《Toxic Thoughts》Chapter 3: Cold Weather
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Bakugou groaned as he shut his alarm clock. Another sleepless night... He hadn't been able to catch some shuteye because of what happened yesterday. That damn half-n-half bastard had outed him in front of the entire class! Now they all knew he was the one making the food! It's only a matter of time before they realise he cares... Before they'll laugh at him, call him weak, or worse, pity him.
Nobody would eat it anymore so he shouldn't bother making extra's anymore either... Who would want to eat something made by such a loser as himself..? Taking a deep breath, he heaved himself out of bed and strolled towards his pathetic excuse of a bathroom. First he brushed his teeth, after that his hair. He frowned as he looked down upon the bandage around his arm, small streaks of blood visible through the dusty white colour.
He started unwinding it, flinching a little as when he removed it from the relatively fresh cuts. He glanced from his arm towards his make-up set, grabbing some foundation. His make-up skills may just be better than some of the girls in his class due to him frequently covering up all kinds of injuries. If any of the guys found out, they'd definitely make fun of him for it. A small hiss escaped his lips as he applied the foundation to his arm, a stinging feeling of pain going through him.
He was used to this, but his body still had its own reflexes. A few minutes later, all tracks were erased. And because he only used the best quality make-up, it didn't rub off easily. With one last look in the mirror, he left the small space to get dressed into his uniform. He didn't bother with the tie. It always made him feel so suffocating, like his wearing a collar and he couldn't breath. It choked him, or at least made him have flashbacks of being choked.
None of his teachers had ever commented on it since he wears the rest of the uniform without complaint, so there was really no issue. With a confident stride, he left his room, his bag hanging over his shoulder as he made his way downstairs. There weren't a lot of people yet since it was still rather early. It was for the better that way.
"Morning Kacchan!" Deku smiled, only to be ignored by the ash blonde as he marched up to the fruit bowl and taking an apple. A crispy sound filled the air as he bit into it, munching on the apple as he glanced around the room. It was only Deku, Todoroki and Iida. Those were always the early risers.
"Already leaving for school?" Midoriya asked as he moved towards the door.
"None of your fucking business!" Bakugou barked, slamming the door shut behind him.
"Do you think he's mad at me for yesterday?" Todoroki asked, his eyes tracing Bakugou as the blonde slowly vanished from sight.
"Probably... You shouldn't worry about too much Todoroki-kun! He's always angry with everyone!" Izuku said, forcing a smile. The green head knew this had hit a sensitive string and all the process Kacchan and Shoto made during extra training was lost just like that.
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Katsuki was a really complex person and when Midoriya found out that he thought he looked down on him, his heart broke... Luckily their relationship had been slowly healing and Kacchan was able to be a little more open with him. It still wasn't anything like when they were younger and he doubted it would ever become like that again. But for now, it was good enough...
Meanwhile, Bakugou wandered over the empty campus of UA High. The morning air was chilly and his breath came out in small puffs of smoke. He wasn't dressed for the weather, but he wasn't supposed to be outside for very long anyway. Another crisp sounded through the silence as he bit into the apple again. It promised to be a regular early winter day, clouds rolling by, gathering around and blocking out the dim sunlight. A cool breeze blew by, making Katsuki shiver.
The cold woke him up, reminding him he was still here, still alive. Still kicking. Still trying to prove the world wrong, that he can be a hero. Still trying to convince himself that maybe he wasn't so terrible after all... But the cold also reminded him of her. Of the nights he'd spend in the basement after he failed to uphold his perfect image, cold and alone. She never allowed him to fail. He was always punished for his mistakes.
Those flashbacks faded away as he entered the main building, warmth rolling over him like a large blanket. If he wore glasses, he was sure they would get fog all over. A shiver ran over his spine, letting go of the last cold air, letting the warmth hug him. There weren't a lot of people in the hallways as he walked to class, still eating his apple. It was calm, peaceful. He liked that. Nobody to bother or annoy him... Nobody to tell him off, to remind him what mess he truly is...
He threw his half eaten apple away in the trash before entering the classroom. Aizawa sensei was already there, like every morning. It seemed like he was correcting the assignments they handed in yesterday. As Bakugou entered, he noticed the smell of coffee hanging in the air. Not that he commented on it as he walked over to his seat.
"Morning Bakugou" Aizawa mumbled, being used to having the ash blonde student here earlier than anyone else.
Katsuki grunted in response, dropping his bag by his side as he sat down. He took out his things, arranging everything neatly, upholding his perfect student image. When everything was in place, he started staring out the window. There were big trees at this side of the building, shielding most of the classrooms from the outside world so the press couldn't make any pictures from inside the classroom.
It was different in the hallway, where basically the whole wall was made of glass and you could look out on the gate perfectly. Bakugou liked the trees more though, seeing birds fluttering around, a squirrel every once in a while, still in a rush to get ready before the actual winter hit. They were still in the beginning of the season, so things weren't that bad. There hadn't been any snow so far at least.
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It didn't take long for people to gather in the classroom. Slow at first, but then more and in larger groups. After that came the stragglers who arrived a minute before class, some even right when the bell rang. Aizawa sensei didn't mention it, but Katsuki was sure Iida would lecture them during the first break they'll get from class.
"I've corrected your assignments. Some were better than others" Aizawa started, letting his eyes glance over the class with his usual tired glare.
"Iida, distribute them"
"Yes sir!" the dark blue haired male responded, shooting up from his place and marching over to the teacher, who handed him the papers. Bakugou glanced aside, seeing Kirishima, Kaminari and Ashido whisper while looking at him every once in a while. He frowned. What the hell are they up to now?
"Here is your assignment Bakugou!" Tenya exclaimed, placing a paper on his desk.
"Tch" Katsuki scowled while Iida moved on quickly. Bakugou took the paper, quickly looking over it.
"Whoo! Kacchan, you got a 9,5! That's great!" Midoriya gasped from behind him.
"Fuck off nerd! Look at your own goddamn paper!"
"S-sorry!" he squeaked, making himself smaller in a reflex, scared that Bakugou might hurt him. 'Look at him' Katsuki thought by himself. 'He's scared of you, asshole'
With a huff, he turned around in his chair again, putting away the assignment. He did that to Izuku... Made him flinch whenever he got close... He really is a monster, isn't he? Maybe he isn't so different from her after all..? He frowned, his frown turning into a scowl as he grew frustrated and angry at himself. Before he realised it, classes were over.
"Hey Bakubro!" Kirishima greeted him with a way too happy smile.
"What?!" Bakugou snapped, glaring at him.
"Wanna get lunch together?" the red head asked, his smile not faltering.
"Why would I? Now get out of my damn way!" Katsuki hissed, pushing him aside and grabbing his bag before leaving the classroom. Eijirou sighed, pouting a little.
"Ahw, come on man, what did you expect was gonna happen?" Kaminari asked, swinging an arm around him.
"Let's go to the canteen before there is a giant line" Sero added, having grabbed his bag and walking to the door with Ashido and Hagakure.
"Yeah... Let's go" Kirishima sighed.
"Cheer up Kiri! Remember our surprise? I'm sure he'll be happy!" Mina stated, pulling him and Denki along.
"We've got to prepare it after school today so we can set it up tomorrow! Oh, Midoriya, do you know what time Bakugou usually wakes up on Saturdays?"
"Oh uh I-I uh-" Izuku stammered, mentally reviewing his notes on Katsuki.
"-around ten, I guess? Why?"
"We're setting up something for him since he always cooks for everyone" Kaminari explained.
"What is it?" Uraraka asked curiously.
"It's a surprise!" Mina giggled, her eyes falling on Sato.
"Sato! I need a favour of you!" she yelled, ambushing the guy and whispering something in his ear.
"I can do that" he reacted, making Ashido cheer.
"Now I'm curious as to what you guys are up to" Ojiro pointed out.
"Wait until tomorrow and you'll see" Sero shrugged.
Bakugou huffed from around the corner, watching them pass by from the shadows. A surprise? For him? He put his hands in his pockets, wandering up the stairs towards the roof. Was it a trap? Something to humiliate him? Probably... He'll be better not to go downstairs tomorrow. It's not like he eats a giant breakfast anyways... Or maybe he should just get up early and go running? Run away from whatever they're planning to do to him?
He sighed as he opened the door to the roof, cool wind blowing in his face. He always ate alone, if he ate at all. The roof was always empty, quiet. It cleared his mind of the negative thoughts that loomed over him, made him feel freed of his problems. He took in a deep breath, walking over to the railing, looking down over the town. Clouds dominated the sky, turning everything a pale grey. That didn't make the sight any less beautiful though... A small smile graced his lips, one that he never showed anyone else.
And for a moment, just a moment, he let himself be vulnerable...
- Time Skip -
There were hushed whispers and looks thrown his way, but Bakugou tried his best to ignore it. He acted like he was oblivious to it, like he didn't know that they were going to ambush him the next morning. He tried to come up with a plan, but decided to just see what the moment would bring. He deserved to be humiliated anyway... Such an arrogant asshole as himself... It's not like he wanted to be pranked, but it wouldn't come as a surprise. At least he wouldn't have to act mad or angry...
What was he even saying? He'd probably cry... It would just be confirming what he had always thought to be true. That they all hated him but put up with him for the sake of not getting in trouble or hurt. It's not like they actually cared for him... The sooner his heart got that stupid fucking message, the sooner he could just move on and leave this bullshit behind. The old hag was always right in the end, after all. Nobody loved him, nobody ever will...
It always made him wonder... Why didn't she love him? Why didn't his father say something about it? Such an oblivious man... Didn't he see what torture that woman put him through? He always acted so ignorant, like nothing was happening, like nothing was wrong or had ever been wrong. He was so madly in love with his mother that her charm covered up all her mistakes. Why isn't she ever getting punished? Why is it only ever him?
"Everything okay Kacchan? You're looking kinda pale" Midoriya asked, only to get shoved aside.
"Stop stalking me you fucking Deku" he grunted, pulling his mask back up. How much longer was this day supposed to last..?
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