"Remember what I said..." Boyd sighs as we stare at the ornate mansion in the woods

"If I see anything strange, allow it." I recite, my nerves only getting worse as a handsome severe looking security guard walks up to us

He was in a dark military-style trench coat, dark glasses, his jet black hair parted down the middle, his lips rather beautiful, a walkie-talkie in his hand. He wasn't heavily built or anything, he was more sleek and powerful, an air of mystery and danger about him. Something that warned "Don't underestimate me."

"Hiya..." I say as warmly as I can

He turns from Boyd to me and then wordlessly leads us towards the main door.

"Aw bless, I thought Boyd might have to fight you for a second." I nervously mumble as I walk at his pace.

He might have to carry me out of this meeting so I was trying to build rapport. We'd already had to leave the car at the last checkpoint, and thankfully the house was in view now but still Boyd wasn't saying anything and I was so tense I just had to try and draw conversation from somewhere.

"What are you anyway? The final boss in....kindgom hearts? No I think the weird guy in sonic...Dr. Zapatnick? Was it Zapatnick? Robotnick! That's the one...the Jim Carey version where he's in all black...but like a hotter version I guess" I mumble at him

Of course he doesn't say anything and Boyd won't even look at me. It's like they want me to die of anxiety right in front of this door! Why are men like this?! Shall I faint in front of this arched arabic-style door full of intricate detail and pattern and surrounded by a beautiful jewel-like mosaic. This is it, my big meeting that I've had constipation about. He puts the walkie-talkie to his lips and there's something exciting about finally being able to hear someone's voice that isn't mine, but then all of a sudden the door opens.

One of the most beautiful women I had ever seen is standing in front of us, her face like a doll; hazel-green eyes wide as if she didn't expect us, perfectly toned glowing skin slightly darker than mine, lips people risked their lives to buy and then there was the bronze silk of her one-shoulder dress and the pregnancy... Whew, I'd consider raising this baby if she asked me. I'd be a great step-mom. She wouldn't even have to ask nicely or whatever. I was so busy trying not to perv on her I'd forgotten I was nervous. Had we come to the wrong house?

"Wallahi Musa, it's like you want your sister to think I'm having you open doors in this house!" Someone with a smooth silky voice complains, opening the door wider

I had heard of bisexual angst before, but never in my life had the urge to attach myself to a couple ever been this strong. His eyes were blue and sharp, his hair ink black and looked like it looked like that naturally but that...that can't be real? Right? I almost want to turn to Boyd and run for the gate. We were too ugly for this meeting...

"Who is this?" The completely handsome Arab guy asks, looking over us and at the quiet security

"Please, we're not buying cookies." He dismisses us before I can hear security's voice

"Guys!" Someone else tiredly sighs as the door is shut in our faces

Muffled arguing starts behind the shut door. I turn to Boyd, confused. Did we come here to sell cookies? Was this the strange thing we were supposed to allow? Did we come to the wrong house?

"Yo, check the addie bruv. I think we came to the wrong house..." I whisper as subtly as I can so security doesn't hear me

"It's the right place." Boyd assures me with a tight smile just as the door opens again

A completely different dark skinned goddess is standing in front of us, smile like the sun, her eyes dark yet shiny yet kind.

"Sorry about that. Come in." She says smiling brightly at us

I had never seen a more beautiful thrupple in my life, so naturally I was confused for a second until Boyd nudged me into the house.

"How are you doing Hanifa?" he says as if to remind me what human decorum was

So this was Hanifa Nin! I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't this. I thought this was at best her daughter or grand daughter or something. She was in dungarees and a vest, barefoot, glowing, beautiful...young. She was one half of the richest women in the world, Oriadne. It was wild to think they wanted to meet with me at all, but for me to rock up to what I'm assuming is her extraordinarily beautiful home with her strikingly beautiful partners and find out that she was this long-legged dark skinned goddess with no visible flaws...

"Things have been hectic...but we move. Thanks for being so patient with us." She says leading us through the most luxurious foyer I have ever seen.

So you want to tell me that Hanifa Nin gets to have all the money in the world, a body that looks like that, not one but TWO absolutely gorgeous partners and be a brainiac too? What is it that I'd done wrong to Aunt Simon's god? Was it me who didn't know how to choose my parents? Is this because back in sixth grade when my mum was perming my hair she told me to tell her when it starts to itch but I lied and my scalp burned a bit but I didn't say anything because I wanted it straighter? Is eating jollof the thing that stopped me from achieving this for myself?

"We don't usually do in-person meetings but Adut insisted. She really wanted to meet you." Hanifa says to me

A woman several times richer than Oprah was talking to me small small as if we could be friends or something! It takes me a hot second to confirm it was me she was talking to. Ok... I knew how to use words...I could do this

"I'll be glad to meet her?" I croak trying to gather my thoughts

"Unfortunately, she won't be joining us. She was tied up at a thing in London that's taking longer than we anticipated." Hanifa reveals, smiling apologetically

"I'm... I'm from London..." I mutter into the divine beauty of her smile

Hey god! I was even pointing at myself so she can be sure it is me she is talking to! Me! Olufunke Jamie Folasade Adu Obatunde! Mum had always said small girl, big God but now that I was seeing what God was doing for others...

"Trust me if I knew our trip to California would turn out like this we would've just met you in London when we had the chance." She sighs, forgiving me for my foolishness

She opens a door to a beautiful tea room in white pastel blue and golds. The house was designed around a beautiful courtyard, mosaics, a bathing pool, trees and sculptures fitted beautifully around it and you could see it clearly from this tea room. The exquisite pregnant goddess from before and the gorgeous Arab guy were seated. His head was leaned back as if he was laughing at something.

"Guys...I said go to the jade tea room." A tired Hanifa complains

The pregnant woman once again looks surprised but it's the gorgeous man who speaks up first.

"astaġfiru -llāha rabbī wa-ʾatūbu ʾilayh, making a pregnant woman walk all over this house opening doors and moving from tea room to tea room like a slave" the guy declares, lifting his hands dramatically towards the sky as if in prayer, stretching his legs defiantly (I seek forgiveness in God)

I hadn't expected that level of drama but now that he put it like that...

"We can go." The pregnant woman offers, shaking her head and attempting unsuccessfully to stand up without the help of the defiant man

"Hanifa...when your two gorgeous long legs are ok... you will subject Musa with her swollen feet to this suffering? Allah forbids it! YOU go to the jade tea room." He defiantly says and let me tell you I have no idea where the jade tea room is or why no one wants to go there but I'm with him on this one

"Fine. At least apologize to my guests for the door." Hanifa bargains, pointing at Boyd and I

"Apologize?" he pries, looking genuinely and very hotly confused by this bargain

"This is Funke and Boyd. Apologize for closing the door on their lovely faces and we'll go to the jade tea room." She instructs evenly

He huffs defiantly, and to be honest I don't want any smoke but I'm also open, listening and alert in case there's an opening for a forth member of this thrupple. Just in case they're looking to make the triangle a square or anything

"It's my door. I'm allowed to close it, no?" He lightly pries

I'm not CSI or anything, but the sexual tension between Hanifa and the defiant man... I'd forgotten I was nervous about this meeting! I don't know who I'd have to be to talk to someone several times richer than Oprah that way. Then again I'd let him talk to me like that...

"Arun..." Hanifa sighs tightly at him and after a few seconds of her staring, he seems to give in, his gorgeous blue gaze turning to us

"Funke, Boyd... I'm sorry for Musa. You must forgive her, she is poor and pregnant...many problems." He shrugs as Musa throws her head back in shock

"Poor??? Poor? pendejo!" She protests hitting him as I realize she had a slightly off hispanic accent.

So extremely gorgeous and a latina... Whoever has my voodoo doll throw me into the sea and send my mother a better daughter!

"How many private jets do you have? ...Three? Two? How many houses? Seven? How are you going to feed this baby on Seven houses and two jets?" He asks, genuinely distraught about this, turning to Hanifa for support, as if to prove that Musa was actually quite poor

May Aunt Simon's god curse me with the poverty of only owning seven houses and two private jets. I will accept it! Lawd take this cup of suffering away from me and give me that one!!!

"These are my...roommates, Michi and Arun." Hanifa says, ready to leave for the jade tea room now

I could've sworn he was calling her Musa...her name is Michi

"DOCTOR Michi!" Arun proudly clarifies

One second he was calling her poor, the next he was beaming as he let us know she was a doctor. Wow, so extraordinarily gorgeous, pregnant, not poor at all by my standards and also smart! A DOCTOR! All I know is how to shame my family and be short!

"Oh! What kind of doctor?" Boyd finally speaks up

Please! Tell us what we can do so we are cursed with the poverty of two private jets and seven houses!

"THE BEST. You are sick?" Arun pries, shocking the pregnant woman seated beside him

"The best?" she mocks him with a little smile playing on her beautiful lips

"They're best friends. He's very annoying about it." Hanifa quietly explains, motioning that we can now leave the room

"Best friends?!" Michi wonders, apparently also caught unawares by this information

"You have a better friend than me?" He asks cockily, leaning back on the seat as if to give her the space to consider his question deeply

"It never ends with them." Hanifa says directing us back into the beautiful hallway

Boyd and the various internet searches I'd done had impressed on me just how elusive and inaccessible Oriadne's two members were and how great of a sign it was that they wanted to sit down with me. Only a handful of people even knew what they looked like and here I was sitting with a barefoot Hanifa Nin discussing my plans for my architecture firm and the kind of projects I was interested in pursuing. Everything was so beautiful I was starting to realize that Lucas and Herve were actually poor, which made me bare destitute. What do you even do with yourself when your earnings are the GDP of a bloc of countries? Imagine having long legs and a beautiful ass and a great smile and smooth skin and beautiful hair and then imagine also being able to end world hunger and world homelessness without losing your entire wealth... She smelled great, she listened so wonderfully, she asked the most insightful of questions and gave the most wonderful suggestions, she actually knew what she was talking about and was friendly and charming and smart...

"Adut's been following your work for a while now... she'll be excited for this." Hanifa finally sighs happy at what we'd managed to cover today

I couldn't help but wonder what Adut Jowi looked like or where she'd even seen my work before. Had I met her at something? Was she also young and beautiful and flawless?

"She was at an event at Kinenmara about two days ago. I'm so glad you agreed to consider us as your first funders in all your projects. I have a great feeling about this." She adds

You want to tell me that the richest women on the planet fan girl over my work?! That one of them was strolling through Kinenmara park thinking about meeting me and the other was over here smiling at me as she offered me billions of dollars to do anything I was excited or curious about architecturally? I might be ugly and short and notoriously bad at cooking but it looks like I will finally be able to afford Beyonce herself!