《Daycare》✧18:Koushi✧
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I stared into the empty space that occupied the room. The words were flying around my brain settling in different formats but not fully registering. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, almost trying to leap out through my skin and onto the carpet.
Just moments prior to him confessing to me, he said he had promised himself that he would never love again, so it had to be a joke. Everything that he had gone through and everything I had just put him through. I just couldn't believe it. Assuming that it was a joke, I let out a light-hearted laugh.
"Way to lighten the mood, Daichi," I mumbled passively. My heart tightened in my chest as the words pushed past my lips. I could still feel the warmth from the kiss we had shared on the surface of my lips, they were practically tingling.
I felt the bed slightly shake as the man next to me turned his head to look in my direction. I watched him out of the corner of my eye but didn't dare to look at him. Even though I wouldn't admit it, knowing that it was all just a joke to him, I was hurt.
It had to have been embarrassingly obvious that I was actually interested in him. I had been throwing myself at him for weeks. My entire life basically revolved around the man but now I knew that he wouldn't even look at me in that way. Or rather he couldn't.
Not that I could blame him though. What happened to him in the past was terrible, but that didn't really stop me from hurting after being told the truth.
Silence filled the empty air for what felt like an eternity before he spoke.
"You're joking right?" he questioned.
I could feel my voice getting weaker in my throat as I began to form the words in my throat. Deciding it'd be for the better if I didn't say anything, I sat quietly. I didn't want to risk exposing myself any further or risking coming off as selfish. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Daichi shifting closer to me.
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"Koushi," his voice rang out, sounding almost demanding. Almost as if he was pleading for me to answer.
"Will you answer me?"
Shortly, I smiled sadly and ran my hand over my face staying silent.
I waited for Daichi to laugh or congratulate me for catching on, but his voice never transpired. Next to me, however, the bed dipped and Daichi had risen from his spot.
Confused, I raised my gaze to look at him.
He was standing in front of me, staring down at me intently. Quickly he kneeled down between my legs. He positioned himself so that the both of his shins were against the floor, but he was sitting straight.
Daichi gingerly placed one on his hands on my thighs and reached for one of my hands with his other. Slowly, he licked his bottom lip and shut his eyes tightly.
"Fine, if you're not going to talk then I need you to listen to me," Daichi said firmly.
"It's okay if you don't feel the same way but I need you to know this. I can't keep carrying this weight inside me. And if you never want to see me again or want nothing to do with me, that's fine. That being said, the truth is; I like you, a lot."
As he spoke, his hand slightly tightened against my skin. Finally, I allowed myself to look at him. When my gaze met him, it was so intense that I almost had to turn away.
Quietly, words materialized from my mouth.
"But I don't understand, you said- "
"I know what I said, but that was before I met you."
I shook my head, "I just don't understand why. What's so special about me?".
His hands moved up from my body to my face, snaking up to the apples of my cheeks where he caressed them softly in his palm. The warmth spread from my cheeks and all the way down the core of my neck. Slowly, raised slightly for the position that he was in and moved his face closer to mine.
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I watched as his eyes flicked. They flashed with emotion, that beyond one I had ever seen before on anyone.
I desperately wanted to crawl down his throat and into the vase that held his voice and hear what he wanted to say. What he eventually was going to say, but I couldn't. I just sat there helpless, awaiting the moment of my coming demise.
His mouth moved, then stopped just before any words even came out. He looks as though he had it all figured out, ready to read out the script he formulated in his mind but right as he was about to recite it he backed out.
To me, it seemed like he didn't have the answer, that was considering if there had even been one, to begin with. Gradually, one of his hands slid slightly down my cheek and right into the small of my neck. He pulled his eyes from my face and moved them past me.
Finally, "I don't know,".
"I have absolutely no fucking clue and that's the scary part. It just hurts. It hurts really fucking bad when you're not around me and I don't know how to explain it to you."
He pulled his eyes back to mine and somehow, I could see the word that he couldn't formulate cohesively to me. For Daichi, it wasn't about being special. It was much more than that.
It was about me, just being me. And I guess, in a weird way, I understood that. If a relationship is broken into the pieces of a puzzle, the pieces are supposed to fit. If a piece itself is different and new, it just won't fit. It's not meant to.
Daichi and I just fit.
I know we did because I could feel it. Even though the words weren't really there to explain it perfectly, I knew. And I don't just mean from him but in my own heart, and it had been that way for a while actually.
Noticing my thoughtful silence, Daichi slowly started to stand back up, the warmth of his hand slowly slipping from my face. Just before his hands fully removed themselves he said, "Just forget I even said anything.".
Quickly, my body reacted for the first time probably in the past hour in a half. My hands shot up and held his in place on my face. I stood up to meet his eyes. For a second, I cursed my body for reacting on instinct due to the fact that I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to say. But before I knew it, words were flowing out of my mouth.
"Daichi, I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it. And I feel the same way. And I'm sorry. And- "
Through my rambling, the sound of Daichi's angelic laugh cut through, cutting me off and causing me to blush.
"I like you, a lot" I mumbled, cheek tingling from embarrassment.
I moved my face closer to his, bringing mine to the point that our noses were basically touching.
"A lot," I repeated.
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