It was night still when my eyes opened as of having dreamed the news but the letter was by my bedside to ensure the truth. Where was everyone? Stanley Hall was quiet, so quiet one could hear the waves crashing on the sea nearby, or the hoot of the owl in the gardens that had grown so beautifully in the past year. And my Joan where was she? Or her funny little words to warm my heart? Joan, I would never see her again, I would never speak to or tell bed stories to her again, I would never put her on my back when Mrs. Miller was not looking because it was not a lady like thing to do. The pain was there but instead of taking it in I splattered back into the bed consciously deciding not to feel it.

Instead I thought of the joy on my father's face when she was born; how she was the closest thing to bliss in our every day. Our family had been more prepared by my father's passing for it took some time but Joan's death was like getting struck by lightning in the middle of a sunny day. I heard a knock and then saw a note slip under the door to which I walked over to pick up.

Dearest Lady Alice,

I wish to be of comfort to you but cannot find words to console your heart other than this; I will be by your side. Come hell or high waters I know if we lean on each other in our low moments we are bound to come out on the other side. I sincerely ask you to cry but to not give into despair remembering I am waiting for you to be mine and we are family.

Sincerely,

Mr. Henry.

"Mr. Henry?" I opened the door to catch him but he was gone though and when I walked back into my room Mr. Howard stood there like some ghost of the night.

"Alice."

"Lord Bridgeston what are you doing in my bedchamber?"

"Come Alice," he complained of my civil disdainful manner, "do not talk to me as if we were strangers."

"If you have come to see how I am, I am well and you may go sir."

"You just lost your youngest sister and then you fainted right in front of me, you are not well do you understand?" Mr. Howard asked as if waiting to see if I would cry and lament in his arms.

"Yes, I understand the situation."

"Then go back to bed Alice," Mr. Howard demanded and seeing I would not obey him he said, "please."

In my night gown I sat back on the bed propping my legs up and Mr. Howard came to help cover me with the many warm bed linens.

"Are you warm enough?"

"Yes sir," I was taken back by his care I did not think him capable of it, of stopping himself from being the center of the universe but here he was doing the opposite of what I always expected.

"Your mother is sleeping and Mrs. Miller is watching over her in her room so you may sleep," Mr. Howard tried to comfort me.

"Hmm."

"When the morning comes you can go to London right now is too late for that, there are no trains Alice," he touched my hand and I let him hold it.

"I will try Mr. Howard."

"Then go to sleep and do not worry, when morning comes I shall wake you," Mr. Howard sat with me brushing my hair until I was sent into a soft slumber as if we had not recently had a row.

As soon as the blue of the sky outside the window got lighter I was awoken by the tapping rain on the window, Mr. Howard had fallen asleep on the small sofa which overlooked the bed. While he slept his features looked to be at peace for a change and after his kindness to look after me during the night I did not want to wake him up but if anyone came to check on me and found him inside my bedchamber there would be hell to pay for. So I knelt by where he slept and put a cover on top of his body so he could sleep in peace and went to check on my mother to give him more time.

"Lady Alice?" Mrs. Miller woke up at once when I entered the room.

"Shhh..." I asked going over to where she had stayed the night to look after mama, "I came to ask you to be ready to go soon, I will be calling Mrs. Hall and Mary to help us pack."

"Very well I shall start getting things settled into the suitcases."

"Thank you, and thank you for staying with her the night, how was it?"

"Oh she was overtaken by tiredness and took to sleeping," Mrs. Miller who was not usually amiable had turned sweet at the sight of our sorrow.

"Good and try not to wake her until we are ready to put her in the carriage please."

"As you wish milady," she nodded and I tiptoed back to the bedchamber to ring the bell but when I got there Mrs. Hall was already in the room with a breakfast tray and Mr. Howard was gone.

"Lady Alice you called for breakfast?"

"Uh just tea will do and I need help to pack up, I also need to be dressed and carriage waiting to take us to the nearest train please."

"Are you sure you are well enough to travel back today with your mother?"

"Yes Mrs. Hall."

"Very well then let me call Mary."

There were no black dresses in my suitcases I had stuffed the darker colors somewhere expecting I would never have to wear them again so I wore the only dark color I had, a blue dress. It was only a dress and a veil I needed, no jewelry of any sort was to be worn and Mrs. Miller put every piece away. Every pretty and light colored dress went into the suitcases telling me goodbye again and this time the ritual of mourning would not be done merely for propriety but because it was a blow to the family indeed, a wound we had to heal with time.

Mr. Henry was leaning on the wall outside my door when I walked out after getting dressed, "Lady Alice," he stood up straight and Mary left us to talk privately as she went in to my mother's room.

"Morning Mr. Henry," I said politely.

"How are you?"

"Well uh not precisely great but we should talk about your proposal," I thought it was best to get the hard conversation out of the way.

"Yes I will be waiting for you when this is over."

"This is not what I..."

"I will depart for London tomorrow after you, we all will, so keep us posted, your maid should know my address."

"Mrs. Miller you mean?"

"Isn't that what I said?"

"She is the governess not our maid but I shall send a letter confirming when my sister's funeral is to take place."

"And I will be there with you," he kissed my hands, "have a safe trip Lady Alice."

"Uh thank you Mr. Henry?"

Mary helped my mother get dressed into one of her black gowns and placed a thin veil from her hat on top of her face I saw the tears drip down from inside. My mother wept but did not make any noise and as we reached the front door stood Henry, Joseph, Lilly and Mr. Howard were awake to say goodbye and give condolences.

"I am sorry Lady Alice," Miss Lilly hugged me as mother and I went down the line of people to say goodbye to.

"Thank you Miss Lilly," I said then Joseph held my hands.

"I am deeply saddened by your news my dear friend," Joseph kissed my hands.

"I know, take care friend."

"Lady Alice my condolences," Mr. Howard nodded taking one of my hands in both of his though I could not thank him in front of the others for last night I hoped he understood I was thankful for his rare display of goodness.

"Thank you sir," I nodded and he helped me into the carriage where my mother and Mrs. Miller waited for me.

The trip was wrapped in a horrible sound and doomsday like weather during our whole trip back to London. The rain mixed with the wind and the puddles of mud the carriage went through delayed our going and the unexpected Spring cold hit us hard. When we finally boarded the train it was a relief to be able to sleep until we got to London and through the bad weather the carriage made it home where mother tore through the door to go see Joan.

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Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.