hanahaki disease.

by meaning, is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from.it ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. it can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. and it hurts. a lot.

donghyuck first found out he had hanahaki disease when he was thirteen and it was just pure torture. he couldn't come to school due to the principal worrying that he will be more sick, having to do more activities. he would have to stay at home, sit there and just do nothing, either than sleeping, eating.

now it's been almost six/seven years. the worst thing is, he haven't found out who he liked but he still likes them. and he does have a clue who he likes.

mark fucking lee.

of course him. how could the tanned male ever ignore his childhood friend, his first enemy, first friend, the person who he decided to crush on and ended up having a flower disease. he wish he could hate him.

but how could he? mark was such an angel. mark was the one having to make him feel both love and pain, both happiness and sadness, both of the opposite emotions. mark seemed to make donghyuck feel it all and the tanned male wasn't so sure if this was right or wrong.

and he did think about having the surgery so that he could feel no emotions towards mark. he did. a lot. almost more than three hundred times but every time he thought of it, the thought of mark came into his mind. every time. every damn time. he sort of blamed himself for being so obsessed with mark.

than the unstoppable happened.

the day where donghyuck would have to choose.

the day, his doctor told him, the flowers had grown too much and either had to take the surgery or die.

and donghyuck.

he. chose to not take the surgery, be left with the feelings that might never be returned back and chose to stay with it until he died. he chose by himself and told the doctor straight in the face, he wouldn't let go of this feeling. the feeling he had both loved and hated for so many years, the feeling that made him both smile and cry. he wouldn't. he knew it wouldn't feel the same without it. he knew he would feel something missing in his heart. he didn't want it to happen, after all this time just to give up and let go? no, he would not.

mark then heard about donghyuck. he cried in his sleep. he couldn't focus in class, concentrate or even communicate. he felt awful. he felt shame rise above him, he felt guilt. guilty that he had been selfish towards himself and could have saved his dear friend, who could have been his lover at will.

so he visited him. almost everyday. but at that point, donghyuck's body grey weaker and weaker every day, hour, minute, second. the flowers were torturing him every single moment but he didn't mind. having mark besides him was more than enough. having mark right next to him right before he dies, was enough. it was something he might have wished for. and mark made sure to take care of his donghyuck well.

that is. until the time comes.

until donghyuck would eventually let go.

letting go, leaving mark behind with guilt and shame boiling in his chest.

the day where donghyuck would eventually say his last words.

donghyuck died. mark was sobbing. and later on, mark found a letter. a letter that was designed with a flower pattern with a familiar handwriting that said ''

dear, mark lee.

hi, hyung. it feels weird calling you hyung all of a sudden but i'm calling you this because it might be the last time i call you hyung. it be.

mark lee. how should i say? i was so fucking in love with you that i couldn't focus in anything. of course, the disease may have made me hate you a bit but in the end, my love for you won everytime. and now, it has won in something it shouldn't have.

to be honest with every single thing, i really don't want to die. i that one day you'll love me back, we'll be dating all cute and adorable and we'll get married or something but oh, guess fate really hates me.

mark noticed a smudge on the letter along with a tear stain. donghyuck must have been crying when he wrote this. he felt his eyes watering.

it's alright. mark, if you're crying, cheer up for me hyung. i don't know if my sudden disappearance will effect you but if it does, i'm sorry. but i just couldn't handle the fact of me taking the surgery and having no feelings for you. it just wouldn't be right. i'm sorry, hyung but i'm doing what i really want.

you've given me both a wonderful and horrible life, mark hyung but mostly you gave the bright side. and i appreciate every single moment.

i love you mark lee. and i don't regret it.

yours truly,

lee donghyuck