intellect

noun

1. the faculty of reasoning and understanding objectively, especially with regard to abstract matters.

2. a person's mental powers.

3. a clever person.

"What are you giggling at, Lily? What's got you all happy?" My mum interrupts my inner monologue.

"I was remembering a play that Marc and his team played last weekend that ended up backfiring and he wiped out on the court." I smile at my mother, pulling a story from school out of my arse. I seem to have inherited the 'lying' ability since my rebirth and trip back in time. Now that is a skill that I didn't have 'before'.

"Marc is the volleyball captain, isn't he? Are you interested in him at all? Because if you are, I can give his mum a call for you if you want to go out on a date with him?" She is smiling, and serious about the offer, which only makes me cringe inside. If this was me 'before' I'd be yelling at her by now about how she was butting into my life and to leave me alone, all in an attempt and covering up my embarrassment.

I just shake my head and smile at her.

"That OK, mum. I don't think I'm ready to date so soon after dad's funeral, and if I want to go out with Marc on a date, I think it would be best if I ask him out myself, don't you think?"

She turns instantly pale and I realise I put my foot in it. She's obviously already talking with Wallace Overmeyer about the marriage so soon after her husband's death but is really afraid of talking to me about it all.

'Oh, mum.' I sigh and wave her over to the couch seat beside me, patting it for her to sit down. She pauses a little then decides to join me.

"I know about Wallace." I rub her arm and take her hand. "And I know about Jac-jac." Her hand tightens in mine and I briefly squeeze it to reassure her. I put my head on her shoulder so I don't have to show her my face, nor the emotions on it and start talking to her. To be honest, I'm not certain of my emotions about it all right at that moment, but I didn't want to show her anything out of the ordinary.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through so much with Dad and his sickness. He took so long to die and you and I had to live through all of that. I hate what it did to you and our family, I miss him so much, but its time to move on. I learned about Wallace and his children a few years ago, and knew you were pregnant back then with Jack." I lie about that part, I had no idea Jack was hers until right before my death. But I need her to relax about all of this, let me be apart of her new family instead of trying to tack me onto the side of the new unit without the right shaped hole to fit into.

"Don't feel guilty about dad, or Wallace and definitely don't feel guilty about Jac-jac. I'm going to love having a new little brother, and even though I've never met him before, I just know he's going to be a real little cutie." I squeeze her arm again when I realise she's crying, probably grateful I'm taking it all in stride. I sit up so she can use her hand.

"You're not mad?" She asks, wiping her eyes.

"I was when I first learned about it, but then I saw you, taking on dad's work at Genimi Reality, I was so proud of you... I am proud of you, Mum." I take a deep breath and look at her in the eyes, trying to make my words seem more real to her. "I was super mad at you, at your betrayal to father, but I had a really good think about things recently, and realised that you gave your whole life to his death and now its time to move on. I forgive you, mum and I love you."

"Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry. I love you, baby." She pulls me into a hug and I have a think about what to do next, what to say next. Keeping everything in my head straight is a little daunting, but it helps that I really did spent six months before my death with a huge amount of time on my hands to think about everything, and how I'd do things differently back then. This moment is one of those things that I decided would be done differently. Now for the piece de resistance...

"I think you should marry him. Soon. I give you permission to do so, and I'm sure between Wallace's family and I, we can make time for you two to go on honeymoon and leave Jac-jac in our care." I smile a huge megawatt smile, bullshitting through my teeth about how happy I am for her. It hurt so badly when she married straight after dad died. And it hurt for a very long time after. But looking at the surprise, and the joy emanating from her very soul right at this instance, I want this for her, even if it sux a donkey to process it all.

Another big deep breath.

"I don't know where they live, or what they do, I think he's another businessman, like dad was?" my sentence ends on a question. She nods in confirmation. "Well, I'm certain he doesn't live nearby, and probably lives out of my current school zone. I think it would be better to move from here, and I don't mind changing schools to make that happen." I look around the house about us, smily sadly, my acting skills coming to the fore once again. "I think with all the sad memories that you and I had with Dad in this place, I think it is OK for us to move on and find a new stream to paddle up, yeah?"

"Oh, Lily, honey." She bawling now, in my arms, and my tank it getting soaked. I just hold her and pat her on the back, and try to not let my own tears fall. Stupid eye tear ducts.

"Introduce me to them soon, aye? I can't wait to meet Jac-jac. That's what you call him, isn't it?" She nods and laughs when I pull a cutsey face. "I can't wait until I meet my little brother." She laughs again then gets up and walks to the kitchen.

"Let me call them and we'll invite them over for when you're well again."

"Thanks, Mum. I'm gonna rest here again." She stops mid dialing on her phone and looks at me.

"Oh, have you had enough water? Can I get you any toast to help settle you tummy?"

"Nah, I'm just gonna sleep it off, Mum. Wake me for school in the morning." I snuggle down and pretend to fall back to sleep to the voice of my mother's laughter while she's on the phone.