We left the guys behind and Perrie brought me upstairs.

"Are you ok?" Perrie asked me once we got to my room.

She shut the door and we sat on my bed.

"Not really." I said, my eyes watering.

Perrie came over to me and pulled me in for a hug.

We stood there embracing for a while.

Perrie finally pulled away.

"Tell me what your thinking." She said.

"I want to go home." I said.

"You don't mean that." Perrie told me.

"I don't. But I don't want to stay here." I said.

She just sighed.

I laid my head in her lap and she played with my hair.

"Why don't you sleep on it." Perrie said. "If you still want to go home when you wake up, you can come with me. I leave next week anyway."

I nodded and got up, changing into a batman t-shirt and some spandex.

I took off my makeup and my contacts out and put my hair in a messy bun.

Perrie and I got under the blankets.

I put my headphones in and turned on my music.

Slowly falling asleep to Often by The Weeknd.

################

The next morning when I woke up, Perrie wasn't in the room.

I rolled over and put on my glasses.

I picked up my phone and clicked it on, it was 12:42 in the afternoon.

Suddenly, the door opened and I turned to face it.

"Well good morning Sleeping Beauty." Perrie said.

She was already dressed with her hair and makeup done.

I rolled my eyes and got back under the blankets.

"It looks like the princess needs to sleep for another year or so before she'll be in a good mood." Perrie said.

"Shut up." I muttered.

"Yup, shes in a bad mood." Perrie said.

"So should I not be here?" Someone asked.

"Nope." I said from under the blankets.

"C'mon Jordyn." They said.

I slowly came out from under the blankets and saw Ricky.

"Hi Ricky." I said.

"Hi Jordyn." He said, laughing softly.

He sat down on the bed next to me.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat." Perrie said, leaving.

"So whats up?" I asked.

"Jordyn." Ricky said.

"What?" I sighed.

"What was that all about yesterday?" He asked.

I muttered some things under my breath that Ricky couldn't understand.

"What was that?" Ricky said.

"Nothing." I said.

"Ok, well the other night when they were talking about it, I was there but had no idea what was going on so I just thought you would be able to tell me." He said.

I clenched my teeth at the thought of the other night when they thought I was asleep and started talking my secret.

"You look mad." Ricky said slowly.

"I'm not, what are you talking about." I said.

"Ok, so can you tell me?" He asked.

I sighed.

"I guess, but only because I trust you and you have come to be like another big brother to me," I said.

"Aw, thanks Jordyn. That means alot." He said.

"So, let me start from the beginning. The other day I told Cameron a huge secret. One that only Perrie knew about. I specifically told him not to tell Kian, but what does he do? Goes straight to Kian." I said.

"So what was the secret?" Ricky asked.

I looked down and fiddled with my fingers.

People don't realize how hard things like this is to say.

"Jord?" Ricky said softly.

"I um. Well." My eyes started watering. "I used to, uh, self harm."

Before I could say anything else, Ricky pulled me into a huge bear hug.

I somehow managed to get my arms out from where he trapped them under him, and around him.

We sat there hugging for a while.

When we both finally pulled away, I saw that Ricky also had tears in his eyes.

I wiped under his eye with my hand.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry Ricky." I laughed lightly.

He grabbed my hand that was on his face. "Jordyn, it's fine."

Ricky smiled at me.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Stop apologizing." He told me.

I nodded.

He dropped my hand and I leaned on his shoulder.

"So what now?" Ricky asked.

"I'm thinking about going home." I said bluntly.

"What, no you can't go home." He said loudly, scaring me slightly.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because, you're supposed to be here the whole summer. Why leave early?" Ricky said.

"Are you serious? Why leave early?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Who cares about Cameron? Don't leave because of him." He said.

"I don't know." I said slowly.

"Please stay. I'll make sure this is the best summer of your life if you stay." He told me, sticking out his pinky finger.

I laughed.

"Ok." I wrapped my pinky finger with his.

"Awesome." Ricky smiled.

"Your so weird." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, you should get used to that, since your staying thE WHOLE SUMMER!" He yelled the last part and jumped up and starting dancing.

"Alright." I giggled.

"Lets go to Taco Bell." Ricky said randomly.

"Um ok." I said.

"C'mon." He said.

"Uh." I looked down at my pajamas and put a hand to my bed head. "I look like shit."

"Shut up." Ricky gasped.

"I'm gonna go look less terrible. I'll meet you downstairs." I told him.

Ricky nodded and left my room, closing the door behind him.

I got out of bed and pulled a loose grey t-shirt with a faded batman logo on it and some yellow shorts. I paired it with my grey converse .

I went into the bathroom and washed my face before doing my normal makeup. Cat eye eyeliner with a few coats of mascara and black eyeliner on the waterline and put in my contacts.

Deciding to just straighten my hair, I plugged in my flat iron.

I grabbed my phone and went downstairs, going into the kitchen to take my medicine.

"Ready?" Ricky asked, standing up.

"Yup." I said.

Kian and Connor looked at us questioningly

I heard Ricky tell them where we were going, but I just went to the car.

Ricky came out and unlocked the car.

We both got in and he plugged in his phone, the beginning of Blank Space coming through the speakers.

He turned the volume up and started driving.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

OMG I am so sorry it took me so long to update. I just had really bad writters block and still have it. I have no idea where I am going with this. I just had to update for you guys though.

But today is my birthday! Yaaay! I am officially 15!

The only thing is, the guy I like didn't say happy birthday to me. And he knew about it.

So in choir, I sit next to my friend and she sits next to her boyfriend. And they both know I like him. And my friends boyfriend is friends with my crush.

So my friends boyfriend says his name and starts talking to him. And he was like, "Guess whos birthday it is?" My crush was like, "Hmmmm, I dont know." So my friend points at me. Then her boyfriend says "Yeah, its Sarahs birthday. So you need to give her something." And my crush says "What should I give her?" And my friends boyfriend says "You know." And winks at him. So my crush nods and says "Yeah, I know."

HOLY CRAP!

But he still didn't talk to me. Even though we had the next period together. UGH.

But yeah, follow me on twitter @sxrxh.mxrie and instagram @sxrxh_bxnxnx

Vote and comment for me finally updating.

later lovelies, stay cloudy :)