I turned onto the street where the company's guest house was located. I glanced at the open map on my phone and kept driving straight. I was going to Whitney's to surprise her with Kosiso in the car seat. She had visited me in the hospital after Camille's attack, two weeks ago but I hadn't seen or really heard from her since then.

On the day of the attack, I woke up at midnight with a terrible headache. It turned out I only had a mild concussion and I was fine, nonetheless. I was given a week to recuperate before returning back to work, nobody wanted to be treated by a doctor with a black eye. Although, I was completely fine now and my beautiful face was back to normal. Thanks to a tremendous amount of Shea butter every morning and night.

I lifted my eyes to the rear mirror and smiled as Kosiso flailed his arms, gurgling and squealing. I dropped my eyes down the map and it instructed me to keep going straight. I returned my eyes to the road and advanced forward at a set pace.

After the arrest, Camille was sentenced to 25 years imprisonment and a year in a mental institute. Her parents tried to plea for a lighter sentence but she murdered Tom, attempted to murder me and shot the patrol officer outside Nicholas's house, so the pleas were dismissed. The wanted guy was arrested after Camille confessed to hiring him, to mess with the elevator.

The map indicated I'd gotten to my destination, so I parked in her driveway. I ran my eyes over the stylish duplex as I rounded the car to grab Kosiso. I got a spare set of keys to the house from Nicholas, that way I could get in and not ruin the surprise. I placed Kosiso in a carrier, swung my purse across my shoulder and trudged up two steps that led up to the front porch. I moved the carrier to my left hand and unlocked the front door with my right.

The house was quiet and dark. The curtains were drawn shut and the lights were off, the only source of light was the daylight filtering in through the light curtains. It made me wonder if she was home. I knew she had the day off but she could've stepped out. I released a defeated sigh as I peered into the living room. I should've called first.

I decided to place the carrier on the centre table and scan the entire house before I gave up. I walked past a three-seater sofa on my way to the centre table. Just as I placed my purse and the carrier down, I caught sight of a dark figure on the sofa from the corner of my eyes. I whipped my head to the sofa and met with Whitney. She lay on the sofa in her sleepwear and a satin bonnet over her head, giving the opposite wall a dead stare.

"Oh God," I placed a hand over my beating chest as jerked back. "Why are you in the dark?"

She didn't move an inch, only dragged her eyes away from the wall to my face.

I walked over to the windows and pulled apart the curtain, allowing natural light to stream into the room. I walked back to her and lowered myself to a squat. "What's wrong?"

I felt her forehead with the back of my palm and it was a bit warm but not warm enough to be classified a fever. I dropped my hands down and gazed at her face. There were dry tear streaks along her cheeks. "What happened? Are you okay?"

She released an almost inaudible sigh and shut her eyes. Her dark lashes were soaked with moisture and when she reopened her eyes, a fresh stream of tears rolled down from the corner of her eyes. Okay, this was serious.

I knelt in front of her and ran a hand over her arm. "What's going on? You're scaring me"

Her lips quivered as she pressed them tight and emitted a heart-wrenching sob. She shot her eyes tight and shook her head.

"Okay, I'm legit terrified now. Come on, talk to me" I patted and rubbed her shoulder at the same time. "You listen to me rant and cry about my problems, but now it's your turn, you don't want to open up"

She sniffled and pushed herself up to a sitting position. Immediately, I swooped in right next to her and continued the comforting sweep along her arm.

She huffed out a sigh and swallowed. Her voice was small and hoarse as she spoke. "Today's his death anniversary"

What? I blinked and angled my head closer, my voice coming out a tad bit higher than a whisper. "Whose . . . Whose death anniversary?"

I didn't know of anyone who'd recently passed away in her family, save for her maternal grandfather. She claimed she didn't know him all that well, so I doubted he was the one she spoke of.

"M-- My baby" she let out another cry and cupped her fingers over her face.

Wait, what?

I gaped at her, utterly lost. "What baby? What are you talking about?"

She dropped her hands to her lap and released a shaky breath. "When I was still with Darryl, we found out we were expecting. We were so happy. I wanted to wait a while before telling you about it but then I- I lost it. I had a miscarriage"

This was a shock to me. Darryl was a Ghanaian guy she met towards the last year of med school and dated for two years straight. Even I admired them as a couple. Until, all of a sudden, they weren't a couple anymore. She didn't want to talk about him after the breakup and we never did.

She wiped her face with the back of her palm and sniffled. "After the loss, we started growing apart. He wanted me to talk about it . . . and I just wanted to forget and pretend it never happened. We fought more often and got into quarrels more than ever until he finally told me that he wanted out. He had found someone better. I knew it was my fault and I drove him away."

She sighed and gestured to Kosiso in the carrier. "I guess that was why I didn't want you giving up your baby for adoption, earlier"

"But, why didn't you ever tell me about it?" I said.

"Because I didn't want to remember what I was trying so hard to forget. I didn't want you to look at me with pity in your eyes or have to walk on eggshells around me or constantly ask if I was alright" she replied, her voice climbing up a note. "I already had enough of that from Darryl."

A pregnant silence ensued. I couldn't believe that she had gone through this much without my knowledge. Masking her pain behind a smile so no one suspects a thing. I knew she wasn't one to display her pain for the whole world to see but I didn't expect to hide something of this magnitude.

"Normally, when I noticed that this day was getting close, I would take up more shifts. Just so I was too busy to think about it. But today is the first time in a long time that I've actually allowed myself to remember" She lifted her legs up to the couch and hugged them close to her chest.

"I'm so sorry you went through that," I wrapped my arms around her and silently rubbed a comforting hand along her back. We sat in silence, allowing our thoughts to roam freely in our minds, or at least in my mind. She sniffled as she placed a hand on my arm and tapped on it.

I pulled back and rested my back against the armrest of the sofa, watching her with a soft gaze. I replayed what she told me in my head and something stuck out to me. I just had to comment.

I scratched the base of my hair. "Uhm... you said when you found you were expecting, you were happy?" I swallowed and shifted in my seat. "I'm guessing this happened around our internship . . . weren't you worried the pregnancy would've affected your program?"

She rubbed the area between her eyebrows and puffed out an exhale. "Not really . . . for me, life is all about the worthwhile experiences, big and small" she tugged on her light blue sleep shirt and lifted her eyes to me. "Unlike you, I'm not hyper-focused on a career or success. I wouldn't push back wonderful experiences because life is short . . . I just want to be happy with whatever I do"

I remained silent as I reeled in her words. But wasn't that the way life was meant to be? There needed to be an order of things, right? Isn't it natural for your career and goals to come first? Some things just needed to be sacrificed, to attain a greater purpose, right?

Whitney stood to her feet and lifted Kosiso from his carrier. She placed him down against her chest as she sat back and cooed at him. "You know, I'm a little envious of you . . . You have a son even though you weren't really keen on having a baby. You have a man who loves and fawns after you – although he may be a bit of a jackass," she turned away from Kosiso and directed her gaze to me. "—and you don't even want him. Meanwhile –"she sighed and let her words hang in the air.

I scooted close to her and rested my head on the curve of her arm. "I'm sorry for not being there for you. You're going to meet someone better and get everything you wish for," I lifted my head off her shoulder and peered at her face. "Okay?"

The corner of her lips turned up but her eyes didn't meet mine, instead, they remained on Kosiso. I placed a light peck on her cheek and returned my head to her shoulder. "Cheer up, please."

"You know what," I lifted my head again. I stood to my feet and grabbed my purse from off the centre table "I'll stay over. I can call Nick to pick Kosiso up and we'll have a sleepover"

She shook her head. "You don't have to do that"

I fished out my phone and sent a quick text to Nicholas. "I do, actually. You've been there through all my low points, it's my turn now"

She rolled her eyes as a smile pulled on the corners of her mouth. "Fine"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat up on the bed and glanced down at Whitney beside me, asleep. After Nicholas picked up the baby, we watched a bunch of movies and ordered a bunch of junk food. The more she spoke about that dark part of her life and the feelings she suppressed, the brighter her mood and appearance became.

I still couldn't believe I had no idea what she went through, even though I was right there with her. It made me wonder if I was self-absorbed. Was I only swept up in my problems all the time?

After that conversation with Whitney, I couldn't stop thinking about what she said. I truly did live life in a box. A career labelled box. I thought back to the days of my life before I met Nicholas, and it was completely uneventful. Not that I appreciated the events, he brought along with him.

I didn't go to parties. I never had a serious relationship. I had never travelled outside Nigeria and New York, and I never felt the need to. Other than Whitney, I didn't have any close friends in New York. I never wanted to hang out with colleagues after work. I basically lived my life in black and white.

It was like I was short-sighted and Whitney just handed me a pair of spectacles. My original plan before Nicholas was my residency, specializing, my student loans, the dream hospital then marriage and a family. Until now, I didn't see the large holes in that plan. My whole life I always felt I had to put my success first before any other thing or I'd lose it but now, I realized that wasn't true.

I had gone through a whole pregnancy and had the baby, yet nothing really changed. I was back at work, still going ahead with my residency program. If anything, now that I had a child, I was determined more than ever, to see it through.

Wait . . . I was determined to see it through. It dawned on me. I didn't need to cut myself off of anything. Having a social life wasn't the determent to my dream – I was. I was the only that could stop myself from achieving my dream. I was the only one that could shut that dream down, or keep it running. It was nothing . . . but me.

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and unlocked it. The glare of the screen's brightness sent me scowling at the dark room. I reduced the brightness and swiped along the icons. I tapped on my photos and browsed through my gallery. It was still filled with pictures and videos of Nicholas and me. I couldn't really bring myself to delete them.

I tapped on a video. The volume came out in full blast and Whitney stirred in her sleep. I paused it in a hurry and waited till she settled back into sleep. The video was taken some days after Christmas. I remember I was in his house and the idea to make a video together sprang on me.

He wrapped an arm around my stomach from behind and placed soft kisses down my neck. I reared my head to the side, away from his tempting, wandering lips.

"Stop," I giggled as I looked into the phone camera. "I'm making a video, say something"

He huffed and lifted his eyes to the phone. "Like what?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know, anything"

He lowered his head to the crook of my neck and inhaled my scent. His hands moved over my enlarged stomach, then he lifted his eyes back to the phone. "After this baby, I want four more kids"

My eyes went wide and the camera focus dropped to the sofas in the living room. I heard my voice yell "are you crazy?"

His voice came in. "Raise the phone back up. I need the kids to see this"

The camera returned to us. I had a wide grin on my face, my head turned to Nicholas whilst he gave the camera a serious look. "Hey kids, there are supposed to be five of you. And if there are not, it's your mother's fault" Then he smacked a quick kiss on my lips and walked away.

I chuckled to myself as I clicked the phone shut and returned it to the nightstand. I missed him. I pulled and hugged my knees to my chest. I missed being with him. I rested my head against my knees.

He may have messed up but he was making up for it in many ways than one. Did it make me weak to want to go after something that made me happy?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Concussion - A mild traumatic brain injury caused by a blow to the head or a violent shaking of the head and body.

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