer of the military headquarters turned to see what the commotion was about. “Calm down guys,” he said a little louder. Again, they ignored him. He shrugged and took a sip of his wine, stepping away from the others so as to not be associated with them.

Sauer began to get visibly agitated with Schubert, who smiled as he explained in detail why the Beans would hunt humans for sport. Rob repeated the word brains at increasing volumes as Schmidt attempted to stop him. Greg and Reist’s conversation shifted towards the scouting trip as Reist tried to glean any extra information about the Beans that she could.

Schmidt was about to cover Rob’s mouth with his hand when Rob stopped shouting, glancing at the newfound attention they had brought upon themselves. He shook Schmidt off, saying, “Stop acting so unprofessional, Barry. This is exactly what Kaplan didn’t want us to do. Honestly, trying to put your hand over my mouth? Are you a child?”

“Shut up, Rob,” Schmidt replied, smiling.

“Aren’t you glad I didn’t say brains, though?”

“Very.”

Sauer sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Why would the Beans need a fish— You know what, nevermind. No offense, Schubert, but you’re worse when you’ve had a drink.”

“Worse than what?”

“Worse than normal.”

Reist laughed. “You’re finally stepping up to him, Thomas. I’m so proud.”

Schubert pouted. “How long have you felt that way, Thomas my boy?”

“You make me uncomfortable, Mr. Schubert,” Rob said.

“Good.”

There was a pause.

“I’m gonna go look around the headquarters,” Marvin said, walking into the garden through the open doors behind them.

“Adaline, do you have anything else you wish to discuss regarding the Beans?” Greg asked.

“No, thank you for your help.”

“I am going to join Mr. Marvin, then,” Greg said. “If I do not see you again, have a good evening, everyone.”

“Tell Marvin his help was appreciated as well,” Reist called as Greg followed Marvin into the garden. She yawned. “It’s getting pretty late, I better get going as well.”

“I’ll walk you back to your room, Adaline,” Schubert said, holding out his hand and curtsying.

“No,” she replied as they walked to the exit, leaving Schmidt, Rob, and Sauer standing in the corner of the room.

“But seriously,” Rob said after a moment of awkward silence. “My brain theory has some merit, right?”

“Do you want me to be honest, Robert?” Sauer asked.

“Yes, please.”

“It is a horrible theory. There is nothing to suggest that the Beans would need human brains for anything, and you do not even provide a reason yourself. You just state that the Beans are harvesting human brains for some unknown purpose and refuse to elaborate.”

Rob sighed dramatically. “But it’s a classic! They’re using brains, you’ll see. I expect a full apology when I’m proven right.”

“I will do it in writing.”

The conversation shifted to how Schmidt and Rob met in Bösch’s company about a year before arriving in Dijon. After Rob finished, Sauer told them more about his medical practice in Nuremberg. Schmidt tried to think of interesting things to say, but avoiding anything involving Bösch and Sofia left him with very little of interest to talk about.

As the night went on and more of the other partygoers left, they found a table to sit at to continue their conversation. Eventually Schmidt began to feel tired. “I’m going to take a quick walk,” he said, stretching. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Don’t get into any trouble, Barry,” Rob said, his speech slurred slightly. “Wouldn’t wanna get scary ol’ Krüger mad at you, now would you?”

Schmidt shook his head as he walked away. As he exited through a door to the garden, he heard Sauer ask, “Why do you call him Barry, anyways?”