"Mo gradh..." he coos huskily, a soft smile on his lips

I'd opened my eyes because my neck was sore, only to find him laying there on the hospital bed staring at me with that arrogantly beautiful smile on his face.

"What?" I grunt in reply, trying to stretch the kinks out of my poor neck

I try to massage it with my right hand but quickly remember that I can't move it.

"Ummm... why..." He stutters softly as I turn to glare at him

He smiles, anticipating my response apparently

"Why are you cuffed to my hospital bed mo gradh?" He wonders, apparently incapable of minding his own business

"First of all it's not your hospital bed, it's a bed in a hospital and you are currently occupying it." I point out defensively

"Why are you handcuffed to a bed that I'm currently occupying..." He starts, slowly

"They thought it would calm me down." I point out, which obviously didn't work

From the smile on his face I can tell he thinks it's some cute shit, but it's not. I am fierce! Formidable! And I had been the bastion of calm the entire time! I was very calm during the attempt on his life, on the ambulance ride and most importantly when we got to the room and all the doctors and nurses started moving about suspiciously

"I didn't want them to steal your sperm." I shrug, defiantly looking anywhere else in the room

What interesting lighting this hospital room has. It's funny how I didn't see it last night when I was having a...spirited discussion...with the nurses.

"What?" He chokes

It's like he doesn't speak English or something. What part of EYE. DID. NOT. WANT. YOUR. SPERM. STOLEN. did he not understand?

"I got only slightly ... passionate...they say hysterical... " I state, trying to push the memory of last night away by studying the ceiling for how many shades of white it has

I didn't get hysterical! Hysterical is them calling hospital security on me while I try to assert Luca's rights to keep his sperm in his balls! Hysterical is hospital security handcuffing me to the bed so I can watch through the night for sperm-thieves. Hysterical is Luna breaking a wine glass on the back of Luca's head after declaring she'd been cheating on me anyway. Hysterical is Luca refusing to have a tense peaceful professional dinner, declaring his love for me, claiming that Vik was my brother and then threatening to kick innocent lovely Vik out for no reason. Hysterical was Carlen, grabbing on her baby bump with one hand and throwing her other hand at Luna for trying to kill her brother while Angus tried to calm her down and I tried to keep Luca's brains attached to his head.

"But it's only because I didn't want them to steal your sperm and then twenty years down the line I think I finally know peace but your child is chasing my child around being all... I'm screwed up and I'm using my sex cult as a crutch for all my fears because I love you...therefore continuing some kind of curse that binds our souls and that of our offspring together or something!" I calmly explain, still admiring the lighting in the room

Well I wasn't going to go into any more details... and maybe the entire thing with Hervé's stolen sperm child had made me slightly more...sensitive to unconscious men laying in hospitals and this scenario, which I hadn't even expected to find myself in in the first place. It didn't help that I could feel his gaze on me, pulling my gaze towards him.

No!

I try and fight the silent pull as much as I can, clinging to my assessment of the roof's various shades of white. I was furious, my faux fur stole and part of my dress still had the dried red wine stain from Luna's antics and I was so furious from almost losing him I could cry. He didn't get to almost die from instigating foolishness with Luna, ruin the little skit I'd prepared if he woke up with amnesia and then look at me like I was the patient here!

He chuckles, softly at first, apparently entertained by my formidable fight against looking at his face. I try to yank my hand free from the cuffs but just like yesterday my attempts are foiled and my wrists ache a little bit.

"It's not funny!" I hiss at him, glaring at my cuffed wrist and reminding myself that I am calm, collected, generally unaffected by the drama of everyone around me

They are the storm and I am the eye. I transmute anxiety and drama into calm with ease

"No... no it's not..." He assures me with a hearty sigh, moving towards me on the hospital bed

I'd move away but I'm cuffed to it, leaving me no option but to pout querulously in my seat

"I just think it's funny how you think your child and mine are...two different people." He adds, holding my cuffed wrist and pressing his lips against it as if I needed this cute shit

What I needed was a admittedly tense but ultimately peaceful professional dinner! A few hours, just a few hours of play pretend...

"I know we're not in a place to discuss it or even think about it... I know I still have to earn your trust back... and I know there's still things that I haven't told you, shown you... So I'm not by any means saying we should have a baby now mo gradh." He lilts gently, kissing his way up my hand as he goes

He must have a concussion...stupid pretty boy looking like some hot extra from Brendan Fraser's the mummy. I'm trying to steel myself against this most treacherous of attacks on my person but it's not working.

"All I'm saying is that all my sperm... I'm willing to give to you." He coos as I pout and his lips moves from my neck to my chin

There was nothing fair about the feel of his lips on my skin and he knew it. His breath, his voice, the tingles rushing through my body. The man knew how to kiss where, how to disarm me, to convince me to stay with him and all his sperm...

"Whatever's left of it anyway." I grumble just before he presses his lips against mine and all my anger and anxiety and paranoia bugger off elsewhere.

I'd almost lost out on this devilish kissing, so I lean in and cup his precious beautiful face

"Well...He's alive!" Boyd chimes, forcing me to jerk away from the kiss just in time to see him standing by the door.

Lucas grunts, either from the pain, the pain killers, the memory of what a complete total moron he was last night or the intrusion. It could be from a great many number of things, but I try to shift as far as possible from Luca, his cute little head-trauma fade that of course he looked gorgeous in and his devilish kissing that made me forget I was mad, incensed, furious and I WILL be avenged!

Boyd, Aunt Simon, Lola and Hervé all walk into the hospital room, aunt Simon carrying a wreath that's a cross made of white flowers with her, and she very solemnly places it on Lucas' chest.

"No weapons forged against you shall prosper pastor." She coos affectionately at him

I'd never seen her be this affectionate with anyone, not even her own children! Not even mum!

"Amen." Lucas replies, accepting the flower cross

"We came as soon as Boyd told us, and we compel your enemies to fall in his mighty name!" Aunt Simon declares, slapping her hand as my gaze turns to Boyd, who was all too happy about the display of christian faith Luca was trapped in

"I hear you had a bit of a panic." Hervé says in greeting, pointing at the shackles that bound me to Luca's hospital bed.

I would've said something back, particularly about slavery, had Vik not walked into the room right as aunt Simon was about to lead us in a word of prayer too. The first button of his shirt was open and the wild curls of his hair framed his face beautifully.

"Good morning." He chimes, a wide smile on his face as he shakes a set of keys and a cup of coffee in his hand. The fact that he looked so gorgeous and friendly and fresh was doing nothing for the kind of night I'd had.

"My hero!" I cry excitedly at him as he greets everyone in the room with a polite friendly nod,

"I thought you might need this." He says, handing me the cup of coffee and squatting, uncuffing me from the hospital bed while I tried my best to not look like a bad drawing of a human being

How was he so fresh and put together after the shenanigans of last night

"You again." Lucas flatly says in greeting, which is awfully rude

"No amnesia then...glad to see you're up." Vik, ever the saint, pops to his feet and smiles at Lucas all while massaging my aching wrist gently

"Doctor... What if she relapses?" Boyd asks, the most serious look on his face I'd ever seen...

The fool! The rinsed idiot!

"Oho! You're the doctor then? You may free Funke from the shackles of the hospital bed but have the shackles of love captured your heart? My daughter Lola is single and searching." Aunt Simon says, pushing Lola towards Vik

"Fine boy like you, with no ring ...surely doctor...give love a try! Krishna and Jesus might just meet in your hearts!" She says, motioning between Vik and Lola, who was smiling shyly up at him

I had to save him before aunt Simon marries them right here, now.

"Actually, Vik has to help me with something." I interrupt the negotiating going on, grabbing Vik by his hand and jumping to my feet

"What thing?" Lucas is the first to protest

"Right... the thing...I have to help Funke with." Vik confirms cheekily

"It's a cardioventricular thing, very urgent." I assure everyone, stringing biological words together as I pull him out of the hospital room, away from aunt Simon, Lola, Hervé and Boyd

I make sure we've made it to the doctor's lounge before turning to make sure we were safe. I turn to the softly chuckling doctor, taking a sip of my coffee and taking in a deep breath.

"is it always a thrill, your life?" He charmingly wonders,

I for one am glad he considers narrowly escaping becoming Aunt Simon's son-in-law that.

"I can't imagine what would make you think that." I playfully shrug, enjoying my coffee and quiet

"I have a four year old and I fix hearts for a living and still my life's not nearly as exciting as yours." He smiles handsomely