"Son, what's the meaning of this?"

Tamad akong napatingin sa magulang ko ng maglatag sila sa harap ko ng papel, malamang ay galing sa school.

"A complaint maybe," saad ko.

Walang emosyon ang ama kong nakatingin sa akin. Samantalang si mama ay napapikit saglit at umayos muli ng upo.

"Why are you being seen with different boys? Wala kang narinig sa amin nang dahil sa bakla ka pero huwag mo sirain ang reputasyon mo kakapalit ng iba't ibang lalaki," Mom said.

I waited for my Dad to say something pero hindi siya nagsalita. He was just observing me kaya tumikhim na ako, "You told me I can be gay as long as I don't let weakness creep on me?"

"And cheating?" tanong uli ni Mama.

I sighed, "I don't cheat. I break up with them even before meeting another boy," simpleng paliwanag ko.

Maayos pa rin ang tindig kong kausap sila, katulad nila. I was raised being formal as we always get to be in the circle of biggest people in the industry. As long as I get my studies good and didn't break my stance, they let me be a gay. I never failed to do it not until I entered highschool.

Who can resist boys, pag sila na mismo ang lumalapit sayo? But I know they all know me because of my image, ang akala ba nila ay isa akong baklang madadala sa mga pangisi-ngisi nila? I can do that, too.

"Go change boyfriends, however you like. But once you graduate, prove yourself to us. You're going to college at your mom's country," Dad said with finality.

And I agreed. Hindi ko maman sineryoso ang pakikipagrelasyon sa mga lalaki noong highschool, I just go with dates and flirt with them hanggang doon lang. I don't trust their bodies too para gawin ko iyon sa kanila. I want to keep myself clean, like my mom always remind me.

"Ang dami na naging boyfriend niyan! Mas gwapo pa nga siya sa mga iyon e, kaya rin siguro papalit-palit dahil naboboringan sila sa kilos niya,"

Schoolmates love to talk of how I am, maybe these girls are just insecure that I can attract their boys with my "boring" stance. I don't agree though I just know how to act with discipline, aside from well boys.

"Kuya Zeeeen!"

Nginitian ko ang batang pinsan kong si Lea nang salubungin ako nito pagkababa ko ng hagdan.

"You're gonna leave?"

"Yes, Lea. I need to study abroad," Ginulo ko ang buhok niya at yinakap ito. "Zen will miss his favorite cousin,"

"Ako lang naman ang pinsan mong nandito e," sagot naman sa akin nito. I chuckled, it's true.

All I did when I entered college in France is to focus on my study. I stop with boys because I'm done with that phase, it's time to achieve my dream and prove my Dad what I can do.

My journey didn't came easy but it was all worth it when I finally graduated. My parents did came to see me and ask me to work for the company already but I declined, this is not how will it goes.

For the first two years I worked as free lance artist to companies around to have my own money besides the fund given to me and if course, experience. I attented programs that can certify me to teach and that's when I started teaching at the university as a mentor.

"Let me give you a freehand exercises first since most of you haven't been able to try it out with different fabrics," The first thing I announced after meeting one of my class for my second year of teaching.

Nagtaas naman ng kamay ang isa kong estudyante. I blankly stare at him before signing him to proceed to what will he say, "What if I already knew that? I can go advance, right?"

Napataas ang kilay ko sa sinabi nito. Well, he's right. This is the first time a student approached me for this. Well he's not wrong though, he did already knew about this. As long as the students can prove themselves, I let them be it.

When a holiday came, I decided to walk around to gain some ideas and inspirations pero batang babae ang natagpuan ko.

Lea used to have a separation anxiety since when she was younger pero bago pa ako mag-aral dito, ayos na siya. To see this girl in front of me with shaking hands and teary eyes, I know what her situation is.

"S-sorry. My kuya is studying here.. kaya nagpunta kami rito to visit him since bakasyon namin.." nahihiyang sagot niya.

She maybe intimidated by my presence but it's normal for me. Pinasadahan ko ang mukha niya, fabric store? Filipina? May kahawig siya..

Oh, Don't tell me..

"What's your full name?" tanong ko para masigurado ang naiisip ko. Kaunti lang ang pilipinong estudyante ko, kaya madali kong napansin kung sino.

"Sapphire Light L. Davids..."

I smirked. I knew it, that boy is his brother? How come their personality is too opposite? Well, I wouldn't know. I grew up with just my parents, matanda na ako ng ipanganak ang pinsan kong si Lea.

I have number of my all students kaya naging madali sa akin ang pagkontak kay Duke. I'm not going to Lie, his one of the students with most credentials in the university.

"Salamat pala uli uh.. k-kuya.." Nag-aalangang sabi niya.

Kuya? Like what?

Napatawa ako.. "Inikutan na kita ng mata't lahat. You'll still call me kuya?" I said with disgust. This little girl is something, not because she's the about the same age with Lea, I'll let her call me kuya. Oh, no.

"Ah, Zen. Are you busy? Can you take Sapphire home?" Tita Yaleyna asked.

Wala naman akong naisip na dahilan para humindi. That girl is cute— I mean I'm still a kind person to help a girl, she might got lost again and I'll not be able to find her.

I can sense her glances at me eventhough I'm busy at what I'm reading, I waited for her to ask me but she didn't. What can you expect from a shy girl?

Parang bawat kilos niya, may tinatanong muna siya sa isipin niya. She always look hesistant and unconfident towards me, and like she is when there's a lot of people, she looks uneasy and uncomfortable.

"Sorry. Hindi kasi ako sanay na magkapangalan ang kilala ko..."

My brows raised automatically nang idahilan niya iyon kung bakit Zeno ang tinawag sa akin. How special that person is at kailangang wala siyang kapangalan?

I already knew she would answer noong tinanong ko siya sa pakikipagboyfriend, with her personality baka taguan niya lang ang mga lalaking nagkakagusto sa kanya. Why is she okay being with me then? Is that because I'm gay?

But she blushed, maybe she has a crush on their president? Well, still a normal teenager.

Her voice is always so soft to ears, her expression shouts innocence and her shy actions were always evident whenever she goes with me. Sa palagay ko ay ramdam niya ang minsang iritasyon at kastriktuhan sa akin.

I used to communicate in bussiness mode, formality. Hindi ko gusto ang makisalamuha sa kailangan mo pang amuhin, masyadong mahiyain at hindi alam ang sasabihin. My students know that too well, when they need to say something or ask, say it without hesitation.

But I guess, there will always be an exemption...

I want to know if I am just hallucinating o nandito nga talaga sa harapan ko itong batang babae. So, she really mean it when she said yearly silang magbabakasyon dito? "And why there is a little girl, here?"

Napanguso siya sa sinabi ko. I know her name, alright. Mas gusto ko lang tinatawag siyang ganoon, it reminds me that she is a little girl. She's so young at bakla ako.

Napailing na lang ako sa iniisip ko, why am I creating reasons when there's still no questions being asked. I didn't do anything to be condemned for.

For some reasons, it became an expectation. A habit that I didn't know I always anticipated during those months, tuwing magbabakasyon sila. For 3 consecutive years, lagi na rin akong nag-aabang na may lalapit sa aking babae at magtatanong kung pwede sumama, kung saan ako pupunta, kung hindi niya ako maiistorbo. Of course, she won't. I sometimes feel guilty kapag dumadalaw rito ang pinsan ko at ang magulang nito, hindi ko pa ring maiwasan maisip na mas gusto ko na ang presensiya niya.

I always enjoy her company. Nakakalimutan ko ang mga lalaki sa tuwing nandyan siya. Don't get me wrong, I'm still gay. I still check men but didn't really get my interest. This is what's the truth when you're getting older, you just don't want to play anymore, kaya kahit maraming lalaki ang pwede alam kong hindi sila nakikipagseryosohan dahil kung meron pa, nasa relasyon na ang mga iyon.

Well, except me. I am still not done with my vision in our company. Before I will start to work, I am creating first what will be my first ever main project I started working for it in my 5th year of teaching.

Fabrics are not simple and easy as how you see it, it's beyond how it is used in making clothes.

I was busy drawing a design for a textile and studying the fabrics in front of me when I saw her started painting wrong, I told her what she needs to do.

Mukha namang tinatanggap niya ang mga sinasabi ko, 'yun nga lang hindi maiiwasan na mahihiya siya at malulungkot. She's so adorable— Is this how their president see her too whenever...

I shrugged of my thoughts. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako, "Little girl, are you really a sister of Duke?" I asked.

Her kuya is too confident, minsan ay hindi mo talaga maiisip kung bakit siya naging mahiyain nang ganito. I'm not complaining but I am concerned of her inconfidence, she's talented and shouldn't hesitate to what she wanted to do pero iba ata ang naging dating sa kanya ng tanong na iyon kaya umiyak siya.

Since when are you insensitive, Arczeno Imperial?

She always cry, ang bilis niyang umiyak. I don't like it but when it comes to her, I can't help but to condemn myself. She's still cute pero hindi ko rin maiwasan makaramdam ng iba sa tuwing lumulungkot ang mga mata niya at tutulo ang luha niya.

I wiped her tears, "Tara na, let me take you home."

Umiling siya. "A-ayaw k-ko..I wanted to continue painting,"

Nang mahimasmasan siya ay tinanong ko siya, pero hindi ko inaasahan ang isasagot niya sa akin.

"Uh..I-I'm not... a little girl.. anymore,"

Hindi ako nagsalita. Silence consumed us for a while until I cleared my throat and asked, "How do you say so?"

Her lips protruded, "e-eighteen na ako..malapit... na ako mag-19."

Napapikit ako saglit. Of course, she's not anymore. Hindi mo talaga namamalayan na nakatatlong taon na pala simula ng magkakilala kami.

"Hmm, still a little girl." I sounded unbothered.

"Don't call me a little girl anymore!" She tried to shout pero ang lambot ng boses niya lang ang rinig ng tenga ko.

"Whatever you say, baby girl." I teased and stand up para bumalik sa trabaho ko. Hindi ko na siya muling pinakelaman sa ginagawa niya.

There's something in my chest that got stirred. Oh come on, Zen. You're gay for 2 decades already, bakit sa bata ka pa bibigay.

'I'm not a little girl anymore'

Muling nag-echo sa utak ko, napailing na lang ako, I need to flirt with boys.

Hindi na ako nakapagpaalam sa kanila noong umuwi muli sila sa Pilipinas, I'm expecting I will get to see her the next year again but I was wrong, for another 3 consecutive years walang dumalaw.

"Zen, You know the designer personally?" Duke suddenly asked me nang magsimula kaming umikot sa mga nakadisplay na jewelries.

We got invited to an event of new jewelry collection. Marami na akong connection dito sa bansa dahil nage-export rin kami rito noon pa man. Duke on the hand got known for his talent, we already knew that are companies were business partners that made us a business partner as well.

While he was creating his own brand, I am one of his investors using our own company. Well, I already have my own shares too kahit ako pa ang tagapagmana. Ako lang ang nag-iisang anak sa Imperial Clan, Lea's parents have their own business.

Matagal na nila akong gustong pabalikin para manahin ang company but I was still busy gaining my own connections and expanding our comapny without fully claiming the Imperial Co.

"Yeah," sagot ko kay Duke. We went to the designer and discussed a bit about business, though we aren't directly connected to jewelry business. You'll never know.

"Have you seen my most favorite one?" sabi niya bago kami idinala sa pinakadulo kung saan ang singsing ay naroon.

I am mesmerized of how it looks, a blue stone in the middle with a curve details at the side, there are small stones at the bottom of it, too.

"That is a sapphire..." turo niya sa gitna. "While the bottom are diamonds," paliwanag pa ni Elle, ang designer.

Saglit pa akong napatitig bago nagsalita, "Is this open for bidding?"

Gulat silang dalawang napatingin sa akin. Duke raised his eyebrow on me while Elle awkwardly laughed, "No. It already has its price Zen,"

I nodded, "I'll get it,"

"As far as I remember Sir Zen," pang-aasar ni Duke. "You don't have a boyfriend?"

Napaikot ang mata ko sa kanya. Well, he's right I tried to flirt boys but I ended up getting bored at them. The last time I tried to I end up seeing Lea's first love, we just catch up about immature days.

"Right, Zen. That is meant for an engagement ring.." Elle explained.

Tumaas ang kilay ko, alam ko. "Where's the wedding ring?"

Napaawang ang labi niya. Hindi inaasahan ang magiging tugon ko, Duke just shook his na para bang nababaliw na ako. This boy know nothing, if he knew I wonder.

"It will be made for custom,"

I nodded. "Good then, I'll pay for it as well."

Kahit naguguluhan man ay umalis ito para kausapin ang magtatransact. I blankly looked at Duke bago siya nginisihan, "What? Are you about to buy it?"

"Maybe, for Sapphire's birthday?" nanatyang tanong niya. "No one said it can't be turned into vanity jewelry,"

Tumawa ako, "Don't bother, it's for her."

His faced turned serious. "As far as I know, you are not together,"

"We're still not, maybe in the future?" I said seriously. "I need to pay, see you around future gay-in-law,"

Right, I bought the rings even before I went to Philippines. Even after not having any communication for 3 years, that little girl was still the only one who get me to do the things unexpectedly.

My gosh, bakla pa ba ako?

"Son, you need to inherit our company already," pagbasag ni Dad sa kalagitnaan ng pagkain namin.

I know, I'm already old. The sons of our business partners already have the companies in their name but I know the condition of this.

"I just got here, dad. Can you spare me some time to ready myself?" I answered. One week pa lang akong umuwi rito but these are the only words in my parents' mouth.

"I'm sorry, anak. But I think you can already handle our company well... so,"

I sighed, "Mom, I can handle our company more than well. If you really want to pass it on me, then do it without condition,"

Tumahimik sila sa naging sagot ko. People might be wondering why am I still not the new CEO of the company, and as fake news goes by some think that it was because I'm gay. My father is a strict person and only had a few friends at least, I guess that's what made them conclude.

But that's not the real case, the legacy of our clan to inherit a company should have their CEO already commited, has own family or in other words shouldn't be single. I find it ridiculous, the reason behind this was our ancestors believed that an Imperial who isn't settled will more likely to play around.

The heck?

Even if I play around, I can manage our company with my brain functioning at its full capacity. I was a valedictorian at highschool kahit pa marami akong naging boyfriend.

But of course again, that wasn't the case anymore.. I want to marry that girl who still unaware that I've been feeling this way.

After not seeing her for 3 years, I acted nothing like seeing her again isn't exciting. She didn't even bother to answer me when I approached her. This girl... tsk.

Then the next days I got busy, nang lumuwag na muli ang schedule ko ay agad kong naisipan na bisitahin siya. Now that I'm the one who's here, better be the one to visit her this time.

I quickly drove my way to the mall near their company, I decided to buy an ice cream cake pero pagkatapos ko bumili ay nakakita ako ng magandang babae na kumakain na ice cream, see? Even if I initiate to visit her, siya na ang nilalapit sa akin.

Too confident, Arczeno. You can't even make her find you like the old times.

I let her feel my presence and when she noticed me I didn't waste the chance to

talk to her.

This feels not me, I wasn't the type who goes approach everyone. I wasn't that kind because most of them notice me first. And to be honest, people who are out of my business—is uninteresting.

Hinayaan ko siyang kumain sa harapan ko. She's still shy, she is still soft-spoken, ang mga pinsgi niya ay bahagya pa ring biglang namumula. She looks adorable more than ever. Her face screams beauty that I once wanted when I was a child,

but now I love the person owning this face.

Is it really possible for a gay to be in love with a girl with just a scheduled meetings and bonds?

And even after years of not doing it, her presence still stirred my insides due to excitement. Her smile and innocence still enchants me...

"You haven't changed." I said that made her frown.

"H-hindi ah.. a-ano, hindi na ako bata..."

Natutuwa akong tingnan siya. For some reasons, she always like to remind me that she's not young anymore. I know that too well and I'm not fool to notice why because it's contrary to what I used to do before.

I am too glad that we came back to how we used to before, the bond except that I became a little bit loose with her than how I was.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lamang nagpatawag ang pamilya ko ng pagsasalo. Since, Sapphire is with me why not take the chance to introduce her to my family. Kilala naman na nila ito because of our business but personally, I'll be the one to initiate that.

I don't want everything to feel like a rush, even if my feelings are. I want her to feel everything without the time running after us just because of our age gap.

But this was one of the most ugly decisions I made, I didn't know my parents would have no second thoughts of opening the topic of settling down with Sapphire on my side, hindi nila alam kung anong eksakto ang nagaganap sa akin.

They might looked confused of my actions but they knew too well that I am gay. I can't process clearly what to respond with them because all I can think of is Sapphire being overwhelmed by this situation.

Nang mga sumunod na araw ay nagkaroon ako ng consecutive business meetings with different companies, and one of them is Bryan— Lea's first love. I decided to ask Sapphire if she can go here at a coffee shop eventhough she's not fond of coffees.

Naalala ko kasing natuwa siya kay Lea, I want her to meet them lalo na't nagkabalikan itong dalawa. I just have the feeling that she will smile meeting the both of them.

But an unexpected thing happened, it was a roller coaster emotions for me. I think I'm crazy. I'll have this stoic side and suddenly changes to teasing her, gosh! My baby girl is the only one who could do this to me.

"A-ano.. gusto k-kasi kita..."

I got stunned not expecting the situation would turn into a confession. The heck, why does she need to do it first and here I am thinking that I was taking everything slowly in her favor.