Nothing quite broke me the same as false hope. I'd rather be a pessimist than to believe in follies of the human heart.

-Elliot Knight

I spotted my mum in the far back as I stepped off the train. She was standing next to Mrs Selwyn, again no fathers with them. I wondered if they'd ever return.

"It's good to see you again, Draco, I missed you", my mother said, pulling me into a quick hug. Mrs Selwyn simply nodded shortly. I really didn't like that woman, nor her husband. I wondered how those two had managed to create such a beautiful daughter. She was kind and intelligent and compassionate, whereas her parents ... not so much.

Eleanor walked over too, but she didn't look at me. She shouldn't, there were dangerous people around. Theo and Crabbe and Goyle's mothers, all people who couldn't know.

But couldn't know what? What was there still to hide?

"Come on, Eleanor", Mrs Selwyn said and in a short moment, she had grabbed Eleanor's arm and apparated away, no "welcome back" or "I missed you" or "how was your term?".

"Come on, I'll send your trunk to the manor and then we're going shopping", mum said.

"Shopping?" I frowned.

"Yes, you need a new suit, don't you?" I could see in her eyes that she had an ulterior motive. Perhaps she wanted to save me a little longer from the chaos at Malfoy Manor. We apparated to Diagon Alley, which was surprisingly empty.

"So, how was your term?" mum asked once we were on our way to Twilfitt and Tatting's.

"Fine", I shrugged, not wanting to get into it. It hadn't been fine, but that didn't matter. There was nothing she could do about it.

"And Eleanor? Everything alright with her?" she continued. I knew that that was what she actually wanted to know. She wanted to know about my love life, of course.

"I suppose so", I sighed.

"That does not sound very convincing. Is everything alright?"

"How can everything be alright, mother?" I grunted. "You know what I have to do." It was quiet for some time. I didn't want to be rude, but I was tired of people minimizing the situation. I had to murder someone.

"I know, honey, I'm sorry", she sighed. "But you still have Eleanor, right?" I was so sick of this, of people prying into my business, thinking they know what's good for me and what wasn't. I didn't need a lecture on losing Eleanor, I didn't.

"Eleanor this, Eleanor that, can everyone just please stop bloody talking about her!" I pulled my arm away from her and got out my wand. I was tired. I just needed to focus on getting this task done without being reminded of what I had lost every damn second.

"I'll see you at the Manor", I said and apparated away. I'd rather be there than in one of my mother's interrogations.

"Mother, I'm leaving for Malfoy Manor, okay?" I said as I found her in the sun room.

I had only been home for about two days, but I didn't quite know what to do with myself. The weather wasn't nice enough to spend long periods of time outside and the inside of Selwyn Keep was not much better. It was cold and empty.

My mother didn't respond. She hadn't responded much since my arrival. She had come to pick me up from King's Cross station, which was already a surprise to me.

I stepped into the fireplace and grabbed a handful of Floo Powder. I had just received a letter from Malfoy Manor, requesting my presence. It was something I dreaded, but at least it was something to do. I had prepared for this. I knew what I could say and what I couldn't say.

It's not like I had to lie about much. It had been like he had asked. I had spied on Draco to find out what he was doing and how it was going. I could still bend the truth in his favor. For a short moment I questioned if I should, but those were ridiculous thoughts. Even though Draco and I weren't on good terms right now, never would I choose the Dark Lord over him.

"Malfoy Manor", I said and dropped the powder. I closed my eyes as the flames engulfed me and when I opened them again, I stood in the familiar sitting room of the Manor. It was completely empty.

I stepped out of the fireplace and dusted off the black dress I was wearing. My heels echoed on the black tiles, the sound bouncing off the high ceiling.

"Eleanor, darling, is that you?" I heard from the dining room. I walked over as I recognised Narcissa's voice. She was having tea with Draco as if it was just a casual day. Draco's silver eyes found mine and it was even harder than usual to look away.

"Good afternoon", I smiled, not quite knowing what to say. It was best to act casual, like I belonged.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Eleanor?" Narcissa asked, pulling out a chair for me. Would I sit at a table with Draco one year ago, when I still hated him? Maybe to be polite.

"That'd be lovely, thank you", I smiled, sitting down. Narcissa looked at Draco, her eyes stern. I wondered if she knew, but something about the look in her eyes told me she did.

Draco didn't say anything. He just stood up and started making my tea.

"Ah, Eleanor Selwyn, you arrived", I heard. I looked back to see Bellatrix walking our way. She always had this kind of hop in her step that fascinated me.

"Good afternoon, Bellatrix", I said. She sat down in another chair and put her feet on the table.

"Watch it, Bella", Narcissa said. "That's mahogany."

"Oh, it's not like you can't afford another one", Bellatrix shrugged, not moving her feet. "So, Eleaor, how's life at that school."

"Quite uneventful", I shrugged. It was no lie. This school year had been uneventful so far.

Draco put the cup of tea in front of me, not making eye contact.

"What's that?" Bellatrix frowned, looking into my cup, and then at Draco. I picked up the delicate china. The liquid inside was red and it smelled delightful.

"Winter berries", Draco said and I couldn't help but glance at his face for the shortest moment. His jaw was clenched, his eyes trained on the kettle in his hand.

"Sounds disgusting, no thank you", Bellatrix said, leaning back into the chair again. I sipped the tea which was far from disgusting. Why did he have to do these things? Why did he have to show me that he still cared, whilst not doing so when we were at Hogwarts?

"Eleanor Selwyn, office please", I heard. I turned around to see professor Snape in the doorway. I knew that he was a Death Eater as well, but I had never seen him around Malfoy Manor before. It was weird to see him outside of Hogwarts in general. I finished my tea and stood up without a word. I knew who was waiting for me in the library.

I couldn't help but slow down my step as I walked up the grand staircase, towards the library. I had planned and practiced the answers in my head. My mother hadn't lied when she warned me at the beginning of the summer.

We can afford no slip-ups, Eleanor, none at all. I can't help you if you do.

I could not slip up, under any circumstance.

I knocked on the door of the office that once belonged to Lucius. I wondered how he and my dad were doing. They had been in Azkaban for 6 months now.

"Enter", I heard. I opened the door and walked in confidently, a neutral look on my face.

"You requested my presence, my Lord?" I said politely. He was facing the window, his hands behind his back. His appearance still creeped me out majorly, but I couldn't let it show. He could obliterate me with the blink of an eye.

"Ah, young Selwyn, I did", he sighed, turning around. "I suppose you know why I asked you here."

"I assume you'd like an update on Draco Malfoy's situation", I said. He simply nodded and waited for me to speak.

"He's working on repairing the Vanishing Cabinet in the room of requirement", I said. There wasn't much that I couldn't tell him. "I know that he's making progress, but he's also looking into ... more foolish alternatives, so I think he doubts his own skills."

I knew that Snape was close to the Dark Lord and he probably would have already told him everything I just told him, so I couldn't hide anything yet. It was Easter break that counted. I had to buy him more time.

"And do you think he will succeed?" he asked, almost sounding bored.

"Eventually, yes", I shrugged. I wasn't entirely sure, but this was my moment to help him out." "It will still take a while, though, his skill level is questionable", I added quickly. I hated him, I had to remind myself of that every few minutes. "I witnessed his progress and he seems to be getting it done slowly."

"You witnessed the progress? So the boy knows?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

"No, my Lord, I was careful. He didn't see me", I lied. "I followed him into the Room of Requirement using the Invisibility Charm to see what exactly he was up to." I had to be even more careful. I hate Draco Malfoy, I kept repeating in my mind. When around the Dark Lord, I had to despise him.

"Clever", he said, dragging his long finger across the edge of the desk. "I'll suppose I'll give him a while longer. I have to prepare other tasks anyway. I expect another update at Easter."

"Certainly, my Lord, is there anything else I can do for you?" I asked. I was almost done with this awkward situation.

"No, you may go now", he said. I nodded and walked out. I didn't let go of the breath I was holding until the door was closed behind me.

I walked back down, where Bellatrix, Naricssa and Draco were still seated at the dining table.

"Eleanor, I feel like you would be up for a little mayhem", Bellatrix laughed as I walked in. "How do you feel about a little visit to the city of London?" I swallowed at the thought. I knew what they had done to London over the summer. It had not been a pretty sight.

"I'm afraid I won't be very helpful as I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school", I said, forcing myself to sound casual. I sat down next to Narcissa.

"Because of the Ministry? What would they do? Expel you? It's not like you learn much at that school", she shrugged. "At least not the important stuff." She twirled her wand around between her fingers skillfully.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I felt terribly awkward, especially because he kept staring at me. He couldn't do that here, there were too many people around, dangerous people.

"Do you mind?" I snapped, forcing myself to look at him, not like I usually would, but angrily. I couldn't remember the last time I had snapped at him like that. It used to be so natural, but it wasn't anymore.

Draco scoffed and looked away, drumming his ring on the table. I wondered if it was mine he was wearing, or the one his dad had given him.

"It's quite humorous, the two of you", Bellatrix laughed. It wasn't at all. I wanted to get out of here, but I needed a good excuse.

"Eleanor, what do you say we go on our annual shopping trip? It would be a shame to not continue the tradition", Narcissa said with a wink. I smiled gratefully and thanked whoever above had heard my pleads.

"I'd love to", I said and showed her my gratitude through my eyes. She stood up, so I swiftly followed her, not bothering saying goodbye to either of the two remaining people.

She took a coat and in no time, we were away from that hideous place. We didn't say anything as we walked out of the fireplace at Borgin and Burkes, then out of the shop and through Knockturn Alley.

"You can breathe now, darling", Narcissa said as we finally hit the cobblestones of Diagon Alley. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm the anxiety that had built up over the last half hour.

"Thank you for that", I said, pulling my coat a little tighter. It was quite cold out.

"I could see that you needed a breather. Are you alright dear?" she asked. I nodded and forced out a smile. Although Narcissa knew about my feelings for her son and why we were faking the whole thing, she couldn't know about most of the reasons behind my anxiety. Although she was a lovely woman, she was also a pure-blood supremacist. She supported quite a few of the ideas of the Dark Lord, so I had to be careful.

"I'm fine", I said and smiled. She hooked her arm through mine and cast a Silencio bubble around the two of us. You never knew who could be listening.

"Draco is pushing you away, isn't he?" she sighed as we made our way to Twilfitt and Tatting's. I wanted to say "yes" right away, but this was still her son we were talking about.

"Oh you can be honest with me, Eleanor", she said. "I know my son and I know how he acts when he's stressed."

I sighed. "Yeah, then I guess that's exactly what he's doing", I said. I pushed open the door of the high-end clothing shop and forgot my worries for a little while as I got distracted by the range of beautiful dresses on display. It might be superficial, but nice clothes mattered to me.

"I'm really sorry about him, Eleanor. You probably know him as well as I do. He shuts people out when things get serious", Narcissa said, holding up a few dresses.

"I thought so too, but I'm not so sure anymore", I sighed.

"Why's that?"

"Because he doesn't trust me anymore", I shrugged. "He hasn't told me anything at all about what he's up to, but he has told Crabbe and Goyle." It had really bothered me and it still did. The fact that he trusted those two goons and not me, it hurt.

"That's because he doesn't care if they get hurt, Eleanor. It's you he cares about, which is why he keeps you at a distance."

It sounded like a nice bit of hope to hold onto, but I couldn't let myself do that. Maybe it was like that, maybe it wasn't. I had my own life to live. I didn't live, simply to wait around for someone who would maybe never be fully mine.

"I'd like to believe that", I mumbled, signaling that I'd rather end that conversation. I banished the thoughts from my mind and focused on the beautiful fabrics in front of me. About half of them were black or navy, but I wasn't looking for one of those. I liked how I felt last year, light.

"How about this one?" Narcissa said, showing me a navy one with lace sleeves.

"Not really my style", I shrugged, not wanting to seem like a brat. My eyes caught a very pretty periwinkle shade in the corner. I picked out the dress and admired it. The fabric was a lot more stiff than what I usually went for, but it was properly classy. The dress reached to my ankles and had an off-shoulder neckline. The top and waist was decorated with delicate flowers and hints of lace, covering the corset-top underneath.

"That would look wonderful on you, Eleanor. Do you like that one?" Narcissa asked.

"I do", I smiled. It was quite stupid that these things made me happy, but I liked dressing up. It made me feel so powerful, so feminin.

"Well, try it on", she said. I nodded and gently carried the dress to one of the fitting rooms in the back. I quickly changed and then asked Narcissa to tie up the corset in the back.

"Okay, suck in", she said and I took a deep breath. She pulled on the ribbons in the back, making me struggle to breath properly. Beauty is pain.

"Eleanor, you look stunning in anything, but this really is a stellar find", Narcissa said, putting her hands on my shoulders. I admired the dress in the mirror. It was quite a heavy fabric, but I didn't mind one bit. Last year I felt like a princess, this year I felt like a queen.

"I'm taking it", I said, twirling around one last time.

"Great, shoes and jewellery are next", she winked, closing the curtain of the changing room again. I wished my mother was more like her.