"Focus, Tygris," snapped Moody.

Like yesterday, were working on our wandless magic and I couldn't focus at all, which Moody obviously noticed.

While everyone's wand flied through the room occasionally, Moody had instructed me to try it non-verbally, and that didn't work at all. Ever since yesterday, my mind had been running highwire. I definitely couldn't concentrate on wandless magic. Even if it had been a simpler branch of magic, I doubted that I would've managed to do it.

Marlene nudged my side, and my attention snapped back to the man with the magical eye and a very scarred face.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head in hopes that it would help clear my mind. "I'm... Just a little distracted."

"Well, don't be." Moody held his hands behind his back and turned away from me, not before giving me a disapproving glance, though. "A Death Eater won't care why they've managed to kill you so easily, too."

I sighed when he went away. Just great. I'd forgotten how much Moody's disappointment hurt. I was a proud person, okay?

And he hadn't exactly helped with his mention of Death Eaters. For the whole day, all I'd been thinking about was how to manage and detect Dark Magic filled artifacts, and whether I'd done the right thing in trusting a Death Eater. Would Aurors ever learn about Horcruxes, and would it bee too risky to ask about them? Those weren't your usual information you'd find in a public library.

"He's got a point, you know?" Marlene frowned at me. "What is it with you today?"

I stared at her, opening my mouth to answer before I realised that I didn't know what to reply. I'd promised to keep quiet, and if Regulus was right, I'd endanger her if I didn't.

So I closed my mouth again, only to shrug and answer anyway. "Dunno, I'm sorry. Bad day."

"Accio." Marlene caught her wand and faced me again. "Oh. I'd offer to hang out with you after the lessons, but I promised Lily, Dorcas and Alice that I'd hang out with them again. You might come al-"

"No, no!" I interrupted hastily. "I don't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't," Marls interjected.

"Even so, no thanks. I appreciate it, but I think I want to stay at home today."

Marlene studied my face for a little longer, but then gave me a faint smile, nodding.

While she was walking across the room to lay her wand back down, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes briefly.

It felt weird to not tell my best friend something as important as this. I couldn't shake the nagging guilt off of me.

You can do this. After all, it's just one lie more on your massive pile of lies, it won't do much difference.

Yeah, I had to improve my motivational skills.

"You know what?" Marlene had returned and I quickly focused on her. "Just go back to verbal wandless magic for now. You won't be able to fulfill your potential when you're already exhausted, and it won't do much if you just strain yourself."

"Moody is gonna be pissed, though," I mumbled, carefully eyeing our short tempered teacher. He wasn't paying attention to us (not with his normal eye, at least).

"So?" Marlene put a hand on my shoulder, holding me in a side hug. "Stop yearning for other people's approval, you don't have to do that! You have to take a step back, and that moody paranoid has to accept that. This is training, after all."

Oh, sweet, sweet Marlene. Always managing to put a smile on my face.

"Okay." And although it took a while for me to get into the verbal wandless magic, too, Marlene just kept encouraging me.

~~~~

"There they are!" With his arms outstretched and grinning his trademark smirk, Sirius was waiting for us in the Ministry's entrance hall. "How was work?"

"Ugh," Marlene grumbled, intertwining her arm with Sirius' while I stood there like the third wheel I was. "As interesting as the lessons are, it's still more school than anything else. I can't wait to get started with the missions."

"That'll only happen after new year though," I reminded her. I still remembered the sighs of disappointment when Moody had hyped us for the missions, only to tell us that we would only start in January a few weeks later.

Honestly, who thought he'd be good with aspiring Aurors?

"Shush, Frey, no need to remind me." She weakly flapped her free arm in my direction, before turning to Sirius. "Wait, why are you here?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Can't a loving boyfriend just pick up his girlfriend and a great friend after a long day of Alastor Moody?"

Marls squinted her eyes at him. "Not if it's you."

Sirius raised his hands in mock surrender, efficiently making Marlene let go of his arm. "Okay, you got me. I remembered that you wanted to hang out with the other girls today, so I thought I'd keep Frey some company and finally meet that dog."

My stomach churned- for more than one reason.

Excitedly, because Sirius wanted to hang out with me, and that always gave me the butterflies-

But also horrified, because I would spend time with him after I'd found out about his little brother's personal mission. One that I wasn't supposed to tell him about.

"Oh," I said, caught off guard. "Alright."

"Well, that settles it, then." Marlene smiled nonchalantly, looking at both of us. "You can go ahead, then, because I've told Alice that I'd meet her here."

Riiight, Alice was in the Auror programm a little behind us.

"Alright." Sirius bent down to Marlene and gave her a quick peck on the lips. (It happened so fast that I couldn't even turn away in time.) Then he jokingly held his arm out for me to take. With a "Bye Marls, have a great time!", I took Sirius' arm (ignoring the butterflies) and we walked out of the Ministry.

"I hope this is okay with you. I don't want to force my company on you, I didn't even know if you were free today."

"No, it's alright," I reassured. "But then I suggest we just go to my mum's place and take her for a walk. We can't just take the dog with us when my mother is at work and doesn't know about it."

"Whatever you say," Sirius replied. "I don't know how healthy mother-child-relationships work, so you do you."

Oh well. "Yeah," I said awkwardly. Although I knew it was meant as a joke, I couldn't help but feel the weight of the statement sink in.. Mostly because I partly knew how he must've been feeling.

I almost choked on my spit when I felt Sirius take my hand.

My eyes bulged out of my head, but before I could ask him what the hell he thought he was doing, Sirius beat me to it. Thank goodness for that; it would've been very embarrassing if I had screamed at him, totally flustered. My years of hiding would've been in vain, yeehaaw.

Control your damn feelings, Freya!

"Now, let's apparate us away from here." Sirius squeezed my hand softly, and I took a deep breath to calm my heart rate. Merlin, this had been way too much for my weak little heart. Now I had to make sure that I wouldn't splinter us out of pure emotional damage.

I cleared my throat, closed my eyes and (successfully) disapparated us to my mum's apartment.

After I'd opened the front door, we were met with a small auburn and white furball. She and Sirius immediately bonded, and I had my suspicions to why that was. Although the little Breton dog was a little sad to find out that her visitors weren't my mother, she still happily wagged her stump of a tail. The way Sirius kneeled down to her and the way he enthusiastically talked to her in the typical puppy voice almost let me think that he'd accidentally turn into his animagus form on the spot to play properly. Padfoot indeed.

While the two were busy getting to know one another, I quickly scribbled down a note for my mum, telling her that a friend and I were walking Marley, incase my mother came home early and wondered where her dog was.

So I grabbed some treats and wrestled the collar around the over-excited dog, before gesturing Sirius to come with me and get out of the apartment.

"We should go through a park, because Miss Madame here," I pointed my chin at the already panting dog trying to pull me across the street, "thinks she's invulnerable. Seriously, you should see the way she jumpes into brambles just because there might be a bird or mouse or anything to hunt. So I don't feel comfortable with her around cars."

"I see." Sirius grinned, his eyes not leaving the young dog. "Then let's get started. Do you think Hyde Park is too far away for her?"

I shook my head. That was only a few miles, and Marley ran those in her sleep (literally; she dreamt of running and chasing and her legs always twitched in her sleep). "Definitely not, we're gonna be exhausted before her."

"Energetic, I see."

"That doesn't even scratch the surface, but there's no better word for it yet, so yes."

He chuckled. "She's adorable."

I couldn't deny that. Whenever I visited Mum and walked the dog, we often got approached by strangers, telling us how cute she was.

We were quiet on our way to the center of the city. It was early evening, but very dark since it was December, and the streets were only illuminated by passing cars, light coming from windows or Christmas decorations and street lamps. A setting that would've been romatinc, hadn't I forbidden myself to think of Sirius and me that way.

Sirius had taken the leash and kept talking about a motorcycle he wanted to buy and bewitch, and I just smiled and listened to him talking.

"Er..." I was about to go left when Sirius stopped. He looked hesitant, staring at the street sign. "Maybe we could.. Ehm, not go through here?"

I had never paid any attention to the streets before, because that was the way I usually took to get into the city, but Sirius made me come to a halt. I followed his eyes to the street sign.

Grimmauld place.

Oh. Oops.

"Yeah, sure," I said and continued to walk straight ahead. "Sorry; I never noticed."

Sirius didn't reply and just nodded, and I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Something that hadn't happened to me in his presence in a very long time.

And of course, the street name and the silence around us made my thoughts return to Regulus.

What was he doing right now? Was he at home, or was he currently trying to find the Horcurx already?

This not knowing was a whole different kind of torture. I was actually really worried for him, and I felt a little guilty for letting Regulus deal with all of this on his own.

But he'd refused to accept more help. He just wanted me to know, and I couldn't tell anyone yet.

But especially with Sirius by my side, I was so tempted.

It was his little brother after all! Sirius could be proud of him for finding the right path after all, that's all he'd ever wanted for Regulus.

So I took a deep, shaky breath. Maybe Regulus had tried to contact him, too. "Have you heard from Regulus recently?"

The question obviously confused Sirius. He didn't even try to hide it and just stared at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Not since we saw him on the map, fortunately. Why?"

I gulped.

You promised.

So I shook my head. "Just wondering. Maybe he's tried to reach out to you or anything, I don't know. I just wondered if he's maybe found his way back to you."

Sirius' expression was grim as he looked back at the dog in front of him. "No. And at this point, I've given up on him."

My heart clenched. No. Why would he give up now, of all times, when Regulus was trying to fix his past mistakes!? Of course Sirius didn't know that yet, but I was scared that it would be too late for Regulus to explain himself whenever he returned.

"You shouldn't say that." My voice quivered. I couldn't say more, and that made me feel utterly miserable.

"I know, but I've tried, Frey," Sirius' voice was quiet, and it wasn't difficult to hear the sadness in it. "And I have to stay rational. He's in way too deep."

"Maybe he's in for a few surprises." Maybe I'd regret those words later, but I couldn't just watch this happen without saying anything. "Who knows? Yeah, it's better to stay rational, but a little hope never hurt anybody, right?"

"Yeah, maybe." I think Sirius just said that to drop the topic, so I closed my mouth with a very heavy heart.

Merlin, how I hoped that everything would turn out alright. I didn't want Sirius to think he'd lost his brother; I could only imagine the type of pain that must cause.

I gulped, almost regretting that I'd brought the Regulus subject up. What had I been thinking? Of course that was a mood killer!

Frantically trying to save the evening, I looked around, until my eyes got caught on the night sky. I smiled unconsciously.

"That's Auriga, isn't it?"

Sirius was confused at first, but then followed my gaze and started laughing. So loud and genuine that even Marley in front of us turned around to see what was happening.

"Oh, Frey, I love you, seriously - but Astronomy really isn't your strength, oh Merlin."

Well, yeah, but my attention got stuck on that I love you. My heart jumped excitedly at the words, but clenched at the same time, knowing it was meant platonically.

But hey, at least I'd heard him say 'I love you' to me- and platonic or not, it meant the world to me.

Even though he was making fun of me, I couldn't help but laugh with him. My face was probably a weird mix of trying to look angry, but actually laughing.

"It is very obvious that you're missing out on those tuition lessons," he continued to laugh. "That's Orion, they don't even look the same!"

I lightly slapped his arm. "They do, if you forget a few lines and connections! Which is very easy!"

Sirius was still chuckling, shaking his head slowly. "Yeah, of course."

Then he added under his breath: "And I thought you were pretty good by the end of seventh year - what a hard fall."

"Hey!"

His laughter only increased.

But hey, at least I'd managed to lift his mood again.

Hiccstrid makes me smile so hard, oml