《Family Comes First》Formulating My Plan
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The idea came to me during the night. I was dreaming that Jimmy had pinned me down onto the bed and ripped off my clothes. He sneered and chuckled as I screamed for somebody to help me. He let him hands roam all over my body and it disgusted me.
When I finally woke up, I was thankful that I wasn’t screaming in my sleep. Jimmy would make me tell him what that dream was about and I didn’t feel like coming up with an excuse. I preferred him asleep anyways. He was lying on his back, his lips slightly parted, hair tousled, an d he had deep rhythmic breaths. When he was like this he wasn’t a threat to me and he wasn’t going to touch me.
I was lying down on my stomach. I slowly pushed myself up onto my knees. I could see the key on his chest because of the moonlight pouring in through the window. Jimmy had his hands on his stomach, just an inch under the key. The key moved with every breath he took.
I reached out to touch the key, but he started to stir. He mumbled something that I couldn’t make out and stretched out his shoulders. I gasped and then shot my hand u over my mouth, hoping that I hadn’t woken him up.
It was going to be impossible to get the key off of him while he was sleeping. It was too big of a risk to get caught. What would I say when he woke up with his key in my hand? Saying I wanted a better look at it wasn’t good enough. He would punish me badly and I would lose all of their trust.
Then I thought back to the dream. It was the only reasons Jimmy would take off all of his clothes, including his key. I wouldn’t make Jimmy rape me, I don’t want that and he said he wouldn’t. But what if I said I wanted us to have sex? I could take off all his clothes, including his key, and if he argues and I can tell him it has to be that way. I could even just take his shirt and key off and then tell him I’m still not ready, but he would want his shirt and key back probably. I wasn’t going to risk that, I would have to go all the way.
I looked over at the clock to see it was only 4:30 in the morning. There was only thirty more minutes until Jimmy’s alarm went off. I rolled over onto my side and stared at the moon through the bars.
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When it went off, Jimmy reached over me and turned it off. He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
“Good morning,” he said before getting out of bed.
“Morning,” I said getting up too.
Jimmy was going through the dresser and handed me another pile of clothes. Without thinking, I ran into the bathroom to get changed. My hair was so greasy, but I didn’t want to ask to take a shower. I just brushed up my hair and tied it into a bun. I put on the jeans with the tear and an old plaid shirt. I guessed it must have been one of Jimmy’s when he was younger. I buttoned it up.
I came out of the bathroom to see that Jimmy was wearing his usual T-shirt and jeans. He didn’t say anything about me going in the bathroom today. I quickly made the bed as Jimmy seemed to be looking for something in his drawers.
Jimmy looked at me and curled his fingers in towards me, beckoning for me to come closer to him. I walked over to him cautiously. He pulled me in and then reached for my chest. I was about to push him away, but then I saw his fingers buttoning up my shirt. He did up two more buttons above what I had already done.
“Some of you is only for me,” he said before kissing me.
He laced his fingers though mine and we walked down to the kitchen. We were the first ones down there. Jimmy took the boxes of cereal down from up over the fridge and handed them to me. I put them on the table and Jimmy followed me with the bowls. Charles came into the kitchen and flashed me a quick smile. Tommy was quickly behind them.
Breakfast was ate mostly in silence and they were quickly out the door. I cleaned up the mess and continued to clean the house like I’ve been doing for the last couple days.
All day I thought about my plan I had come up with early in the morning. I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat every time I thought about having sex with Jimmy. I would have to stomach it though. If I waited here long enough I would eventually have to do it, so best to use it to my advantage.
The hours of the day seemed to drag on like they would never end. I had scrubbed and cleaned ever surface inside the house, so I decided to go around and check all the doors and windows. You could never be too careful. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that much of their trust yet.
I guessed when to cook dinner again, and I had seemed to time it pretty well. A couple minutes after I had finished they came into the house. Tommy and Jimmy ran upstairs and Charles washed his hands with the bar of soap on the edge of the sink in the kitchen.
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“Hurry up boys before it gets cold,” he shouted up the stairs after he was finished.
They ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. I already had the food on the table before they came in, so I sat down in the chair.
They gave me compliments on the smell and taste of the food as they passed it around. I never figure out what that chunk of meat was in the freezer, but it was the only meat I could find. None of them answer me when I asked what it was and Jimmy has been strict on me asking no questions.
Dinner whizzed by without any of them asking me questions. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at the silver chains around their necks. I imagined myself yanking one off and running out the door with it. I don’t even know where I am. I don’t know where I’m supposed to go.
All I’ve ever seen of the outside is the gravel driveway in front of the house covered in trees. I was out in the wilderness somewhere on a farm. Pretty much in the mild of nowhere. I don’t even know if I am in New York anymore.
When they got up from the table, I cleaned up until Jimmy wrapped his arms around me. He kept kissing my shoulder and neck as I tried off the last couple of plates. He shuffled with me as I walked over to the cupboard to put them away. I dried my hands with the towel and pulled it out of my grasp.
“Let’s go upstairs,” he told me, grabbing my wrist. He pulled me up the stairs and into his room. He wrapped his arms around me and started pressing his lips hard against mine. I didn’t want to go through with my plan tonight. I needed one more day to prepare myself. I pushed him away with my hands. He looked at me quizzically.
I sat down on his bed and smiled at him. I patted the piece of comforter beside me and Jimmy sat down. I was going to need to get him to trust me even more before I tried to take the key off. I took his rough hands in mine.
“So,” I said letting out a deep breath, it gave me time to think. “I want you to tell me a bit about yourself.”
“Like what?” Jimmy asked arching an eyebrow.
I just shrugged my shoulders. “Anything. You know a bit about me and I know nothing about you. I just think I should if we’re spending the rest of our lives together.”
I had to struggle to not let my voice waver or crack as I talked. I was so glad I had those years of practice at the orphanage. Jimmy’s smile were curled into a smile, so I knew he fell for it.
“I don’t know what to say,” he told me.
“It can be anything,” I said. Jimmy looked away from me and started chewing on his lip. I knew he was racking his brain for something. I better help. “Before I was here what did you use to do after dinner?”
“I played cards with Tommy or read.”
“What’s your favourite book?”
“Lord of the Flies.”
I remembered that I was supposed to read that book back in high school. I never read the book and guessed all the answers on the test. It was easy to say that I didn’t do very well on that test. From what everyone else was saying it was a violent and disturbing book. No wonder this murderer loves it.
I had to admit though that he was much nicer to me than the rest of his family. He had never hit me. It was only Charles how had, and Jimmy was the one to clean me up after. Tommy hadn’t hit me either, but his smirk and attitude scared me. Out of all of them, I felt the safest with Jimmy.
“I hadn’t read it,” I admitted.
“It’s really good,” he told me. “I have a copy if you want to read it. Like if you have time after you’re done cleaning. I’ve read it a lot, so it’s a little beat up, but it’s still the same words.”
“You really do like it then.”
“Yeah,” he said continuing to chuckle. “I keep looking for a new copy every time we go into town.”
“Into town?” I asked him.
“Yeah. We go out to the closest town every couple weeks to get supplies and food. Dad and Tommy are going in a couple days, so we’ll have the house to ourselves.”
My stomach twisted at that thought. I didn’t know what Jimmy will do to me if we are in the house all alone. I had to go through with my plan before that happened.
“That’s nice,” was all I managed to say.
My mind was made up then. I was getting out of here tomorrow night.
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