"Hervé blood! Can you hear me?" I'd been calling out for what felt like ages and still nothing

This wanker was dead! From what I knew of this house Hervé's floor was below this one. I didn't know if the room below was his kitchen, office, indoor pool, elevated stable or whatever but I knew that it was his floor and he was always in the house and eventually he'll hear me, so I kept calling out to him.

I was so angry I wasn't even that horny anymore. I just wanted out. I'd rather never have my pussy ate again ever in my life than be put through this torture.

"Hervé!!!!" I call out as loudly as I can, shaking the bed to make some noise as well

I was tired from shouting, from shaking my body so the bed would move and make noise. I was just...tired.

"Funke?" I hear this confused dullard call back

I'd slag him off for taking so long!

"It only took you about five bloody hours innit!" I growl petulantly at him, so glad to hear his voice, so happy I might finally be getting some help

"Where are you?" He chuckles,

He might think he's going mad!

"In his room. I need you to get me out man! Lend me a hand yeah?" I reply suddenly realizing the depth of my predicament

"And what might you be doing in his room Funke?" He teases lightly,

His voice was coming closer and I could tell he'd be here any second. I now had to choose between freedom and Hervé seeing me naked! I had to find some way of navigating this

"Wait! Before you open the door I gotta say something!" I cry out when I hear the footsteps outside the room

"I'm listening." He says

There had to be a polite way to say this.

"Turns out... I ain't got no garmz on me fam." I agitate angrily

I didn't mean to sound angry but if I get my hands on Lucas Roland...

"I'm going to need a translation for that one fam." He pleads

I forget the bloke doesn't speak english! Now I had to imagine I was saying this to the queen or something.

"Looks like.. I'm a bit... naked yeah?" I struggle to reveal in my best queenly accent.

I think I hear him choke back a chuckle. What are the odds that ol Hervé over there knows exactly what Lucas has done to me? What are the chances this is a regular routine for the knobheads of this house?

"Why is that?" He inquires lightly

"Turns out your manz a proper nutter innit!" I hiss back

Wasn't that the bloody breadth of it, that Luca was absolutely bonkers!

"Throw some clothes on." He offers

"It's a fresh idea is it? I would if I had any innit?" I grunts as a chuckle slips past his lips

Lucas Roland took my clothes! He'd probably given them to charity by now. Not a problem, I'm sure he had a closet somewhere in this room and I'll be sure to raid it! The gumption of Hervé, laughing at me for this madness!

"Are you finished yeah?" I taunt him

He sighs happily, as if I can't hear him.

"I'll open the door and throw you my coat then we can go find you something to wear then." He offers, voice shaky with mirth

"Ummm..." I hesitate, calculating how he'd do that without seeing me naked as the day I was born

"I'll just open the door slightly and then throw my jacket in." He promises,

I won't be able to pick it up though, because tied to the bed...

"Thing is that won't work too well innit... seeing as the chung tosser... he umm... he tied me to the bed." I reveal almost shyly

If he had been laughing before he's heaved over in laughter now. I curse at him

"It's funny eh? is it??" I hiss at him

There'd be bloody hell to pay! He has all the bloody time in the world to laugh after he's freed me, innit? I'd join in, I'd laugh too but not fucking now!

"it's proper jokes to you? Is it?" I add, vexed by the entire situation

This was all too embarrassing. There'll be hell to pay!

"Sorry love." He apologizes, taking in a deep breath, his voice still shaky with laughter

"Ok... new plan. I open the door, my eyes will be completely closed and you'll direct me to where I can drop my coat on you and then we'll take it from there." He offers,

I decide to ignore the fact that there's still laughter in his voice. This plan sounded doable.

"Let's yeah?" I angrily oblige.

I hear the door handle turn and then the door complain. It doesn't budge. I hear him cuss softly in disbelief. The door was locked! The bloody door was locked! Lucas Roland, the crown Earl of Whitlam, had locked me in his bloody room!

"Bad news love..." He states, before the laughter kicks in

There he goes again, howling like a hyena at my misfortune

"Just leave me to my death yeah?" I sigh almost defeated

"There's not much I can do I'm afraid." he says softly

"Kick the door in or something!" I offer back

I hadn't studied the door or any of the house on my way up to Lucas' room. I was a right fool for it too. I turn my head to the door now, as if I had some inner fiend that would assess it as kick-downable!

"The minute I help you in any obvious way... the worse it becomes for you I'm guessing. It'd also put me in the spot of having to deal with angsty Lucas.... and I already did that plenty in my life, love." Hervé announces with a levity to his voice

He even reminds me he'd dodged a punch just this morning for "hiding me"

Angsty Lucas sounded like an indie band of white women who played household items and sang about period blood. Angsty Lucas was also the Jerkyll and Hyde who'd tied me to this bed. I sigh, accepting my punishment for sleeping with another of my bosses.

"I'm not set on sleeping my way up the corporate ladder yeah?" I say after some silence

"I know." Hervé assures me softly

I smile at that, if only my coworkers felt that way too.

"I'm just... a workaholic, and in the past dating while at work has kind of been the only way to date. I'm learning to not do that though yeah? or at least I thought I was learning to not do that and then I fucked the Earl...." I sigh, shaking my head.

You have to believe me when I say I didn't plan for any of this. If anything I'd planned for just the opposite.

"Well... to be quite fair... it couldn't be helped. I'm surprised Lucas has any female employees seeing as his reputation for daisy-cutting ought to have surpassed mine by now." Hervé shrugs back, the laughter finally gone from his voice.

Ah yes, Lucas Roland was a prostitute who had probably slept with my other coworkers. I might as well have been his last stop at the firm and I aggravated his efforts with me leaving and everything. No, not a prostitute, a Pokewhore, gotta fuck them all!

"He's far from a virgin, Luke; might as well have been the crown Lothario of Whitlam... but we're all... decidedly lost until we find the one... aren't we?" Hervé muses as if to make up for slagging off his best friend for being a prostidude

This shall not pass.

"So what I'm hearing is the tired romantic trope of the player that fucks everyone in the office but it's OK because like... maybe it was special when he fucked you... maybe you're the exception and he's just fucking all these other cunts to like... you know... deal with how fucking exceptional fucking you was." I submit mockingly

Isn't that what he was saying essentially.

"Who hurt you?" He teases half-heartedly

I couldn't believe it, those lies. I wasn't born yesterday, I'd seen things, witnessed them, Boyd had been sure to show me every play in the book for my own protection. Folarin Obatunde did not raise me to be a fool.

"Ah-ah. This is when you hold my hand and tell me I'm an exception to the rules of fuckboy-hood innit?" I throw back at him sucking my teeth and rolling my eyes even though he can't see me do it

Two seconds of being called Baby by the Pokewhore Lucas Roland can't erase my wits, mate!

"Have you not just met my ex? I could hold a PHD in these things yeah. Allow it." I add, the sting of Luna's betrayal still fresh

Love! I really thought she loved me and yet...

"You're quite exceptional for someone who doesn't believe in exceptions." Hervé laughs lightly

I wish I could laugh too, I wish I could tell him what Luna had done. I sniffle, refusing to cry. No. Not again. My heart is closed for business.

"I know my struggles yeah? Being oppressed by notions of romance created and narrated to cater to and benefit cis white males ain't one of them innit." I decide

It was heartless Funke from now on. Don't trust anyone Funke. Put yourself first and fuck everyone else Funke.

"I have no idea what you've just said... though I understand each word individually." Hervé says

"Romance was created to oppress women." I state

"Enlighten me." He says, a strain in his voice as if he was stretching or sitting down

Ok, maybe apart from Hervé. Hervé's the only one I won't be heartless to, but everyone else could suck an electric pole! Angus had told me himself, no friends in the game, especially not Lucas. His own brother-in-law had said it!

"The entire enterprise is rigged into a hierarchy in which the man is the receiver of love and the woman the giver: a king and a minion type thing yeah... the dichotomy of the lover and beloved." I shrug informatively,

"I'll need more than that... because I would've done anything for Sadie so none of this makes sense." He points out

"You and Sadie? Beautiful independent intelligent girl has to put her own dreams and ambition on hold because sexy future duke with no ambitions is chasing after some ill-advised notion of freedom, fucks up and falls for her and now she has to cater to his housing, relationship, love and family needs/dramas. All the poor girl did was walk into a cafeteria in the middle of your bet with your friends and suddenly you demand that she not date anyone else, you demand for her heart, you demand for her hand in marriage, you demand for her virginity, you demand to stay in her house and eat her food and feed off of her emotions , vulnerabilities and intimacies, you forcefully squirm your way to her very core and then on a whim decide to reconcile with your parents... I mean... if we were to place how much she gave to you and how much you gave to her on a weighing scale... who do you think will win here?" I inquire flatly.

Perhaps I hadn't meant to point it out, and thankfully I stopped myself before I said some more mad things but it felt like I'd made a huge mistake in saying anything at all. I consider saying sorry, because I didn't want him upset or to leave me tied here to the bed with no one to talk to.

"The point is... romance teaches women to be subservient to men, it teaches us that the only way to get a man's love is to give it while teaching men absolutely bloody fuckall about how to love and everything there is about how to be loved. Women are trained to be loving, men are trained to be entitled to love; therefore romance oppresses women." I pontificate, hoping to wash over the sledge hammer I just aimed at his relationship

"If I had another chance with Sadie..." He mumbles

"It's easier said than done pal... otherwise we'd all be the wiser yeah? You'd still be with Sadie and I would not be fucking my boss yeah?" I shrug softly

Neither of us would be here if we were wiser.

"Fucking..." He points out haphazardly, after a bit of silence

"I know." I agree flatly

Don't take this as my official submission to the harem but I was here and I was naked and fucking Lucas wasn't the worst

"As in present continuous, currently riding his dick..." he elaborates, as if I hadn't already caved in

"It's obviously a trap, a mistake I'm too wise to repeat." I argue with him, needing badly that he convince me to not commit to fucking Lucas Roland on the regular

"Maybe it's just an itch you ought to scratch." He prods mischievously, what a fiendish duke

"You're the worst." I chastise

He was supposed to discourage me, not convince the already convinced

"Live a little, Funke... mistakes build character." He teases lightly,

Speaking of mistakes...