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"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful."

-José N. Harris

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This is not how Jin was used to waking up.

He was too used to waking up in the silence of the room all alone.

Where the coldness of room matched the one in his heart.

He wasn't used to feeling the warmth that poured out from the window as he laid in his old bedroom.

Jin could hear his eomma's and sisters voice from downstairs.

And he could also hear his appa working with their pet dog outside.

Oh,did he miss it all.

The fresh air of the farm,the chatter of the ones he love and specially the warmth that surrounded him.

A relieved sigh escaped his lips as he turned around on his bed.

It's been a few days.

And he simply didn't have the strength to leave his room for more than five minutes. But today he felt ready to go out.

Jin was over everything now. And he knew that it was time to make some important decisions.

He is ready for it.

★★★★★★★★

"Look who's up."Said Jin's mom with a big smile as she watched him step down the stairs.

He was wearing a loose white pant with an oversized full sleeve shirt of the same colour.

His hair still wet from a very much needed shower.

The older woman was standing in the kitchen and cooking what seemed like to be eggs.

Jin raised his arm to scratch the back of his neck with a shy smile on his face as he approached her.

"Goodmorning,eomma."He greeted.

"Goodmorning, Jinnie."

"You finally decided to join us for breakfast,huh ?"She asked teasingly and shuffled around in the kitchen.

The younger just chuckled awkwardly and sat down on the small dinning table which was right in front of the kitchen.

"Yeah-yeah."

"Sorry,I wasn't able to join you guys for a last few days."

"Relax baby I was joking. You know that we don't mind it."She said fondly and walked upto him for a moment to ruffle his hair.

"But we have already eaten breakfast."

"Your sisters had school and we have a habit of eating early."

"We can have it together tomorrow, if you want. Yeah ?"

And he just nodded with a smile.

"I made scrambled eggs for you, wait here."

She patted him on his head affectionately and moved away.

"Where's appa ?"He questioned.

"He is out there repairing the sheds. There was a storm a few days ago and they got damaged."

"We didn't get the chance to fix till now."

"Oh,then I should go and help him."

He was about to get up but a hand pushed him to down to sit down again.

"Have breakfast first."

"Don't force yourself.You worry me a lot."

She placed the plate infront of him.

"Thankyou,eomma."He said gratefully.

It felt good to be cared for after so long.

★★★★★★★★

Jin hit the last nail in its place and raised his arms to wipe up the sweat from his shirt.

He stepped back and looked down at his clothes,biting back a groan.

It was definitely not a good day to wear white.

And it looked like he didn't expect it to be so hot.

Or it might be related to the fact that he has become a little too habituated with the closed air conditioned rooms. But Jin wasn't going admit it.

"Jinnie."

"Is everything alright,there ?"His Appa's voice called.

"Yes,it is."

"Actually I am done with this side."

"Good."

"I'm finished,too."

"Why don't you go and rest, now ?"

"I'll join you in a bit. I'm sure you are tired."

And even if the younger wanted to deny and insist on helping him. He wasn't able to.

The heat was slowly getting to him.

Jin had started feeling dizzy.

He knew that it was right for him to go inside.

"Alright. But call me if you need any help."

He heard his Appa chuckle.

"I will but I don't think I'll need it. I am used to this."

"Go and have some snacks."

"Okay."

With that Jin decided to walk away.

He was already feeling tired.

Shoulder and arms hurting from all the work he did before.

His body aching.

But he didn't feel bad.

In contrast to that he felt good.

He felt happy.

He finally felt like he was doing what he wants to and live like how he wants to.

And it felt so damn good.

He couldn't help it as a big bright smile escaped his lips.

I'm doing it right after so long.

He thought.

★★★★★★★★

"Oppa."

"Give me some rice, please."Jina said and passed him her bowl.

He nodded and got up from his seat to take the rice from the rice cooker.

"Ji-ae."

"Finish your dinner."Said their mom.

"No,eomma. I'm full and tired."

"Can I go to sleep,now ?"

The old woman frowned.

"Why are you so tired,toady ?"

The young girl did look worn out.

"There's an event going to take place in the school."

"And she has been assigned duties to manage it with others." Answered Jina instead of her sister as she took the now a bowl full of rice from her brother.

"Why can't anyone else do it ? Look how tired she looks."

"I am in the student council,eomma."

"I kinda have to do it."Replied Ji-ae.

"No."

"That's not true."Countered Jina.

"You are just doing it because you want the extra credit since you didn't do well in ma---"

"I am not."The other sister said before she could complete her sentence.

"And like you are one to talk."

"You don't have any duties because you didn't attend last two student council meetings because you were busy completing all the pending assignments--"

"Stop lying."Said Jina with a huff.

And Mrs. Kim sighed.

"Girls stop fighting and just finish your meals. You are allowed to do whatever you want after that."

And Jin held back a chuckle as he watched his sisters discreetly swat at each other.

That's how it all should be when you eat together.

Loud and chaotic with all the laughs.

But all these years all he got was silent boring moments.

He truly missed it.

He wants this not that.

★★★★★★★★

Even after all the time he spent in the mansion and differences in the lifestyle.

He quickly got used to his life there.

Waking up,having an early breakfast with his family before the girls went to school, helping his appa in the farm,cooking dinner with his eomma, bickering with the sisters at any given chance.

His old bed wasn't as soft and comfortable as the one he slept on for years. But oddly it brought him more comfort than the other ever could.

Being in the farm, surrounded by animals all the time with his family helped heal a little.

But it was not all flowers all the time. He still did face thrones once in a while.

The memories of mansion sometimes came to haunt him.

How he quickly he turned his phone off when he got any notifications related to them.

He still found himself staring out of the window in daze a lot of time.

How he wasn't able to sleep properly because of some certain dreams.

And how dark circles showed below his eyes the right next day.

Although he wasn't as weary as he was before.

It looked like some new kind of power that was hidden inside his body has showed itself after so long.

He tried to hide all the worries from his family for as long as he could.

And Jin thought that he was doing a good job at it.

He really did thought.

★★★★★★★★★

Jin was getting ready for sleep as he fixed his pillow when he heard a knock on his door.

He sat up properly on the bed and looked at the door.

"Yes ?"

The door opened up and his eomma walked in with a kind smile on her face and two cups of tea.

His lips immediately curled up.

"Wanna give eomma some company ?" She asked.

And Jin nodded.

"Yes,ofcourse."

"Here."The woman passed him his cup and sat down beside him.

"Thankyou."

She stared at him with a look on her face that made Jin avert his gaze.

"How are you,Jinnie ?"

He chuckled avoiding the eye contact.

"What do you mean,eomma ?"

"What do I look like to you ? I'm right here with you all. I am happy,eomma."

And he truly was happy.

After all the love he received these days. How could he not be.

"No,baby."

"I don't mean it like that."

"Ofcourse I know you are happy here. I can see that."

"I can see that on your face."

"In your eyes."

"But I also see something else in your eyes."

"We raised you,baby."

"We know you are hiding something from us."

"We had a feeling for a while now,son."

"And when you came here and we saw you."

"Our suspicion were confirmed."

"Your Appa and I knew but we acted like we were clueless for you."

"But I can see the burden you are carrying."

"And I feel like it's getting heavier day by day."

"I can't just stand aside."

"So,I thought why not loosen your burden a little."

"It might help my child."

"What do you mean ?"Asked Jin softly with a vulnerable expression on his face.

He was a little disappointed in himself that he was not able to hide it.

"See, Jinnie--"

"Since you have been here we never saw you talk to Namjoon."

And at the mention of his husband's name. His posture stiffened up.

And his mom looked at him like she definitely noticed it and was not suprised by his reaction.

"You didn't even mention him even once."

"In the past when you were dating, you were always like Namjoon this Namjoon that,every single day."

"It kinda got a little annoying,you know." She joked in attempts to make the atmosphere lighter.

"But now you don't say his name."

"Forgive me my language but heck you don't even talk about any of your family members."

"There are his brothers and their husbands as well."

"I remember you telling me that the youngest also got married."

"Am I right ?"

"Yeah,he did."

"You never talked about them on the phone and whenever we got the chance to meet you."

"And we didn't really want to intrude."

"I can be really nosy sometimes,you know me."She joked again.

"But these hints were enough for us to get an idea on what was going on ?"

Jin stiffened up again and she shook his head.

"No."

"Don't go all statue on me."She whined.

"Baby."

"I need you to know that it's totally normal."

"Sometimes we have serious conflicts in relationship."

"And some of them can make past them, some can't."

"But both of them are completely normal even with different routes."

"I don't know what is all the issue here. So I can't give you a certain answer."

"Take it like this-"

"Sometimes you have to make very difficult decision in life but remember that-"

"Whatever you decide you need to keep your happiness at the top."

"Don't think about us."

"Your Appa and I shouldn't influence any decision of yours."

"And don't even think about what others say."

"It's about you."

"And ofcourse Namjoon."

"No one is allowed to be involved and influence your decisions in a relationship."

"It's you both."

"No one else."

"Do what you want."

"Do what you think is right."

"Right for you and Namjoon."

"Look within you,you'll find the answers."

"If it's a conflict try to resolve it with everything you have. Don't give up so soon."

"But if it's been a long time and both of you are suffering. Find a solution."

"And I mean fast because it will hurt you both so much that it will not be easy to recover any time,soon."

"Don't think about anything else,yeah ?"

Jin's eyes were filled with tears as he gave her a nod.

"It's okay to be selfish, Jin."

"It is okay."

After a moment of silence. She got up.

"I'll give you some to think about it."

"Goodnight,Jinnie."

"Goodnight,eomma."

"I love you so much,baby."

"We love you so much."

"Your Appa and I just want you happy."

"So,do what makes you happy,alright ?"

"Yeah."He looked at her and smiled.

Soon the older woman was out of the room and he twisted and turned around on the bed with only one thought in his mind.

If it's already been so long.

Then what decision should I take ?

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Hey I hope you guys liked it 💜

Jin is truly lost. He doesn't know what he should do 🙁🤧

Thankyou so much for reading 💜💜✨