Trust the overthinker who tells you they love you. They have, most assuredly, thought of every reason not to.

- LK Pilgrim

Dearest Eleanor

I know it's been a while since I have written to you and I'm sorry for that. Things are hectic here at Malfoy Manor, as you might have noticed. I have to keep this letter quite short, but we'll see each other again over Easter break.

How is your time at Hogwarts? Are you enjoying yourself? I hope you are. I'm also writing to you because I'm a little worried about Draco. He hasn't written to me since Christmas break and that's not common for him. I noticed the stress and wear on him during the previous break and I worry that it's all becoming too much for him. Is he okay? I know you two aren't close anymore, but I know you still care about him and it would mean the world to me if you could just give me a little update.

I know that you can't answer that question directly in case your letter gets intercepted upon arrival, so just use the word "dragon" in your letter if he is okay, and "peacock" if he isn't. He told me about his Patronus over the summer and I'd like to thank you. I hadn't seen him so happy in years. You really did wonders for him, Eleanor, and I hope that one day, it all works out for you.

I hope you have a great time there and please come to visit me over the break.

Lots of love,

Narcissa

I folded the letter up and put it back in the envelope. I had to burn it in case it got into anyone else's hands. I had to write her back, but could I lie to her? It was no use to let her worry over a letter, as there was nothing she could do about the situation, but Draco looked far from "okay". He didn't sleep well, didn't eat well, had too much anxiety and was not taking care of his health.

I took a deep breath and took my wand. I levitated the letter and then cast the Incendio charm, watching it catch flame and disappear.

"What are you doing?" Daphne asked as she walked into our dorm room.

"Burning a letter", I stated, watching the flames eat at the paper.

"Any particular reason?" Daphne blinked a few times.

"Just don't want it to fall into the wrong hands", I sighed as the last bit of paper disappeared. Daphne walked over and sat down on the opposite side of my bed, pulling up her legs.

"Has it something to do with Draco, perhaps?" she questioned carefully.

"It's just his mother, asking how he is doing", I shrugged.

"He isn't doing very well, is he?" The answer was obvious, but it had been so long and still I couldn't stop thinking about him. No, he wasn't doing well, yes, he was suffering, yes, I still worried, no, I couldn't do anything about it.

I shook my head, twirling my wand in my hand.

"Do you remember what I told you at Slughorn's Christmas party?" she asked. I hadn't been invited to any more dinner parties since. "I told you that you had to try to get over him and if that wasn't working, that you had to try to mend what was broken. You're not getting over him, Lea."

I scoffed. How was I supposed to get over someone when everything about them screamed "care about me", anything except his actions.

"I don't know how, Daphne. He is the one shutting me out. I tried to make it work, but he's not letting me in."

"But why doesn't he? I know he's up to something, Lea, he's been acting weird all year. It's hard to believe that Draco stopped caring about you."

"He's been tasked to kill Dumbledore." It was out before I could stop myself and the words scared me, but they wanted out. I had to tell someone, I needed someone to understand me.

"Oh", was all Daphne said.

"You can't tell anyone, Daphne, I wasn't supposed to tell you", I said, grabbing her hand.

"I won't", she said. "You can trust me." I took a couple deep breaths to calm down as Daphne thought over the new information she had received.

"Why has the Dark Lord given him this task? He's only sixteen, Draco can't kill Dumbledore", she said. I nodded, because I knew it was true. Draco couldn't do this, especially not alone. I knew why Lord Voldemort had given him this task. It was cruel and painful, which is why I had pushed it away as far as I could.

"To punish Lucius", I whispered. "Lucius failed leading a mission last year, the situation at the Ministry, and to punish him, he has selected Draco to complete the task, because he expects him to fail."

"Wait, what?" she said in disbelief.

It was quiet again. Daphne seemed overwhelmed by the information, but I could see in her eyes that she was analysing the situation, thinking it through.

"You need to get through to him, Lea", she said eventually.

"I tried, I-"

"Then try harder." Her voice was suddenly urgent and serious. I frowned, not knowing what she meant. I was done putting effort into something without it causing any progress.

"I want to, Daphne, but there's no future for us anyway. The Dark Lord can never find out how I feel about him, because that would be the death of me. It's just not an option to be with him."

"No, you don't understand what I'm saying, Lea", Daphne said. "You don't have to get through to him to start dating again, you have to get through to him to save his life."

I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at her. I knew what she meant, but I needed someone to say it out loud. And she did.

"He's on the verge of breaking and you have to make sure he breaks around you and not when he's trying to complete the task. He's drowning, Lea, and you have to pull him out. I know that you're tired of putting in the effort, but if it's true what you're telling me, then the Dark Lord wants him to fail so he can kill him."

Her words weighed heavy, as if she had thrown a brick at my chest. If Draco failed, he would die.

"I know you love him, Lea, and I know that you don't want him to die. I'm not saying that you have to get back together with him, I'm saying that he needs you in order to finish this task. He needs someone to support him, someone to tell him that it's alright. And I'm quite sure that you're the only one who can help him. He doesn't have anyone else around here."

I forgot to breathe for a short moment. I had always known what the consequences would be if Draco were to fail, but the true meaning had stopped sinking in a while ago.

If Draco failed, he would die and I didn't want him to die.

"He's on the verge of breaking, Lea, everyone can see it. He's doing this on his own and yes, that's completely his fault for not letting you help, but it's too much pressure for him to handle."

"I know, I know", I said quickly to stop her lecture. I didn't want to hear anything anymore. He only had a few more months to complete this task and if he didn't manage to do it, he would be dead by the summer. Draco wouldn't be in my life anymore, in any way. He would be dead, because I didn't try harder to help him.

I didn't want him to die, I needed him.

"I need to be alone for a while", I said hoarsely. I grabbed my wand and ran out, struggling to breath calmly. Draco was breaking and he hadn't yet completed the task. Like this, he wouldn't get it done, I knew he wouldn't. He was slowly killing himself and if that wouldn't work, Voldemort would finish the job.

I couldn't let him die. I had to help him, even if he didn't let me. I had to stop listening to him, accepting defeat. He didn't have a choice. I had to help him because his life depended on it.

Daphne was right, he didn't have anyone else on his side.

I suddenly had the urge to find him, to hug him, to tell him that everything would be okay. It was all he needed and I had left him on his own for months. He shouldn't have shut me out like that, but I shouldn't have given up so easily.

It was Wednesday afternoon, meaning that he had a free period now. I knew where he was. I couldn't help but up my pace. I had to see him, tell him that he was not alone.

Screw my mother and her no-running-rule. If I ever had kids, I'd want them to run, to play in the snow, to laugh uncontrollably and to never wonder if what they were doing hurt their image.

Two Slytherin girls were waiting in front of the wall to the Room of Requirement, but I knew better than that.

"Crabbe, Goyle, get him out of there right now", I sneered at the two girls. They looked at each other, surprise written on their faces.

"Yes, yes, I know it's you, now get a move on'', I said, crossing my arms. A few more moments passed, but eventually the right girl knocked on the wall. Three times, a pause, then two times, another pause and three knocks again.

I waited impatiently for what seemed like an eternity, but eventually, the door appeared in the empty wall and opened slightly.

"Eleanor is here. She knows", the right one said again. Draco's head appeared from behind the door and his eyes met mine.

"You two, get lost", I said, opening the door and pushing Draco back in. "Just sod off, you can go", I said as they didn't move. I then followed Draco into the Room of Requirement and shut the door behind me.

"What are you doing here, Eleanor?" he asked. There was a frown on his face, but he seemed too tired to really mean it. He had lost so much weight, way too much. His skin was greyish and he looked ... defeated.

I looked at him for a while, trying to find the right words, but nothing seemed to come out. So I just walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't hug me back, but he didn't pull away either.

"What are you doing, Eleanor?"

"I'm trying to help", I said, not wanting to let go.

"You can't, we talked about this", he said, but his voice was unstable.

"No, you talked about this and I just listened, but I'm done listening. You're not doing well, Draco", I said seriously, pulling away slightly so I could look at him. He looked so tired, ready to give up. "You're not taking care of yourself and I can't stand to see you like that any longer."

"I'm fine, Ellie, I promise", he said, but it didn't sound convincing.

"Are you?" I asked softly. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He just stared at me and his eyes were slightly glossy.

"I don't want to be the reason that you get hurt, Ellie."

"Don't you get it, Draco? The only option is for you to not fail. If you fail with the Dark Lord knowing about me, then I might die, but if you fail without him knowing, then you'll die."

He just stood there and I noticed that his bottom lip was quivering slightly. His fists were clenched. He was trying to keep it together.

"Stop pretending like you're fine, Draco, I know you're not. I know that you're struggling and I just want to help you. Please just let me help you."

"No, I can do this alone", he said and looked away. His muscles were tense and he was clenching his jaw. "He gave me that task for a reason and I can't fail him."

My heart wrenched in my chest as I watched him. We seemed so far apart, even though he was within arms reach.

"I know you can, Draco", I whispered. "But that doesn't mean you should do it all alone. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you and I didn't try everything to prevent it. I just can't have that, don't you understand?"

He let out a shaky breath and looked down. I saw his muscles relax for a short second, and then his shoulders started shaking.

"I just don't want to be a failure", he said and soon, tears were running down his cheeks. He was breaking.

"You're not a failure, Draco", I said, wanting to pull him into a hug again, but he stepped away.

"Of course I am! I can't even fix this stupid cabinet!" he shouted, kicking against the black piece of furniture.

"I can't fix it and everything else I tried has failed! Just like everything this year! Don't you get it, Eleanor? I lost absolutely everything this year. I don't have anything left. I'm not going to get it done and when the school year ends, I'm going to die! I'm going to die because I'm a failure!"

His knees gave out and he dropped down on the cold, stone floor. He buried his head in his hands and sobbed uncontrollably. In a split second, I found myself by his side again, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him as close as I could. He didn't try to push me away anymore. He didn't try to be strong anymore.

"I can't do this", he said in between anxious breaths. I pulled his head against my chest and pressed a kiss on his head. Why had I let him shut me out? Why had I let it get this far? Why had I let the person I loved alone, just because he told me to?

"You didn't lose everything this year, Draco", I whispered. "You still have me and you'll always have me. It's going to be okay." I traced circles on his arm with my thumb. "Everything is going to be okay."

It was quiet for a long time, but I knew that he needed this. I knew that he needed to release all the tension for a while and to know that there was someone to support him. He needed to know that he was not all alone.

We just sat there until all the tears were spilled and all the feelings were out. We sat there until he started staring in front of him, completely empty. And I didn't know what to do. So I just stayed put, tracing figures on his arm, pressing my lips on his hair every few minutes.

"Why are you doing this, Ellie?" he said, his voice hoarse. "You'd really be better off if you stopped caring about me."

"I tried that," I said, a slight smile on my lips, "but it didn't really go so well. Too many people have stopped caring about us, Draco. I don't want to be another one of those people."

"Why not? It's the smart thing to do."

I knew why not, I couldn't deny it anymore, but it scared me to say it out loud. But if it would get him to believe me, then it'd be more than worth it.

"Because I love you, Draco. You make me happy and it kills me to see you so unhappy. I just want to help you get through this, but you need to let me."

It was quiet again, but I could hear his heartbeat and it had slowed down significantly.

"I love you too", he said eventually and hearing that made me feel so much better. He still loved me and for now, that was all that mattered.

"I'm going to tell you what we're going to do, okay?" I said. "We're going to supper and you're going to eat properly, because you've turned into a skeleton with some skin around it. Afterwards, I'm going to kick Daphne and Tracey out of my room and you're going to tell me everything you've found out about this Vanishing Cabinet and how to fix it. And tomorrow, we're going to work on it, together. And I'm not taking no for an answer, Draco."

He smiled softly, taking a couple deep breaths.

"I'm sorry for shutting you out", he said softly. "I just felt like it was my burden to carry."

"Well it isn't anymore, okay? It's you and me against the world and I'm not doing this without you any longer." I didn't want to worry about the summer. We'd probably have to part for another two months, but those were worries for later. Right now, all that mattered was that Draco was recovering and I was not going to let him figure it out by himself anymore.

"Thank you", he whispered, and then his eyelids fluttered close.