Many people are prepared to deal with loss, but not many know what to do when they’ve completely lost it.

Emryn couldn’t function. Seth’s face when he saw her was playing on loop in her mind. It couldn’t be him. She had seen his body.

That wasn’t Seth. That was O’Connor. Mallax’s boss and Abrax’s enemy.

That wasn’t her best friend.

“Emryn?” Simone startled her, making her flinch where she was resting. “How are you feeling?”

After her encounter with Mallax made her unresponsive, the group had placed her in a tent to recover. While everyone else was repairing camp and tenting to the wounded, Emryn was sitting alone, trying to make sense of what she saw.

When Simone saw she wasn't going to answer, she wrapped Emryn into a tight side hug. No one knew what to do with her. Zaiden had visited four times before daybreak, but even he couldn’t get her to talk. Emryn could tell they were worried but she needed time to think. How much time, she didn’t know. The day was already almost over and she had been sitting in the same spot for hours.

“Alex is trying to make a bomb from scratch right now.” Simone laughed. “You should see him. Man’s like an elf before Christmas.” Emryn was too tired to figure out what that meant. Staring off, she fidgeted with the straw bracelet. The one Seth had made her all those years ago.

Simone sighed. “I’m gonna go check on Alex.”

Left by herself again, Emryn felt like she could finally breathe again. Abrax was loud outside the tent walls. She heard their whispering; judging her, wondering why she wasn’t able to catch O’Connor. If they knew the truth, it would only make them trust her less. They’d think she was a spy, waiting for the right moment to sell their secrets to the enemy.

Emryn dug the heels of her palms into her eyes out of frustration. This was worse than she thought. Taking a few hard breaths, she finally got enough motivation to move. Once she opened the tent flap, she noticed it was sundown. She paused to watch.

A moment later a small bird flew into her tent, nearly hitting her in the process. She swatted it away when its heavy wings started flapping too close to her face. Annoyed that it wouldn’t leave her alone, she used her ability to guide it out. Her arms were aching again. Emryn went back into the tent and tried to massage the pain away.

Leaning up against a table, she noticed a small slip of paper. It stood out against the rest with its crumbled up edges and yellow tint. Had it been there the whole time? Lifting the page up, Emryn unfolded the creases. On one side was a hand drawn picture of what looked like a stream. On the other was one word, a word she’d learned early on: Promise. Seth left this message. How and when he was able to sneak into the camp unnoticed?

Emryn shoved the message into her pocket, determined never to look at it again. Seth had made a lot of promises to her in the past, and wasn’t able to keep any of them.

You didn’t keep yours either.

Emryn massaged her temples but in reality felt more like slamming her head against a wall. Maybe it was best to find him and get all the answers straight from the source. Seth or O’Connor, whatever his real name was, had a lot to answer for.

Moving through the camp unapproached was a lot easier when the only four people she talked to were busy. No one dared to even look at her. Guess coming back to the camp covered in blood really left an impression.

The note in her pocket was like a weight pulling her down. She shouldn’t be doing this. Emryn grabbed the chakram at her back and spun it around her hand. The blood had long been cleaned off, making her markings more noticeable. Seth’s name was still carved next to hers.

Two things once lost and now found.

Emryn searched the surrounding areas for one that matched the drawing, eventually coming to a stream that branched off from the river where the bridge was set to collapse. Her eyes scanned the forest. The vines and hanging branches make it closed off and private. A perfect meeting spot. Overhead, the sun had gone down, leaving a full moon in the sky.

Taking a deep breath, Emryn got closer. She spotted him quickly. His lean figure stood against a tree. It was like he wasn’t even trying to hide.

Emryn circled around so she was behind him. A few quick silent steps up the tree and she was right above him. It would be so easy to kill him. To finally end everything. But as her hand gripped her blade, it shook.

“What’s a best friend?” “Me. Now stay on topic here.”

Seth’s words from so long ago played through her mind and she blinked her sorrows away. It might not even be him, but she was hesitating. She couldn’t kill him.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t get some answers.

Emryn dropped down from the tree behind him. In one quick fluid motion, she pinned him to the ground on his stomach. He rolled from underneath her, throwing her off with surprising force and switching their positions. His arms held her shoulders down but his grip slipped when their eyes met.

O’Connor’s jaw slacked slightly as he took her in. His brown hair fell over his eyes, which were now wide as he looked at her. Emryn glared. She didn’t give him a chance to say anything, knowing it would weaken her resolve. Emryn brought her knee up and hit his stomach.

His hold on her diminished and Emryn grabbed him to switch their positions once more. Her legs went over his waist so she was straddling him and she pulled the chakram from her back. To prevent him from making more of a struggle, she pressed the blade firmly against his throat.

She needed answers. All these years she had thought he was dead, but now he returned and had become her enemy. This couldn’t be the Seth she grew up with.

“Who are you?” she agonized.

Moments went by and he didn’t say anything. The bright blues of his eyes darted around her face, seemingly lost and confused. He almost looked hurt. When he finally made a move to answer, Emryn pressed her blade with more force, cutting him off.

“I’ll know if you lie,” she warned.

His breathing matched hers. The steady rise and fall of his chest was slow and patient. For someone with a knife to his neck, he sure was calm.

“There’s no point in lying when you already know the answer to your question,” he replied. Emryn swallowed the lump in her throat. It wasn’t true… it couldn't be true.

“He died. Over seven years ago,” she argued. “You can't be him.”

He moved forward but Emryn pussed him back down, accidentally cutting into his neck. It was barely a graze and would start bleeding soon.

“I didn’t die,” he reasoned. “Maybe I should have, but I’m still here.” Emryn’s hand was shaking. She didn’t decipher if it was because she wanted what he said to be true or because she didn’t. If this really was Seth, then that meant that he left her by choice.

He cautiously reached a hand up and steadied her shaking wrist. His eyes traveled from hers and onto the straw bracelet. Realization and relief flooded his face. “You still have it,” he whispered, the corners of his mouth lifting. His finger curled around the bracelet but she used her free hand to pin his arms down.

“You’re not him,” she sobbed, a stray tear dripping down from her left eye. The tear dropped onto his face. It stayed on his cheek as all he could do was stare at her in shock. They were closer now, faces mere breaths apart, and Emryn could see the scars on the left side of his face.

“Seth died,” she whispered as more tears came out of her eye.

“I can prove it to you.”

Emryn looked at him, waiting for an answer. She was too overwhelmed to talk.

O’Connor took a deep breath and met her eyes again. “In my right pocket you’ll find the bracelet you made for me.” Emryn blinked back her tears as he continued. “It’s too old and worn down to wear on my wrist but I never go anywhere without it,” he informed. In any other circumstance, Emryn might have blushed. “Reach into my pocket and take it out. I promise I won’t do anything.” He wasn’t lying but that made her even more nervous.

Slowly, Emryn let go of his arms. Her hand slipped into his pocket and felt the rough texture of hay, poorly braided and falling apart. Emryn leaned back and held the bracelet in her palm. She was going to cry again.

She never knew breathing could be so difficult.

Seth started to rise and on instinct she pushed the chakram down. Blue eyes met hers, so calm and relaxed. It still felt like a dream. He prompted himself up and his elbows, a cool smirk on his lips, and Emryn stopped applying pressure to the blade. Seth kept getting closer and her chakram eventually drifted away.

Arms went around her and she sobbed into his shoulder. She was feeling so many things at once. The fear and relief became an odd mix in her stomach but got overshadowed by her happiness. Seth was alive and he was here. His arms felt like home.

“Seth,” she cried. Pulling him up from the ground, she wrapped herself around him. She was still on his lap but didn’t feel the need to let go. She was never letting go.

“I’m here, Sunshine.” His voice was soothing as he spoke into her hair. “I’m here.”

I promise.

Emryn balled her fists into his shirt, clutching to the material. She could finally fulfill her promise. “Emryn,” she said. “My name is Emryn McCannon.” She felt him pause from underneath her before he chuckled with relief.

“Emryn,” he repeated, testing the name on his tongue. “Emryn,” he whispered again.

He laughed joyfully and Emryn couldn’t stop herself from joining in. This felt so peaceful and surreal. As time passed, she didn’t dare to remove her head from his shoulder, content to breathe him in a little more.

After a moment, Seth spoke again and she could feel his voice vibrate in his chest. “I like Sunshine better,” he joked. Emryn laughed through the tears and held him tighter.

She missed him. Even as she was so close to him, she missed him.

Finally, she pulled away. He had changed so much but there was no doubt it was him. Her eyes shifted to his hair. It was draker than it used to be. Gently taking her hand off his shoulder, she ran her fingers through his hair.

“It used to be blonde,” she whispered, pulling her hand away.

“Hair dye doesn’t last that long. I outgrew it.” He smiled, running a knuckle under her right eye. The one infected with salice. “Your eyes used to be the same color.” The way he spoke and admired her wasn’t full of shame or disgust. He wasn’t scared of her. No, he was entranced.

Emryn lightly traced the scar along his brow and jaw. Her eyes drifted to his neck. She had been sure she had cut it but there wasn’t a scratch on him. Moving her hand down, she inspected his neck, looking for evidence but found none.

A rustle from the bushes startled her, making her look around in panic. “Get up,” she advised but Seth remained still. She looked down on him to find a teasing smile.

“It’s just a squirrel and I can’t get up if you’re still on top of me.” Emryn shot up and backed away from him. Her face was heated with embarrassment. She hadn’t even noticed she was still on him. Emryn quickly regained her composure while Seth brushed the dirt off his pants.

“Now don’t get me wrong,” he said, “it wasn’t a terrible position to be in but it’s kind of hard to have a conversation, or , as you suggested, ‘get up’.”

Emryn brushed off his comment and then remembered the cut. She eyed his neck warily.

“How?” she whispered. Their eyes met. “Are you like me?” It sounded almost desperate when she asked but she needed this. Answers to questions that had been in her head for too long. “How are you alive?” Emryn asked louder.

Seth scrunched his brows together, avoiding eye contact as he considered something. “I’m similar to you but I don’t think I can do all the things that you can.” Seth’s hand reached for the chakram she had discarded. “But I can do this.” Seth dug the blade into his arm, so quick Emryn couldn’t stop him.

Panicked, she covered his bleeding arm with her hand. Only then did she notice the discoloration of his blood. Emryn froze. His blood matched hers. She slid her hands away, still in shock. He was like her.

Emryn watched as Seth’s skin threaded back together seamlessly. Left with no marks or blemishes on his skin. “I’m a healer,” he said, eyeing her cautiously. “But that’s pretty much all I can do. Heal myself or other people.”

Other people? Emryn couldn’t heal other people. Seth had only been in the labs for a few months and that’s all it took to develop this ability? It had taken her fourteen years before any progress showed.

“Is that how you got out?”

“In a way.” He scratched the back of his neck. Seth was nervous about whatever he was going to tell her next, which made Emryn uneasy.

“When I was taken in for more testing, I noticed a few chemicals my mother used to mix together in order to simulate death. Once I got the chance, I stole them.” He paused. “But I didn’t remember the right portions to use and messed it up. I should have died when I drank it but the next thing I knew I was waking up inside a bag in the middle of a waste area with a new ability and chance to go home.”

But that would mean…

“You chose to leave me?” Emryn’s heart was pounding. Why would he do that? He promised to help her escape but he left her behind.

Seth stopped moving, staring wide-eyed. Like the weight of her words had created a wound he couldn’t heal. But what he’d done made her feel the exact same way. This hurt. More than anything else in the world.

“I didn’t choose anything,” he argued. “I wasn’t given a choice. If I hadn’t left, I would have died in there. I wanted to take you with me but–”

“But you left me behind instead!” Emryn felt abandoned. She had been kicked out of his life like it was the easiest thing. “You knew what it was like there,” her voice cracked. “You knew and you still left me. You left me with them!” A painful pause. “For seven years. ” The tears were back but this time they stemmed from grief. “You think that how they treated you was bad? Everyday was pure torture for me. They ripped into me to try and make me forget you.” She struggled to take a breath. “But I couldn’t forget. I grieved you.”

Emryn wiped the tears from her eye. Her right eye never let any fall. “But it turns out I was better off forgetting you.”

“Don’t say that,” he pleaded. “I waited for you.”

“Clearly,” she seethed.

“I waited for you,” Seth repeated. “I waited, even when they told me you were dead.”

The look he gave her sent a chill down her spine. It was the same determined look he had made many times when they were younger.

“I waited hours after they told me. And hours turned to days, and days turned into weeks,” he continued. “Eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that you weren’t coming back. So I left. But I had no idea I was also leaving you.”

Emryn choked back another sob. “But it’s too late now.”

“It isn’t too late.” Seth reached for her hand but she stepped away.

“Yes it is,” she said. “We can’t go back to who we were before.”

Seth swallowed hard. He couldn’t meet her eyes. “Because you’ve sided with Abrax?” The way he said it made her almost feel ashamed.

Almost.

“And you’re leading Mallax,” she quipped. “You’re not just Seth anymore. You’re O’Connor.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” he pleaded. “I have always been Seth O’Connor.” He held a hand to his chest. “I have always been this. I’m still the same kid you met in those laboratories.”

Emryn shook her head and backed away. This may have be Seth but he had changed.

“Emryn please,” he struggled to say. “Come back with me. We can finally be together again. . I can give you a real home.” An outstretched hand was held out but she didn’t take it.

She had been in places like this before. People asking her to join them, to trust them, but it always ended with her in a cage.

Officials in the labs drilled that into her mind at an early age.

Never trust someone based on their word. Trust based on their actions.

And Seth had been the one ordering all the attacks on Abrax.

Mustering up a glare, Emryn spoke as clear and unwavering as she could. “I already have a home. And you’re the one standing in the way of keeping it safe.” The glow of her power came as she pulled the chakram out of Seth’s hands.

“You’re seriously going to go back to them?” Seth asked in disbelief. “You want to go back to people that are so clearly afraid of you?”

Emryn clenched her jaw. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really? You think I don’t know?” he said with a hurt and broken smile. “I saw how they looked at you Emryn. That wasn’t care, it was fear.”

“I’d rather stay with people that fear me than go back to someone that I know will abandon me.”

Seth scoffed. “You think they won’t?”

Emryn struggles to stay calm. “You should go,” she said. “Before I decide to take you to Abrax.”

Seth took a step back and glared.

“Leave and take all your soldiers with you. Get far away from here and don’t come back,” she warned.

It might be a mistake to let him go but a part of her still cared for him. Maybe there always would be.

But it wasn’t enough to betray Abrax. She wouldn’t betray Zaiden.

“Fine,” he whispered, then looked into her eyes. “I hope this isn’t something you’ll regret.”

Then he took off through the jungle of vines and trees. Emryn watched him for as long as she could see him. Once he was out of sight she fell down to her knees and cried out broken sobs and silent pleas.

She didn’t want it to be like this. But pain seemed to follow her wherever she went.