《helium》Rifle II

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On average,

the Mexican government

confiscates approximately

38,00 illegal firearms per year.

After the guns are taken,

they get dismantled

and the metal is used to make

other types of weapons

that will later be utilized by their military.

In 2012,

Pedro Reyes,

an artist from Mexico City,

convinced his government

to donate the guns to him

so he could turn them into

musical instruments.

So somewhere

there is a tambourine

a drum set, a guitar

all made out of things

that were used to take people's lives

but now they create a sound

that puts life back into people's bodies,

which is to say,

a weapon will always be a weapon

but we choose how we fight the war

and from this I learned that even our most

destructive instruments can still create a melody

worth dancing to

and sometimes isn't that also called a battle?

I wonder how long it took to convince

the first rifle that it could hold a note

instead of a bullet, but still fire into a crowd

and make everyone move.

When I was six,

I was taught how to throw a punch.

In the 80s, that was the anti-bullying movement.

The first time one of my classmates

took a yo mamma joke a little too far,

I remembered all of my training.

I hit the boy in the face,

I turned his nose into a fountain

My fist was five pennies.

I closed my eyes,

I made a wish,

I came home with bloody knuckles,

and it was the first piece of

artwork we hung on the fridge.

I remember staring at my hands

the same way you stare at a midterm

when all your answers are correct.

I had no idea what class this was

but I did know I was passing

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and isn't that what masculinity has become?

A bunch of dudes afraid of their own feelings,

terrified of any emotion other than anger,

yelling at the shadows on the wall,

but still haven't realized

that we're the ones standing in front of the light.

We learn how to dodge a jab,

we learn how to step in before we swing,

we learn that the heart is the same size as a fist,

but we keep forgetting they don't have the same functions.

We keep telling each other to man up

when we don't even know what that means.

We turn our boys into bayonets,

points them in the wrong direction,

pull their triggers and fail to acknowledge

all the damage they are doing in the distance.

The word "repurpose"

means to take an object

and give it amnesia.

It means to make something forget what

it's been trained to do so you can

use it for a better reason.

I am learning that this body is not a shotgun.

I am learning that this body is not a pistol.

I am learning that a man is not defined

by what he can destroy.

I am learning that a person

who only knows how to fight

can only communicate in violence

and that shouldn't be anyone's first language.

I am learning that the difference between

a garden and a graveyard is only what

you choose to put in the ground.

One day,

I came across a picture of a strange-looking violin.

The caption said it was made out of a rifle

and I was like,

someday

that can be me.

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