"Mr. Howard?" I asked as he stood in shock to see me though after what happened to the paintings I was more surprised to see him in my chambers.

"Forgive me, I thought you were asleep."

"Uh no, not asleep."

"It seems we both have been worried about your safety," he looked at the candle and I put it the down disarming myself.

"We? As in you have been worried?"

"I snuck in last night, though I know Lydia is gone I had to make sure everything was in order."

"Then you saw Edna was with me."

"I did, that was a clever idea."

"Thank you sir."

"I will have a seat on the sofa then so you can get back to your reading."

"Uh you will stay here with me for the night?"

"Uh yes?"

We both looked questionably at each other from the thought of spending the night together so I made an offer.

"Then for the sake of your back sit here, there is plenty of space for you to be comfortable on the bed."

We both sat on the bed together like it was a routine but he did not talk although he surveyed the book I held and once I understood out of respect he would not interrupt me I chose to eliminate the silence by speaking first.

"One of your favorites I believe," I showed him the cover, "the honorable Dickens."

"Great Expectations?" He scooted closer to see the book.

"It was worth reading again."

"Yes there is always something new to be read with the ordinary oddity of the characters, you know I am still not convinced how much I like Pip or Estella, least of all the pair of them together and yet the story never falls short," he gave me back the book.

"Maybe they are everything we ought not to be: cold, heartless, vain, self-proclaimed though sometimes we are these things even if not on purpose or even if it is not such a big part of our character as it is with them," I enjoyed our reflections on the book.

"Yes and then sometimes people are exactly this way; they are only the worst part of themselves."

"Yes poor Pip, he loves a girl who has all but told him how ordinary he is, imagine how painful to not be even a little special in the eyes of the one you love?"

"Nothing less than torture without a doubt, for how could someone tell another soul they ought to know they are common and coarse, that one should feel beneath everyone at such a young age? It's as if telling a child nothing they do will matter, no matter how hard they try there will never be triumph, like stealing away the hope of the only ones who should hope."

"A thief of joy," I looked at Mr. Howard who eyes had reddened around the rims and to give him privacy I did not dwell too long in case he did not wish me to see it.

"Did I ever make you feel this way Alice?"

"Um," Mr. Howard held one of my hands and I looked up at him with his consent.

"Mrs. Hall is right, I never deserved you, you have somehow been merciful, as if your heart was behind a glass where nothing polluted could ever touch it even after everything that has past."

"Sir."

Mr. Howard kissed my hand and a tear fell from his eye, "and when I harmed you I became the monster I feared the most."

"You are not your father's equal."

"I... How did you know it was him I talked about?"

"Because I remember the way you looked at him when I was cleaning the hall."

"Oh the day you were all politeness to me and I could not discover how to win you over?"

"You were trying to win me over by walking away?"

"I was confused to say the least."

"Well so was I but I should have noticed then how esteemed you are by your staff, while your father is only remembered by the parties he threw, not one good word of his true nature is uttered downstairs. They think you eccentric but a good master no less, and you sir have all you need in order to be good in a sick and deceitful world because you have known it first hand."

As I talked he laid down his head against my chest, trusting me with his secret pain and just like that there were no more barriers between us, as if that letter of apology really had broken his resistance against me.

"You believe a mad Earl may yet be good?"

"I believe if you want it then it shall be yours."

"I should have dismissed you after that dinner you begrudgingly served me, then you waltzed back so sure I would grant you forgiveness for the previous night and..."

"You did."

"Yes I did, my head was turned inside out, I could not make you out, a strange girl asking me to stay? You overruled my will."

"So you regret it?"

"No."

"See I do not believe your father would have let himself be overruled by a poor maid."

"Oh if he saw me that day he would have disowned me from the name, if Lydia was a wild choice he would have never let you anywhere near us he would have said something like "You daft, foolish young boy, bending to the will of a servant no less? You will never earn the nobility that comes with our name," oh yes I can still hear the echoes of it to this day."

"Well it is unkind and untrue."

"Yet he was my father and I had a duty to honor him," he talked with his head on my shoulder and a twisted arm in mine when a tear dropped down my shoulder.

"He was wrong about you, you have tried to be fair and impartial, you have believed the best in people even in Lydia, and you have been forgiving towards what you deem to be the worst choice I have made, you are everything a father should ever wish their son to be. So forget your father's words, you were thrown into the fire when Lydia appeared, you were dealt a bad card and you have made the most out of it so you have nothing to prove to him anymore."

"I never forgave him Alice, I cursed him upon his death, I keep thinking back last on his face and the moment of relief when his life vanished and so did his disappointed expectations of his only living heir," he hid his face on my nightgown and I kissed the top of his head.

"Forgive him now, you are the better man and you deserve better than to go on suffering for his sake, do not let him win."

"If forgiveness is within my reach, teach me how to be like you, teach me how to move on."

"Cry, until you have no need of it and then you will forgive yourself for the ill words, the fights, the animosity, and forgive him for not knowing of love, not knowing how to love the person who loved him, you. You loved him once upon a time and he did not deserve it but it is okay to simply love him again even when you know he could never love you back just the same because you will enjoy a new life and he has no more chances to make it right."

"Alice..." Mr. Howard held on tight to me and I to him.

"Say it, say you forgive him, say you love him now."

"I... I forgive him."

"Say it again."

"I forgive my father," he said it in pain.

"Say that you love him."

"I... I."

"Everything will be okay, he broke your heart but you love him, you can say it."

"I love my father."

"Yes you do and you have loved your son, and your son loves you, you did not lose out on love, it only came from a different person, a person who could love you the right way."

"Joseph my son," he shook his head smiling.

"Yes he admires you, he wants the best for you and he loves you so very dearly, everyone knows how proud he is of his father."

"Yes and I am so proud of him."

"See that is your gift, your son, of all the pain you will always be able to look into his eyes and see in his eyes his unconditional love for you, you will never doubt it."

The words broke my heart a little because that was my love for Mr. Howard and he wiped his eyes. Without any words Mr. Howard grabbed the book and held it up for us to read but I became distracted playing around with the curls forming on top of his head. We did not mention anything else after the the tender boy like tears, and I tried to picture him at seventeen, young and good and vulnerable to having his heart broken.The Earl must have been all too hard on Mr. Howard for I had never seen a grown man cry with such a passion and I prayed peace would soon overcome what had been overshadowed by grief and death in Mr. Howard's life. All I hoped after all of this was that we had warded the ghost of his father like we had done with Lydia and that they would never haunt him again.

"Goodnight my love," I said not moving an inch away from where he had gotten comfortable on top of me to sleep.

Our sleep was interrupted by a large tumble during the night down the hall and Edna came running into my room to see if I was alright.

"Milady!" Edna opened the door and she put her hand over her mouth when she found Mr. Howard and I sleeping together in the bed.

"Edna? Wait shhh..." I said waking up at once.

"Milady are you alright I heard something down the hall and..."

"Edna?" Mr. Howard opened his eyes and got up from the bed and I went to check in the hall what the commotion was.

Toward the last room I saw Mr. Henry half dressed in his pajamas standing with a stunned look and messy hair in front of his mother's room.

"Forgive me, it was my mother," Mr. Henry explained to everyone. "Please do go back to sleep she is fine," he said as the guests looked curiously.

"Henry what happened?" I asked going over there in my robe.

"Oh Alice come let me take you to your room," Henry touched my arm and then I saw Mr. Howard from the corner of my eye at the end of the hall holding a lamp with a robe as well to hide he was wearing clothes in my bed just moments ago.

"Is your mother alright? Did she fall and get herself hurt?" I asked as he guided me back to my room.

"She fell off her bed and she will be fine so please obey me and go to bed," Henry was nervous and I did not understand his manner since I knew so little of him.

"I will but..."

"There is nothing you may do so have a good night and I will see you tomorrow," he closed the bedchamber door and Edna slept with me for the rest of the night as Mr. Howard requested of her. Though Henry's face, his manners and the noise were a grand mystery which I did not have enough of the pieces to solve and something told me his explanation was not enough.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.