endorsement

noun

1. the action of endorsing someone or something

2. a note on a driving licence recording the penalty points incurred for a driving offence

Silence followed us home.

When we walked into the foyer, Mum managed to pass her small son off to a maid who helps look after him every day, then she helped Grant wheel me up the mansion lift and into my room. Grant gave a few words of encouragement, then left us to it. Mum helped me wash up, get out of my birthday dress, then she tucked me into bed. She seemed to be extra clingy tonight and stayed with me, sitting on my white bed with a blue blanket from the end of my bed around her shoulders.

"I'm so very grateful for what you did tonight. Lily, you saved my Jac-Jac."

"Mum, if it was me, if I did what Eyva did tonight, would you ever forgive me?" I was facing away from my mother, laying on my bed. She began to pat my back rhythmically. It felt nice. After a while she started talking again, without answering my previous question, but somehow knowing what I needed to hear from her.

"I'm not perfect Lily. But you've always known that. When you were six years old, you came to me with a small bird with a broken wing, crying, because it had flown into your bedroom window pane. You went outside and found it lying in the garden and brought it straight to me, begging me to make it all better. I think that was the first time in your little life that you realised I wasn't a goddess, that I couldn't fix everything, that I wasn't all powerful. You cried even harder when that little birdy died later that night and I think ever since then you began to realise that I couldn't fix all of your problems for you." My mum sighed, and I could feel the burden motherhood has had on her.

"I wanted to give you the world, but instead I feel like I've given you a bunch of broken dreams. I'm sorry, Lily." I turn over in my bed and take her hand, pulling her down beside me.

"Mum, when dad got sick, it was really hard on all of us. When I think back to how it all ended, I think he knew that you had already found life and love again, even during that time of grief." I watched as mum's face clouded with sadness and guilt. She made my dying father out to be a green hat, and her unfaithfulness broke his heart, I think.

"He knew, in the end. I introduced him to Wallace a year ago, showed him Jack, and I told him not to forgive me. But he did anyway. Stupid man." She is crying now.

"I didn't know, that you told him everything." Why didn't you tell me? Is what I wanted to ask her, but its all under the bridge now. Knowing early would have helped me so much during my first 'timeline', but now I don't think it really matters any more.

"I know, and I should have told you as well. You've changed so much, grown so much. Your knee, this new family, your new interests, I think you've really started coming into your own person. I'm proud of you, Honey." She hugged me tight, lying in bed with me. Then her phone rang.

"Hello, yes? Oh, thank goodness. I'm so glad she's OK." Mum talked with Wallace a little longer, then said goodbye. She then turned back towards me and hugged me again, snuggling into me sleepily.

"She's going to be on the mend for a while, but her medical team believe she will pull through well."

"Good. I'm glad, for Wallace and your sake." I murmur.

"Not for her sake?" My mother asks me.

"Nope. She made her own mess, now she has to clean it up herself. Isn't that what you taught me when I was a little girl, Mum?" I asked.

"Yes, I do believe I did. But that doesn't mean you should try do everything on your own all the time. You can come to me for advice and help, with ANYTHING, Lily. Including your multi-million dollar projects. Yeah?"

"Umm... I really wanted to prove that I could do it all on my own, Mum." I turn around in her arms and look her in the eyes. She looks so tired, and a little sad.

"I wanted to prove to you, Wallace, my new extended family, to the accusers from school, to the back stabbers from my past life, to everyone in the whole universe, that I, Lily Twice, could do this thing all on my own." I smile at her, trying to take the sting out of my words. "But occasionally I need my mum to help me into bed, to blow on my owie boo boos, and help me mend a broken heart or two."

"Two broken hearts? Who was it? I'll tear their ears off!" She mock huffed, pretending to be mama-bear.

"No one yet, but always know that I'll be coming to you for break-up drinks and chocolate, OK?" I giggle and my mum is laughing. Then we sober up, remembering our new family member is in hospital.

"She'll be all right, Mum." We lay silently for a while again, then just as I'm falling off to sleep, I hear my mum quietly whisper.

"You're so much like your father. He had to do everything on his own as well..."