I wanted to write down exactly what I felt, but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better.

- wtm

I wish I could say that things got so much better over the next few weeks, but I'd be lying if I said that.

Draco didn't ignore me and whenever we were alone, he'd try to use that time to his advantage, but we weren't alone very often. It wasn't like he wasn't interested or that he didn't have feelings for me anymore, he had just found something else that acquired ninety-nine percent of his attention. He only showed up for patrol about half the time and it seemed as if his mind was entirely somewhere else every time.

I saw him during breakfast, lunch and supper, if he decided to show, but I couldn't talk to him then with Snape around and in class, which wasn't the most ideal setting either. But during all the moments in between, he was gone. Either researching in the library, which I didn't want to interrupt, or off Merlin knows where.

And he didn't tell me anything. I knew why he didn't: he felt like this was something that he had to complete alone. He wanted to succeed, to prove his worth and he wanted to do it without anyone's help, but it was driving us apart and I hated it.

I could keep myself busy without him as I had homework to occupy me for months, but I missed him. Every time I saw Tracey and Blaise flirting with each other, I longed for the summer. I longed for the days that his focus was on me and not on this stupid task.

And although I could keep myself busy, my mind was an entirely different matter. I both worried about him and I felt anger. I was angry that he didn't try harder, that he didn't keep the promise he had made during the summer, but that anger seemed to disappear every time I saw him. He wasn't eating well and he looked absolutely miserable.

And what I was hearing didn't improve my mood either. He was lacking on his homework, something that he'd usually never do and he had given up his position as Seeker on the Slytherin quidditch team. Draco loved quidditch. I couldn't help but worry.

But I'd get him to talk to me. I hadn't yet because the inner diva in me was butthurt that he was paying so little attention to me, but the Hogsmeade date was coming up as the end of October neared and I'd finally have one full day where I had Draco to myself. And we'd start the day by having a firm talk.

"I don't think I'll be wearing this dress", I chuckled as I picked out the dress I had let Daphne borrow last year for her date with Draco.

"What's Draco's favourite colour?" Tracey asked, helping me pick out an outfit.

"Black, of course, but not for dresses. He thinks black dresses are too basic. He liked the one I wore at the Christmas ball at the Ministry. It was quite girly, surprisingly."

"Oh the man has a specific taste, high maintenance", Tracey chuckled, picking out a nude-brown dress with small ruffles at the bottom and at the sleeves. I hadn't worn it in forever.

"This could be cute with your coat and some stockings", she mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, I like that", Daphne joined in, selecting some jewellery. I wondered if Draco would like it too. I shook those absurd thoughts from my brain. I liked it and that was all that mattered.

"Come on, let's head to breakfast", Tracey announced, dragging us to the Great Hall.

I smiled slightly as I noticed Draco at the other end of the Slytherin table. His plate of food seemed to be untouched, but I'd make sure he'd eat plenty throughout the day. If he wasn't taking care of himself, I would.

"Lea, Draco doesn't look so good", Daphne said, noticing him too. He really didn't. His skin had a slight greyish tint and it looked as if he could throw up at any moment. It pained me.

"I'll figure out what's wrong", I sighed, poking in my egg. When I looked up again, Draco stood up from his seat and walked out.

"Where is he going?" I mumbled, ignoring my plate and standing up too. "I'll be back in a bit, hold on." I left the Slytherin table and followed him out. Something was wrong with him and I needed to know what it was.

"Draco, hold up!" I shouted as soon as we had reached an empty corridor. He looked back shortly, the same panicky look on his face, but he did stop and wait for me.

"Where are you going?" I asked, taking one of his hands in mine. They were cold, skinny and trembled slightly.

"I- I can't today, Eleanor", he sighed, avoiding eye contact.

"What do you mean you can't today?" I frowned.

"I have something to do, something important and it has to be done today", he said. I blinked a couple times. Was he canceling on me?

"So we're not going to Hogsmeade together?"

"I want to, really, but I have to do this thing and now is the best moment to do it. I wouldn't cancel if it wasn't important."

I let go of his hand, shaking my head in disbelief.

"I suppose you really couldn't have told me that sooner. Before I put effort into wearing something you would like, before I got all excited about it."

It was quiet for a while and he did look guilty, but I didn't care. He was being an arsehole.

"And I also suppose that you're not going to tell me what it is you're going to do? Because you don't trust me the slightest bit."

"That's not true, Eleanor. I do trust you, this is just something I have to do on my own, I need to do this on my own", he sighed, putting a hand on my upper arm, but I just shrugged it off. Draco Malfoy was a huge jerk.

"Yeah, have fun doing that all alone. I'm sure I'll have an absolute blast in Hogsmeade all alone."

"Come on, Eleanor, you have to understand. I'm not doing this because I don't want to go with you, I really do-"

"Do you?" I asked, trying not to raise my voice, but I felt so angry, so disappointed. "Because it doesn't really feel like that anymore, Draco. What happened to Ellie?" He hadn't called me that in a while. Why hadn't he? Why was he pushing me away?

"Do you remember what you said to me on the night of my birthday?" He just looked at me, a sad look on his face, his eyes empty. He looked defeated, but I didn't care anymore. I tried to help him, he just wasn't letting me.

"You said: Please don't leave, Ellie, I can't do this without you", I said, my voice breaking, but I forced myself to be strong. "Well, it seems like you don't need me after all. I hope everything works out for you."

I clenched my jaw as I turned around, heading back to the Great Hall. He promised me he wouldn't shut me out once we got to Hogwarts, he promised me. I wasn't going to let it bring me down. Eventually he'd realise that he needed me after all. And until then I'd be damn sure I didn't need him.

"Come on, let's head out", I said as I reached Daphne and Tracey again. They frowned shortly, but then stood up and followed me out. They knew without me having to tell them. There was never a drama-free month when it came to Draco Malfoy.

I rubbed my face, trying to get the chaotic thoughts in order. I was making a mess out of everything and I didn't know how to fix it. Snape was constantly on my case, asking how I was doing with the Vanishing Cabinet and I had not much to tell him. I couldn't fix it. Everything I tried ended up as a massive fail and I had started looking into other options, but everything seemed stupid and reckless. I couldn't do this, I didn't have the knowledge nor the strength to do this.

Eleanor would be better suited for something like this. She was way better at performing under pressure. The way she handled the situation with the Dark Lord weeks ago even astounded me and I was already quite aware what she was capable of. She had completely different ideas, but still she blended into our side as if it was natural to her.

I sighed again. I had really looked forward to spending time with her, but this new idea that had planted in my mind had to be executed today. It could potentially free me of this stupid task already, although it was completely reckless.

I had neglected her lately, I knew that, but it wasn't even going well with the bare minimum of distractions. It would only worsen if I had a relationship to maintain as well. I just needed to get this done and if it worked, then I could focus on making things right with Eleanor. I just had to get this done. If not, my father would be stuck in Azkaban, my family's name would be ruined, giving my mother no future and I ... I would most likely be killed.

I just seemed to mess up everytime I opened my mouth. I did need her, I just needed her to be patient with me.

I walked into the Three Broomsticks, keeping the paper bag tucked away under my jacket tightly. I saw her in the far back, Ellie. Why did I stop calling her that? She was still Ellie, my Ellie. She was listening to another one of Daphne's stories, but she didn't seem to be paying much attention. She looked a little lost and it was probably my fault.

She would be so much better off without me. At the moment I couldn't give her what she wanted and it only made her miserable. This in-between-situation was demanding a lot of her, making her doubt and she didn't deserve that. She deserved more than I could give her.

I forced myself to look away. I had to complete this task, preferably today.

We noticed something had happened when one of the third-years at a booth near the window gasped. Just moments later, their entire booth had their noses against the small, frosty window.

"What's going on there?" Daphne frowned, looking at the situation.

"Oi, Pritchard, what's going on?" Tracey asked one of the girls, who was a Slytherin.

"There's a girl, in the air", she said, clearly shaken up by the situation.

"Let's check it out, shall we?" Tracey sighed.

"Are you insane? Why would we do that? Could be something bad", Daphne sputtered. At the other end of the pub, people had started noticing it too and I saw Theo and Blaise leave in quite the hurry.

"Let's go", I said and grabbed my coat.

By the time we had reached the scene, the girl was gone, being carried away by Hagrid in the distance. The only people present were Blaise, Nott and some other spectators, and of course Harry Potter and his sidekicks. Nothing significant happened without them having something to do with it.

"What happened?" I asked Blaise, who seemed quite shaken up.

"It's Katie Bell, a Gryffindor", he said. "She got cursed by a necklace of some sorts. That's all I know." I frowned, looking at the shocked faces around me. How did a Gryffindor find a cursed necklace?

"Is she okay?" Daphne asked, but no one seemed to know the answer.

"Well, let's leave at once, shall we?" Tracey said uncomfortably, walking around the scene as if the curse still lingered there.

By the time we got back to the castle, the rumour had spread around. But I didn't think much of it at first. Many peculiar things happened at Hogwarts. It wasn't until supper that I realised the actual problem at hand.

"Have you heard?" a girl at the Ravenclaw table behind me said. "Apparently the cursed necklace was meant for Dumbledore. Someone tried to assassinate him." I couldn't help but glance at Draco as I heard those words. Could he have ... no that was ridiculous. He didn't resort to such stupid plans. It was reckless and unlikely to work. Draco wouldn't be so careless.

But he literally told me that he had something important to do today.

As soon as I took a closer look at the boy, I knew that it was true. He looked distraught, more than normal, guilty. He wasn't eating and his eyes nervously scanned the room, often glancing at the Gryffindor table. He couldn't be so reckless, but I had to stop worrying about him. He wouldn't let me help, so there was not much I could do.

But as soon as he stood up, clearly eager to get out of the Great Hall, I felt myself taking the opposite decision.

"I'm going out for a bit, I'll see you in the common room", I mumbled to Tracey and Daphne and stood up as well. I was going to find out what he was up to, even if it meant following him. As soon as he was out of sight, I stood up too and followed him out, making sure he didn't see me. Unfortunately, he walked to the Slytherin common room and disappeared in his dorm. I sighed.

But I knew he wouldn't stay very long, he never did, so as soon as he'd leave, I'd follow him out. I left my shoes in my dorm and cast the Disillusionment Charm on myself. I hadn't yet mastered the Invisibility Charm, but this one had almost the same effect if you didn't pay too much attention.

As soon as the first students started walking in, Draco's dorm opened again and he walked out, not looking any better.

"Goyle, let's go", he said and motioned his friend over. Goyle simply nodded and followed him out. I frowned shortly, before realising that I had to follow them out. I made sure to keep my distance as I walked out into the hallways again. It was quite cold to be walking around on socks, but I couldn't risk them hearing my footsteps.

I had no idea where they were going, but they led me up stairs I had never even taken before, into hallways that I had never seen before and through doors I didn't know the other side of. By the time we reached the seventh floor, I had trouble to stay quiet, as my lungs were burning for deep breaths. Luckily, Goyle's pants concealed much.

"You know what to do", Draco said as he paced in front of an empty wall. I got a little closer to see what was happening, but nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be going on. That is until lines appeared in the empty wall and I had to put my hand in front of my mouth to not gasp audibly. I knew exactly what this was.

Draco had found the Room of Requirement.

It took me a while to get over the admiration of the appearing door and by the time I reminded myself of my goal, Draco had already disappeared into the room. I was about to figure out a plan to get past Goyle when the door disappeared again. I cursed under my breath, causing Goyle to look up suspiciously. I held my breath and stood as still as possible so the Disillusionment Charm would do its job and blend my body into the background. Goyle wasn't a very suspicious person, so he just shrugged and continued examining the fluff on his cloak.

So, perhaps this was the place Draco was always off to, the Room of Requirement. It was no use waiting around until he got out. I had to find a way to get into that room with him next time, without him seeing me. I had to know what he was up to.

Not just because I was curious, but also because I was angry. Goyle knew, so probably Crabbe too. He had trusted them with this information, information he didn't trust me with.