One more month to go. I was so excited for my baby to come. I couldn't stop thinking about what he would look like and how it would feel to hold him in my arms. Nicholas was also excited for this baby, the baby nursery at his place was running over with baby items. He couldn't stop himself from buying stuff, even though the baby items were more than enough.

I walked out of the hospital and headed over to my car. I turned in the notice for my maternity leave and also attended my last OB appointment. The next time I'd be in this hospital, it would be to have my baby. I couldn't wait.

I got into the car, strapped myself in and pulled out of the parking lot. It'd been a month since I got this car and I still found it hard to believe that it was mine.

I could still remember the look on Whitney's face when she got back from Philly and found out the sleek car in the driveway was mine. I literally had to pick her jaw up from the floor. She dramatically knelt down on the ground and made a prayer hand saying and I quote 'Lord, please remember me. Give me my own version of Nick. Amen'. After that, she ordered me to get the keys so we could drive around the neighbourhood and make all her haters jealous. The girl was insane.

In the last month, Rosa and I had hung out twice. The first meeting was awkward and we were both hesitant but at the end of the day, she proved to be a caring person. I was finally getting the motherly vibe, I wanted from her and we were making some progress in building a strong rapport.

I was headed to Nicholas's place. I needed to confirm some details regarding our baby shower. His sisters nearly ripped their hair out when I told them I didn't want a baby shower. They had already been showering the baby since they met me. I was also headed to his place because I wanted to peek into the baby's room. I loved spending time inside the room; it was my favourite part of his house. Sometimes, I sat on the rocking chair and sang out nursery rhymes to my baby.

I pulled into his driveway and parked right beside his car. Nicholas had given me his front door security code, so I gained entrance into the house without a hitch. The house was quiet and displayed no evidence of life.

"Babe," I called out as I peeled off my coat and hung it on the rack.

There was no response. I peeked into the living room and found it empty. Wasn't he home? His car was in the driveway, so he was definitely somewhere in the house.

"Nick!" I called out once more and received no response.

I made my way up the stairs and trudged up to his home office. The door was ajar and I could hear his voice emitting from within. I raised my hands to knock as I neared the door but froze at what I overheard.

"Look man, Amanda and I are in a very good place. How do you expect me to tell her that the baby could have been prevented? It would kill her man" Nicholas had his back turned away from the door and his phone held up to his ear.

What?

I pushed the door hard, it whacked against the door behind it. Nicholas spun around and his face drained of colour once he registered it was me. He disconnected the phone and dropped it on his desk.

"It's not what you think," he blurted out as he walked around his desk.

I blinked back and narrowed my eyes at him. I wasn't sure what was happening right now, but my head was ringing. "What was that?"

"I... I can explain," He put out his hand in front of him and moved towards me.

I stepped back and held up a hand to stop him. "Okay, explain" My throat felt dry and my heart pounded hard against my chest.

He raked a hand through his hair and visibly swallowed. "The night we hooked up, I- I realized I didn't have any condoms and I promised to pull out, but then in the heat of the moment-"

I put a hand in front of my mouth as I felt bile rise up in my throat. He made to rush to my side and I moved away. "Don't come close to me" I gritted out as I tried to hold back any vomit. I straightened up and inhaled deeply. "Go on,"

"I- In the heat of the moment, I... I thought about what it would be like to have a family of my own" His throat bobbed and the veins in the sides of his neck gradually became visible. "I was in a bad place at the time and I was drunk, it was an intrusive thought, I swear. I would've neve-"

"Are you trying to justify yourself, right now?" I spat out, glaring hard at him.

"No, I- "

I held up a hand. "What about the morning after? Wh—why didn't you say anything then?"

He released a shaky breath and rubbed a hand from the back of his neck to the sides. "I felt so ashamed, I couldn't bring myself to say anything . . . and when you woke up with no recollection of who I was, I just—"

"You just what?" I screamed at him. "Decided to hold back that information and leave it up to fate? Oh God," I held my head in my hands.

"It was a very stupid and sel-fish thing to do, I know that" his voice cracked and his lips quivered. He tugged on the roots of his head and ran a hand down his face. "It kills me every day when I think about it. When I look you in the eyes, knowing what I did, I feel terrible. I wish I could take it back but I can't, I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for? Are you sorry for what you did? Or how I found out?" I placed a hand over my burning throat.

He hooked his fingers into the sides of his head. He moistened his lips and swallowed. "Both . . . I'm so sorry for both"

I shook my head. "You made a decision that would change the course of my life, drunk or not . . . and you didn't think to come clean to me while you were making me FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

He took a step closer, his eyes now glazed with unshed tears. His face contorted and I noticed the muscle spasm at his temple. He was grinding his teeth behind his mouth and clearly fighting back tears. "Amore Mio –"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" I yelled as I stepped away from him.

"Please-"

"Who was on the phone?" I interjected

He scraped his lower lip with his teeth and swallowed. His shoulders slumped with resignation. "James"

Oh my God. My eyes widened as realization set in. I remember the first time I met him, he kept looking at me like he was trying to place me and I thought to myself how weird it was because I'd never seen him in my life. "It all makes sense now. He was at the club with you, wasn't he?"

The tip of his ear and the skin around his neck had gained a tinge of red. He huffed out a sigh and gave me a subtle nod.

"Oh my God. You really played me for a fool." I placed a hand over my agape mouth.

"That was not my intention. Amanda, I love you" his tone pleaded with me.

I shook my head. Everything was all making sense. I suddenly understood why Lucia was shocked when she found out I was 'accidently' knocked up. I blew out a mouthful of air as I rested a hand over my aching heart. "You know, there's no difference between you and the girl who tried to trap you with her pregnancy. You're both the same"

He cursed under his breath and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. His thumb and forefinger pressed down on the lids of his eyes and when dropped down his gaze to mine, the skin underneath his eyes had gained moisture. "I hate myself right now, more than you could ever imagine . . . I'm sorry"

I shook my head. "I don't ever want to see you again, you disgust me. I don't know how it's going to happen but when the baby is born we're going to have to figure something out because I don't want you six feet within my radar" I spat out before storming out of the room.

I grabbed my coat and dashed out of his house. I managed to make it to the car without my legs giving out on me. As I looked at the car, I didn't see the thoughtful act of a man who loved me. All I could see was the deception behind it.

I got into the car and pulled out of his driveway. Once I'd put a good distance between me and his house, I pulled onto the side of the road. The tears I'd been holding back in the house, poured out of my eyes like water out of a broken faucet. My hands trembled so hard against the steering wheel as I bent over it and wept uncontrollably.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I should've listened to my gut. When my mind warned me not to indulge in any romantic relationship with him, I should've heeded. If I had, I wouldn't be seated on my bed, leaned against the wall and moping at the door.

I returned home to an empty apartment, Whitney was still at work and I felt envious of her. She was at the hospital working and carrying on with her career whilst I sat here, carrying the child of a man who'd hurt me deeply. At the moment, I wasn't sure taking my maternal leave now was the right choice. I had no work to take my mind off what just happened hours ago.

I was in a bad place at the time and I was drunk, it was an intrusive thought, I swear.

I couldn't believe that was the man I was in love with. My heart ached as I replayed the words that fell out of his mouth. It felt like a rock was dumped on top of my chest, knocking the wind out of me. II wasn't sure I could face him after this.

I couldn't discern what pained me the most. Nicholas making his selfish decision to alter my life for his benefit? Or his plans to keep the information a secret?

I pushed myself further down the bed and laid on my side, curling up like the baby in my womb. I knew that even though I took a plan b the next morning, the pregnancy still happened, so in a way, whether he told me or not, I could've still ended up in this situation.

I let out a sigh as I wiped a lone tear that rolled down my cheek. The more I thought about how he could've prevented that night, the more guilt I felt towards the baby. My baby was innocent. He didn't know the selfish and stupid things his father had done. Earlier today, I was so excited but now, it felt like I was going to be birthing this baby into a broken home.

I couldn't help but rethink the logic behind every nice thing he had ever done for me. Paying off my student loans, giving me his black card and buying me a car. Was he being thoughtful? Or was he making up for his guilt?

My phone vibrated and the screen lit up across from me, on my nightstand. The moment I left his house, he had been blowing up my phone with calls and text messages. I groaned and rolled unto my other side as another silent sob shook my body.

I wanted to hate him so badly but I didn't think I could. He was deceptive. He weaselled his way into my heart, so I wouldn't be able to walk away. I blame myself for being weak. I should've stayed strong and ignored those stupid feelings. Now, look at me, crying alone in my bed, pitiful and torn.

I sat up and reached for a box of tissue, by my headboard. I drew out two pieces and used them to dry my face and blow my nostril. I laid back on the bed and stared dead at the wall. Was I being unreasonable? Was I taking it too far?

Suddenly, I wanted to read the messages he was sending. I wanted to see how many times he called. I needed to know if he was going through pain like I was. If all those tears were just for a show to pull me back under his thumb.

I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and unlocked it. There were 30 missed calls from him and 5 from Evelyn. I moved unto the messages. There were a ton of them and they all said the same thing. I'm sorry for everything. Forgive me. I love you so much. I need you. There were two voice messages at the bottom of all his texts.

I drew in a shaky breath and swallowed past the constriction in my throat. I tapped the play icon on his voice message. His hoarse voice filled the room.

'Tesoro ... I'm sorry. What I did was terrible. There's no excuse ... I completely own up to it. I love you... I love you so much. What can I do to earn your forgiveness? I swear I'll do it. Let's work through it, please'

The second voice note followed suit. This one was shorter.

'Are you okay? You left in a terrible state and I'm worried about you. Can you just let me know that you're fine? You don't have to speak to me, directly"

Just as the voice message ended, Evelyn's call came through. I did three rounds of breathing exercises before I swiped right. I didn't wait to hear her out because she'd definitely want to plead his case.

"Tell him, I'm okay," I said and hung up.

I tossed my phone to the foot of my bed and laid back down, hugging a pillow to my chest.

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