So I've never caught a live grenade

with my bare hands.

So I don't know exactly how it feels,

but I imagine it's a lot like getting a text

that says, "Hey, we really need to talk."

The last time I received one of these

messages, I called immediately

and she said,

"I'm going into labor."

My initial thought was,

I don't know much about unions,

but that seems like a good idea.

Before I couldn't actually say that,

she continues with,

"I know I should've told you sooner

...we're having a baby.

Can you come to the hospital?"

And this is how I found out

I was becoming a father.

Most men have nine months to get ready

for something like this, but I had

about nine hours.

I tried to smile in my first family photo,

but complete shock was still the only

outfit my face could squeeze into.

After the picture was taken. I looked down

at my little girl and I said,

"Welcome to the family. Wow.

You sure know how to make an entrance."