‘Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity,’

- Henry Van Dyke

Chapter Thirty-Four

Kelly, Alex and Cole continued to act suspicious all week. Especially when Azelie wasn’t around. She would catch them before classes or at lunch before she arrived talking, just the three of them. Kelly always had a giant grin on her face as they talked, and she looked like she was always trying to get the guys to do something, but Azelie never managed to hear what it was exactly what she was saying. Alex would sit there, looking like he was the one that was trying to find a serious solution to the issue the three of the were trying to sort out. Then there would be Cole. He would sit there, a worried expression on his face as his friends talked to him.

No matter how much she tried, Azelie could never get any of them to tell her what they were discussing, even Kelly who couldn’t keep a secret to save her life managed to keep her lips buttoned. Azelie had questioned Kelly all they way through their History, causing Kelly to actually do work in their History for the first time ever in a bid to escape Azelie’s questions. And with two days left before the October holidays, the chances of Azelie finding out was growing increasingly slim.

As she walked to her Chemistry class, she tried to think if what she could say to Cole to get him to tell her what the three of them had been talking about. She had nothing she could threaten him with, no secrets she could threaten to expose, although even if she did it was unlikely that she would really use them against him. He had far more on her that she did on him anyway.

She walked into the Chemistry class, spotting Cole sitting at their desk at the bottom of the class as per usual, his usual smirk formed on his lips as he saw her walking in.

“Ready for another day of wonderful experiments?” Cole questioned as Azelie walked over. Recently in their class they had been doing experiments for the project that was nearing completion. However, since Cole and Azelie both disagreed with each other’s way of doing the experiments, they found themselves arguing every step of the way.

“Only if you miraculously decide that I’m right and you’re wrong!” Azelie answered as she dumped her bag under their desk and sat down on her usual chair, waiting for instructions from the teacher.

“Hmm... I think that will happen when pigs fly,” He smirked, looking over at her, his green eyes shining brightly.

“So a high chance then?” Azelie replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him. Why did he always have to make everything so difficult; even on the simple things he would fight her every step of the way. Cole just laughed at her, before looking back to the front of the class, waiting for the teacher to start instructing them for the lesson.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re all keeping from me?” Azelie questioned, turning to look at Cole. Almost immediately after she said it, he turned his head to look at her, confusion forming on his features.

“What?”, He replied,“We aren’t keeping anything from you Azelie,” Cole added, confused to what she was talking about. Azelie lifted her eyebrow at him, as she looked at him.

“Yes, you are - you, Kelly, and Alex! You all know something and won’t tell me what it is!” She replied, straining her voice slightly. Azelie was determined not to give up this time. She wanted to know.

“Oh... that,” He replied, realising what she was referring to.

“Yes, Cole - that! What’s the big secret?” Azelie cried, managing to keep her voice low as she spoke, “Have you joined forces with Kelly and are now planning our wedding - cause I’d prefer the bridesmaids were in pink,” She joked, a slight smile forming on her lips as she did

“We aren’t talking about anything!” He lied, trying to act innocent. When he said it, he looked away from Azelie and back at the board so she couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Yes, you are! There’s something you’re not tell me Cole!” Azelie replied, getting frustrated that Cole wouldn’t tell her what it was. He didn’t answer her, and instead just stayed silent, not uttering a word to her. “Just tell me Cole, whatever it is! The fact that the three of you are keeping it a secret is driving me nuts!”

He let out a sigh as he shook his head at her. “The thing that we are talking about, they figured it out by themselves. If you just think for a second, Azelie, you will figure it out,” he replied, trying to give her some kind of hint to what it was.

“That’s a crappy hint, Cole,”Azelie mutter in reply, not even bothering to think about that his word meant, “Can’t you give me a bigger one? Like write it down on a piece of paper?”

“I can’t just write it down on a piece of paper; things like this, well... you have to figure them out for yourself,” Cole replied, his bright green eyes looking down at her, as if he was begging her to figure it out.

“Damn...” Azelie said, “I was never good at figuring things out,”

“Go figure,” Cole smiled in reply just as the teacher started to call for the classes attention so he could start the lesson. Azelie turned to the front to pay attention, but Cole had other ideas and instead, he leaned down closer to her, before whispering in her ear, “Just open your eyes,”

The rest of the day passed quickly, and Azelie soon found herself going out for her job before she attempted go to go sleep. Azelie started to run, her feet pounding against the tarmac as she tried to get away from it all. Her thoughts, her pasts, just everything disappeared while she was running. That’s what kept her going, the sweet escape she could get from doing something so simple.

Azelie headed towards the bridge on her usual running route, taking the back roads to run on the twist roads that were just outside the small town. She ran towards the bridge, when suddenly, she saw the turn off for Cole’s house. Looking back at the bridge, she decided to stray from her usual route, and took a left, heading on the road that went past Cole’s house. It didn’t take her long before she was running past his house, a small smile forming on her lips as she did it, thinking of all the happy memories she had there. Playing around with Lily, watching films with Cole, making Lily her flapjacks - or at least trying to.

Then as she was passing the house, out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Cole running out, smiling over at her as she did. She returned the smile and tore her earbuds out of her ears, but didn’t stop. Nothing ever stopped her running when she was out, and nothing ever would.

She had to slow down for him so he could catch up but it didn’t take him long, he was on the football team so he could run almost as quickly as Azelie did.

“Hey,” he said, running beside her, his voice slightly breathless as he did.

“Hi,” She replied, smiling slightly as she did. Azelie had never run with somebody else by her side. Running, for her, was too personal. She ran to get away from her life, from everything that followed about, it would just be odd in include somebody else with that. But, for some reason, she didn’t mind taking Cole along with her, as if she didn’t mind if he helped her run from her problems.

“Race you to the end of the road,” He challenged, a smirk appearing on his lips as he did. His words made Azelie want to laugh. The pace that they were running at, for Cole, it was quite fast; for Azelie, well, it was a baby’s pace.

“You’re on,” was all she had to say before they both suddenly shot off, sprinting down the road, the end growing closer and closer with every stride. Azelie’s heart beat hard against her chest as she ran, the numbness for the pace taking over her body. She could hear Cole behind her, desperately trying to speed up so he could catch up and over take her.

Azelie began to slow down as she reached the end of the road, trying her best not to go flying into the bushes that grew as the road turned to join another. She looked back to find Cole just catching up with her, only now slowly down before leaning over, breathing heavily.

“How the fuck do you run that fast?” He cried, trying to catch his breath, “Nobody can’t run that fast!”

“I can,” Azelie replied, rolling her eyes at his over-exaggeration.

“You can; nobody else though!” He replied, now standing up straight but still trying to catch his breath, “Even Alex can’t run that fast and he’s the running back!” He added. Azelie just shrugged in reply.

“You guys run for sport,”

“And you don’t?” he questioned, not understanding why she would run for anything else.

“I run to keep myself sane,” she admitted before realising that she had stopped running, “Come on,” she said as she started to jog again, leaving Cole to catch up with her.

They ran for another twenty minutes before Cole started to slow down, growing tired as he attempted to try to keep up with Azelie. She didn’t say anything about it, but she knew he was getting tired so, much to Cole’s relief, she suggested that they walked back they way they had run. Although Azelie was itching to continue running again, she didn’t for Cole. He had struggled to keep up running with her, even though he hadn’t complained about it, she knew that the running had left him exhausted. They walked all the way back to his house, chatting happily away as they did. When they finally did reach his house, the conversation fell to silence as they walked to the top of his path, both of them wondering who would be the first to say goodbye.

“So, see you tomorrow then,” Cole said, smiling down at Azelie, his green eyes looking into her brown ones. She slowly nodded her head, wondering how just being with Cole could have the same effect as when she ran. With Cole, she was free. She had nothing to worry about, no past or memories that followed her about. In San Francisco, just sleeping with him had stopped her nightmares. He was everything to her.

She watched him running back towards his house, and a strange feeling over came her as she did. Her heart began to feel heavy, almost as if it was falling deep into her stomach. She didn’t want him to leave; she wanted him with her always.

She watched as he glanced around to look at her, his usual smile formed on his lips. For some reason, when they first started being friends, Azelie hated that smile. He usually wore it when he won one of their arguments, or if he was teasing her about something. However, now her feelings towards the smile were different. No matter what, whenever he had the smile she couldn’t stop but feel that little bit more happy, as if it was infectious. Azelie watched as he quickly waved goodbye to her with his arm, before he turned back around and disappeared into his house, leaving Azelie in the dark.

Then it hit her. She felt as if her body had been plunged into a bucket of ice cold water. It came over her all at once as she realised what she was really feeling, why she didn’t want Cole to leave, why she wanted to kiss him so badly, why she told him everything. She was in love with him.

Azelie sprinted home, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks as she did. She had to stop a few times as she ran to be sick, her stomach unable to hold what she had eaten earlier in the day, and even when her stomach was empty, she continued to be sick, she couldn’t handle it, she couldn’t take any of it. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she began to shake violently, and yet she continue to run, even thought it seemed more like stumbling now to Azelie. She had to run from this. She just had to keep running and it would all disappear just like everything else did in her life. His feeling had to do; had to die - before he did.

When she got back home, she bit her lip to stop herself making any noise that would wake Ted up. She needed to be alone. Azelie ran straight into her room, closing the door behind her before collapsing onto a heap on her bed.

How did this happen? How did everything end this way! She promised to herself, made herself swear that she wouldn’t get like this again. It was safer for everyone if she didn’t love them. And yet she had fallen head first in love with Cole. He was all she thought about; all she wanted. She needed him like she needed oxygen; even if she didn’t want it.

At first she had been upset, the memories of her past showing up in her mind. Her parents, Haley, her grandparents and aunts. She had learnt from her mistake from them; learnt from their deaths that she couldn’t love anybody, even her family. And Ted, he had almost died. It was all her fault. She had accepted it, but she still got close to people - still managed to fall in love with her best friend, with one of the only people that fought with her to find out what was wrong with her. He cared too much for her and she had known that it was dangerous, but she had carried on, telling herself that she wouldn’t fall for him, she knew better than that.

Then, she got angry, angrier than she had been in years. She thought she had been angry at Cole when the fought, but that was nothing to this. She began to throw things about her room, picking anything that came to hand and throwing it right across her bedroom, not caring if it broke or made any noise. She didn’t care anymore; she just didn’t want to feel anything anymore. She wanted to make it all disappear, to feel numb again. She tore at everything, throwing it across her room until there was nothing that she could grab quickly. Azelie collapsed into a ball on her floor, hitting her fists against the floor as she did, tearing her hair out, needed into escape from the emotional pain that was building up inside of her, growing stronger and stronger every time she thought about it.

Then, her bedroom door swung open to reveal Ted, a terrified look growing on his face as he looked around his nieces room. He looked down to see her on the floor, tears rolling down her cheeks. He got down beside her, pulling her body closer to his as he hugged her, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. He tried to think everything he could do to calm her down, but in the end, nothing he said or did worked. Eventually, she stopped crying and instead, just lay in Ted’s arms, numb all over.

It was then, that she felt it. The feeling had become a stranger to her, but as soon as she felt it, she knew what it was. Fear. Love made her scared; it made her loose people - eight so far. Love was her fear. It’s what hid in the dark, waiting for her.

The girl who treated death as a friend; feared the most simple of feelings. Love. She was frightened by what made us human; what kept us breathing, kept our hearts beating away in our chests; kept us living. Azelie didn’t fear death, she feared love instead.

A poem Azelie had memorized repeated on her mind as she lay on her bed, Ted thinking it was safe to leave her to sleep; believing that she was okay again. She wasn’t alright; not in the slightest. She stared into the darkness, repeating the poem over and over, keeping her other thoughts at bay. Trying to keep the promise she had made herself when Cole pulled her back from the other side of the bridge.

“I fear love, Sometimes, I fear what it can do, For people, I fear romantic love the most, To have something I love, So close, And so easy to lose. Fear that the love won't be, Authentic since love does, Not exclude, But most of all I fear that, Though I love you, I'll have to deny the truth. A part of me is already dead,”

Uploads are going to be verry regular because I've finished writing it, there's still 8 chapters to post in a 10 day period so yeah.. a chapter each day. This is Saturday's chapter, so sundays chapter will be 35. Please don't forget to comment and vote! I'm going to be away for the next couple of days so I might be a tad slow with replying to all the comments but I'll still be reading them :)