Just in case you've forgotten today ... you matter, you are loved, you are worthy, you are magical.

- Unknown

"So you've turned to ignoring me now?" I asked annoyed as I had finally caught up with Malfoy. Since Monday, he had randomly decided that he was not going to wait for me anymore to do patrol. I always had to go find him, somewhere in the dungeons. Why did I even bother doing so?

"I simply have very little to say to you, Selwyn", he said, not slowing down his pace.

"Well can you at least enlighten me as to what has caused the moodswing this time?" I sighed. How much more pleasant these patrols would be if we just got along.

He didn't answer.

But that raised that same question: what if I was right? And the seed in my head started growing again.

Did I want to know? Moreover, did I want to deal with the repercussions? Getting the answer wouldn't be the problem, but dealing with the aftermath would be. Whether I was right or wrong, there would be a whole lot of aftermath that I was not ready for. What to do? What to do?

Did Draco Malfoy have feelings for me?

If he didn't and I'd go through with my plan, I'd be screwed. It would probably result in him ignoring me for the rest of my life, but maybe that was better than these constant mood swings?

If he did, I was screwed too, because then I'd have to break it to him that I did not like him in that way, which would completely break his pride and probably result in him ignoring me for the rest of my life too.

This was a mess. Why had this stupid plan settled in my head?

"You're so infuriating", I grunted, struggling with the inner conflict. There were so many reasons why I shouldn't: the aftermath, Daphne, my pride, Daphne, my principles, Daphne. But I was so damn intrigued.

There had to be another way.

"The last time you acted like an arse was after you kissed me", I said. He stopped in his tracks, just for a little while, and then he continued walking again.

"I didn't do such a thing", he gritted.

"Oh, you definitely did", I said, keeping up with him. "I remember it quite vividly actually. I'll describe it for you if you want. It was at the Ministry of Magic, on that little terrace situation and-"

"NO!" he shouted, grabbing my cloak and roughly pushing me against the nearby wall. I gasped for air as I hadn't expected this sudden move. His eyes were spitting fire.

"That never happened", he growled. "And I suggest you stop mentioning it, or you'll regret it."

"You can deny it all you want, Malfoy", I hissed. "But it happened and I demand to know why." His eyes flickered with rage and I wrapped one hand around the wand in my pocket, just to be sure.

His complexion seemed even paler in the moonlight, almost translucent. There were storms in his grey eyes, storms that wanted attention.

"I don't care what you demand, Selwyn", he said silently, completely in control again. "It didn't mean anything, so stop trying to find an explanation."

"Didn't it?" I asked softly, wanting to see his reaction. I needed to know the answer. I needed to find out if my suspicions were right. Even though I had no feelings for this boy whatsoever, I had to know if he did. I had to know if he kissed me that night because he had some sort of romantic feelings for me or not.

"No, not a single bit", he said slowly, but I didn't believe him, I just didn't.

I had to know, I just had to. So I put my hand on his cheek and pressed my lips on his.

At first there was nothing, just his soft lips, completely petrified. But then I pulled away slightly, just a breath in between, and I felt the tension. I felt his hot breath on my lips, feeding the electricity that was crackling between the two of us.

He was the one to close the gap again and it took me completely by surprise.

He pushed me against the wall again as our lips moved in sync. I had to pull away. I had gotten my answer and now I had to tell him that it wasn't mutual.

But his lips were so damn intoxicating.

And then he pulled away abruptly, allowing the cold breeze that was lingering in the hallway to come between us, making me shiver.

His eyes were wide and his face had gotten even paler than usual.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted, but I was too dazed to respond, nor to even comprehend clearly what he was saying.

"Are you out of your damn mind?!" He continued. "Stay away from me. Stay the hell away from me and don't ever dare to do something like that again."

He was panting, looking around the hallway frantically, just in case someone had seen us.

"You're disgusting", he spat. "Why did you-? In no universe would I ever want to kiss you!"

And with those words he left.

It felt as if I had been petrified, unable to move.

My entire being seemed to be drugged, on a high. A million thoughts were running through my brain, so fast that I couldn't analyse a single one of them.

And my senses ... All of my senses were so very present.

I could still smell his scent of expensive cologne, peppermint and green apples. The smell that I had noticed before, but one that had never settled in my nostrils, until now.

I could still hear his frustrated tone, throwing insults at me that I barely comprehended.

I still saw flashes of his shocked look, his tousled hair and his rising and falling chest.

I still felt where his hand had gripped the fabric of my cloak and a slight tingle on my cheek where his breath had stroked it as he spoke. I felt the warmth of his body in the cold hallway and his heartbeat that had hammered way too fast against my chest. I felt his lips, as if they were still on mine.

And I still tasted him.

This was not part of my plan.

I was not supposed to like it.

I slowly lowered myself to the floor as the world around me started spinning. He has kissed me back, just for a couple of seconds, and it had completely thrown me off.

I had kissed him because I wanted to see his reaction. I wanted to see if he had feelings for me or not, but I hadn't expected my own reaction.

This couldn't be happening.

I could absolutely not have feelings for Draco Malfoy.

I sat there for at least half an hour, allowing myself to slowly get back to reality. I had kissed Draco Malfoy and he had kissed me back. And then he had shouted at me to never repeat that action.

But he had kissed me back. I had not imagined that. He said he was repulsed by me, but I knew he wasn't. I wasn't stupid enough to believe his meaningless words.

And then I hoped that he didn't like me whatsoever.

If he didn't, then I could get these foolish thoughts out of my mind before they had the chance to develop. Then I'd be able to completely forget about him and have a genuine motivation to ignore him to the best of my abilities.

But he did, and that made it so much worse. The possibilities were swimming in my head and they had to get out. They had to leave my brain as fast as possible. There was no world in which Malfoy and I had feelings for each other.

I was just overreacting, taken by surprise.

This had only been my second real kiss. When I kissed Adrian, I knew that I liked him, but this time was different. My mind was just tricking me into believing that I liked it. There was no other logical explanation.

Why else would I enjoy kissing Malfoy? He was an absolute arse. He bullied children for not being pure-bloods, he always thought he was better than everyone else and he had insulted me so many times I had lost count. He had insulted the death of my grandfather, he had called me unworthy of my last name, a disgrace, he had called me ugly and stuck-up.

Draco Malfoy was a horrendous person. My mind was just playing nasty tricks on me.

As soon as I realised that, I calmed down. I could handle this. I could still play it off as a test, because that was what it was. I had just kissed him to see if he would kiss me back, to see if he had feelings for me. I didn't like him at all.

I stood up, brushed off my robes and walked back to the common room. I was Eleanor Selwyn, I was not going to let a stupid boy mess with my head, especially not Draco Malfoy. I was much better than that. I had better things to do.

And then I saw Daphne Greengrass on the couch, playing a game of Wizard's Chess with Tracey, and I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart, trapping all the blood.

I had kissed the lifelong crush of my best friend, just for a little experiment. I really wasn't a decent person.