Closing the door behind once more to try to close my eyes, to inhale a minute if I could some sort of peace but the fear had grown too big, it suffocated the peace out of me with every moment that mother's hysteria sprang up to wake the household to its feet.

"Milady?" Mrs. Trudor walked in.

"Yes Mrs. Trudor."

"I just wanted to let you know that two of the maids have asked for a letter of recommendation."

"Oh why?"

"Because they will be seeking work elsewhere."

"Oh... Hmmm."

"Shall I write them one or not?"

"Yes of course write them the letters."

"As you wish, good night Lady Alice."

"Goodnight to you too Mrs. Trudor." She closed the door behind her and I thought how long until all of them deserted this household, for who would want to work in this house of insanity?

"Milady?" Edna asked outside my door as I got ready to sit on my bed.

"Yes come in."

"Milady your mother is sleeping."

"Good."

"Here I brought an extra candle milady."

"Thank you Edna, did you check the post today."

"Yes I did.''

"Any word from Mr. Henry?"

"Not yet."

"Then please send him this tomorrow," I gave Edna a letter to post directed at Henry and the current gravity of my living situation.

"Yes miss," she exited out with the letter and I locked the door to retreat into my personal exile when a revelation swirled in mind.

The bechamber that belonged to me was a messy much like the memory I had of when I first entered Mr. Howard's room, books on the floor, furniture oddly placed and I wore a sleeping robe more often than not. How ironic it was to take on a role I never thought fit for any lady or gentleman but this time I saw beyond the mess, or rather I saw it as a mere external product produced deep within my restless heart. In my lack of experience I had judged Mr. Howard's chaotic way of life as a purposeful decision but it might not have been so for what had my life turned into? How things had changed and they happened over time day by day without anyone ever asking if I wanted this. Could it be my misery was teaching me to be forgiving of Mr. Howard's odd manners?

"Joan! Oh Joan!" My mother wailed through shouts in her room taking my mind off track once more, "come back to your mama!"

"Mama?" I walked in her room.

"No Joan, no!" She smacked a drawing of my sister holding Joan's doll with her hand. "She won't stay Alice!" My mother's hair was spread on the rug she had cut it off and the scissors were hidden.

"Mother your hair," I ran to touch it her chopped uneven black hair, "why?"

"I merely cut the ropes that tied me to this world; I have to follow your sister and father to the next one."

"Stop talking non sense, stop this, why do you insist on doing this to me! On leaving me!"

"You will flourish Alice once the dead leaves of your garden are cut off dear," she caressed my hair.

"The dead leaves?"

"Yes do you not see them? How silly you are my daughter," she laughed many times puzzling me.

"No I do not see the leaves mama," I sighed wishing I could see them, understand the words that she said but it all came out in rubbish to me.

"Of course you do not see what I see you are blind to the light, it is so very dim yet it calls out, without meeting your eyes my Alice," she laid down on her bed smiling.

"What do I not see?" I tried to ask her but she had miraculously fallen asleep without any need for medication.

"Maybe some other time, I love you mother, I love you" I kissed her cheek and slept on the chair near her bed this night, she woke up much calmer whenever she could wake to see me there so I stayed.

The sun peeked in the morning and I awoke on the chair with my mother asleep like her old self, serene like a tree, never moved and older with the years.

"Lady Alice, Mr. Henry Walker is downstairs."

"Oh is it the day of his arrival already?"

"Yes it is milady."

"I forgot, uh help me into a dress please?"

"Yes and well so is Lady Walker."

"What is his mother doing here?"

"I thought you knew milady."

"Uh help me into one of the better dresses I guess."

Edna helped me get ready as I told of her of the last time we saw each other Lady Walker had told me to cut ties with her son and Edna put on some earrings as it was acceptable after ten months of mourning to show my bare face to Mr. Henry's mother who clearly disliked me.

"Lady Walker what a pleasure, Mr. Henry good morning," I nodded to her.

"Good morning Lady Alice," she nodded.

"Please do sit," I asked them and they sat.

"Thank you," Lady Walker said.

"So what brings you here Lady Walker?"

"Lady Alice, my mother knows," Mr. Henry said.

"Knows of what?"

"Well said Lady Alice, you may yet reveal yourself to know how to navigate high society, by seeing you no one would detect your hidden scandal."

"Excuse me?" I did not care for how freely Lady Walker spoke to me and Mr. Henry jumped in with an explanation.

"My mother insisted in coming along when she was made aware of the facts happening in your home, she is worried for your safety like I am," Henry explained.

"Well thank you for your concern Lady Walker but I never asked Mr. Henry to seek you out for my sake."

"Lady Alice I understand you may not have been taught properly in the inner workings of a noble family but a son, one in Henry's position, has a right and a duty to seek his own family for help and advice if anything is to involve his family."

Lady Walker was offended by my words and sought to offend back but it was the truth I did not understand how her family worked since I was not part of it and came myself from a very distinct one.

"Mother," Mr. Henry asked her to move on.

"Now I came to offer my help because I understand my son and you remain in each other's confidence and I very much expect for you to understand the difficulty of your situation and the proper way to proceed."

"No I do not please Lady Walker do be plain with me."

"As you wish then, you understand both you and your mother, less on your mother's part, have never been in good standing with society and you understand our family and my son have a certain status to maintain."

"I was made aware of it the last time we talked," I nodded.

"In the formal engagement of you and my son he would bring you up to the social circles and graces he enjoys, and when he does I will make sure that nothing from your family may come to tarnish him or the family name."

"Formal engagement? Mr. Henry has not even courted me yet."

"The point I am trying to make Lady Alice is your mother will be another scandal if she is not taken care of quietly."

"I understand your concern but Mr. Henry and I have never even entered into a courtship so..."

"It does not matter, whether you two get engaged or you engage yourself to someone else it is my duty to make sure that in the absence of proper guidance for a young lady as you are that you know how to deal with this delicate situation."

"Yes ma'am."

"Good so I have been in contact with a facility where your mother has been secured a spot under a different name all you must do is get her there or ask them to come pick her up."

"Thank you but I might keep my mother here a while longer, she has slept without any medications the last couple of days so I..."

"Tell me this girl is not saying what I think she is?" Lady Walker talked to Mr. Henry who did not enjoy my change of mind.

"Lady Alice?"

"Henry said that he feared for his own life when your mother saw him!"

"What my mother means to say is you are being guided by womanly feelings and in this situation for the security of your future we need to give Mrs. Stewart a place where she belongs."

"But Mr. Henry what if with my care mother does improve? What if tomorrow she is better again and it all changes back to what it used to be?"

"Why are we here Henry? Is it plain to see Lady Alice negates our helping hand so let her deal with her mother until society has all but cast her out to live here isolated, rotting in old ruins."

"Lady Walker I understand your position but she is my mother and I love her."

"And did I ever imply you did not love her? Come Henry we will go now, I have extended my friendship to this girl and she has refused it," she got up to bow on her way out "very well then good day to you Lady Alice."

"Lady Walker you are a long way from home the least you could do is stay the night," I asked out of politeness since she had gone out of her way to come see me.

"Come mother I know you hate night travels, we shall go early tomorrow," Mr. Henry said.

"Fine we will stay the night then," Lady Walker agreed so I rang the bell and Mrs. Tudor walked in.

"Please prepare rooms for Mr. Henry and Lady Walker they will be staying the night."

"Yes Milady, right away," Mrs. Trudor received the news.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.