"For a nutter whose cursedly attached to the main house, you sure do get out a lot." I decide, looking up at Hervé with a bright smile as I grab my coat and bag.

If his bashful boyish smile wasn't the universal symbol of lunchtime I didn't know what was. I had a meeting with some suppliers in an hour and it seemed a good idea to just head there from lunch so I reach into my desk and throw a lollipop at him and grab one myself

"This is all probably very horrible for my reputation." He agrees with me as he grabs the lolly expertly from mid-air

"And yet I lead you further and further astray. You can ride a bike right?" I ask weaving my arm through his

"Are you off for lunch?" Lucas interrupts us, appearing out of nowhere just as I pop the lolly into my mouth

"Yes." Hervé shrugs, as I activate giving Lucas air mode

"Have her back by three; Johnston and Harris don't like to be kept waiting." Lucas grumbles flatly.

First of all Johnston and Harris didn't mind waiting and they were both fully aware that we weren't having the meeting here! I also didn't appreciate him insinuating that I'd be late to a meeting! I'd been bare early to meetings thanks to what felt like a sabotage effort by Tosh and Harrigan, constantly rescheduling meetings, site visits, planning schedules. I'd kept on top of that without any help from Lucas. This was about the second consistent week of Hervé and I heading out for lunch, so I didn't understand this bit Lucas did where he asked the same question each time. I sigh and let the lollipop out so I can chime

"Bye boss." softly before Hervé and I merrily dally off to two waiting bicycles.

I was fighting for my life with running this project! No one could blame me for much else

"I just don't think you understand how curses work, mate." I sigh shaking my head at Hervé as he bites into his queso fundido and chuckles

"And you do?" He teases

"I'm Nigerian love, read about us." I challenge making him chuckle into his food

I suppose I could tell him about vagina terrorista, which was surely a curse but I kept wondering how was someone so pure friends with Lucas Roland? He sighs blissfully and then looks up at me. I'm about to say something when my phone pings, it's a message from Siobhan Harris so I excuse myself to open it. She's conveniently rescheduling the meeting to 3:30 at Lucas' office. I can't imagine why she'd do such a thing!

"Lucas!" I growl under my breath before taking in a deep breath

Fine! This was perfectly fine.

"What is this thing with you and Lucas?" Hervé pries

I wish the question was sudden but it wasn't. It wasn't planned either, but I'd come to realize that this was Whitlam's best friend, and if Lucas hadn't told him, someone had probably whispered it, or he had figured it out from Marie-Frances' banshee screams. However, I opt to make sure first.

"What do you think is there between the boss and I?" I inquire impishly

He fucked me in order to get back at his rival who happens to be my ex-girlfriend and ruin my life and project in one foul swoop so deviously prickish pundits have named it The Whitlam.

"I'm not sure... his former harlot tried to murder you in cold blood in broad daylight in the street, you look away and never talk to him each time he walks into the room... he's always popping out of corners and from under desks, trying to calculate something when he's around you with this hooded expression on his face I can't read." He calculates, waiting for me to piece together his jigsaw puzzle

He's a right proper prick, pure evil, the devil could learn from your best friend!

"You've known him all his life and I've worked for him for what? Two going on three years at most innit? If there was a thing... you would know better." I shrug, digging into the melting cheese as I consider what he was saying.

I look up at his unconvinced face and chuckle brightly at how nosy and inquisitive he was being before rolling my eyes. He smiles encouragingly. Was I supposed to tell him that his best friend was an evil dick wart who'd pretended to support my dreams just so that he can ruin my prospects for my own firm and my three year relationship?

"Allow it, yeah?" I plead lightly

"You have to tell me." He pleads, bashfully even

"Lucas materializes behind you when I came to pick you up, with this look of confusion and determination on his face. Each time! At first I thought it was about me leaving the house as often as I now do, but I only leave the house with you. Then I thought it might be some resentment that you had achieved this thing whereas he hadn't in his many attempts to get me out of the house. Now however, I'm convinced it's about you. He's asking you about lunch, he's reminding you that he exists. With each "You're off for lunch?" there's a quiet code being reinforced between you two; a code I am very curious about." He reveals like some kind of investigative journalist hot on the trail of a story

"Why are you so curious though? You tryna smash?" I investigate lightly

Was that what all the lunches was about? Was the duke interested in... me?

"To what, sorry?" He wonders, confused

"Smash... bump uglies... you know..." I say making obscene gestures in an attempt to explain

"With him? No." He denies.

"Wow! I wasn't even on the table innit?" I chuckle in relief

Wow! Stab me in the face then, why don't you duke! Fortunately our burgers arrive and we have to pretend to be civilized as the waitress, a dirty blond with green eyes flirts with Hervé. A huge chunk of me is relieved of course, though still cautious. This clearly meant I wasn't going to end up sleeping with the duke, I was safe here, for now. I wonder what his type is now that these royals had such a penchant for types. Was it red heads?

Did he also like the smokey eye sex slaves? What flavour of white was duke Hervé exclusively into? Not this waitress clearly, poor thing. I sigh and shake my head and decide that I might have just found my date to the Aubry Foundation dinner. Mum would come with but there was no controlling her around posh white people.

"I'll tell you under one condition." I bargain

"I won't tell a soul." He vows as if the entire office and probably staff of Whitlam's house didn't know

"I'll tell you if you come to this thing with me Thursday evening. It's a boring hoity toity type thing and my ex might be there and it would be great to show up with someone prettier, wealthier and also you know... not my boss." I say, a soft sincerity in my gaze

If Luna was there and I took mum hell would break lose. Between Luna and Lucas I needed someone completely outside of the drama who would diffuse not fan it.

"I'll come looking my prettiest." He swears with a boyish smile

Completely platonic date who'll have me in stitches and ensure I have a good drama-free night; secured!

"We fucked." I reveal, watching him almost spill his drink at the announcement

"Hmm?!" He prods, his eyebrows popping up in shock.

He was probably expecting something else altogether

"It was once and a kind of drunken mistake." I shrug, biting into my burger as his jaw drops.

He was so shocked I almost wanted to say "Imagine how I feel". He was right though, I wasn't in any way like the smokey-eye sextuplets

"I thought you were bffs and told each other everything." I tease

"I've told you more than I've told him... and how did you know we were bffs?" He investigates

He'd told me quite a bit about himself, about his fiancee, his parents, the drama at his coronation, the duchy, his memories and amnesia.

"He told me." I shrug

"When?" He probes

"Before we fucked and everything went to hell." I shrug, surely it wasn't secret that they were close

He sighs, staring

"I'm going to need a lot more information about that...the fucking." He says curiously as I grunt at that

"You want all the details then yeah? You want my government info with that too?" I tease him and without missing a beat he nods

"Listen mate, your best friend has a rival, Luna, that happens to now be my ex-girlfriend. She was convinced that he was trying to fuck me as a way to get to her. I thought she was proper bonkers for it because I look, sound, feel, smell, breathe nothing like the blue eyed brunette brigade he pitches tent for. I was frustrated because I used to work for my ex-girlfriend when she was my girlfriend, are you still with me here?" I pry as he nods his head

"I used to work for Luna but we were dating and I felt like that came between us and my work, so I decided to work for Lucas, who, again, is her rival. I don't know jack about the rivalry, when it started, I just found it there and got stuck in the middle of it. Lucas offered me a job, I took it. Luna started saying that Lucas was doing things to spite her, I didn't think he was because I was a naive gobshite! Still with me here?" I pry and again he nods his head

"I decided that to escape the foolishness of their rivalry, I was going to start my own firm, so I started teething some clients from Lucas, one of those clients happened to be Angus Macleod, you know him I'm sure?" I probe and he nods enthusiastically, his eyes lighting up as he realizes the thing I'm about to tell him

"Angus was so excited about giving me a career-defining commission that he decided he'd get his brother in law, who is also an architect, to partner with me on the said commission. My idea + his brother-in-law's capacity = a successful commission. I'm sure you know Lucas is the brother in law in question and also the boss I was teething clients from." I explain as he chuckles and nods his head

"Angus then makes it mandatory that I work with Lucas in order to get the career-defining commission, my girlfriend than decides she's had enough and I have to choose between her and my job with Lucas. Lucas, convinces me that if I take the commission and do a great job at it, my girlfriend might take me back and so for a straight month after my girlfriend dumps me and I start working on this commission, he has me absolutely believing he's on my side. I was positive he'd somehow gotten over the entire teething his clients thing and supported my plan for my own architecture firm. And then one evening I get proper sloshed over some aphrodisiac infused scotch, we fuck and he disappears. That's when I realize he was just bidding his time so he can properly ruin, in no fashionable order; my life, any chance I have of getting my girlfriend back and my career. My girlfriend wouldn't take me back or rehire me now that this, her worst nightmare, came true, I'd fail at this commission without his capacity support therefore losing any chance at starting my own architecture firm and working at his firm when everyone knows I fucked the boss would be so unbearable that I'd be forced to quit. Lucas wins, the rivalry, the commission, life itself; Lucas wins!" I narrate as calmly as I can, as if I was talking about a drying wall

"What?" he chokes

"I'll summarize that for you." I sigh with a soft smile

"I was drunk from a meeting where I single-handedly had to drink five glasses of saffron and chocolate infused scotch in order to convince two absolute knobheads to be our contractors. Lucas drove me to the office so I could pick up my bag and coat and close up for the day. We get into a bit of a tiff because I don't think I'm that sloshed and he does. We argue, we fuck, he growls at me in Gaelic I think, I wake up in my own bed, not knowing how I'd gotten home in the first place, everything goes to shit, the end." I state coolly

He watches me bite into my burger. Clearly my explanation of things had only worked to confuse him some more. Imagine how I felt, trusting Lucas Roland of all people to not be an evil prick who thinks only of himself!

"And that was the only time that happened?" He wonders quietly

I nod as I bite into my burger

"When was this?" He probes curiously

We had a nine month commission that had about five months left in and Lucas had pretended to be supportive for a month.

"About three months ago.I'm not pregnant, I checked." I add as he laughs

I wasn't about to be on the back page of some tabloid "local bird preggers with her boss' baby!" Not Funke Obatunde, no not I!

"Ah yes, your fight with Marie-Frances was in about that time." He recalls, finding something amusing about the entire thing at last

"She came to the office to let everyone else know I'd fucked him, curve some contemporary art on my work desk and to... you know... beat me up I guess." I state nonchalantly

Maybe he was so used to people staring at him that he hadn't noticed we were constantly being stared at at the office. It wasn't loads of fun working with a bunch of people who knew you'd fucked the boss. Even Harry was slightly less friendly since Marie-Frances' performance piece: SLUT

"Do you remember anything of what he was saying in gaelic?" Hervé inquires, as if something was coming together in his mind

"It all sounded like growling to me. mygran, mogran, mogra maybe?" I shrug having to do the awful work of recalling that night while suffering a deadly vaginal disease; vagina terrorista

"mo ghràdh?" He asks, both perking up and confused

"Something like that. What does that mean?" I investigate.

It was exactly that word! Exactly it, and now I had a translator. He smiles, visibly holding back a chuckle. I hope to god Lucas wasn't calling me a nigger!

"It's hard to translate, but you're meant to say mo chridhe back whenever he says that. That's the only way it'd make sense." He shrugs rather innocently

Too innocently for it to be a slur

"Mo chridhe?" I practice, not that I'd be saying anything to Lucas Roland any time soon

"It's kind of a polite way to say bugger off... it's respectful but let's him know he's a monster that needs to relax." He assures me