You're going to lose yourself from time to time. come back. Come back to what your heart knows. No matter how long you've been gone, come back.

- The Better Man Project

For some reason, Draco's nightmares were a blessing to me. They gave me an excuse to sleep in his bed every night. I couldn't sleep alone, my brain wouldn't stop churning. It only stopped when Draco was around me to ease the continuous strain of thoughts.

So eventually, I ditched my guest bedroom and slept in his room permanently. No one said anything about it. No one but Draco and Narcissa spoke to me in general, not even Bellatrix. I didn't mind very much as it gave me an excuse to distance myself completely, to let the background absorb me.

Because bad things were happening and I could not be around it. I hated these people more and more every single day and soon, I wouldn't be able to hide it any longer.

First professor Burbage got murdered right here at Malfoy Manor. Draco had witnessed it, which caused him to not speak a word for two days straight. He was required to attend every meeting and it didn't benefit his mental state.

Next there was another attack on Harry Potter, which Draco luckily didn't need to be part of. The boy got away from at least a dozen Death Eaters, which was a joke to me. Why did all these men mindlessly follow Lord Voldemort into killing a sixteen-year-old anyway?

The Ministry also got taken over by Voldemort's side. I stopped calling it my side, as I had no idea what side I was on, but it wasn't this. It made me happy for a little while, knowing that Draco could attend Hogwarts with me next year, but that happiness was very short-lived. Soon, the papers were filled with killed muggles, muggle-borns and severe punishment for anyone supporting them.

I didn't leave Draco's room very much, just a few times when I knew that the Dark Lord wasn't around. I'd go take a stroll in the garden or visit the library for a few hours. By now I knew what the best way to act was around these people. I just had to show no emotion whatsoever. If I did that, they didn't know what I was thinking and they didn't have anything against me.

These people could do a lot of things, but they couldn't see what I was thinking. Technically, they could with a little Veritaserum, but they didn't go that far. I was not that important anymore. So as long as I only committed crimes in my mind, I was safe.

"Dammit, I hoped you'd be asleep still", Draco chuckled as he walked in, carrying a plate of breakfast.

"Are you bringing me breakfast in bed, Draco Malfoy?" I frowned. My heart started beating a little bit faster at the sight.

"Technically not in bed anymore", he complained, putting the plate on the nightstand and taking my hand. He pulled me back to the bed, in his arms.

"Happy birthday, Ellie", he whispered, kissing my cheek. I smiled slightly, kissing him back. Lately I had a little trouble with smiling genuinely, as there were so many more reasons not to, but if I did, it was because of him, because of Draco.

"I'm taking you somewhere in two hours, by the way", he smirked.

"Where are you taking me?"

"That, my love, is a surprise." I pouted. I wasn't a big fan of surprises, as unknown situations made me feel uncomfortable. "All I can say is that I did get you a gift this time."

We cuddled for a little while, but eventually I decided to get ready, which I hadn't done in a long time. I looked presentable when going downstairs, even if it was just to get a snack, but I hadn't properly spent time on myself in a few weeks.

I washed and dried my hair, chose a nice outfit and even put on a little bit of make-up to hide the bags that displayed the lack of sleep of the past one and a half month.

"Someone looks really, really beautiful", Draco smirked as I walked in. He stood up from the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist, giving me a quick kiss on my lips.

"I'm obviously talking about me", he joked, which made me chuckle. I could see the excited glint in his eyes when I smiled and it made me sad that I couldn't give him more of those.

"Are you ready to go, love?" he asked. He had recently decided to steal my nickname for him, so now I was yet again left without one for him. I nodded. He grabbed a bag from his dresser and held my hand in his as his other grabbed his wand. I closed my eyes as we apparated away.

"Where the hell are we?" I frowned as we landed in a field, no houses anywhere near.

"Somewhere in East-Devon", Draco shrugged, pulling me along a small trail that ran up the hill.

"What in Merlin's name are you planning? Are you going to kidnap me and keep me locked up somewhere where no one will find me?" I said. It didn't even sound that bad right now. Draco shook his head with a smile, but didn't say anything. He just pulled me up the hill.

"Oi, Lea!!" I heard. I looked at Draco confused, who wore an amused smile. I stepped a little further so I was at the very top of the hill and looked down, being pleasantly surprised by the sight.

Tracey, Daphne, Blaise and Theo were standing at the bottom, all waving at us. I looked back at Draco, who was smiling like an idiot.

"I figured you'd like to see some different people", he shrugged. I hadn't written to any of them and I hadn't received any of their letters either as they either got intercepted, or arrived at Selwyn Keep.

I walked down the hill, but it soon turned into running as the excitement took over. It felt good to see them again.

"It's so nice to see you!" I said as I pulled Daphne and Tracey into a hug. I then went over to Blaise and Theo to do the same. Draco casually strolled down the hill, very pleased with the effect of his gift.

"You invited them?" I asked, to which he simply shrugged.

"Thank you", I whispered as I kissed him softly.

"Now please explain to me why you haven't replied to any of my messages, Miss Selwyn", Tracey said, crossing her arms. I chuckled and sat down.

Draco emptied his bag, which contained mostly food the elves had prepared. He had organised a little picnic with my friends for my birthday, which made my heart swell.

I told them almost everything, just because I felt like it. I told them about my father and my mother and how I was staying at Malfoy Manor. The parents of all my friends were connected to Lord Voldemort's side, so I knew that they would neither judge me or tell on me. I didn't tell them about Draco's task or about the current situation at Malfoy Manor, but I told them all I needed to get off my chest.

We talked about our worries for the upcoming school year and for the first time in a very long time, I felt completely understood. I felt like I was not the only one stuck on a side that they didn't believe in. I felt like maybe, I would have a choice in the end, just like Daphne, Tracey, Theo and Blaise. And hopefully Draco, hopefully he had a choice too.

And I smiled for the first time in a very long time. I smiled genuinely for longer than a split second. I laughed when Tracey told me about her parent's reaction when they caught Blaise in her bedroom and when Blaise told us about how awkward the following day was, when he was supposed to arrive.

I was interested when Daphne told me about her trip to France and I got super excited when she told me about how Felix Rosier had finally asked her to be his girlfriend.

Theo was the most quiet out of everyone, which wasn't surprising. I did relate to him the best out of everyone, besides Draco at least. His father spent more time at Malfoy Manor than with his own son. He had participated in the attempt to capture Harry Potter and had been present at every meeting. It was easy to forget about him sometimes, as he was so quiet, so distant, but I felt like that boy held a whole world of secrets inside of him, afraid to let them go.

I stuffed another strawberry in my mouth as the familiar sound of apparition sounded again. I stopped chewing and turned around to see who had come here.

And most of all, to see what their intentions were.

I saw the new guest and swallowed the strawberry.

"What are you doing here?" I frowned.

Benjamin Evans stood a few yards away, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uhm ... I think I was invited too", he said softly. I looked at Draco, who didn't seem surprised at all. He grabbed my hand and leaned in.

"I know he means a lot to you, so I thought I'd invite him too. I figured that if he'd show, it'd mean that he still cared", he said quietly. All I could do was admire him. I couldn't believe how far Draco had come. Two years ago, he was an arrogant jerk, always taunting me and bullying other people, no emphatic bone in his body. But now here he was, inviting a Gryffindor boy I hadn't talked to in over half a year, just because he knew deep down that I still cared about him. He had grown into such a beautiful human being.

"I should go, I'm sorry for interrupting", Benjamin said panicky, turning on his heel.

"No!" I called out, pulling my focus away from Draco. "You're right, you were invited. Please join." He smiled a little awkwardly, but eventually he sat down next to Tracey. I scanned the group, but luckily, no one seemed to have a problem with him. Tracey for sure would make him feel comfortable, or either really uncomfortable with her tendency to blurt things out, that was yet to be decided.

I felt so incredibly happy when watching her. She laughed, genuinely. She seemed to have forgotten about her worries for a little while, simply enjoying the day.

This day had gone so much better than I dared to imagine. She really transformed, but not like I had expected her to. She didn't rise from her ashes like a phoenix, it wasn't like that. The pressure had turned her into something far more beautiful. She had turned into a diamond.

I had invited the Benjamin kid too because I knew that Ellie genuinely cared about him and she needed as many people who cared about her around her as possible. And maybe it would show him that this "side" he was so scared of was much different than he thought.

And it seemed to work. He slowly started to engage in the conversation, and when Tracey learned that the boyfriend of Benjamin's sister was Puddlemere United's Keeper Oliver Wood, her intense quidditch fan came out and annihilated every bit of awkwardness that was left.

It seemed like I had finally managed to do something good in my life.

"Thank you so much, Draco", she said when at last, Daphne had gone home too. The sun was setting and they all had to be home at a decent hour.

"No problem", I said and opened my arms. She eagerly came closer and laid her head on my chest, wrapping her arms around me.

"Really, this was the best day I had in a very, very long time", she said, a smile still on her face.

"Well, I figured it'd do you good. And you deserve it. You've had enough on your plate recently. I wanted you to just have a good time for a bit, especially on your birthday."

"This was the best birthday I ever had", she whispered, closing her eyes.

"Well, it's not over yet", I chuckled, getting out the box that had been patiently waiting in my bag. I wanted to be alone with her to give it.

"You got me another gift?" She frowned. This was more than enough."

"Well consider it last year's gift then", I said and handed it over. She smiled gratefully and carefully undid the ribbon. She opened the lid and just stared at the contents.

"It's beautiful", she smiled, gently picking up the charm bracelet. I took the bracelet from her and wrapped it around her wrist.

"A Golden Snitch?" she laughed, holding one of the charms on the bracelet. I smiled and pulled her closer again.

"I know it's a little mushy, but I picked out every charm myself", he said. I looked up to see a soft blush on his face, which was adorable.

"Did you?" I asked, the biggest smile on my face. I looked back at the beautiful silver bracelet around my wrist.

"We have a star, for the Astronomy class where I first found out that you're actually tolerable", he chuckled. "And then a cauldron for that time that I burnt your arm to a crisp in Potions."

"I still hate you for that", I chuckled, but I couldn't even try to sound mad as this gift had made my heart swell with love.

"Then there's a swan for that night in the hallway, with the Hufflepuff girl. And a Snitch for my birthday last year when I taught you how to play quidditch. There's a little dragon for when you taught me how to produce the Patronus charm and a lighthouse because..."

"Because you're my lighthouse", I finished. I looked up at him and smiled. He kissed me very softly and I felt so much love for this boy when he did. It had been a long time since he had kissed me whilst we both had felt completely happy, whilst there were not too many anxieties and worries on the sidelines. It had been over a year.

"And you are mine", he whispered, gently caressing my cheek with his thumb.

"And the Eiffel tower?" I chuckled, looking at the last charm.

"Well to remind myself that I have to take you to Paris someday", he winked. I smiled and kissed him slowly, which made me feel such intense happiness, it was hard to describe.

"One more thing", he chuckled before reluctantly pulling away. He got out another little gift. I took the brown bag and looked inside.

"My berry shampoo?" I frowned, a smile on my face.

"Yes, I know you don't use it during the summer because your mother doesn't approve of it, but I say your mother can sod off. I like it and you like it, so that's all that matters', he said. I looked at the bottle for a while with a million thoughts running through my brain. This was simply adorable. He had gotten me three gifts today and every single one was so incredibly thoughtful. I tossed the bottle aside and attacking him with a hug. He chuckled as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you", I mumbled, which he quickly followed with an "I love you too."

I rested my head on his chest and watching the sunset.

"This is my favourite place to be", I said very quietly, as if loud words could break the fragile happiness that was in place.

"In East-Devon?" Draco frowned.

"No", I chuckled, thinking about it. This really was my favourite place to be. Not in East-Devon, but away from all my worries, in Draco's arms.

"As a child, they always used to ask us what our favourite place was. I even had to draw it a couple times and I always struggled with it, even though I liked drawing. I now realise that it was so difficult because my favourite place isn't really a place, it's a person."

It was quiet for a very long time as we watched the sun slowly sink behind the hills.

"I love you", Draco said eventually.

"I love you too, so much."