A/N: thank you so much for 1k reads !!! i was so happy to check and see that wonderful little k sitting there. i hope everyone is enjoying the story so far ! i promise everything ends up happy.......eventually.... anyways please leave comments and remember to vote !! thank you again !

The chill I felt when I woke up went down to my bones, my toes numb despite being beneath the covers. I stayed underneath the blankets far too long, the honk of (y/n)'s car outside forcing me to change into a wrinkled uniform, wordlessly stumbling into the passenger seat. My head was hazy, not quite awake even as the cool morning air kissed my skin through the crack of the window. Minutes of silence passed and I made no effort to break it; I knew if she asked what was wrong I would have to lie and I didn't have it in me anymore, or at least I thought.

"Everything okay? You seem really out of it, babe," she said, pressing the back of her hand on my cheek. I slumped even deeper into the seat, my mind already forming a lie before I had time to feel guilty about it.

"I had to stay up late studying last night," I realize how weak of an excuse it is and the look of obvious suspicion on her face says that she sees right through me. She takes a moment to collect her thoughts as she pulls into the parking lot. Practice doesn't officially start for another seven minutes according to the car's clock so I decide to stay put.

"Koushi," she faces me, her eyes looking deep in the early morning light. I swallow, my worst fears playing out before my eyes.

"Koushi, you've been scaring me lately," she says, her voice hardly above a whisper. "You're like a different person. I know you're hiding something from me and it's like you think I haven't noticed- like you think I'm stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid," I mumble, refusing to return her gaze. Even without looking though, I can sense she's getting pissed, her eyes burning holes through me.

"Koushi, I'm trying so hard to believe in you but, but-" she hiccups a sob away and the sound shoots through my heart, opening up my wound that has yet to scab over. I stay silent, my eyes carefully trained on the glove compartment in front of me. A few beats of silence painfully pass.

"Fucking say something," her voice cracks as she slumps over the steering wheel, her crying strained and quiet unlike the usual dramatic sobs. For some reason I remain mute, the lump in my throat in the way of any words I might want to say.

"Please," her voice is thick with tears and I find myself collecting my things on the floor in front of me, my body carrying me away. Before I open the door I allow myself a glance and her head is turned directly towards me. Her face is contorted in pain as she barely holds herself up on the wheel, her body shaking the slightest. She squeezes her eyes shut, tears dripping down her jaw and throat as she opens them again.

A strangled sound tries to come out of my lips but nothing coherent is formed. I push the door open and shut it behind me; her eyes stick to me like glue as I walk away and I can't tear my own eyes from her shivering figure. It's the final day of September and the chill of the wind cuts through me as (y/n) eventually fades out of sight.

-

(Y/n)'s car sat parked in front of my house when I got home. The sight sent mixed emotions; I knew it was either a confession or an end. The three-letter word was vile in even just my thoughts.

End. We aren't supposed to have an end, I thought. We're forever.

I felt numb as I realized the car was empty. Neither of my parents' cars sat in the driveway and I wondered exactly where (y/n) was, my heart beginning to pound. I decided to take a walk around the house before I entered and was surprised to see a familiar form huddled on the back stairs. Her head shot up at the sound of my footsteps and the look in her eyes was nothing short of dead.

I hesitantly approach; she scoots over on the small step and I take it as an invitation to sit down. The stairs are small though, and our thighs and shoulders are flush once I settle down. I finally gather enough nerve to look at her directly; she's wearing her glasses but I see the dark circles through them, as well as the irritated red indicating she's only recently stopped crying. She doesn't speak for some time, the only sound the wind blowing around us.

"(Y/n)," I breathe her name, letting go of the breath I didn't realize I was holding. She turns to me and we're locked in each other's gaze for an impossibly long moment, words hanging between us that clawed to be spoken. She nodded quietly, encouraging me to speak.

"(Y/n), I have to tell you something," I repeated, my hands physically shaking in my lap.

"I know." Her voice is venomous. I know she knows and it only makes everything a thousand times worse. I take as deep of a breath as I can manage before continuing.

"I- I've been... messing around..." My voice breaks, and it takes me a second to collect myself. With the four words I've spoken she's already holding her head in her hands, desperately trying not to lose it.

"I've been messing around with someone else," I finally blurt out. She stands up from the cement stairs and takes a few steps back, refusing to even spare me a glance. I feel wetness dripping down my cheeks, tears falling that I hadn't even noticed.

"Who?" It's more of a command than a question and his name gets stuck in the back of my throat, unlike the many times I'd gladly called it out before.

"Who?" She repeats, staring down at me. I stay silent.

"Who the fu-"

"Daichi! It was Daichi, okay?"

"What?!" She screams, reaching down and picking me up by the collar.

"It was Daichi," I repeated, our faces only inches apart. The distance felt insurmountable, though, as if I would never again feel like her eyes were only on me.

"You're fucking kidding me," she spat as she released me. "You're fucking kidding me!" She yelled into the overcast sky, the only response the cold wind.

"(Y/n), I'm so-"

"Don't fucking say it. Don't you dare tell me you're sorry because if you were you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

There's a moment of silence between us that spans ages. I don't have anything to defend myself with; she's right. Under all circumstances she should get in her car and drive away, never see me again.

I knew it was selfish but I couldn't have that. I couldn't let her walk away and leave me with this gaping hole where my heart should be. I stood up from the cold step and approached her, careful not to overstep my boundaries.

"I love you, (y/n)," I said, my voice higher than usual. I reached for her hand but she pulled away, taking a step backward.

"I love you, (y/n), and you shouldn't forgive me or let this go but I'm begging you to let me prove that I'll never hurt you again. It won't be the same but at least let me try."

Long silence. She kept her eyes trained to the ground before looking up at me through furrowed brows.

"I don't want to give you the chance to make me feel like this again," she began, taking a deep breath. "Koushi, you made me feel like me being here was right. It was more than that-"

She choked back a sob, looking up at the sky again. "You made me feel like I was supposed to be here. I don't know what's out there but I thought that maybe something bigger than you and I brought us together. And I believed that; I believed in us and maybe I was wrong to fall so in love with you-"

She crouched to the ground and buried her head between her knees, strained sobs muffled.

"It's my fault." She choked out, her voice loud over the silence. I fell to the ground next to her and wrapped my arms around her cold body, holding her tighter when she half-heartedly tried to squirm away. I buried my head in the crook of her neck, my tears dripping onto her skin.

"It's not your fault, (y/n)," I bit my lower lip, desperately trying not to choke on the lump in my throat. "I fucked everything up. I really, really fucked up and I became the kind of person I hate."

I pulled away, my hands on her shoulders as I looked in her eyes for seemingly the first time in ages.

"I'll do anything to make things right, (y/n). You made me realize what I was missing this whole time and now that I know what it's like I can't be without you. Please let me make us right."

My speech didn't feel like enough but I couldn't choke out anymore words before I was crying into her shoulder again. Her tentative hand on the back of my neck made my heart soar just like the first times we got close and I found myself squeezing her tighter.

"I need time," she whispered, pulling away too soon. "I need a lot of time and I don't even know if that'll be enough... but I love you and I don't want to be in this town unless we're together."

She stood up and reached out a hand to help me up; it was a gesture I didn't expect and I don't think she did either, her eyes wide as I rose up to her level. She hesitantly released my hand, taking a deep breath.

"No one has ever made me feel as wonderful or as worthless as you have," she said, her voice stronger than usual. "I don't know what that means but I think it counts for something."

She stepped around me to the cement steps and bent down to pick up her keys. She turned to face me, her features seemingly more confident and sure than they were previously. The wind blowing seemed to reach a momentary calm, the world completely soundless for a long moment.

"I love you," I whispered. She nodded before turning her back on me.

"I know."

She walked away. A few seconds passed and I heard the sound of her car starting and driving away.

I found myself feeling suspiciously empty; I tried to think everything over but my mind was like a steel trap, nothing coming in or out. I sat on the cold steps again, letting the wind ruffle my hair.

I don't remember how much time passed but I sat there until my parents returned home, relieving me from my numbness when they opened the back door in a panic. My mom frantically asked what I was doing, how long I'd been there, did she need to call the doctor. I gave her as much of a smile as I could muster up, wrapping my arms around her.

"I'll be okay," I sighed, holding on for longer than I probably had since I was ten. She pulled away and examined me, her expression suspicious.

"You better be," she replied, letting me go. We all ate at the table together for the first time in a long time; even though I stayed quiet for the most part it felt calm somehow, as if the same force that possibly brought (y/n) together would work to bring us together again.