The ones who need to be held the most are often too busy trying to hold others with their broken arms.

- JmStorm

My mother stood in the doorway, one hand on her hip and a sneaky smile on her face. How much of that had she heard?

"I'm just going to remove myself from this scene", Eleanor said quietly and then slipped out the door. Of course she would do that.

"Anything you have to tell me, Draco Malfoy?" my mother asked, crossing her arms, a smile still on her face. This was going to be so awkward.

"Well you wanted me to get along with Eleanor, didn't you?" I said, avoiding eye contact.

"I did", she said, letting herself into the room. I sighed and sat back down. Better to get it out of the way now. "I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. At Christmas I was certain the two of you were never going to get along."

"Yeah, I guess some things changed", I shrugged. A lot had changed. It was weird thinking back to Christmas brunch, the day after I had randomly kissed her. What if I hadn't done that?

"No, it's good. At some point in the foreseeable future, you two were going to get married anyway, so I'm glad you came to your senses", my mother shrugged.

"Marrying? Calm down mother, we're not even together", I said, holding up my hands. Marrying Eleanor? What was she talking about? I was sixteen.

"What do you mean, not together? I heard that you kissed her! Don't lie to me young man", she threatened.

"Merlin, mother, can you not eavesdrop at the door?" I grunted, burying my head in my hands. This was straight up embarrassing.

"That I kiss her doesn't mean that she's my girlfriend. It doesn't work like that."

"Excuse me?" she said, crossing her arms again. "No son of mine will treat a girl like that! If you want her around then you better earn it by being a proper gentleman! I didn't raise you like this! I swear you look more like your father every day."

I clenched my jaw. I wasn't like my father. He was a coward. He never appreciated me. I did appreciate Ellie.

"Mum, she doesn't want that yet either, we're just seeing where it goes", I sighed.

"Of course she says that! You don't understand a thing about women, Draco", she said. Well she had that right. "Of course she wants that."

"She really doesn't, mother." She was about to throw another retort, but in the end she just sighed.

"I trust you, Draco, you know I do. Just don't hurt her, okay? You know better." Did I? I had done a lot of hurting in the past. I didn't feel like hurting her now, but why did my mother have to make it so serious right away, talking about marriage and all that? Eleanor was the first girl I was somewhat serious about. Maybe she'd be sick of me in a month's time.

"But I'm happy for you, Draco, don't get me wrong", she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I can see that she makes you happy and that's what matters." She smiled at me one last time before leaving the room. Did Eleanor make me happy? She did, I felt good when she was around. I could smile when it was just her with me.

One of the books she had pulled out of the bookcase caught my attention. Patronuses: the guide to spirit guardians the spine read. Eleanor made me happy, but happy enough so I could produce a Patronus charm? I had never been able to pull it off, but maybe one day I could.

Draco hadn't come out of the library since the awkward Narcissa situation and I was curious why. Supper would be served in an hour, so I felt obligated to go take a look.

I crossed Narcissa on the staircase and she smiled at me knowingly. She had done so all afternoon. She was really excited about the new piece of information. After her talk with Draco she had simply walked up to me, given me a hug and said "I'm so happy". Well it was sure better this way than the opposite.

I knocked on the door of the library and Draco called me in. He was sitting cross-legged on the velvet couch, his nose in one of my books.

"I thought a black swan really suited you, but I never realised how much", he said, not looking up. I frowned and sat down next to him, looking over his shoulder. He was reading my book about Patronuses and their meanings. The page of the black swan was opened, decorated with a beautiful ink drawing of the animal.

"Black swans sometimes have negative connotations, but it doesn't have to be thus", Draco started reading. "They are very loving people but can take a while to open up, which can lead to false impressions. It's not uncommon for someone with a black swan to be "blunt", giving and taking criticism with honesty and grace, but not afraid to tell things like they are. Eleanor, that is literally you."

"I know", I chuckled. "I know the entire paragraph by heart. You missed the part about the natural furor."

He kept leafing through the book, reading some of the descriptions.

"I think yours could be a black stallion", I said, trying to find the right page. "Look, it says: Black stallions are quite independent and mysterious with a certain allure to them. They are very individualistic and strong of conviction, willing to bend to certain things for others but rarely making compromises on who and what they are."

"I guess that makes sense", he said, but his smile was sad.

"What's up?" I asked resting my head on his shoulder.

"It's no use, I already know what my Patronus is going to be if I ever manage to produce it. It's a Malfoy trait."

"Oh and which one is that?" I asked rubbing comforting circles on his shoulder blade with my thumb.

"Have you never noticed the hideous statues outside Malfoy Manor? The ones at the entrance?" he asked, slightly shaking his head.

"Those birds? Not sure exactly what they are", I said. Draco chuckled, leafing through the book again.

"It's a white peacock. Most of my ancestors are Death Eaters and they can't produce Patronuses, but the ones who could always had the same one, the white peacock." I took the book, reading the description for the white peacock Patronus.

The peacock is a symbol of vanity and self-centeredness. It also represents the beauty and immortality, as well as the fragility of the ideas of the magicians who owns this Patronus.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. This wasn't Draco, it couldn't be. There was more to him than just self-centeredness. A Patronus is supposed to portray your true character, not the facade you display. It couldn't be his.

"No, I don't believe it, come on, stand up", I said and grabbed his hand. "I know you've been practicing this, so I know you can do it."

"I don't feel like doing it now, Ellie, let's just go downstairs."

"No, you should know by now how stubborn I am, so it's easiest to just give in." He raised his eyebrows, but shrugged eventually.

"You're a little annoying sometimes, you know that?" he smirked. I narrowed my eyes, poking my wand in his stomach.

"I'm just joking", he sniggered, giving me a soft kiss.

"Come on, take your stance, where's your wand?" He sighed and reluctantly got his wand out of his pocket.

"Okay, at what time in your life were you the happiest?" I asked, circling around him. He raised his eyebrows, not having any of this.

"Are you going to be my therapist now?"

"Oh sod off, Draco", I said and shoved him. "I'm trying to help here, okay?"

"I know, I know", he chuckled. "I was really happy on my birthday, when we went to the lake", he said eventually.

"Really?" I beamed. Was his happiest memory one with me. That made me feel all warm inside.

"Don't make me regret it, Selwyn", he said, focusing on his wand again.

"Okay, right, focus on that memory", I said, standing behind him and putting my hand on the one that was holding his wand.

"You need to relax to be able to conjure one", I mumbled. "Calm down. Close your eyes." I felt the muscles in his hand slowly relax.

"Okay, now think of that memory. Think about what the lake looked like, what you smelled and heard and most of all how you felt. When you feel like you're back in that moment, just say the incantation with the proper wand movement."

It was quiet for a while, but I felt how his heartbeat slowed down and I could see the corners of his mouth going upwards just a little bit.

"Expecto Patronum", he said.

And nothing happened. No blue swirls, no peacock, not even a spark. Nothing.

"Your wand movement was a little off, try it again", I said, but I could see the doubt in his eyes. He wasn't convinced that he could do it, which only made it more difficult.

"Expecto Patronum", he said again, but with the same result. He clenched his fist and put down his wand, pocketing it again.

"Come on Draco, it takes a while to practice. I know you can do it", I tried, but it was no use.

"This is stupid, I don't need it anyway", he muttered, putting the books back in the bookcase. He was blaming himself for it, like he always did.

"Draco, it's not your fault. Maybe we just need to find a stronger memory. The Patronus charm is advanced magic." He didn't reply, he just continued putting books in the bookcase.

"It's all stupid", he mumbled, putting the last book back and getting up to leave.

"Draco-"

"You know what that book also said?" he suddenly snapped, a pained look on his face. "That only those who are truly worthy will be able to produce a Patronus. In other words, I just don't deserve to have one, Eleanor."

And then he left. We really were the sun and the moon, fire and ice. He was afraid that he wasn't 'good' enough and I was afraid that I wasn't 'bad' enough.

I sighed and walked down to help my mother with supper. I hoped she wouldn't start about Draco and I. I was almost certain that Narcissa had told her about it.

"Eleanor, have you seen Draco, darling?" Narcissa asked as I reached the ground floor. She was looking around anxiously. She didn't seem at ease.

"Uhm, no, he just left the library, but I'm not sure where he went", I said, confused at her sudden change of mood.

"Draco!" She called out.

"I'm here", Draco sighed, walking down the staircase. My mother walked into the hall, curious as to what was going on too.

"What is it Narcissa?" she asked, motioning me to set the table.

"We have to go to the Manor", Narcissa said. She looked genuinely scared. "The Dark Lord has requested to ... to see Draco." She smiled shortly, one that didn't reach her eyes. She then looked at Draco and I couldn't help but do the same. He looked terrified.

"Come, Draco, we don't want to keep him waiting", she continued, extending her hand. I didn't know what to say. The Dark Lord wanted to see Draco? What did he want from him. He quickly threw me an insecure look, but then he followed his mother into the fireplace. All it took was a handful of Floo Powder, and they were gone.