You lost her and it wasn't because she was hard to hold, or love, or touch but because she was made of your absence, of all the things you ignored and all the beautiful poetry you read but failed to understand.

- Robert Drake

I hadn't slept much that night. Daphne came back in the middle of the night. I just pretended to be asleep to not cause any more drama. I had to wait until she was ready to hear my explanation. There was nothing more I could do.

But in the morning I realised that that would take a little while. She barely even looked at me and was out the door without saying a word, not even to Tracey. Tracey was caught in the middle of it, which was quite inconvenient too. I just encouraged her to go after Daphne, because she needed a friend much more than I did at the moment.

And that was not even the worst part. The worst part was that the entirety of Slytherin house seemed to know about the situation, which meant that it was only a matter of time before it spread around the castle. People would start assuming things.

I shot everyone a death glare if they stared for just a little too long when I walked down the hallway. Rumours or not, they had to respect me.

I purposely took a seat on the other side of the table to stay out of Daphne's way for a bit and took out my Charms book to not look like a complete loser. Luckily it was Friday, meaning that I had a weekend to look forward to, most of which would probably be spent in the library.

Draco walked past and glanced my way quickly. I shook my head softly, telling him to move on. I could not make this more uncomfortable than it already was. Sure, Daphne couldn't be mad at me for catching feelings for him, those were not things I could control, but she had every right to be angry about me making out with him whilst he was taking her out on dates, flirting with her and giving her hope.

The day just sucked.

"You look like you're having a cracking day", I heard on my way back from Ancient Runes. I looked to the side to see Benjamin walking next to me.

"Well hello, Benji", I said.

"So, I know you didn't want to talk about it last time", he sighed. "But I feel like you could use a friend right now."

"And why's that?"

"Come on, Eleanor, I've heard the rumours."

"Already? I had hoped for them to die rather than spread", I grunted. It wasn't even noon yet.

"So they're true?" he asked. We walked into the Courtyard, away from the ears eager to eavesdrop.

"Depends on what the rumours are", I said, taking a seat on one of the benches and putting my bag down.

"They're saying that you're dating Draco Malfoy and that your friend got really jealous and that you had a huge fight. One girl in my year said that your friend gave Malfoy a black eye and that you got so mad that you hexed her and that she doesn't dare to be around you anymore because of it."

I blinked a couple of times. Well that wasn't exactly what I had expected.

"No, those rumours definitely aren't true", I said. "Or well, most of it isn't."

"So, what did happen?" I sighed. I could talk to Benji. He was there for me at my lowest without asking questions, so he deserved to be trusted.

"I'm not dating Draco, but there have been some things going on in the past few months. We have ... made out a couple times", I said, cringing at my explanation. "And Daphne found out and now she's really angry with me."

"Well," Benji said, "I can kind of see where she is coming from. Weren't they dating?"

I sighed, not needing another person to tell me that it was all my fault.

"Yes, but I never meant to hurt her", I sighed. "I tried to stay away from him because of her, but I just ... I couldn't do it." It sounded so pathetic, but I knew it was true. If I Daphne would give me an ultimatum, who would I choose? That would be a ridiculous thing to do and Daphne would never make me choose like that, but who would I choose if I had to?

"You really like him? Draco Malfoy? I thought you hated him to be honest and he doesn't seem like a person you'd get along with."

"That's the thing", I chuckled. "I don't get it either, not at all. I guess we just have a lot in common with our background and all that", I shrugged. I really couldn't tell him why I liked him. He just understood me and I knew that underneath his harsh exterior he was just as insecure as I was. He was just better at hiding it.

"So you didn't hex your friend?"

"No!" I laughed, punching his upper arm.

"Well, I have got Charms in a bit, but if you need someone to talk to, just find me, okay?" he said, standing up.

"I know, thank you Benji", I smiled.

"Anytime", he said with a wink and left. I had an hour of Divination next, so I needed to get a move on if I wanted to make it in time.

Eleanor wasn't at lunch. I checked if Draco was, but he sat in his usual spot with Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle, so at least that wasn't the reason she was not here. I shook those stupid thoughts away. Draco wasn't into me and I couldn't be angry at Eleanor for liking him, that was foolish.

But it just hurt that she didn't tell me about it. That she let him play with my feelings for months while knowing he was into her. If I had known about them, it would've been a lot easier to just finally get over this idiotic crush on him. But we went on a date, he often had his arm around my shoulder, sat next me at supper and kissed me, all whilst having a thing on the side with Eleanor.

That's what hurt. I didn't know about that. I felt so stupid.

And Draco Malfoy was an arsehole.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?" Tracey asked. I knew she wanted to talk about the situation and even though I wasn't in the mood to talk, I knew it was the best way to handle this.

"So, how are you feeling?" she asked once we had reached the Great Lake. We started walking around it, as we still had almost an hour until our next class.

"Hurt", I said. That's what I felt. Not angry, not really sad, just hurt.

"Can I tell you something?" she asked, so I just shrugged.

"I've known for a little bit longer, but Eleanor made me promise not to tell you."

"You knew?!" I scoffed. Of course Eleanor had done that. Tracey was in on it too, great.

"Just listen to me, Daphne", she sighed. "I know what Lea did was wrong, but she's had a really confusing couple of months. She's been falling for Draco for months, very slowly, and it was hard for her to accept that. Every time he managed to win her over, she felt so guilty for doing that to you."

"Then why didn't she just tell me? She promised me she would."

"Because she didn't even tell herself. She pushed away those feelings for weeks, fooling herself that it wasn't real, that she could stop it."

"That doesn't excuse the fact that she lied to me, Tracey", I sighed. "Sure if she had feelings for him and hid that, I get that, but kissing him multiple times without telling me whilst he made me believe he suddenly started liking me? That's really messed up." I couldn't be angry at Eleanor for liking Draco since we were in the same boat. I was angry because she didn't trust me enough to tell me.

"I think she wanted to tell you, about a week ago. But then Draco asked you for that Hogsmeade date and you were so happy and she didn't want to ruin that. Sure, she handled the situation very poorly, but she didn't do it with the intention to hurt you. She just thought she could forget about all of it and not ruin your happiness with Draco."

It made sense, but it was still a shitty thing to do.

"And Draco played with her feelings too, Daphne. I know you feel betrayed by the both of them, but Draco is the only one to get out of this without getting hurt, emotionally at least."

"Then we should both stay the hell away from him", I said. All feelings I had ever had for Draco were completely gone.

"That's the thing, I don't think she can", Tracey said.

"Oh please, if I can do it, so can Eleanor, and I for sure will never make that mistake again. I've acted like an idiotic child."

"She cried, Daphne", Tracey said.

I remembered a little over a week ago, the day after Draco and I went to Hogsmeade. She came back to our dorm with puffy eyes. I had never seen Eleanor cry in 16 years of friendship. Apparently she didn't even cry as a baby, although I can't remember that.

That night she had cried and I hadn't even asked her what was wrong. I knew what was wrong without actually knowing, so I didn't ask her about it.

"I would have helped her if she had just told me", I said. "That's what best friends are for."

"I know", Tracey said, taking my hand. "None of this is your fault Daphne, but just talk to her about it. I know she feels terrible about what happened."

"I will", I sighed. Eleanor and I were endgame anyway. We just lost touch this year, over a stupid boy.