Being yanked along by Alara was actually strangely instructive when it came to her stats. If it hadn’t already been clear from her physique, she was hardly lacking in the Strength department, but seeing in action made things more evident. As far as she was concerned, I weighed just about nothing.

Weird, is that even just her Strength? For some reason, I felt partially weightless in a more literal sense, though it might have been a trick of my imagination.

When it came to the girl’s Dexterity, on the other hand, things started to get a bit dicier. Yes, it was pretty obvious she’d invested heavily in her physical stats, but she was hardly some sort of Rogue. As a result, while I was doing my best to get my bearings in between my suddenly jerky and unexpected movement, the trio of swindlers successfully ran out of the bar, leaving us behind.

“Cowardly!” Alara bellowed. “No matter! There will be no running from us!”

Why exactly is this an “us” situation? I wasn’t even the one who got robbed.

As we barged out of the bar, hot in pursuit, I was of half a mind to pull myself away from the warpathed woman.

And then, she jumped. Sprang, really. After locking onto the three men who’d started running down a nearby alleyway, Alara launched herself forward with me in tow.

To say it was a strong jump would have been an understatement. Undeniably, it was a bullshit jump. A fantasy jump. As I flew through the air, attached to the brawler, this time I was even sure of it: There was something wonky going on with our weight. We went higher than I would have expected us to, and I was filled with a strange sense of lightness.

Only for us to come crashing down like meteors, right into the midst of the three. I wasn’t even sure who was more surprised — me or them. A trio of startled yelps joined my pained grunt as we hit the snake-skin-like road.

“Resist not! You cannot escape, cretins!” Thus said, Alara practically flung me away.

Finally free from the overly intent brawler, there was a brief moment where I considered just walking away. After all, I hadn’t wanted to get roped into this in the first place. I hardly felt like I had an obligation here, either, and I wasn’t trying to get shanked by some gamblers on my first outing into the city. Leave, or stay?

Mentally, I shrugged.

I mean, I’ve gotten roped into weirder stuff than this, right? Helping a girl get her purse back isn’t that big a deal. Plus, none of the gamblers even have combat classes. This is probably one of the safer things I’ve done.

What could I say? I went with the flow. That, and I was maybe a little afraid that the extremely bulky woman would turn her prodigious musculature against me if I ran away. It was hard to tell with the righteous types sometimes.

With that decided, I moved. While I’d yet to reach the first Dexterity threshold, it was incredibly clear that the other four hadn’t either. I wasn’t the Flash or anything like that — they certainly saw me coming — but it hardly mattered. Hoping not to immediately jump to violence, I lunged for the purse in the gambler’s hands.

A split second later, I snatched it. I ran past all three of them, leaving the trio sandwiched between Alara and me in the alleyway.

“Hah! Exceptional! Remarkable speed, ally of mine! As for the three of you, you have been bested! Retreat with grace and I will allow you to escape!” Still without a sense for volume, Alara’s each word was blasted out as an announcement to the entire block.

The trio, however, was evidently not interested in “retreating with grace.”

“Grab it back! We spent too long on that to give it up,” the leader called out. “Only two of ‘em. Pale one’s a speedster. Big one’s a brute. Just dodge the muscle-head, focus on the fast one, and we’ll be fine.”

A lot of confidence for a guy whose class skills focus on putting illusions over playing cards. Then again, the two of us were obfuscated. Even if he had an Identification ability, we were in the Commons District. I doubted he expected us to be fighters.

And yet, we were.

All three rushed at me, doing their best to come in from different angles. I considered just running, but then I’d be the one left with the purse, and all three of them would be able to team up on Alara.

Maybe just scare them off? They were, after all, likely thinking this was just some sort of fist fight. Summoning up a spear would doubtless make them think twice, and maybe even help us resolve everything without things devolving into a brawl.

With that in mind, I tossed the coin purse behind me while focusing on my Bind Weapon skill, ready for the familiar weight of my spear to appear in my hands.

And a weapon did materialize.

Just not my spear.

Instead, much to my bemusement, there in my hands was a large pickaxe. All five of us halted in our tracks for a moment, staring at it.

Oh. Right. Despite my near-perfect memory, some things still tended to slip my mind in the heat of the moment.

The pickaxe was one of those things.

Like most of the recent ridiculous additions to my life, it had a very clear cause. In the momentary pause, I sighed.

This… is Suds’ fault, I recalled.

“You’re going to be a real miner! With a pickaxe and a hard-hat and everything!” Suds extended said pickaxe towards me, forcing me to take hold of it. Presently, we were in a sort of training room in the basement of his house, with a variety of “weapons” laid out across a massive stone table.

“Um. Remind me again why you’re making me become a miner?” Part of getting whisked away to a new city in a fantasy world was learning to expect the unexpected. Still, there was a limit. Magic, I could roll with. Mining? I wasn’t so sure.

Suds tapped his foot impatiently, though thankfully restrained himself from flicking me with one of his drops of water. “I told you, girl. We need to pretend you’re part of the house. You know how bad it would be if people found out you were some random kid I picked up off the street?”

Okay, not exactly how that one had gone down, but I’d let him have it.

“We’d look weak! It would essentially look like we hired some random mercenary to represent the chamber. I’m not saying that ‘mysterious granddaughter from an illicit affair with a Yekkish woman’ isn’t kind of scandalous, but we can swing that, at least. What we can’t swing is you being some random sword-mage hybrid. Your kind of build makes you fit in better with the Chamber of Adventure. If you’re my granddaughter, you’re going to be a worker. The people wouldn’t let us have it any other way, and neither would the other chambers.”

And that translated into me… mining?

Wait, that wasn’t right. What was it that my obfuscation necklace was making me show up as? I held it out, scanning it again.

Tess’Astorius: Level 12 Jack of all Professions

That made a little bit of sense. Before I went farther with that train of thought, though, it was time to backtrack.

“Pause. Can I finally get an explanation on this whole ‘Yekkish’ thing? And the ‘dead zone’?” As good as I’d gotten going with the flow, that didn’t mean I didn’t appreciate an actual explanation once in a while.

“Eh? Not much to tell. There are a few tribes up waaaaay up north, and a few of them are situated up in an area where the gods’ influence doesn’t reach. The system breaks down there, so no one who grows up in the area is able to gain levels or interact with the system. Considering that some of those tribes are as scarily pale as you are, I figured it was a much simpler lie than ‘the girl is from another world.’ No one knows jack shit about them, so don’t worry too much about it, yeah? Just be dodgy if anyone asks you what it’s like.”

That did work out pretty well. I wondered how similar the area was to Earth, considering they’d had to develop without the system. Admittedly, that probably didn’t mean they’d developed without magic. I was pretty sure that was independent from the system, especially considering that Dex had been able to perform some form of magic even while on Earth. I wasn’t confident on the details of it all, however.

At least it sounds like I can just make things up if I get called out on it, though. Not that my making-things-up skill was that high, but I’d do my best.

That settled, I returned to the main issue in front of me.

“Fine. Going back to the pickaxe. So you want me to pretend? To have a class that’s focused on professional skills?” I did not remind him that my Deception was still level one. He’d planned this mess, so hopefully he knew what he was doing.

“Exactly! Let’s be honest. You’re never going to pass a seasoned veteran at any profession. No chance at pretending you’re a washer like me or a barber like the boy. If you’re going to be bad at everything, it’ll be much easier to pretend you’re just slightly less-than-bad at everything.”

Okay, rude. I wasn’t too terrible at wood carving. Although maybe that counted as an Artisan skill? I still wasn’t always sure where the lines were between the two chambers.

“So… Mining.” I pictured myself stuck in a cave, hacking away at a stone wall. Maybe it would be therapeutic? I’d had a few clients that swore by sorting their thoughts out with intense physical exercise. Had never really worked for me, but there was a first time for everything?

This time, Suds did flick me with a drop of water. Thankfully, it was on the lighter end of things, not making me drop the pickaxe.

“Not just mining. Everything. It’s a tool, but it’s a weapon, right? I want you to try binding it with your Bind Weapon skill. Let’s see if we can make your class seem like a worker class.”

Well, it was worth a try, I guess. With only one point in the Bind Weapon skill, it would mean I needed to unbind my spear, which I admittedly felt nervous doing. The soulbound weapon was comforting to me, the only thing I’d have access to if I was ever somehow robbed and out of mana. Still, if Suds wanted to do me harm, he’d had plenty of opportunities by now. With some effort, I unbound my soulbound spear. It suddenly appeared before me, clanging to the ground.

That done, I attempted to bind the pickaxe before me. For a brief moment, I felt some resistance, but then it was over. The pickaxe disappeared into wherever my soulbound weapons went. With a thought, I summoned it back again.

“Success. Do I pass?”

Suds clapped me on the back while simultaneously pointing at the rest of the weapons on the table. I spotted a few hammers — one for blacksmithing, one for carpentry? — a garrote that looked suspiciously like a clothesline, a scythe to cut down wheat, and then a few items that could only loosely be considered weapons. A heavy cast-iron pan. A fishing rod. I sincerely doubted that my skill would work on all of them, but Suds seemed intent on having me at least try it.

“I get to bind my spear back once we’re done with this, right?”

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

I’m not going to get to bind my spear back, am I?

I sighed.

The three gamblers halted in their advance as I hefted the bulky pickaxe out in front of me. It wasn’t quite as imposing as a sword or a spear would have been, but it was still a weapon, whereas the others had none.

For a moment, I thought that might be the end of things. Who would be stupid enough to-

The gamblers charged at me.

Oh, right. They’re also kind of drunk aren’t they?

Drunk brawls sadly did not make great environments for reflecting. Either that, or they were far more confident in themselves than I’d expected.

Or they’re calling my bluff. I’m not about to actually hack at some random non-combat classer with a pickaxe, am I? That feels like it would be… frowned on.

I swung it wide in a large, warding blow, forcing them to jump back. They tried to fan out a bit, but the width of the alleyway made it hard.

The pause was all that Alara needed. Despite their earlier hubris, caught between us, there wasn’t much they could do.

Surprisingly, though, Alara didn’t send out a punch or a kick. As soon as she closed the distance to the closest of the three, she simply gave him a light tap on the shoulder.

The man crumpled to the ground with a shout.

Tunnel-visioned, the other two rushed me again, and I was forced to backstep to avoid a clumsy blow. On hearing their companion’s cry, however, they turned back for a second, their confusion a mirror to my own.

It looked like the guy was doing his best to get off the ground, but his shoulder might as well have been glued there. He strained his muscles, grimacing as he tried to lift it, but it stayed put, as if someone were pinning it down.

“What the-”

Too late. Alara dashed to the second of the three, repeating the feat, though this time with one of the man’s arms. Just as the first had, the second toppled down.

Sensing his number was up, the leader of the three backed up against the wall of the alley, trying to face both of us at once. Seemingly from nowhere, a small knife appeared in his hand, and he waved it in front of himself menacingly.

“All right. No trouble now. Keep the purse, but you leave us alone. Maybe you can take me, but no sense in getting stabbed over it, yeah? Just walk away, and we’ll do the same.”

Weird time to be bargaining, dude. At least he’s finally getting that he’s outmatched.

Despite the knife held out towards her, Alara simply laughed, each peal of laughter loud enough to raise the dead. “Knowing when to retreat is an invaluable part of battle! I will accept your surrender!”

Even as she said this, her arm was moving, jabbing out towards the gambler. Before he could process what was happening, she slapped at his midsection, and much like the others, he toppled down.

“Alas, I have learned from your trickery! If I leave without you taken care of, you may attempt to steal the purse back when our backs are turned, so you may sit tight!” She threw her hands to her hips and smiled at the three men she’d essentially single-handedly taken care of. “Remember this as the day that you were bested by Ala- Um. Alex! Bested by Alex! Hahaha!”

Well, this was weird. But all’s well that ends well? The fighting was over, and all that was left was to give Alara her money back and then I could get the hell away from the drama.

I walked back to where I’d thrown the purse and bent down to pick it up. “I think this belongs to y-” Right as my hand wrapped around it, the words caught on my breath.

Without warning, my body froze up.

Completely.

Even my breathing grew labored, as if whatever muscles were responsible for my lungs expanding had suddenly gone on strike. The feeling was overwhelmingly unpleasant.

Did she use whatever weird ability she has on me?

But no, I wasn’t on the ground. This was something different.

A moment later things became clear as a new voice sounded out from behind me.

“In the name of the Sylum Guard, please remain frozen.”

Had I had better control over my breathing, I would have sighed. Instead, I sent out a silent prayer.

Hey various gods. Please let me not get arrested on my first outing. Please?