"I warned my friend he was being too obvious but that is Joseph, he could never hide his feelings."

"Since when?"

"Since we were children, he proposed to her too early she was sixteen and I warned him she would say no. My sister was born to please our parents and when our parents disagreed of the union I knew where it was headed still he asked her anyways."

"Yes that is very like him."

Of course Miss Lilly was the girl of his dreams, not only the first girl he fell in love but the one he was still in love with and no amount of denial could deny this truth. Though it was always a surprise to find the people we thought we knew as a part of our life already belonged to another life, to someone else in their past.

"How did you and Joseph become friends? He never told me anything on the subject though I have asked him about you many times." Henry asked while I saw how remarkable it was that I had met the girl who Mr. Howard did not think his son ought to be marrying and if he could go against her then no other lady stood any chance to get Mr. Howard's approval.

"We met in Bridgeston, I was out accompanied while delivering a letter to the post and he was on his own traveling to Stanley Hall, when the rain began to pour he helped us get away from it by offering his carriage."

This was the version I had been told to repeat because if anyone else heard the story of the circumstances which I had met Joseph in, suspicions would arise about my reputation for being alone with him.

"And that also sounds very much like my friend or should I say brother in law?" Mr. Henry smiled as we observed Joseph and Miss Lilly talking nonstop without detaching their eyes off one another.

Joseph and Lillian, that is how love looked, it saw in its lover's eyes nothing else but the holder of their hearts. In love you found both people in wholeness, ever present, with nothing left behind someplace else unlike when Joseph and I were together. Joseph's missing part had a name, a face, a joyful disposition named Lillian and he could only be whole with her and no one else.

A picnic luncheon was served during the hunt and before it finished I said under my breath, "we must talk once we are back at the house."

"Of course, see me at the library no one will bother us there," he arranged and I nodded then Lilly and her distant cousin who was from Ireland and Lilly's companion asked me to join them in a traditional Irish dance.

"Come ladies, my cousin Brielle will teach us how to dance!" Miss Lillian said excited to all the ladies who got up from where they sat on the blankets of the green grass west of Stanley Hall.

"Come dear, get up, we will dance," mama said for my sake and I followed them to where Henry was asking Brielle how to dance.

"Henry it is for the ladies now leave Brielle alone," Miss Lillian said.

"But I think I would make a marvelous Irish dancer would I not Brielle?" And Brielle shook her head blushing and Lilly and Henry sang the Irish song for us to dance meanwhile Brielle gave us the coordinates.

"And then with your left hand like this," she lifted it up in the air and we mimicked it.

It was so natural sometimes to be of cheer that in those moments it was easy to believe everything was fine and I was just a girl dancing on a green hill during Spring and nothing bad would ever come my way again.

The hunting went on until the sundown, a reasonable amount was shot and my mother conversed with Lady Walker while Henry stayed with us through the entirety of it.

"You have not shot as much as you did the other years Henry," Lady Walker noted her son's actions.

"I blame Lady Alice," Henry said and both our mothers walked on with the horses ahead of us.

"What is it to me if you are a bad shot Mr. Henry?"

"It is all on you; I was not paying enough attention to what I was doing with your Irish dancing."

Henry's smile was the mark by which he distinguished himself, it was clever and meant to make any girl blush, of course other than Mr. Howard not much scared me or made me blush easily so his charm had less effects on me then he probably wished to cause.

"Mr. Henry I know you enjoy flattering young ladies often, do not mistake me for them," I made my mind known.

"I will not deny my past but it would be a pity if one's past interfered with a happy future perhaps?" Henry nodded then rode along with Joseph as I joined my mother again.

Future happiness I questioned it, he could not be so forward so I refused to dwell on it any longer because it was Henry, he probably would get bored and change his mind tomorrow.

Back at the house, I inconspicuously made my way to the library and Joseph came to meet me soon. In there I waited with such a relief and peace of mind for what I was about to do that it felt like a cloud which was above me was now under my feet.

"Alice how are you?" Joseph asked shutting the door behind him.

"I am well and how are you?"

"Good should we sit?"

"Yes."

"So what is the matter?"

"Joseph, please tell me you have noticed we barely said exchanged two words with each other since I arrived?"

"No, we have talked have we not?"

"No and you do not even perceive the world around when she is here do you?"

"Who Alice?"

"Miss Lilly of course."

"I am sorry if I have..."

"No, I did not call you here for an apology but to clearly end what was what done badly to begin with," I sighed in relief for knowing I would do what I desired from the beginning, to take Joseph's happiness as a priority.

"Alice..." Joseph held my hand in shame of his less than honorable actions, "I am ashamed of my behavior."

"There is no need I just wish to know why you even thought to ask for my hand in marriage?" I knew very well why I had led Joseph there but as for his motives what were they?

"I pray you forgive me but when I met you I thought my feelings for Lilly had long passed. My father opposed our union and so did her parents, she would not go against her parents' wishes, it was a lost cause so I moved on or I believed I did."

"Why did your father oppose it?"

"He dislikes her family for some unknown reason to me."

"I am sorry; I do hope he will come around to her."

"I daresay he may already have found it in him to come around, I do not understand what could have caused him to make such a change." Joseph explained but the only reason for Mr. Howard to do that was probably because anyone at this point was better for his son than me.

"And when we met? Why were you so keen on marriage?"

"Remember when I first saw you? You had been crying."

"Yes."

"It was this common sadness which united us; it was the same as looking at my own reflection. And you were honorable and I did with all my heart believe we could be the balsam in each other's life, that if we were together it would be the best way to face the woes of life."

"Of course you did, and if there were no impediments, I would have concluded the same."

"But it was not fair to you; I should have known myself better, are you able to forgive me Alice?"

"Yes," if he only knew my scheme I would be the one seeking forgiveness, "of course I am."

"If after all these years of avoiding Lilly I did not find her here very sorry to have jilted me when we were younger then there is none I would gladly commit for the rest of my life." Joseph confessed and it was the best thing she was sorry, because of her I could avoid gambling with his happiness and know for sure he was set for a more certain one.

"Come leave second choices behind, there is better and we did not err so much that it cannot be undone."

"Undone, I almost announced it on the papers," he was ashamed for we had not been properly engaged and what a scandal it would be if we had told everyone. "Mr. Henry does not know, Sir Arthur knew that it was on my mind to ask you, so only my father knew for sure of our engagement and when it is undone you will have nothing to worry about."

"Good, then you must marry her, marry Miss Lilly and be not only content but overjoyed. For I would never hold you to a private engagement when your heart clearly lies with another lady, a good lady."

"Alice, I am the luckiest man to have been in this position with you, you have more honor and heart than anyone I ever met." Joseph kissed my hands and as I smiled happy for his future happiness.

"For what it's worth I would not take back the way things happened, it was an honor to be considered by you," Joseph helped me when I needed most but it was time to put him first and just then Mr. Howard walked in to watch the scene.

"So, I guess you have made your choice, very well then!" Mr. Howard said before slamming the door on his way out.

"Father!" Joseph yelled and went after him as I went back to my room disengaged from Joseph which erased one of the sins I'd been carrying though if I were to be clean again I had a long way back to white.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.