I like the way she fits so nicely in my arms, and how her hair brushes against my neck when she nuzzles in close. I like how she picks at her nail polish while we absent-mindedly watch TV, and how she rests her hand on my knee, drawing invisible patterns with her fingers on my sweatpants. I like being alone in my living room with her and pretending my parents won't come home tonight, imagining waking up next to her.

She continues running her fingers up and down my knee and I play with a piece of her hair while all this is going on in my head. It's around six o'clock and I know my parents won't be home for at least a couple of hours. My stomach growls as (y/n) is sprawled out half across me and she lets out an obnoxious laugh which I, of course, find endearing.

"Hungry?" She looks up at me from where she's laying and her expression is distant. She reaches up and runs a finger across my lower lip; as sexual as I'd always imagined the gesture it feels almost innocent and I let myself mirror the motion on her. Her lips were smooth and warm and I didn't realize I was leaning down to kiss them until I felt her hand on the back of my neck pulling me closer. I sighed into the kiss, closing my eyes as she shifted beneath me, pulling me on top of her. I immediately felt self conscious but I forgot it as she wrapped both arms around me, closing most of the distance between us. I felt my thoughts drift away, all of my senses too busy with how she felt beneath me, and the way her open mouth felt on mine, and focusing on not knocking my teeth against hers. It was a completely foreign sensation to have someone else's tongue in my mouth but it was also the best thing that's probably ever happened to me, so when she ran her tongue across my lower lip I couldn't help the low moan that escaped my lips.

She smiled into the kiss, pulling away for a moment to look at me. She held my face in her hands, skimming her thumb over the mole under my eye.

"I really love it," she said mostly to herself before pulling me close again, picking up where we left off. I slowly let one of my hands slide down the side of her body, ghosting over her curves as I brought it back up to her face. We kissed and kissed and kissed, and even when my lips felt numb I didn't want it to end. She tentatively ran a hand down my back, the other through my hair. I didn't care that she'd most likely kissed other people before, thoroughly enjoying learning how with her hands now placed on my chest, mine resting comfortably where her waist dipped into her hips, my thumb just slipping underneath her sweatshirt. I let my hand trail a little further up her shirt and the way she curved her back into my touch gave me enough confidence to go a little further. My fingertips just felt the bottom of her bra (it was lacy) when a loud ringing came from the kitchen, both of us jumping off of each other.

"Oh my god," she groaned as she ran to the table where she left her phone. I stood up and took a deep breath for the first time in seemingly years as she mouthed that she had to answer the phone. She slipped on her shoes and stepped outside, answering the phone in a tone I'd never heard from her before. I sat back on the couch and ran a hand through my hair, knowing it was messy but not quite caring. I was surprised the neighbors couldn't hear my heart pounding in my chest, along with my every nerve buzzing with electricity.

(Y/n) was outside for a while and I decided to go upstairs quickly and change into clothes I hadn't practiced in, opting for a slightly different pair of sweatpants and a fresh t-shirt. I put on deodorant before heading back downstairs, (y/n) still talking on the phone outside. I grabbed myself a glass of water and sat at the table, still trying to catch my breath. Another few minutes and she finally came back inside, her expression clearly troubled.

"What's wrong, (y/n)?" I ran over to where she stood staring at the carpet, my hands naturally finding their way to her shoulders. She took a deep breath and I could tell she was trying not to cry, her lower lip shaking.

"It's nothing," she squeaked, her eyes still glued to the ground. I gently put my hand under her chin, coaxing her to at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked again, my voice more gentle than I'd ever heard it. She took another deep breath, shaking her hands out at her sides before speaking.

"I just- I just got here not that long ago and there are already so many people trying to get me to leave. I'm so, so happy here and I finally feel normal for the first time since I was fourteen and all of these people are trying to make me, like, something bigger than I really am now. But they're promising so much that it's hard to say no and I'm so confused and sometimes I wish nobody had ever found me online and I wish I was just normal and I could-"

"Hey," I interrupted, stopping her spiral downward. "You've done so much good with your writing and posts and videos and everything. You've done things that are important, (y/n). You're important. It doesn't matter who's calling and telling you what to do or where to go because no matter where you are you're going to be important."

Her eyes watered up and I felt completely helpless at that point, tears streaming down her face as she began to sniffle.

"I- I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" I asked, nervous she was going to slap my hand away as reached for her. She shook her head and wiped away the tears despite the fact that she was still crying, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head on my chest.

"It scares me how good you are," she mumbled. "I'm scared to put you on a pedestal because I know you're a person just like I am."

Her words confused me so I just pulled her in a little tighter, my stomach growling loudly as I did so. She laughed and so did I, feeling the tension dissipate a bit as we pulled away from each other.

"How does dinner sound?" I asked, finding myself smiling at her as she pulled her sleeves past her hands and carefully wiped away the tears from under her eyes, avoiding the mascara still on her eyelashes. It was such a small little movement but it felt intimate somehow. I hated and loved seeing her cry; I obviously didn't enjoy her being upset but I couldn't help and relish in the fact that she became so vulnerable for me.

I pecked her once more on the lips before she spoke, unable to help myself. She smiled at me and it looked so natural, like I'd always been the one she smiled for.

"Let's go out," she said, reaching for my hand. "It'll be our first date. That way everything's all official." My face flushed and I looked down as I followed her out of the house, sure to text my parents that I was leaving for a bit. I climbed into the passenger seat and nearly sat on her entire collection of CDs, her loud scream stopping me.

"Sorry!" She yelled, frantically throwing everything into the backseat, carefully picking one disk to pop in the player before letting me sit down. "I haven't cleaned in here in forever. I should probably do that soon. "

I giggled as she finally started the car, driving us to wherever she decided to go. After a couple minutes she placed her hand on my thigh, letting it rest there comfortably. I had to force myself not to overthink the gesture, even when she began to rub her thumb in lazy circles. I wondered if she knew how crazy her touch drove me or if she was completely unaware. I made a note in my head to get her back someday, even though I wasn't serious.

She hummed throughout the ride and even though I didn't know the songs that were playing I liked listening to her. She eventually pulled into a small parking lot for a place that served ice cream as well as some actual food thankfully. She unbuckled and turned around in her seat, rummaging through her back seat with her entire backside practically in my face.

"Sorry," she laughed. "Enjoy the view for now."

"I am," I chuckled, patiently waiting for her to find whatever it was she was looking for. She finally popped back up with a very wrinkled t-shirt in hand, holding it in front of her.

"Can I wear this?" She asked. "I wanna sit outside but it's too hot for this sweatshirt and I don't have anything underneath."

"It's really wrinkled," I said, wishing she'd brought this concern up before we left so I could have given and seen her one of my t-shirts.

"Whatever," she sighed, taking off her sweatshirt in front of me, leaving her in just a bra for a couple of moments. I couldn't help but look and of course we made eye contact; she burst into laughter though, resting her head on the steering wheel shirtless as she continued to giggle.

"What's so funny!?" I asked, my cheeks inflamed.

"You're so cute," she giggled, finally pulling the wrinkled shirt over her head. "You're just really cute. Don't be embarrassed."

We got out of the car and she looked down at her shirt as we walked to the order window, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she tried to straighten out the hopelessly wrinkled shirt.

"It's pretty bad, huh?" She laughed, giving up on pulling the fabric. I smiled at her and cautiously twined our hands together, hoping she didn't mind it in public. She grinned at me and I noticed how her gums showed a teeny bit when she smiled big, only when she was really happy. When we got to the order window she let me go first and then only got ice cream for herself, which I found a little funny. We sat at one of the wooden picnic-style benches while we waited; the sun had just begun to set, a golden glow casting on everything.

"Hey," I said, pulling her attention away from her phone. "Can I take a picture of you?"

She laughed, trying to hide her blushing face. I thought maybe my question was weird, but she looked so pretty in the golden light that I couldn't help myself. She nodded and I pulled out my phone but she still hid her face in her hands, peeking at me through them.

"What do you want me to do?" She groaned.

"I should have just taken a picture when you weren't paying attention," I laughed. "Just smile. You look really cute."

"In my old wrinkled shirt!" She burst out laughing, finally moving her hands away from her face. I snapped the picture then but she didn't seem to care, continuing to giggle.

"Are you gonna post it?" She said, now resting her chin in her hand as she looked at me. Her cheeks were flushed still but it was more with laughter and the humidity than embarrassment now. I pretended to be scrolling through my phone but I turned the sound off and took another picture of her before I answered, saving that one for just me.

"I don't know. I sort of like having moments like that just for me."

"Creep," she laughed, poking my shin with her foot under the table. "Well now it's my turn. Smile."

I gave her a big, cheesy smile and she giggled as she looked down at her phone after she took the picture. A content look settled on her face before somebody brought over our food; she immediately put her phone down and took a bite of her ice cream after thanking the worker. I began to eat, starving because I hadn't eaten since before practice.

The sun set quickly and by the time we were about finished it was mostly dark out. She held her spoon out to me, the melty ice cream dripping onto the wooden table.

"Try some," she said. I leaned over and ate the ice cream; it was sweet in contrast to the burger I'd just eaten and I half wished I got my own.

"Thank you," I said as I wiped my mouth, crumpling up my napkin and putting it on my plate. I glanced up to see her staring at me, her expression hard to read.

"Is there something on my face?" I wiped my lips with the back of my hand, feeling self conscious.

"No, no, not at all," she smiled, standing up and gathering up the trash on the tray. "You're just... I'm really happy to be here with you right now. That's all."

She scurried off the the trash and I got the feeling that we were both blushing at that moment; I distracted myself with my phone and looked at the two pictures of her again. I set the one she didn't know I was taking, her expression all dreamy and serene, as my home screen, quickly locking my phone when she came back.

"Let's get going," she said, her voice soft. I stood up and put my phone in the pocket of my sweatpants, following her quietly to the car. She turned the volume of the music down to a low hum once she started the car, both of us still calmly silent as she began to drive back to my house.

We stayed like that the entire ride and it felt comfortable. It felt like I'd ridden in the passenger seat of her car a million times, any of the nerves usually accompanying a first date missing. Our hands somehow ended up loosely tangled together on the center console, thumbs rubbing imaginary circles over warm skin as she drove.

My parents still weren't home when we got back and (y/n) decided to take her leave then. As much as I wanted to tell her to stay, I didn't, settling on a lazy kiss on the lips before I got out of the car and went inside. I somehow felt so incredibly full of everything that had happened with her today, yet empty at the same time now that she was gone. I went upstairs and started on studying, unable to focus with a million thoughts tumbling around in my brain.

My parents didn't get home until past ten o'clock and by then I was so exhausted that the only thing I told them was good night. I sprawled out on top of the covers, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. My last thoughts before I drifted off were of (y/n), and if she was laying in her bed thinking of me.