dedicated to

Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Yangyang, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that 'till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me.

You would probably know the reference of this and I'm sure I don't need to tell you what it is. I'm writing you this letter at dawn since I don't have much time in my hands so I spent the last hours of my life dedicated to this letter. I regret not telling you about this earlier but I'll try my best to briefly explain what has happened.

I hope you remember about the restaurant we went about two weeks ago. There, after we went back home I might have got into a fight with one of the students from school because I heard them talking shit about you. I couldn't help myself so I confronted them and I might have knocked all of them out. The teacher found out and called me in to explain what's going to happen to me. They weren't going to expell me but I'll have a year full of detention which sucks for reall but hey, it won't know because I'm, well, about to die. Here, it gets a little sad but don't you dare cry or else I will shove my foot up your ass when you die and come to hell or heaven.

I guess me knocking him out might have pissed him off. The next day he came up to me and started beating the shit out of me which did hurt, that dickhead does pack a punch, you know? (I punch better though.) But luckily, he was escorted away by one of the teacher which was extremely pissed. That day was when I got the red eye and you asked what happened. I tried to make en excuse and said I was bit by a rabbit which wasn't a good idea but I guess your low ass IQ couldn't figure it out.

Okay, I should probs explain why I'm about to die. You see, I didn't know either that I had leukemia since I thought my perfect body was completely fine. I wasn't. In one of my art classes, I started to cough out blood which trying to sneeze but failed. The teacher got worried and send me to the hospital and the doctor came in with the dramatic sad look that I had leukemia.

Now you may think I'm being selfless but when the doctor said that, all I could think of was you. I was scared I wouldn't have enough time to spend with you cause I wanted to be with you for the rest of your life. I wanted to be there for you. But as soon as the news hit me, I knew my dreams were completely crushed. That's why I've been so clingy and cuddly around you. I didn't want to waste any single second, millisecond with you. So I tried to be perfect in those few weeks that I had.

Yangyang, I bet that you're crying right now. Wipe those tears and be a man for me. I know it might be hard without me but please promise me, you'll find someone that will fill the void in your heart. That will make you happy like I tried. Someone who will stay by your side. I'm crying right now, geez.

Liu Yangyang, you are the best person in my whole life. You lead me to a new world where it was safe for me to be myself and express myself. You showed light to the dark paths of my life. You, were the man who was capable of loving me. I love you.

I'll see you on the other side, my love.

Ever yours, Huang Renjun.