Chapter 4 – Forget It

** ZACH's POV **

So, she hates me that much, huh.

I said to myself as I stared at the glass of tonic in my hand. Her words were still stirring in my head. I had a lot of questions, but then, what's the point? She hates me—no, hating was an understatement.

She despised me.

And there I was, thinking that everything is going to be okay between us.

"It's so much easier when you're not here, you know."

"It's easier when it comes to James. You don't need to question things. You don't have to look for answers. No expectations. No tears. No hurt."

"I hate you."

She's just drunk, Zach. She's not thinking straight. It's the alcohol that's talking.

I tried to reason with myself, but it's no good. Who am I kidding? Drunken words are sober thoughts, right? She maybe felt that way ever since I came back. I was just too naïve to see that I was making things harder for her.

Was it selfish of me to come back just to see you again? Your smile? Did coming back made things a lot harder for you?

But what's the meaning of those smiles we shared when we're in Hamptons? The laughs? Was I just over thinking things?

I wasn't expecting anything to be honest. I knew from the very start that she's with James and I wouldn't come in between them. I just want to be by her side, to make her feel that I'm still here, in case she... forgot.

But it's been months and sure, a lot had happened in those long months. Including me getting out of the picture. Cancelling me out of her life.

And well, damn fuck. Now, I realized how selfish I had been.

I couldn't accept the fact that I'm out of her life that's why I forced my way in not knowing that it hurts her even more.

So, my existence is the reason for her pain, huh. I shouldn't have come back.

I drunk the rest of my drink and continued to wallow in. What a pathetic guy. So I'm back to square one again, huh. Being that drunken idiot I had been.

Oh fuck, then why did she kiss me? What about that kiss?

I closed my eyes and touched my lips. I could still feel hers in mine. The rhythm. The pattern. It was gentle. It was the way I remembered it had been.

Soft and sweet.

Surely, it meant something, right? You wouldn't kiss someone for nothing, right?

Yeah, right. After saying that she hates you? Sure, Zach. Keep telling yourself that.

"Something bothering you, Zachy?"

"Sarah!" I startled the moment I saw Sarah standing beside me.

"Do you really need to shout my name? Everyone in here knows me already, Zach." She said with a sassy grin.

"Thanks for reminding me that we're at your party." I said flatly. I wasn't in the mood for cheeky comebacks and Sarah might have noticed that.

Her face turned serious and she walked closer to me. "It's been a long night, Zach. Just go home and rest."

I turned to her and shrugged. "I don't have a curfew. Besides, I'm still going to drop you off."

"I'm a grown up, independent woman, Zach. I can do that." She said in a proud tone

"Oh yeah, right." I told her as I took another shot of tonic.

I saw Sarah roll her eyes before she snatched away my drink. "I'll spare the mockery tonight but don't expect me to be this understanding and nice tomorrow. Now go home before I change my mind and hear what I have to say."

"And I'm out for words. Who are you and what have you done to Sarah Vardi?"

"Really now, Zach? I can do sarcasm even in my sleep, you know that. And I want you sober, not this." She made a flicking gesture at me with disgust on her face. "And if you're really that worried, Nate is still here. I'll ask him to drop me off."

I breathed out and submitted myself in defeat. She's right. It's been a long exhausting night and a lot had happened. Staying here would do me no good. I would probably just sit here and drink the rest of the liquor in this bar.

My mind would probably be repeating that same scene all over again.

Her words. Her shouts. Her hatred. Even the kiss.

"So what are you still doing here?" Sarah snapped me out of my reverie again.

"Fine." I resigned.

"Good." She said. She walked to me and gave me a hug. "Make sure to answer my call tomorrow." She ordered.

I let go and walked away... with only one girl in my mind.

* * * * * *

I woke up with a splitting headache and a loud ring coming from my phone. I reached out and groggily answered it.

And of course, as usual and as always, the shrilling voice of Sarah Vardi made my head ache even more.

"I'd been calling you for hours! Where are you?"

And she's being true to her words when she said that she wouldn't be nice in the morning.

"I'm trying to get the rest you've been telling me last night." I lamely replied.

I was still sleepy. I'd been up all night busy contemplating the things that happened at that party.

Where the hell is Nate when you need him and his coming-into-senses words?

"Rest is over. Get up and come over to Chloe's." She said.

"Pass. I'm not in the mood."

"Who said I'm asking? I'm actually telling you to go." She laughed. And then something or should I say someone's voice at the background made my close eyes open in an instant. All the headache was suddenly thrown out the window.

"Why are you there?" I suddenly asked. I sat up and listened more intently at the background.

"Why shouldn't I be here, huh, Zach?" She might have sensed the uneasiness in my voice. "So, what do you say Zachy? Are you coming or are you coming?" I could tell that she was smirking at me now.

I shrugged and tried my best to act as if it didn't affect me. "If you insist."

I didn't wait for her reply, and I already hang up the phone.

* * * * *

On my way to Chloe's place, I tried to contact Nathan. But it was useless. He didn't pick up any of my calls. Where the hell is this guy anyway?

I arrived at Chloe's place in no time. The first thing that I would do is to search for that someone's voice and confirm her presence in this place.

What happened last night? Why is she here? Is she okay or what?

I came in with a cool façade and Sarah was the first one who greeted me.

"Finally!" She chirped. She grabbed my arm and led me inside.

And there I realized that we're not the only visitors in the house. Everyone was there. When I said everyone, I really mean everyone. Chloe, Nate, Sarah, River, James, and sitting beside him, the voice of the girl I heard at the end of the line not so long ago—Tori.

James was saying something that made Tori laugh. She hit James' shoulder playfully.

I looked away almost immediately and turned to Sarah. "So, what's with this sudden reunion?" I asked.

My voice caught the attention of James and Tori, making them snap out from their own little world. They both looked at me. I was the first one who smiled.

"Oh nothing." Sarah started. "I just thought that maybe we should all hang out. This time, just the seven of us. No party. No alcohol. Just us and a nice lunch at the Meatpacking District." Her eyes were glistening with excitement. And I recognized that look anytime.

"Okay, Sarah. What else? Spit it out." I said.

"Oh Zach. You really know me." She laughed and she let go of my arm that she was clinging on since I came in. I took that as opportunity to take a seat next to Nathan which was coincidentally facing Tori and James' direction.

"You owe me an explanation." He whispered.

"I owe you nothing." I scorned.

I was still a little bit irritated right now. Not sure if it was the fact that Nate ditched me last night, Tori not looking at me, Tori and James sitting together, or just the simple fact of Tori and James.

Geez. The headache was starting to get on me again.

"So? What do you think?" Sarah said out of nowhere.

Wait? Are we talking about something here? Because I was busy contemplating with my own thought.

I furrowed my brows, clearly telling her that I didn't hear what she had said.

Sarah rolled her eyes but continued. "I said, Chloe, Tori and I decided to be part of the Dispensary Cotillion this year. It's supposed to be at the latter part of the year but they made it earlier this time."

My eyes immediately travelled to Tori's direction to see her reaction to this. She was supposed to have her début last year, right? What happened?

And as if Sarah was reading my mind, she answered the question that had been bugging me. "It turns out that Tori didn't attend the last year's Cotillion due to a very important matter. Chloe missed it too. Seriously, guys, what happened last December that made you ditch the most important part of being an eighteen year old girl?"

"Ohh. I wonder what happened last December." Nathan humored in a hush tone. I elbowed his stomach to shut him up.

She missed Cotillion? But... but... why? Was it because of me, too? What the hell was going on? There was a blank space here. What happened after I left? She was happy with James, right? Or maybe she had a fight with him?

I fought the urge to look at their direction and turned to Chloe instead, who's coincidentally looking at me too with a frown.

After Mexico, I haven't heard anything about Chloe. All I know is that she went to my apartment and begged Boris for my whereabouts. Boris also told me that she was sorry about everything.

When I came back, it was as if nothing happened. We'd been more than civil to one another. We're actually friends. The kind of friendship we had before everything was messed up.

I guess I just got carried away that after months of being away, everything turned out right. That me being away made things for the better. I'd been friends with Chloe, James and Tori, acting like nothing happened.

But Tori burst out. I wonder if Chloe and James felt the same way too about my sudden comeback.

"Okay." I said. But still not getting the pieces together. "And why are we all here? Don't get me wrong but... Cotillion is a girl thing."

"Silly Zachy." Sarah teased.

"Well, Zach, you're here for a very obvious reason. We need partners." Chloe said in a matter of fact tone.

I turned to Sarah with a frown. Oh this is not what I think it is.

Sarah smirked as if she was reading what was on my mind. "You got that right, Zach. You're my partner." I was about to say something, or should I say protest, but she—as usual and as always, cut me off. "I know that you don't like this kind of social gathering and this would probably be your first time. You turned down tons of offers from your ex-girlfriends but I'm not just like them, right?" She finished with a wink.

I was thinking of a good comeback to turn her down. There's no way that I'm going to that kind of social gathering! I hated that for a reason. But my speech was cut short when I heard something that made my stomach churn.

"So, I'm going to be yours, right?"

"Who else would it be?" She answered in gleeful tone.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my nerves.

"Do we have a say to this?" Was the only thing that I come up with, and my original speech of backing out was buried down the grave.

"Well, it's been decided already and my mom is pleased that she'll be making our dresses." Chloe said.

"It is such an honor to wear a one of a kind L couture." Tori chirped and Sarah clapped her hands in excitement. All the girls were thrilled and they all stood up and started chatting, away from us.

And as for the four of us, we're just like that, seated at the four corners of the room. Looks like I was the only one who wasn't excited in this cotillion, huh. James was his usual self, smiling like a fool. Nathan was relaxed and River... oh boy. It looks like there was something cooking up in his brain.

"So, who's gonna be Chloe's partner?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Well. It's pretty obvious that it's going to be Nate. There's no way she will take River as her escort." James said.

River's grin just got wider. "We'll see about that."

And Nate filled us up with what happened last night and this morning, which was also the reason why he had been MIA.

* * * * * *

Hilarious.

Pretty sick, but hilarious.

Well, what would you expect for River Ellison? Yes, he was slow at times but he has great reputation when it comes to retaliations.

Nate was trying to talk some sense into him but he was being his usual stubborn self. We're also against his plan but hell, I would like to see him eat his words and watch the whole thing fuck up.

Karma was always a bitch, after all.

The girls were finally done talking and we're all ready to go out and head for lunch. We're at the lobby when Tori suddenly walked towards my direction.

"Hey, Zach. You have a minute?" She asked.

I have the whole day. Was what I wanted to say, but instead, I settled with "Sure."

I was silently wishing that this minute was about the thing that happened last night. All the questions out and answered.

"Thanks." She started.

Okay, probably not the thing I was looking for.

"Thanks for what?" I asked, feeling confuse as ever.

"James told me that you found me yesterday in my drunken state. You took care of me. That must be awful, huh? I had never been drunk before—I never drink alcohol in general. That was my first time and I can't remember anything. Did I embarrass myself? Did I–"

And it took four words to make my world fall apart.

I can't remember anything.

I was looking at her and her lips were still moving but I couldn't hear her anymore. Actually, everything was silent. I could only hear my heart breaking.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

She can't remember anything.

It's hopeless. I will never ever get those answers—the reason why she kissed me. I only have her wrath and hatred. And it would be so selfish of me to ask her more questions that she couldn't even remember. It would be selfish of me to force her to remember the kiss we shared.

I don't want to see her that broken again—the hurt in her eyes, the regrets and the confusion.

Keep the questions to yourself, Zach. Or better yet, forget it.

"Hey. Slow down." I touched both her shoulders to stop her. "Don't worry. You didn't embarrass yourself. You didn't do or say anything. After I found you, you passed out. So..." I leveled my head to hers and made sure to look into her eyes. "Forget everything that happened that night. Nothing happened."

As much as I don't want to... I know I have to.

So...

Let's forget about that kiss, Tori.

--- END OF CHAPTER 4 ---

instagram: @imadsantos

twitter: @notarandomgirl