the familiar scent of seoul clung to the inside of tae's nostril like a distant trauma resurfaced. late night walks in the city clouded his mind, the taste of tea at that place on the corner, and of course the scent of his cousin's apartment.

the same one he was currently holed up in, his entire figure covered by an oversized blanket of shame as he nuzzled further into the couch.

it had been barely a week yet it felt like a lifetime. his time in japan was nothing but a dream that had dissipated as quickly as it had begun and he wondered what his friends from there were doing. were they waltzing through the gardens, shopping in his favorite town, were they dunked into hot springs?

he longed to go back, just for a minute in his memories.

instead it was coated with the shame of being jobless, of being broken up with, of being stuck on a couch with nothing but a suitcase of his belongings.

in what world did he ever think he was talented enough to be a performer, a composer- talented enough to walk with the greats? in what world did he ever think his (ex) boyfriend would stay here with him in place of a killer opportunity in the states? had he really been that delusional? it's not like he would have done it if the roles were reversed.

tae noted the shuffle of feet creeping through the narrow hallway, a tall, lanky man with shoulders as wide as mountains sat in front of him, "why are you up so early?"

his eyes darted to the criss-crossed figure on the floor, admiring the youthful glow of a man with a plan, "couldn't sleep. wallowing in self-pity seemed more enjoyable!"

the man in front of let his lips twist into a sad smile, "still pouting over bogum or whatever his name was? tae, babe, you're better than that!"

in a twisted way he knew his cousin jin was right, it was just impossible to climb out of the self-loathing especially when the prospects for the future were currently so bleak, "i can only distract myself with so much daytime television before his stupid, perfect face interrupts!"

"well, if it interests you..." jin uncrossed his legs, falling to his back as he admired the chipped paint against the ceiling, "i had dinner with namjoon last night and-,"

"why would you having dinner with your perfect significant other interest me?" the younger couldn't have sounded more annoyed had he tried.

"-if you'd let me finish!"

"sorry!" tae huffed, "continue..."

"and he is hoping to hire a house keeper for one of his clients!" almond orbs darted to the couch, "i told him you were looking for a job and i'd vouch for your work ethic. mentioned you could make a mean stew."

"but that was a blatant lie?" the younger wasn't quite sure what jin was getting at, "i can barely fold a flat sheet, in what world did you see me as a house keeper?"

"do you even want to know who it's for? you know namjoon manages high profile clients..."

not that tae even cared, high-profile had never been equivalent to talent in his eyes, the status of a celebrity or an idol was overrated compensation for mediocrity a majority of the time, "who?"

"jeon jungkook!" jin seemed ecstatic at the mention of the smooth as honey vocalist who had recently hit a rough patch.

"the drunk?" tae was far more interested in classical music, his ears always traveling to pianists and singers who belted out music written centuries before. he wasn't that familiar with general pop culture, at least not the type that lined tabloids and the internet, but last he had heard from his overly obsessed friends, jeon jungkook was no longer relevant.

the boy, who had released a self-made album at barely twenty, turned to a pop idol after he was signed, took on the world with the hair and the makeup and the dancing but he had always been controversial. his choice in lyrics, his style- at first it seemed simply rebellious but, the older he got, it was evident his troubles were deeper rooted. ever since news dropped of his most recent falling out with his wife and his life. his sales had plummeted, his fan base collapsed, and even if he released a new album the prospects were low for his future.

had it been tae he would have taken the small bit of leftover money and ran far away from the public eye. he had become the lead clown in the circus instead of the savvy mogul he had once been.

"what's the pay like?" tae huffed knowing it was probably his only shot at landing a job that would provide enough for him to have his own place.

"enough! so you'll do it?" jin lit up like car lights in the middle of the night, his usually disinterested expression twisted.

tae didn't see much of an option, "i- i guess!"

"it will be the perfect thing to take your mind of being stuck back in seoul and maybe, he has some connections. you can break into the industry!"

jin was always twenty steps ahead, his own shelf brimmed with journals housing his ideas for restaurants and businesses and poems and who even knows.

tae wished he shared some of that energy and enthusiasm, "i don't really think jungkook knows anybody in the industry who can help with what i'm interested in."

"and what are you interested in? your goofy violin thing?"

tae huffed in defense, "it's a viola! in a perfect world they'd hire me to perform in a stage band or maybe i could compose an entire musical, conduct an entire group- i don't need nor want his fancy tricks and overpriced clothes, i want to be surrounded by raw, unedited talent." his brunette orbs lit up at the thought of himself in a tuxedo playing show tunes, "either way, it doesn't matter. it's a distant dream, squandered as soon as i left japan and didn't land my fellowship in the states."

"just because you didn't get that spot to study under whoever that guy is-,"

"that guy is-,"

"that guy doesn't matter!" jin's lips jutted to a pout as he pondered for something comforting to say, "you'll have other chances and you don't know, this might be a great stepping stone. chin up kid, okay?"

tae wanted to grumble and fuss under the scrutiny of his elder but all he could do was sigh, "when do i start?"

his cousin lit up at that, "i'll call namjoon right now and find out!"

jin shuffled back down the same hallway he had come from, a bit more pep in his step at the idea of his cousin working in the industry alongside his boyfriend. it seemed that he was surrounded by people who knew people- he loved the adrenaline of that.

but tae didn't care, he didn't love it, or want it, or desire it. in fact, the only thought in his head was just the pang of possible regret. he hoped it didn't come to that.