It's in that moment that I realize just how right Riker was when he said I had barely been kissed. Spin the bottle is child's play. This. Felix. This is real. So very, very real and I can barely believe it but it's true. It's actually happening. Felix is kissing me. The kind of kissing that makes a girl's toes curl. His fingers tangled in my hair, the heel of his palm rested against my jaw. His hand rested on my waist, holding me tightly against his chest and it feels like I'm dreaming.

"This doesn't make up for anything," I tell him when I pull away from him, resting my hands on his chest.

"I know," he says before kissing me again and it makes my head spin.

I'm on cloud nine as I press closer to him, his hand moving around to the small of my back. It's like everything else going on loses all importance. Felix suddenly the only thing that matters. His lips softer than I expected, his kiss rough and gentle all at the same time. He's swarming all my thoughts. Taking place of any struggle I thought I had. Replacing everything else going on in my head.

"Montgomery!" Coach Davidson yells, pulling us apart with his shouts. "I'm not here to watch you make-out with your little girlfriend. Get back to practice!"

"Girlfriend," Felix hums out. "That has a nice ring to it, wouldn't you say?"

I narrow my eyes at him, rolling my eyes. "In your dreams."

"I'm sorry, Nicks. I really am."

"So you've said," I swallow, pressing my lips together in a straight line as I meet his eyes.

His lips curl up slightly. "Will you stay until after practice? I really want to fix this."

"I don't know, Felix."

"Please," he begs. "If you still want nothing to do with me after we clear the air, then I'll let it go."

Exhaling, I nod my head slowly. "Okay, I'll stay."

"You won't regret it," he grins and rests his hand on my neck, his thumb caressing my jawline as he leans in to kiss my cheek. "I'll see you in a bit."

"I'm counting on that," I laugh lightly as he turns to jog over to the rest of his team.

Curling my toes in my white sneakers, I hold back the smile trying to creep up on my face as I turn to head for the bleachers. My spine covered in chills as I play with the silver ring on my index finger and try to ignore the bubbling emotion of butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Felix somehow managing to invade every corner of my life.

Robyn catches my attention by whistling at me, smugly smirking at me as I walk by the cheerleaders.

"Shut up!" I point at her, breaking my straight face to laugh. "I hate you."

"That was hot, Vee," she teases.

"Go way," I wave her off.

"You have to tell me everything."

"Robyn!" I whine.

"I will get it out of you," she laughs, directing her finger at me as she narrows her eyes. "My love life is seriously lacking in comparison."

"And I'm supposed to help with that?" I ask, arching an eyebrow at her.

"Yes! I already told you I need to live vicariously through you," she grins. "Just tell me if he's a good kisser or not. He looks like a good kisser."

"You are seriously annoying," I laugh but my stomach is flip flopping at the thought of kissing him again. "Yes, he's a good kisser," I lowered my voice, not wanting to get the attention of her fellow squad members.

"Are you going to do it again?" She asks with a sly smile, making me laugh.

I hold my lips together though the answer is written on my face. Obviously, I am. I'm going to take every chance I can to have the feeling of his lips on mine again.

"Good girl," Robyn grins, skipping over to me to wrap her arms around me.

"You've had such a mood swing on him, Robby," I laugh as we pull away.

"Hey, if you can forgive him so can I!" She yelps and puts a smile on my face as I push her back towards her cheer team.

"Go back to practice," I tell her.

"Wait, where are you going?" She quizzes.

"Nowhere," I assure her. "Felix wants to talk after practice so I'm just going to hang out and wait for him."

"Okay," she nods as she heads back to practice. "Good luck, boo. I love you."

"Love you too," I wave as I head up the stairs ready to take a seat on the metal bleachers when my phone buzzes in my pocket.

I know you're probably still mad at me, but are you willing to talk? I miss you, little bird.

My lips curl down into a frown as I read over the text, rubbing my thumb over the corner of my case. A sigh falling from my lips as I looked at the field, spotting Felix and my frown quickly turns up into a small smile.

i'm listening

I mean in person, Vee. Will you see me? Anywhere you want.

now?

Please.

I want to say no and stay, but the other part of me has me thinking maybe this is my get out of jail free card. My thoughts on Felix going back to ones of confusion. Maybe I'm not ready to talk yet. Maybe I'm not ready to clear the air. Maybe I need to fix things with my dad first, or pretend to.

Or maybe I'm only saying that to avoid dealing with my own feelings because I'm afraid of letting Felix in. I'm afraid of inviting him in, to every little string that can destroy me. It's my own doing. Running before I can let him hurt me, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he won't. Or he will. It's worth trying though...isn't it? But then again, I've seen what's happened with my parents and the thought of it happening to me terrifies me.

Which is why I decided to make the wrong decision before things got too real. My irrational fear of commitment drowning out all other senses.

double scoop?

With one last glance at the football field, I tuck my phone into my pocket and head down the corridor into the school. Trudging down to my locker, I unclip my cameras from the holsters and put them neatly back into their cases before pulling the leather straps off my body. I grab everything out of my locker and dig my keys out of the front pocket of my backpack.

I don't know what I'm doing or if I even want to talk to my dad yet, but it suddenly seems far more appealing right now. My own self-doubt ruining my life.

"Little bird," my dad smiles softly when I walk into the ice creamery, getting up to open his arms to me.

"Hi," I swallow, ignoring his request for a hug to sit down at the table.

He quickly drops his arms and sits down at the table across from me, resting his hands together. I move my hands down into my lap, distracting my eyes with the silver on my fingers. The twisting and turning of the ring a nervous habit that eases my anxiety.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," I tell him honestly. "You?"

"I've been better," he says as his eyes soften in my direction. "Stevie, I know you don't understand what's going on with me and your mom. And I wish I could help you understand."

"Don't do that," I frown. "Don't talk to me like I'm a kid and I don't get your adult bullshit. I'm not a kid anymore, dad and I'd get the divorce if you guys even tried. You didn't though. You gave it three months of no trying and obviously you fight, you don't actually talk to each other!"

"It's not that easy."

"It is that easy and you're both just being cowards," I argue with him. The anger I felt the night he asked for the divorce without straight out asking for one, bubbling back up to the surface.

"You're right," he nods. "You're completely right."

"I don't get it..." I sigh. "You haven't even told us the reason you separated."

"Did I ever tell you the story about how your mom and me got together?" He asks and I nod to answer.

"Yeah, you got a record deal in Los Angeles but when you got here you decided you wanted to be with mom and went back to New York," I elaborate, studying his face.

He nods, "There's more to it than that though. Los Angeles wasn't just a job. It was my dream, my music, everything I'd been working towards. It landed in my lap the same time your mom finally decided to give me a chance and I made a stupid rash decision because I thought it was my only chance. My once in a lifetime chance to make my life worth something but it didn't take long for me to realize my music was going to come again. I got one offer, I'd get another but your mom. She was my once in a lifetime chance."

"Dad..."

"I fell for her the first time she called me out in the elevator of our apartment building and I was sure I was going to marry her the first time we kissed," he admits to me and my heart swells at the information. "I knew I was never going to meet anyone like her ever again and I would be an idiot to give that up, so I went home to New York and I got her back. For the first time in my life, I knew I had made the right decision in being with her. She's extraordinary, Stevie."

My lips curl up as I nod in agreement.

"I will continually be amazed by your mom, and I don't think there will ever be a day where I'm not completely in love with her. She's my best friend. My favourite person. My soulmate."

"How can you possibly want a divorce?" I mumble. "How can you possibly be separated when you talk about her with that amount of adoration?"

"I grew up in a house with parents that stayed married when they shouldn't have, and it drove all of us apart. It wasn't a safe place for us to dream or to be ourselves. I hated every second of it and as soon as I could get of there, I ran from home," he exhales. "I never wanted that for you and your brothers. I wanted you to feel safe to dream in our home and maybe your mom and I should be married, but it started to feel like that place my childhood got ruined by...so I guess, I thought it'd be better if we be a happy parted family before we got to the point my parents were."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" I frown. "We...we are okay. You and mom have never done anything that's made us feel like we can't dream. I mean, you gave me a freaking studio for my photography."

"I know it makes no sense. We just...it started to feel like there was a million miles between us when she was laying right next to me," he sighs. "You don't have to-."

"I get it," I shake my head. "I don't want us to be a broken family. I know it can be lonely at times, I get it but you deserve to try and fight. Mom said she'd give it until the end of the school year. Will you please hold you part of the promise?"

"Yeah, little bird," he nods. "I can do that."

"Dad?"

"What is it?"

"How did you know mom was worth risking your heart?" I ask.

"Love is always worth the risk," he smiles. "It may not always end perfectly, but nothing's perfect and it's better knowing you put yourself out there, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I nod, thinking back to how I left Felix at school without giving us the chance to talk. I didn't even talk to him to explain the situation and I know I should have.

He's right.

Love is worth the risk. Even if it feels too real, too fast.

And my heart's praying Felix is worth taking a chance on and he doesn't prove me wrong.

a/n;

This chapter makes my heart hurt in like, the best way possible. And before I forget, I kind of totally redid the playlist for this book if you're interested in listening to it you can find it on my spotify under the same username (londonlocket). It's definitely one of my favourites, and hopefully you like it too.