You cannot start healing when you're pretending that you're not hurt.

- Unknown

"Happy birthday to me", I whispered as I blew out the candle, stuck in a little piece of Honeydukes toffee that I had smuggled home in my trunk. The smoke circled to the ceiling and then it was gone.

It was midnight, the fourteenth of August had just begun, my birthday.

But it was a sad birthday this year. Normally we'd have dinner with the family and some relatives would come to visit. Maybe they still would, but that wasn't what was missing. I didn't feel loved.

My father and I weren't very close, but he'd always come home a little sooner on my birthday, bearing more gifts than the age I had become.

And now he wouldn't come home at all.

But that my dad wasn't here was not what made this day so sad. It was the fact that Draco wasn't.

I knew why he couldn't come, it was far too dangerous, but I missed him. I hadn't seen him or heard from him in two weeks and since my mother barely spoke to me, I felt so incredibly lonely. I tried to cheer myself up with the thought of Daphne and Tracey's gifts and letters arriving tomorrow, but not even that seemed to work.

Even though a birthday was just another day of the year, it made me feel more lonely than ever. I felt like I was alone on the planet and there was no one there to support me.

Maybe I could invite Daphne over some time in the next few weeks. I knew that Tracey wouldn't be allowed over anymore because of her blood-status and it saddened me. She was my best friend too, maybe had been even more of a best friend this past year than Daphne had been.

But it just couldn't be right now.

I walked to the window, looking at the stars scattered in the sky. Somewhere in the north was Draco, the constellation. Somewhere over there, he was thinking about me.

"I figured you'd still be awake."

I turned around abruptly, grabbing my wand and pointing it at the speaker.

And there he was in the light of the moon, Draco Malfoy.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered, my voice still caught in the back of my throat. I was dreaming. Draco wasn't here, he couldn't be. It was far too dangerous.

But then I felt his hand on my arm and when I looked up, he was still there.

"Happy birthday, Ellie", he said, a sad smile on his lips. He was here, he really was here.

"Oh Merlin, Draco." I threw myself in his arms, hugging him as if I only had a second. I wanted to memorize him and how it felt to hug him. My body ached for his touch and I felt lightheaded when I caught his scent again.

"What are you doing here? It's too dangerous", I said as I reluctantly pulled away. I needed to see him, his silver eyes and his light skin and his soft lips.

"My mother is covering for me. They think I'm at Borgin and Burkes, sorting some things out after hours."

I barely understood anything he said as I could only focus on his lips. So I did what I hadn't been able to do for a month. I kissed him.

I felt like my whole body was on fire as his hands snaked around my waist like they always used to do. I felt him smile slightly in the kiss, pulling me impossibly closer, lightly tugging on my bottom lip.

"I missed you so much", he panted as we parted just a second to catch our breath.

"I missed you too", I smiled, so incredibly happy to see him. He was here, with me. "Did you apparate? But you're not of age yet."

"I've been performing magic outside of school all my life, Ellie. There's a lot you can do when your last name is Malfoy."

"Arsehole", I chuckled, pulling him into the kiss again.

"I'm sorry I didn't get you a gift. I couldn't risk going out to buy one. They're constantly watching me."

"It's fine", I smiled, gently stroking his cheek. "This is quite a good birthday gift in itself." He raised his hand to push a strand of hair out of my face, and then I saw it. I couldn't stop myself from taking a step back and staring at the dark black mark that painted his skin. The contrast to his white skin was striking, but only made it more terrifying. I felt as if the eyes of the snake stared right through my soul, telling Lord Voldemort that I was here with Draco and that I had lied to him. And then Draco quickly covered the mark.

I didn't realise I was backing up until my legs hit the edge of the bed. And when I looked up, he looked pained.

"Please don't leave, Ellie", he whispered, his voice breaking. "I can't do this without you." There were tears in his eyes and his hands were trembling slightly. He was scared.

"I won't", I said, walking back towards him, wrapping my arms tightly around him. "I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere."

He held me tightly and I felt a little more whole with him around. Two broken halves, somehow complementary to each other.

"I'm right here", I whispered, grabbing his hands and intertwining our fingers. I pulled him to my bed and sat down, pulling him with me. I rested my back against the headboard, staring into the deep night sky.

"Did it hurt?" I asked, keeping our fingers intertwined. His thumb gently caressed the back of my hand, calming me down.

"It was excruciating", he said softly. "But it doesn't matter, it's over now." I really wish it was, that it was over, but that was as far away from the truth as possible.

"I feel like it's just beginning", I whispered. It was silent for a long time, but it was okay. I just enjoyed his company. We didn't need a lot of words.

"Ellie?" he asked eventually.

"Yeah?"

"What did the Dark Lord want from you? I saw you talking to him in the garden when you came over to visit."

"He told me to keep an eye on you."

"On me? Why?" Draco frowned.

"Because they all believe that I still hate your guts and he wants me to update him on how your task is going and whether or not you are failing." It was quiet for a very long time and I felt that Draco didn't feel very comfortable.

"It's a good thing", I said and looked up at him. "I can keep them off your back this way, at least for a little while. Besides, you're not going to fail, Draco." He smiled sadly and pressed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I know, I just didn't want you to get involved."

"It's fine", I sighed. "It's just something very minor. Once my father gets back I'll just disappear into the background and hopefully things will be alright."

"I suppose", he mumbled. I pulled up the covers of my bed and draped them over our legs. I rested my head on Draco's shoulder and let his steady heartbeat calm me down.

"So you know about the task?" he asked after a while.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you", he said, squeezing my hand.

"It's fine, I understand why you didn't. Just know that I'll be around to help as much as I can. You're not alone in this, Draco."

"No, Ellie, as I said, I don't want you to get involved. Plus he thinks you hate me. If he finds out that you've been helping me, then we've got bigger problems."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. He was right, but that wouldn't stop me from trying to help him in any way I could.

"I have to go now, Ellie", he whispered, pressing his lips against my temple.

"Already?"

He smiled sadly, grabbing my hand again.

"I wish I could stay longer, but I can't be around you for too long, Ellie. My body starts to reject the dark mark when you're around. It doesn't do well with happiness."

I noticed how he had clenched his left fist, the Dark Mark brooding underneath. I gently pulled up the sleeve of his jacket. The skin was red and warm, slightly irritated, but the snake stared at me as black as ever, vicious-looking. Being with me caused him pain.

"I understand. Just be safe, okay? I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express", I said. He nodded, lifting up my chin so his eyes looked straight at me. Those beautiful silver eyes.

"Ellie, I- I ...", he was struggling to find the right words. I could see in his eyes that there was something else he wanted to say, but something was holding him back.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"I'm just really going to miss you", he smiled, pressing his lips on mine. I pulled him closer, knowing that I wouldn't get the chance to do this anymore for quite a long time.

"I'm going to miss you too", I said and I closed my eyes as he walked out of the room.

Because I didn't want to see him leaving.

But he was here. He had taken a tremendous risk just by coming here, and he had done so for me. My birthday suddenly didn't feel all that bad.

And for the first time when I closed my eyes, I actually felt like I would be able to have a good night's rest. I felt calm, complete.