the reflection staring back in the kitchen window was unrecognizable.

a milky complexion, the underside of each orb lined with bags the color of the night sky, speckled skin stained from sunlight and stress. it had sadness written all over it, the only curtain a mop of black curls in desperate need of a trim.

jungkook grunts at his own appearance before tugging the cup of coffee from beneath the machine before settling back far away from anywhere he could see his own figure. even the sight of unpacked boxes and a dirtied floor were more welcoming than whatever had glanced back at him.

had you asked jungkook what life would have been like mere months ago, alone in an undecorated apartment wouldn't have topped the list. it wouldn't have been on his radar.

the magazine in front of him made sure to highlight that fact. it alluded to his high point of success, the momentous triumphs that he had been wrapped up in, the connections, the friends, his (soon-to-be-ex) wife, and of course the anticipation around a new album that he should be recording as of right now.

unfortunately for everyone, he hadn't even started it.

he was too wound up in being kicked out of the house he paid for, turned away from venues and ad deals. too busy being thrown from his throne. too busy being a huge fucking disaster.

next to the stack of articles sat a coloring book, belonging to his sweet, sweet daughter. the only person who was his fighting light at every dark twist, he thought of her smile and the way she mumbled goodnight and suddenly things weren't so bad.

but her smile couldn't fix it all, at least not this time. the way she said daddy or did grabby hands- nothing could repair his heart from the ultimate betrayal of his best friend. the one that ruined him, his career, his life. that stripped him of his wife, of trust, of love.

park jimin and the sweet taste of addiction had taken it all with no remorse. just two twisted ships in the night that stripped him of his sanity and left him to the wolves where he'd bleed out and die amongst every other washed up idol in the country.

in a perfect world he'd pull it together and clean his image up, get back on track-

but the world wasn't perfect.

at least not to jungkook.

the bitter taste of coffee hit his tongue before the bourbon he had sunk to the bottom did. his nose scrunched at the sharp bite that left goose pimples on the back of his neck, the hairs standing straight as a street pole before a wind of refreshment relaxed each muscle in his body.

despite having a drink with dinner which was only hours ago, he had been craving for more.

he always was.

"jungkook?" the front door cracked open, the grinding of wood on wood creating a noise similar to that of an erased chalk board as a mop of freshly-dyed, purple hair walked through.

his manager. his saving grace. the only one who was still here- so it seemed.

"joonie!" the boy had eyes of a baby deer as he glanced to the new figure, "what are you doing here?" that familiar buzz lingered in the tip of his brain, leaving his lips numbed, he wondered why he was ever sober? it felt so good not to be.

"what are you doing?" the man didn't even bother to take his shoes off, eyes fixated on the rolled up rug and half put together couch, "did you not let the guys in today who were supposed to finish this?"

jungkook's eyes darted around trying to recall if anyone had stopped by. at some point there had been a knock but he had been lost in his own world. back down on the bedroom floor as the ceiling spun around him, the prettiest ballerina dressed in neutral. it would probably be easier to lie than to bring that up, "i don't think i heard any guys. maybe they came while i was on a run?"

namjoon seemed to buy that for the moment, his fingers tapping against his leg nervously as he stared down the mess he had walked into, "do you want me to arrange for them to come again tomorrow?"

the boy on the couch took another sip of his drink, wincing this time as the contents had mixed even more leaving a much different taste than the first time around, "i can do it!" it was more of a whine, his lips jutted into a pout as he pondered if he really could.

the man in front of him didn't seem to think so, "are you sure? because looking around-,"

jungkook cut him off, "i'll do it! okay? quit worrying so much."

namjoon huffed at that, well aware that he couldn't quit worrying, not when it came to jungkook, "did you get any songs started at least? any ideas generated? i can set up a meeting with-,"

"joon. i need more time." his face was more stoic than it had been a minute ago, the looming presence of stress and threat, the fight or flight in those chestnut eyes as he danced around to his unwritten task list.

"we don't have much time!" his words were barely above a whisper, wanting to be a friend, needing to be a manager- he hated that. the contradiction between friend and foe, enemy and companion. none of his other clients were so hard yet so lovable; then again, none were as difficult nor as generous, as creative yet troubled.

jungkook really was special.

"i know we don't!" the younger replied hastily, his voice short and sharp as he ran digits through his lengthy hair, tugging at each strand to try to bring him back to reality, "i'll work on it; i will."

it was a promise he intended to keep but both knew that a jungkook promise was hardly one at all. each word he spoke was dripped in sin, the type that pulled him back in just as he was on the cusp of success, just as he had the world by its throat.

he always ruined it for himself.

"i'm just worried!" namjoon started, this time pacing about as he peeped at boxes that had been deemed worthy of being carried up a million flights of stairs, "because they fronted you that money for the lawyer and to take down some of the publishings and-,"

the younger started to tune him out, too caught up in the headline that had been haunting him.

DUI and a divorce- the edge of despair.

his life was on the cover for all to see and scrutinize. how could he ever write a song with that looming over his head?

"i just don't want you in deeper water than you already are!" the boy who was still pacing finally finished his speech, more nervous than when he had started and jungkook wondered how somebody so strong and so tall and so stalky could look so fucking terrified over something as trivial as money.

because at one point, they had none.

back when him and namjoon had met they were barely twenty, sharing a one bedroom decorated with hand me downs. they had been poor, sharing a single meal a day; it wouldn't be a shock to do it all over again. besides, they were happier then.

no creases on their foreheads, no looming threat of child custody, no cry for help on the cover of every magazine at the grocery store.

at twenty they had been broke and hopeful. grateful for any bit and now they were greedy.

jungkook didn't want to be that.

the dark-haired boy took another sip, tapping against his thigh as he pondered what he would even write about as he made empty promises, "i'll set aside all day tomorrow to do it, okay?"

namjoon's hazelnut orbs narrowed, "you mean after you finish unpacking everything? you can't live like this! do you even have food in your fridge?"

"why? are you hungry?" his tone was playful, a stark contrast to the looming expression that graced his managers face.

namjoon was not amused.

"relax! i'll do that tomorrow as well, everything will be fine. it always is!"

both could tell jungkook was tipsy by the way his words dripped with optimism and excitement for a new day. it was evident no hangover was present, no threat of one.

tomorrow would be different.

he'd be hunched over in pain until he was able to take another sip. unmotivated and unwilling. angry and cruel and cold towards anyone who dare help him and he wouldn't run his task list because he'd claim he was too ill. he'd blame it on bad seafood or the flu.

namjoon huffed and sat next to him. the scent of booze creeping from the cup on his clients hand and he tried to remember a time when things weren't so bad.

tried to remember when this life had been beautiful and easy. it had been so long since then.

"don't worry joonie! doesn't solve anything." jungkook could sense the tension in the man's shoulder, the way his brows furrowed in distaste. he hated to be the cause of that stress. he hated to age him beyond on his years because namjoon had always been a friend first.

the only friend he could rely on.